[gma45]

I am a work of art! Today will be a good day! Don't drink because you feel. Feel because you don't!

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by gma45

I am a work of art! Today will be a good day! Don't drink because you feel. Feel because you don't!

ohhhhh-h i love your post, gma45.

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by dubblemonkey

...today i put on some music that i like, and it was so good to listen and feel the emotions of the music that i like very much and all that.

but the urge to get drinkin' was so powerful. it's something i enjoy so much, listening to my favourite music and drinking and escaping in the sound and the feeling.

so powerful....overides everything....every point to me being sober.

i cannot listen to music often....it's been 10 weeks since i put on a tune!
it was real sad today to have to switch it off...knowing that i simply cannot control myself with that kind of energy going on.

i didn't drink, it actually seemed insane to choose not to considering the music and drinking option was clearly the more beautiful option....
Just not the practical one

i just know i will be a mess for weeks...do crazy stuff...regret everything about me...and may not even survive.
it's so hard being so intense and extreme.

monkey

sounds like for now, j, that music is a trigger for you. a big trigger. my first year of sobriety i couldn't read books and i love reading. my drug of choice was scotch. everytime i picked up a book the main character was drinking scotch! it was very triggering to me. so i put down the books. with some time sober the trigger wasn't there and i could go back to my reading-steven king in particular. BTW he includes a drunk in all his books as a reminder of where he has been. he is drug and alcohol free for many years.
are you going to your meetings and talking about all this? it will help. no reason to drink now that you are on your way to recovery. no reason to go into that negative thinking. your being sober is a positive thing you have given yourself. push out the thought of regretting everything about yourself. you are well worth looking at all the good things about yourself. make a list "i am good, worthy person because.... "read it often in every day. i know you are of great value. others do too.

[Towanda]

Just got back from an all inclusive vacation to Jamaica. Vacation was great but all inclusive part was pure h e l l. Drinking started at 10 am and went on all day. Everyhwere I looked people were drinking - in the water, on land, on the beach, in the lobby, etc, etc, including my husband. All day long and into the evening - with every meal except breakfast. Was really hard. I drank non-alcoholic drinks - lots of soda and juice and water. Was gonna say no resentment but who am I kidding?? I resented every glass of wine that man had. I try not to but it bothers me because I love really good red wine.

Home again so I have some control but the drinking goes on, on his part. Been sober for three years now and in a house full of drinkers with a full bar downstairs its rough going sometimes. But...one day at a time I guess. I love him with all my heart otherwise. And he's never going to stop drinking so what choice do I have?? Just keep going to meetings and stay strong.

Originally Posted by madisgram

sounds like for now, j, that music is a trigger for you. a big trigger. my first year of sobriety i couldn't read books and i love reading. my drug of choice was scotch. everytime i picked up a book the main character was drinking scotch! it was very triggering to me. so i put down the books. with some time sober the trigger wasn't there and i could go back to my reading-steven king in particular. BTW he includes a drunk in all his books as a reminder of where he has been. he is drug and alcohol free for many years.
are you going to your meetings and talking about all this? it will help. no reason to drink now that you are on your way to recovery. no reason to go into that negative thinking. your being sober is a positive thing you have given yourself. push out the thought of regretting everything about yourself. you are well worth looking at all the good things about yourself. make a list "i am good, worthy person because.... "read it often in every day. i know you are of great value. others do too.

you are awesome kind madisgram!

so I'm not alone on that one....cool...(but sad) ..(but ok too).
it's amazing the triggers and the associations hey?
...how bout that hey?...I was a King fan as well, back in rehab years ago (go figure) I read all the books of his that I could find (had time cos I was there for 11 months). Needful things was my favourite. The Bachman books were good too and the 'chattering teeth short story' and others. I had the same problem not so long ago with 'Raymond Carver' short stories....brilliant writer but there was always drinking with the main character. Irresistable romantic element to the whole thing and a bender ensued!...
triggers....yep they are real for sure..

I'm plodding along yep...still struggling with the meetings and social
anxiety

thanks m

I went to an AA meeting last night. It seemed much more focused than the NA meetings I've been attending. I spoke on step 4 for a short time. I told them how taking my inventory revealed to me a very important charecter defect that was self-defeating and making addiction almost neccesary. It was that my past was affecting me too much in my present. I said that even though it wasn't my fault that I was burdened by past trauma, It was, nevertheless, my responsability to cope effectivly with it. It isn't fair nor right, but our world today is neither fair nor right in most cases.

Sometimes I think I'm wasting my time in AA. I dislike listening to people talk negativly about themselves. I don't want to encourage them to think those mean thoughts about themselves.

It is a way to pass time and be social though.

glad to be clean today

[roads]

Originally Posted by Towanda

Just got back from an all inclusive vacation to Jamaica. Vacation was great but all inclusive part was pure h e l l. Drinking started at 10 am and went on all day. ....

Home again so I have some control but the drinking goes on, on his part. Been sober for three years now and in a house full of drinkers with a full bar downstairs its rough going sometimes. But...one day at a time I guess. I love him with all my heart otherwise. And he's never going to stop drinking so what choice do I have?? Just keep going to meetings and stay strong.

What temptations you have to fight against, Linda! I know how easy it would be to give up/in to such overwhelming pressures, & there would be those who would not blame you. I so admire your tenacity & perseverence though which has gotten you your three years of sobriety.

I want you to know it's your honesty, Linda, in my experience, that gets us to meetings. We know that no matter how many years we have or how strong we feel, we need to work our program and go to meetings.

You are amazing that "in a house full of drinkers with a full bar downstairs," you still keep your honestly check running. Most of us would get sidetracked occasionally by the fumes alone. But you go to meetings!

Bless you, Linda.

Roadie

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by brookwest

I told them how taking my inventory revealed to me a very important charecter defect that was self-defeating and making addiction almost neccesary. It was that my past was affecting me too much in my present. I said that even though it wasn't my fault that I was burdened by past trauma, It was, nevertheless, my responsability to cope effectivly with it. It isn't fair nor right, but our world today is neither fair nor right in most cases.

Sometimes I think I'm wasting my time in AA. I dislike listening to people talk negativly about themselves. I don't want to encourage them to think those mean thoughts about themselves.

It is a way to pass time and be social though.

glad to be clean today

I told them how taking my inventory revealed to me a very important charecter defect that was self-defeating and making addiction almost neccesary. It was that my past was affecting me too much in my present. I said that even though it wasn't my fault that I was burdened by past trauma, It was, nevertheless, my responsability to cope effectivly with it.

so true, brookwest. we internalize events that we don't really "own" thus resorting to the bottle to block it out. in the big book it mentions that sometimes it's helpful to seek out professional help. i did this at the same time i got sober. i had too much baggage and couldn't fix it alone. thank goodness cause previously i would return to drinking and i was unable to stay sober. the end result was i was well equiped to grasp what AA taught me too.

Sometimes I think I'm wasting my time in AA. I dislike listening to people talk negativly about themselves. I don't want to encourage them to think those mean thoughts about themselves.

why not encourage them to see the good things. e.g. they are fixing the problem by going to AA? also i learned that those who talked negatively about themselves was me at one time!! what i did have to offer was my experience, strength and hope to those who felt so worthless. you might want to try it. you may make a change in that person's life. you can share also how you relate to their plight and how you overcame those feelings of worthlessness.
you have much to offer!!!!

[notz]

On Saturday, I rehashed all my St. Paddy day bashes. Well, the ones I can remember!

Not this year, not since 1993. Thank goodness! I never want to be that person again.

"we will not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it. We will see how our experience can benefit others..."Alcoholics Anonymous book.

I do not regret my using nor do i wish to return, today.

I survived, survival isn't always pretty, but it is always good, I believe.

My drinking and drugging were the "lesser of two, or more, evils" in my case.

I am fortunate to be alive. Everyday is a gift, I'm not really deserving of, just fortunate enough to be alive. Many were not as fortunate as I... Why me, why did I survive, instead of ending up dead after walking the streets, like so many other do and have.

Still, I'm glad I can help others avoid my fate.

thx

[madisgram]

I am fortunate to be alive. Everyday is a gift, I'm not really deserving of, just fortunate enough to be alive. Many were not as fortunate as I... why did I survive, instead of ending up dead after walking the streets, like so many other do and have.

that is a good question. AA tells us-why me? answer-"why not you?" i believe our higher power touches all of us who suffer. some of us heed his/her touch and get help. and we all offered the same moment during our addictions. i feel it's about choice. my best girl friend made a sorrowful choice, R.I.P mayjane. i made the other choice and feel i have a additional purpose in life. i feel we are given a gift to help others in need as we were once. simply put-carrying the message-like you said.

I question about our "offending" in equal degrees to something or others

I have a higher power that is loving and understanding.

The condemning and persecuting god is a myth, I believe.

As a result of my recklessness while using I did take unneccesary risks. Who doesn't take unnessecary risks, especially while "young and dumb"?

I guess I've noticed that people in 12 step recovery can be quick to condemn themselves, and I question whether this is productive. The "garden variety drunk" means we have lost our individuality?

[gma45]

Here I am today with not a lot to say, so I will just listen.

[gma45]

Wow! I was the last one to ck in. Well I will do it again today before I go to work. Hope everyone has a great day! Guess I need a life?

Here and well, if anyone care...

[Edge11]

I had a long day at work and I'm Looking forward to my meeting tonight...

Originally Posted by gma45

Wow! I was the last one to ck in. Well I will do it again today before I go to work. Hope everyone has a great day! Guess I need a life?

where do ya' get one of them?

...have a great day to, or night? gma....I don't know, this Earth round spinning thing!

....I was workin' outside today where I live, several apartments there, I wasn't bein' nosey but the alcoholic eye is a legendary thing.
walking past someones kitchen window, I glanced and spotted a bottle of scotch sitting calmly on the counter....keeping to itself...not causing any trouble at all...what a nice bottle....friendly bottle of scotch there
it was a warm day...gentle breeze....birds tweeting occasionally...a butterfly alighted on a flower beside me....a nice cat stretching in the sun, purring!....a mermaid in the neighbours pool, topless like they do?....all fairy tale like!

and this bottle of scotch presented itself with such innocence, parked on the counter in amongst the other utensils....harmless as a potato masher...serene as a cookbook on the counter there....a fridge magnet?

...it was hypnotic and I was transfixed for at least one tenth of a tenth of a second as I strolled past and took in the scene.

"what could possibly go wrong?"......said the little boozey dude on my shoulder....whispered in my ear.... little sober dude on the other shoulder even peeked around to comment all dreamy like..."hey boozey dude....what?, umm...I mean...hey what was that?.....huh?"

it was amazing when I returned to REALITY...if I put that liquid into my mouth and the fairy tale day will go all to hell in an express train!
...now, not every day is a fairy tale...not even close....and I never even liked scotch anyway.

just phenomenal this alcohol stuff! it's hard for my sober brain to see the danger sometimes ...so gotta be careful.

Here. Well enough.

[ladyjane4rent]

Originally Posted by dubblemonkey

where do ya' get one of them?

Lol

Today I am fighting between my little boozey girl on the right shoulder and sober girl on the left [I really liked your fairy tale story btw]
Because I would normally have some fine wine at a hotel on vacation but now I can't and I am stumped of what to do. Seriously..

what is there to life on vacation if you can't drink? someone enlighten me!!
All the details are in here though..http://forums.psychcentral.com/showt...97#post2284897

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by ladyjane4rent

Lol

Today I am fighting between my little boozey girl on the right shoulder and sober girl on the left [I really liked your fairy tale story btw]
Because I would normally have some fine wine at a hotel on vacationbut now I can't and I am stumped of what to do. Seriously..

what is there to life on vacation if you can't drink? someone enlighten me!!
All the details are in here though..http://forums.psychcentral.com/showt...97#post2284897

oh ladyjane you can drink if you want to! that's always an option. it's difficult at first for us to know how to live without drinking. but is abusive drinking-is it a real life or a muddled brain life?
as for the family vacation-here's an opportunity to practice the joy of living sober and everyone will have more fun too cause you are not drinking. we impact considerably our loved ones when we're inebriated. that's why they call addiction a "family disease."

we could take turns visiting those things but that will defeat the purpose of 'family vacation' and spending time together. Help! please!

taking turns is a good option. your child is asleep so she won't "miss" that part of the vacation anyway.
consider getting out of the "debating team" or "negotiating a drink", sayings in AA. this could be a wonderful opportunity to give yourself a memorable start in recovery and one you will remember.(in the event you have "black-outs" when you drink.)
hope this helps and keep us posted.

Here. It is my payday so that will help. I enjoy posting on facebook because it helps me to connect with my friends when I was in k-12 and before. They still recognize me and talk to me like I'm a friend, not a client or child. I feel good and glad to be clean today.

[madisgram]

today i am so grateful i have a life, not just "breathe air.

[Edge11]

Today I have to try and keep busy... Warm weather and boredom are real trigger's for this alcoholic...I'll definitely hit a meeting tonight...

I'm here and clean today. I am not fantasizing about using today. Trouble is I fantasize about nothing else really either. I feel like I have no dreams, but I enjoy this moment anyway.

[ladyjane4rent]

I am still fighting with myself to not have a drink this weekend. I am proud of being sober and actually excited for the challenge how fun it is to be 'normal' but that drinks sounds sooooo goood....