[roads]

Originally Posted by johnf22881

The truth is I have tried that school of thought before and it hasn't resulted favorably for me. There is the fact that I was on medication for 17 years and there was no need to be on medication. The amount of obsessive thoughts that the medications caused, and countless other effects, could very well be the reason I, or anyone, would turn to drugs and drinking. The medication made me timid, incapable of handling life at all, and cut off important emotions that should be used to direct decision making. I don't have urges, thoughts, dreams, and nothing makes me want to turn to those outs... not even a little. I respect your beliefs (roadie,madisgram, and everyone else), but I have formed my own, too.

Also, I am still on the waiting list for rehab, so I am even taking steps to ensure that I am in control of my own destiny. I am still fine with admitting I am an addict and alcoholic.

You've lost me, johnf. I don't believe in meds for alcoholism, though some do. I'm not sure where gave you the idea, either, that someone else should at any stage control your destiny. Because I suggested not making major life decisions now? Not the same thing. I suggested being sure you had your days & weeks & months under control before committing yourself to lifelong things--that's all I said.

Where did taking meds and surrendering your freedom come into this? AA? The Steps Program? What kind of rehab are you going into ... is it anti-AA?

You've confused me, and I hope we can straighten out what we're talking about.

Roadie

[johnf22881]

Hey Roadie, I think we do have a bit of a misunderstanding going on here, sorry for that.

I was just saying I respect your beliefs about 1 day at a time and that it hasn't worked for me in the past.

The medication had nothing to do with any of our replies, just threw in a theory I have formed.

Surrendering myself wasn't anything I meant to imply by saying I am going to rehab so I can be the creator of my own destiny, but it sure sounds that way (guess everything is open to interpretation).

Yeah, the program I am going to is a Christian program that does not believe in AA/NA. These are not my beliefs about AA/NA and everyone is entitiled to make their own decisions.

Again, sorry for any confusion and I hope we are good.

JP

[roads]

Yes, we're good

We share the core beliefs that

1. we are addicts/alcoholics
2. we cannot use alcohol/addictive products again

Or maybe your Christian approach doesn't include the 2nd? We're still good!!

There's more than one "way" to rebuild a life as a recovering alcoholic/addict. I wish you all the best. When does your rehab begin?

Roadie

One day at a time. Thanks.

[johnf22881]

Originally Posted by Roadie

Yes, we're good

We share the core beliefs that

1. we are addicts/alcoholics
2. we cannot use alcohol/addictive products again

Or maybe your Christian approach doesn't include the 2nd? We're still good!!

There's more than one "way" to rebuild a life as a recovering alcoholic/addict. I wish you all the best. When does your rehab begin?

Roadie

I am on a waiting list for rehab and it can take up to 6 more weeks for me to get in. I have to call every week to stay active on the waiting list, which I have been doing and will continue to do.

We do share the same core-beliefs and the rehab views drugs, booze, and smoking as a sin, so I'd say they agree lol.

[madisgram]

thanks john for your reply re clarifying to a post. i was sort of confused too. in my experience looking back at the wrongs done to me only keep me in that place. not moving forward. i realize your frustration of previous experiences but please know, imho, that holding on to what has previously happened is in the past. it cannot be changed. we can only live in today and look forward to the journey/path we've chosen for the now. i'm still unclear re stating one day at a time doesn't work for you. in truth that is all we have. we have no way of "predficting" our future days. just my opinion. if we take on a goal and don't work today on that goal/vision the final goal will not materialize. however any positive way we find we can progress is all that matters. there are many ways to achieve sobriety. i wish you well on your path.
here are some quotes i like re "living one day at a time".

It is good to have an end to journey towards, but it is the journey that matters in the end.
Ursula LeGuin

[quote]

Sooner or later we must realize there is no station, no one place to arrive at once and for all. The true joy of life is the trip.
Robert J. Hastings

The future remains uncertain and so it should, for it is the canvas upon which we paint our desires. Thus always the human condition faces a beautifully empty canvas. We possess only this moment in which to dedicate ourselves continuously to the sacred presence which we share and create.
Frank Herbert

The great awareness comes slowly, piece by piece. The path of spiritual growth is a path of lifelong learning. The experience of spiritual power is basically a joyful one.
M. Scott Peck

It is better to travel well than to arrive.
Buddha

[tokiwartooth]

Been sober for a month on the 17th of this month. I still think about it a lot, but I haven't given into it. I started AA, but I find myself slacking off with it. I should probably go back. But I've been so depressed that I don't even want to get out of bed sometimes, let along go to an AA meeting. But day to day, I'm not giving in.

[johnf22881]

Madisgram, I can appreciate what you are saying and will keep it in mind.

[madisgram]

welcome to pc, toki! it's great to see you in this forum. you have accomplished what most people have not been able to do successfully so your one month landmark is something to be proud of. we're here to support you in any way we can.
as for your depression, are you on medication for depression? if so i'd call and request seeing the doc. i had the very same problem and if i hadn't care of both i would have probably resumed drinking. it's like one feeds into the other. you can pm me at any time you wish.

[tokiwartooth]

Yeah I'm on a couple meds for depression. I haven't seen a therapist since I moved. Once my insurance goes into affect from my new job, then I'm going to find one that's on my plan. Sometimes it helps to talk to someone, although I've been to therapists in the past and sometimes it doesn't help. But as far as AA, there's plenty of ppl there who are going through situations very similar to my own. At least they know what it feels like. I'm going this wednesday to get my one month coin.

[roads]

I'll be thinking about you tomorrow, tokiwartooth, on your one month AA birthday! Congratulations--for that, also for the name tokiwartooth. Enormously cool .

I'm bipolar 2 with a strong depressive wing, and I'm also on meds for depression, plus a mood stabilizer. You've got so much going on--with your job (in your field, great!), leaving best friend in FL, so many pain issues ... do you have an AA sponsor?

PsychCentral's a good place to add into a support system. Post a lot, make connections, never stay away when the tough times hit. These generous folks are among the reasons I'm still sober. Keep coming back.

Roadie

[tokiwartooth]

My good friend is coming with me. I do have a sponsor, and she's a great lady. She has a lot of the same problems I do. So she understands. My one month was last week but I was so depressed that I didn't leave the house except to go to work. I'm feeling ok enough right now to go. I am happy that I am strong enough to not let that demon get to me anymore. But like they say, day to day. I think about it quite often, but I don't give in to it. When my best friend and I graduated high school 11 yrs ago we didn't think we'd be away from each other still. But we talk on a daily basis, which is great, but I wish she was here. She is my twin soul, soul mate, whatever you want to call it. She's like a sister, but deeper. She knows me so well that she might as well live inside my head, and I'm the same way with her. We complete each others sentences lol. We've known each other for 18 years. She knows all my problems and I know hers. She is an alcoholic as well. She's depressed. She knows how I feel. Her family is just as dysfunctional as mine, except her dad was actually there for her when she was growing up. Lord I miss her. I keep trying to get her to come up here. She hates Tallahassee. I'm on the lookout for a job that would fit her. She'd move if she had a job to go to. Toki is one of my favorites, but Charles Offdensen is my ultimate favorite Have you ever seen a Metalocalypse concert? I went to one in 2009 in North Myrtle Beach. The guys who do the voices were the band, Tommy Blacha and Brendon Small, and it was awesome. Clips from the show were in the background and they did voiceovers. And there were other totally awesome metal bands that played before them. Mastadon was the biggest one besides them.

[tokiwartooth]

Did good, got my one month coin. I still only take it day to day. It's hard for me not to think about it, but I'm still not giving in.

[madisgram]

thought i'd throw this in for discussion. what things did you do in early sobriety to not drink?
i'll start-

loads of AA meetings-7,9,14 a week.
intensive outpatient treatment 9-3pm monday thru friday, for 6 months.
got a sponsor and used her knowledge to lay a good sober foundation
had to get real with my self destructive behaviors. they always led me to a drink.
had to stay away from my drinking buddies and anywhere they served alcohol. i was mcdonald's best customer for a while.
sought professional help outside of AA for my chronic depression.
talked about wanting to drink at meetings, that is sharing that i wanted to drink.
tried to stay in the day...thinkin' about staying sober for a lifetime was really overwhelming.
i stuck with the winners. many were older members but i learned soooo much from them.
i asked ppl who relapsed what they thought took them in the wrong direction.
i listened at meetings. if i was called on and had nothing that day to share about i still said "i'm jan and i'm an alcoholic." this helped me remember why i was at a meeting for drunks.

ok chatty cathy today...would you like to participate on this topic too?

[danaflett]

Originally Posted by Lost_In_Thought

Yesterday(new year's eve) I started celebrating early in the day. Started getting high around 2:30 pm, then started drinking shortly after that. I had a really good buzz going, but then started questioning what I was doing and thinking is this really how I want to start the new year?

I took a short nap, sobered up and rang in the new year without a buzz. Maybe this year will be different afterall.

Well done good job

[danaflett]

Well four months sober tomorrow,first weeks into sobriety i found hard but they do get easier and life does get better,am not saying eveything is perfect,but life is much better than the way it was,keep on trying,never give up.

[Edge11]

...Hi danaflett...

...Congats...Life on lifes terms isn't always easy but like you said it sure beats the alternative...Wish you many more sober 24's...

[johnf22881]

33 days clean and sober!

[roads]

johnf:

33 days clean and sober!

Wow, fabulous--so happy for you!!

Hi, Edge--

Welcome, danaflett ... sure do like your advice to yourself: "Keep on trying, never give up." Four months tomorrow ... what a milestone.

[Cherry73]

Hi all. I originally went to a six month inpatient rehab. Left there and moved someplace I had never been. Didn't want to go back to same people, places, and things. Continued to go to meetings and due to mental illness went to psychiatrist and therapist. It really helped alot and am going on 7 years clean.

[madisgram]

what an inspiring story, cherry. it will offer hope to so many here. and 7 years sober. a wonderful accomplishment!

[tokiwartooth]

Still doing ok, but made the mistake of turning to the Cooking Channel and seeing a show about liquor and bars, and it made me want a drink so bad! I had to change the channel. I could really use a bloody mary right now. Extra bloody, with a lot of tabasco sauce and some garlic-stuffed olives. God help me, I hate feeling like this!

[roads]

It happens for me more with smoking. I see someone smoke on TV or in movies and-- OMG!! I waaannntt one NOOOOWWW!!!

Sorry, hang on. I try to make myself hiccup ... Any diversion

[gma45]

Did ok today. Everyday is a new day, and somehow at the moment the fear is gone. If I just stay in the moment things don't seem so bad. I will NOT worry about tomorrow as it is not here yet! I know now worry is fear.

[tokiwartooth]

Doing ok today so far. Going to try to go to a meeting tomorrow night. The weather is just too bad to go tonight and it's supposed to get worse by tomorrow morning. Thanks hurricane Sandy! I'm going to call my friend, he's been sober for 9 years. I've been so depressed that I tell ppl I'm going to go to a meeting and I totally forget. I'd forget my own head if it wasn't screwed on. I feel like a loser. I want to go and I can't remember! Is it normal with depression to lose your thoughts like that?