[Edge11]

Hi, Just wanted to check in and tell you a little about myself and where I'm at in recovery. I've been sober since October 2011..In 2008 I through away 8yrs of sobriety and it took me 4yrs to make it back to the rooms of AA. I have a good sponsor and attend meetings every week. I'm sort of stuck on the third step..control issues..I also suffer from mental Illness and have decide to seek help for this. I know that alcohol is only a symptom of my disease and taking a drink isn't going to solve any of my problems. I'm searching for happiness and peace of mind...

...been sober,
sober yesterday...and a whole bunch of days before that....not exactly sure?...probably about as long as it takes a month to pass maybe..

hehe

I expect to be sober tomorrow as well...which is quite cool, and come the weekend....likely to be extremely sober!

nuthin' wrong with optimism...but with alcoholism it's better to be realistic...which to me doesn't mean fatalistic, which is fantastic....

so

I can happily bring it back to today..

sober yep

[DePressMe]

This past January I made it 6 years sober. I'm currently taking antabuse because I've been feeling impulsive. To tell you the truth, a drink sounds real good right now. So, I need to do what I can to stay sober. Sober is so much better than drunk.

[gma45]

I think I ckd in this am..well nothing went as planned again, no meeting which sucks. I just really feel like I don't belong anywhere. tears...ok stop....just dont belong

[Edge11]

Today I have to find a new T and Hit a meeting..Hope you all have a good day..

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by Edge11

Hi, Just wanted to check in and tell you a little about myself and where I'm at in recovery. I've been sober since October 2011..In 2008 I through away 8yrs of sobriety and it took me 4yrs to make it back to the rooms of AA. I have a good sponsor and attend meetings every week. I'm sort of stuck on the third step..control issues..I also suffer from mental Illness and have decide to seek help for this. I know that alcohol is only a symptom of my disease and taking a drink isn't going to solve any of my problems. I'm searching for happiness and peace of mind...

welcome to the forum, edge. re step 3

Step 3 has often been referred to as a stumbling block of recovery. Many of us just get stuck here and can't seem to move on. The reason for this, as alcoholics we like to take something simple and complicate it, but it doesn't have to be that way if we become willing and open minded. Now with that in mind let's look at this step, beginning with the word decision. What is a decision? A decision is a action word, it is a beginning, a starting point or looking at it from a point of recovering, it is the time we let go of our old attitudes and let the steps begin to build new attitudes in our lives as we make mistakes and grow in spiritual principles. As you can see now, being willing and open minded is very important as far as decision and the Third Step are concerned. Simply put, a decision is accepting this step into our lives.

The next part of the step we must look at is "To turn our will and our lives." We must ask ourselves, what does the step mean by our will and our lives? Our will is our way of doing things. We always want to fix things to the way we want them, no matter who it hurts or destroys. It comes from the core of our disease, self-centerness. Our lives simply mean our day-to-day affairs. Our problems, our worries and our pain.

Now let's look at the words "over to the care of God as we understand Him." Many of us couldn't or wouldn't relate to that word God. By the time we reached AA many of us were Atheist or Agnostic and some of us had a God who was vengeful. Here again is where we need to be willing and open minded and honest. The type of honesty we are talking about here is self honesty. We must be honest enough to admit that there is a power that is higher than ourselves. It doesn't matter what this power is. Often times people use the rooms at first as their higher power. Afterall people in sobriety know more about sobriety than we do. They are called the "winners". The program tells us God as we understood him. It doesn't have to be a God of someone else's belief, but a God of your belief. This is where much confusion comes in the program.
A final word my sponsor told me when i got stuck about my will vs what my HP wanted for me. She said, when in doubt, don't."
i do hope this may help you, edge. My "self will run riot" caused me so much pain. When I decided to try life in a new way I discovered the freedom that I didn't need to orchestrate the world. What a relief!
Sorry for the long post.

[Edge11]

Thanks for your help and support..

[gma45]

Here today better than yesterday all I can hope for is tomorrow will be better than yesterday.

[beauflow]

Still smoking I know I have relapsed with this- and apologies, I keep remembering how many times I relapsed with coke, weed, and other things in my past... It always took a couple tries, but I was able to do it....
On top of it- Doctor later this morning, and I have congestion again- My boyfriend came down with something the other day and I feel it in my chest again..... damn me... I told him he got sick cuz we started smoking again after doing so well for a week of not- and the smoking crushed our immune systems so this little cold that others have, is making us sick... LOL maybe-- and for me I think it may be more than that. (damn me I say with this)

Madisgram- I like your video you posted and post (I don't think I fully get it but maybe partially)- I never went to AA or NA, But could it be- (seeing that i am not religious, this may seem a little off for those who are) but could the higher power be just us as individuals? The higher power of being the best that we can be- another persona or even our "spirit" so to speak that is with in us, .... a part of us that we bury so much by the wanting, striving for things to be "the way we want things" in ways but yet hurt so much to do so, but this piece of us that is higher in a since, is still there.... and we have to try in ourselves to let it be, and to accept it, and strive for it... (?)

I always liked to think that, that a part of me has the best interest for me- and that in some way I can release the part that damages me, this for the better of myself and the others around me as well.. That is another thing- To realize the damage that is being done to the people around, that is usually not meant so.
Sorry for the ramble and as I mentioned- never went to AA or NA- I do love the serenity prayer though (long version perfered)

Be well all.

[roads]

Originally Posted by beauflow

could the higher power be just us as individuals? The higher power of being the best that we can be- another persona or even our "spirit" so to speak that is with in us, .... a part of us that we bury so much by the wanting, striving for things to be "the way we want things" in ways but yet hurt so much to do so, but this piece of us that is higher in a since, is still there.... and we have to try in ourselves to let it be, and to accept it, and strive for it... (?)

....

I do love the serenity prayer though (long version perfered)

Me, praying the Serenity Prayer, was my Higher Power in the early days--there are moments when is still what I'm down too. You've got the idea, I'd say.

Roadie

[Edge11]

Went to a bigbook meeting tonight and had some anxiety while I was reading, I didn't let it get out of control and I simply told everyone I was feeling anxious.To them it was like no big deal but for me it could of been a major setback. In the past it would have turned into a anxiety attack. My perception of what people think of me and what I think of myself Have always been like night and day. The most important thing is that I was willing work through it instead of running from it..

.....well as predicted I am sober on the weekend.
despite it being ridiculous and unnecassry to plan that kind of thing even though it's a great idea for an alcoholic...like me....to be sober that is!

and it's not just an idea today...it's an event.

...today in Aussie land where I was, it hit 104 degrees (we do celsius but I am considering most of the USA people)...bloody hot and dry. Very uncomfortable...and I was so tempted to drink....it had been several hot days now...my head was not at it's best anyway....I was going mad inside the house by myself as usual....
didn't have much trouble passing the thought but it still arrived.

...and my third AA meeting last night was total crap for me as well?
I just really don't like being in groups of people....I am uncomfortable wherever I go....(too bad!) I've been around AA for 13 years and it's happened before also...that when alcohol is the only subject for 90 minutes....it's un-helpful at times.

stuff it, I will keep at it.

[-Astral-]

Hi my names Ella and i have problems with drinking and drugs .
The main drugs i use to take where marijuana and Valium at the moment because of my mental health not being so good i am still on Valium prescribed by my Dr i don't abuse them like i use to or take them for any other reasons than to calm me down when am anxious or agitated ...am unsure weather to include them as part my addictions .
the last time i had a drink was on the 3rd of February this year
i use to go to AA but i found it hard to go because of social anxiety as i don't leave the house or go anywhere by myself .
Also i have DID and the alters / personalizes some that also like to drink we but after what recently been going on with myself ( psychosis and delusions according my husband) i don't want us to drink again because i think that may have had something to do with drinking ( i drank while on medication for hearing voices and delusions) it may have made things worse

during the time drinking i thought that i was in control of it and would have a bottle what ever i was drinking every day but it was it controlling me and it made me worse of having it
so i have decided that i no longer want to drink because of my mental health

Today i have been ok mostly not really craving anything at the moment but there are days where i do crave drugs and drink
Ella

[-Astral-]

how is everyone doing ?

[madisgram]

welcome to the forum. xselenex. may you find support for your concerns here. i'm glad you posted.

[gma45]

Just ck'n in. Need a new job and need to move but don't know where to go where I can afford to live by myself that is safe. Feeling kinda scared. I guess I need to take it one minute at a time today. Just got a call, I am working today, but one day a week is not going to cut it. I really need a new job! I am nervous.

[-Astral-]

was going to go to an AA meeting tonight but am too scared to go on my own because of social anxiety and my voices telling me to hurt people there is another meeting on tomorrow witch i can go to that my husband can come with me ...but am feeling shaky at the moment and really want a drink
so am unsure what to do
Ella

[madisgram]

i'm glad hubby may be going with you to support your efforts. all of us have walked thru that "same" door. it is scary but everyone in the meeting room are glad you're there. there is so much support there. i found that drinking didn't solve anything including my panic disorder. it only made it worse.
will throw up a prayer for you. try to stay busy today to get your mind off drinking. a minute, an hour, or a day at a time. you can do it. i'm glad you want to get sober. from my experience it's the very best thing i ever did for myself.

[Lizzie B]

Recieved my 24 hour coin yesterday night. Getting off the pity pot now and onto the meetings. Looking for more DRA meetings in my area. Went to AA meeting Sunday although my addiction is pot just needed support. There's a Recovery Learning Community in my area as well getting lots of help from peers. One day at a time.

[roads]

Minute by minute, XSeleneX, and the are no excuses. Second by second. There were moments when all I could do was lay on the floor and could stay sober from one second to the next on my own--no longer. If I let myself think even five minutes ahead of then I'd get overwhelmed and find a bottle and dive in.

Stay in the present. Deep breaths. You can do this, XSeleneX. I concur with madisgram ... I never did anything more important for myself than get sober!

[madisgram]

Roadie, your post was a great message of HOPE!

[-Astral-]

I managed to go to an AA meeting on Tuesday but that was on my own and without my husband there was an open meeting tonight but i didnt go because i was expecting my sister to come up and stay for a few days she dont know that i go to AA .
There another open one on Saturday that me and my husband can go to

[Towanda]

Still hanging in. Sobriety is tough sometimes - husband is not an alcoholic but he does drink and we have a fully loaded bar in our basement where our pantry and freezer is. Gets really hard sometimes going down there to get dinner and passing by my past.

Sigh....one day at a time.....

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by XSeleneX

I managed to go to an AA meeting on Tuesday but that was on my own and without my husband there was an open meeting tonight but i didnt go because i was expecting my sister to come up and stay for a few days she dont know that i go to AA .
There another open one on Saturday that me and my husband can go to

good for you selene and you went by yourself!!! happy your hubby can join you on saturday too. he can be a great support system and learn more about how alcoholism has affected ppl/you.

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by Towanda

Still hanging in. Sobriety is tough sometimes - husband is not an alcoholic but he does drink and we have a fully loaded bar in our basement where our pantry and freezer is. Gets really hard sometimes going down there to get dinner and passing by my past.

Sigh....one day at a time.....

towanda your situation can definitely cause you to relapse. it's like having a liquor store in your basement. would hubby work with you to get the alcohol out of your way? also he may not understand how much this triggers you? have a chat with him about this?