[Caretaker Leo]

Different for everyone I know. But maybe we could help others if we share what our bottom was, how it moved us to take action and maybe even how those closest to us reacted.

[SoupDragon]

My bottom was giving myself permission to "opt out" of life - didn't want to do this to my children, so thought I needed to get some help.

[kaliope]

My bottom I guess was when I was attempting to get help through a physicians assistant for my bipolar and ptsd. i was also experiencing psychosis. The PA was at a loss as to what to do so i went to a psychiatrist at the medical clinic at the college i was going to for a consult. She was trying to get a history and i kept trying to get her to focus on the issue at hand. She deemed me manic and unable to care for myself and put me under a 72 hr hold. She called the police to transport me to the hospital. I had to be handcuffed to ride in the police car. very traumatic. by the time i got there for the followup eval i was so distraught i couldnt think straight. i wasnt even able to come up with who the president was. that is just the most bizarre feeling, knowing i should know it and not being able to come up with that name. i was then taken to the mental hospital. all my life my greatest fear has been being locked up in a mental hospital and here it was. it was awful. the nurses were aweful. i was only there for the weekend, but it helped me see how sick i was, that i couldnt get better without help

[my3sns]

dont think im there yet ...wouldnt be thinking these things and acting this way if i had

[splitimage]

I've had so many different bottoms, since I first tried starting to quit in 2005. Usually it's because I'm so disgusted with how out of control my life has gotten. This last one was a bit different though. I passed out and fell during a blackout and seriously cut myself. I somehow made it to bed, but when I came to in the morning I couldn't figure out why there was blood everywhere. Finally pieced the evidence together. But I knew I was still probably drunk and I also knew I needed stitches. But I didn't go to the ER because up here, if they think you have a drinking problem they report you to the ministry of transportation and your licence gets suspended until you can prove you've been sober for a year. I didn't want to lose my licence so I took my chances, and didn't go to the hospital. STUPID. I wound up with a very serious infection and was on antibiotics for 28 days. I could have died. That wasn't my last drunk - I did drink once more after that, after I lost my job, right before going into rehab this last time for what I seriously hope is the last time.

I'm feeling stonger about my sobriety than I ever have before, because I realize that drinking is only going to kill me either quick in an accident or slow from the damage to my body. And for now I'm choosing to live.

--splitimage

[madisgram]

i reached a point where i couldn't live without drinking and i couldn't stand living if i did drink.
i was at an impass. it was a do or die situation. i even thought my son would be better off with me "gone". i felt as tho i no longer had my soul. receiving a mustard seed of hope from a prayer, i opted to try once more even tho i was worn out and felt so helpless. if i failed again i had the other plan. i gave that last try to stop drinking with complete abandon. i was fighting for my very life. i surrendered to the truth-i was powerless unless i turned it over. i did and 21 years later my life continues to be joyous and free.
thank you, leo, for this thread.

[racee]

Lost my home, my family, my job, my self worth, my mind,my child.

Was living on the streets barely, hustling doing whatever i could not to eat not to find shelter or bathe but to get my next fix. i will keep out the more graphic specifics about that day i feel it's too much for an open forum.

I was sitting there with a black eye and cut lip swollen face, about to shoot up and i rememebr looking up unable to cry or talk everything else just seemed to disapear and i knew i just knew i was either going to die right then and there or get up and walk away from it all.
i slowly started walking to a church that also held NA meetings. I sat down what felt like hours waiting for people to show. i remember my body was yelling at me not to but somewhere deep inside i wanted to. i remember this person squatted down in front of me and he said welcome and i raised my head looked him in the eye and started crying and i didn't stop. so i just tuned out the ugly words my brain was telling me and took in what my new friends had to say.

it took ten years for my family to be my family again since i have in and out of treatment my whole life. countless times. and then as soon as i started talking to my mother again she passed away. i have some internet friends and 2 friends close to me. all the other people i knew are out of my life. although i was alone anyways towards the end, the end of my old life!

and even though i got clean long ago i have only started learning how to cope and how to deal with my feelings and to live life. i missed out on all those things since i started using at such an early age. but i have never felt more free than i do right now from all my anger, all consuming anger finally gone and now i can begin to grow.

I don't rememebr a lot of things my memory is really bad and i think i have also blocked a lot of things. but i remember that day.

I bottomed when I realized what I was doing was not working, despite how hard I tried with all the will I could muster. Having to accept I needed help remains one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

[RunningEagleRuns]

Getting kicked outta school for selling drugs.

[krazy_phoenix]

had many rock bottom points also. second-last point, I knew i was dying, was under 90lbs, OD'ed 3 times in previous month, forgot my name, was hallucinating constantly. somehow, still not sure how, I moved state. left everything behind (again) and started (again) without the drugs. last point 2yrs later, husband-to-be said he couldn't take anymore. it was drink or him. I chose him. 9 yrs and 3 kids later, I wonder sometimes if he wished he'd walked out the door that day. He has always known i was ill, sometimes i drag my family down my rabbit hole. still struggle w urges against sobriety but have external support from programs, T's etc to hold up. still get the urge to leave and start again.

[sleepless0x]

my bottom was binging on so much acid for so long, i completely clued out of what was reality and what was just the trip. i was very young too when i began doing it, i didn't understand how the world was.. and finally coming out of the trip (my perfect world) i realized reality was nothing what i thought it was..
i've been through so many bottoms but i think that was my worst.

[Willcat]

My bottoms seemed to have trap doors. Just when I thought I couldn't get any lower, down I droped further. I did rehab, faith based self-help programs and varying recovery groups, all to no avail.

I need help. And I got it from a recovery plan that was finally meaningful to me. An individual treatment plan suited to my particular needs. That and being in the company of helpful others in recovery, I put my street hardened determinism to work in helping myself as with helping others find a way out of active addiction.

Its all good when seeking a life free from active addiction, no matter how it get done.

[gma45]

I too have had many bottoms, fell hard every time. After 40 some years I feel I am finally at my last bottom THIS IS IT! It has been a long journey through the good times and bad. I have lost everything including my mind, but I am a survivor and I will survive. With the help of this site and all of you I am slowly going to work my way back. I am a work in progress everyday!

[BeyondBlue]

My bottom was when I just didn't notice my drinking had made me worse with my depression. I drank to sleep, drank because I was depressed and drank just to drink. I started when I was 13 and stopped last year at 39. Luckily no dmage was done to me physically because of all those years drinking.

I went through four months of a substance abuse program at the mental health clinic and therapy for depression. I've been sober now over a year.

[beeber_g]

Nice to hear there are positive outcomes to your bottom's. I bottomed out the beginning of this year. Ended up in the hospital after to much to drink and too much booze. Made a slight improvement for a month or so, but now well back to my old ways...

[danaflett]

Originally Posted by SoupDragon

My bottom was giving myself permission to "opt out" of life - didn't want to do this to my children, so thought I needed to get some help.

I really can relate to that totally it is an opt out,thanks for sharing that.

[danaflett]

just the fear of losing my children was enough for me to Quit drinking,i was being so selfish,making them live through my problem,what gives me the right to put them in that situation.

[Caretaker Leo]

Because I started this thread but never said what my bottom was...

I have yet to find mine. I very much appreciate all of you who have talked about yours. It gives me hope that I will beat my addiction before it kills me.

[DePressMe]

I was sitting with a shotgun--alone and drinking. I felt like I could not take anymore--the alcohol was no longer helping me numb out--it just kept dragging me down further and further. So I guess my bottom was when the alcohol quit working for me. I went to rehab for the 4th and hopefully the last time.

[Caretaker Leo]

Today I reached my bottom. Not due to legal issues or being kicked out of my home - but because I can no longer look at myself in the mirror and like myself.

In the past when I stopped drinking it was in response to/in support of the people I love.

Today I finally realized that I have to do this for myself because I want to love myself again.

To all of you have posted links and supportive posts in the addiction forum -- I thank you from the bottom of my heart. It has taken a long time for your words to sink in. I have read and read again the links you have provided.

It is so hard to admit that I need help - but I do. Today I finally took action to reach out to someone IRL. I know I am weak and I need someone to hold my hand.

This will be one of the hardest journeys of my life. I hope to come back sometime in the future and tell you all that I am making progress.