[roads]

Originally Posted by notz

I know this sounds silly but it has been helpful for me in the past. Sit on the floor, get as low to the floor as you can and look at everything around you. If you can do it upside down, do it! Everything looks different, doesn't it?

Well, heck yeah! Your whole life has been turned upside down. You've kicked your best friend (addiction) out of your life and you're jonesing over that. Plus, adding insult to injury, the "best friend" is in your ear raising hell over your choices!

Stay the course. See your world from the crazy, upside position it's in. See it from a new perspective and know that you CAN do this!!!

I like notz' perspective change--and the silliness helps even more. Quitting drinking DID turn my world upside down. That Scotch bottle was NOT happy at being left behind!!. It had been my best friend for so long.

If I were you, I'd write the words, Stay the Course! everywhere in huge bright letters and make that my motto. You can do this. So DO IT.

Roadie

[Henianna2330]

Two weeks sober... three weeks ago, today would have had me 3/4 of the way through a 5th of vodka. Been sufficiently grumpy 80% of the day... started out well enough, but the hubby was cranky and was in an arguing mood, so it kinda set the tone for the rest of the day. Everything seems to be getting on my nerves. Doesn't help that The Bears (my team) are getting their butts handed to them by the 49'ers tonight, and I will have to listen to my little brother gloat Wed, Thurs, and Fri about it while he's here to visit. Grr. I'm being a good girl, tho, drinking my Stress Relief Tea and trying to concentrate on tapping into my creative side by finishing some jewelry projects.

*growl*

[roads]

Originally Posted by madisgram

TRIGGER perhaps...
my housemate (and i sponsor her) lost her brother yesterday to alcoholism. he had complications from his diabeties and hep C. too. both a direct result of his alcoholism and drug use. he drank for all his adult life. he lived on the street or under a bridge. sometimes his family couldn't find or hear from him sometimes for over a year. finally the family asked him to call from time to time just so they would know he was still alive. 4 times this year he was discovered lying on the pavement, at death's door, and was admitted to the hospital. one time he signed out AMA. he weighed very little, was emaciated and one time they thought he would have his feet amputated due to the diabeties. all 4 times this year he was not expected to live but he did. years ago he went to AA but not for any period of time. i felt he had a purpose in his life since he was saved so many times over the years. his disease never gave him that opportunity. he never gave himself the opportunity. when he was found he was DOA. his name was brian.

i'm sharing this with everyone because for those of us sober a while it reminds us if we hadn't surrendered and put our care in our higher power our lives could've been like brian's life. sober we all receive a daily reprieve from our alcoholism.
and for those of us who are new to trying to stay sober or struggling to stay sober this is what awaits all of us if we pick up a drink. not just the newcomers. we never know if it will be the end of our life with the carnage that alcohol "offers" us. it's easy when one is new to say "well i've got a few more turns on the wheel of life. i don't need to take my drinking seriously. one day if it gets bad enough i'll stop drinking."
i remember the last time i tried to live sober. i had lost all hope, lost my personality, my hygiene, and my soul. i was cut off from my spiritual world. i had cut myself off from the real world. i was empty. a shell of a human being. i was a miniscule yellow dot in an infinite black void. worse yet i had lost my will to live. it was only thru grace that i was given that helped me thru and i've never drunk again. i fought for every inch of my early sobriety. i was terrified i'd fail again. i remember the very day i was aware of a conscious contact with my God**. i felt embraced with love. he was with me whole time. i had turned my back on him.
this is a very sad story i'm posting. it's helped me by writing it. i hope it may help you too.
(**..not to offend those of other faiths)

You've had a difficult year, madisgram. Thank you for sharing with us. I know it is painful, but there are lessons to learn. Many Brians have passed through my life, and I almost made choices ... or didn't make them.
Thank you. You are special to me because you keep this so immediate, and alway remind me it's my life I'm choosing each day.
Bless you. My heartfelt love goes out to your housemate for her loss ...
Roadie

[gma45]

Trying to stay positive about the Holidays, just keep thinking this to shall pass!

[tokiwartooth]

Went into my favorite cafe last night, only to discover that they now sell beer. Great, so now I can stare at that when I want to sit and eat my meal and drink my coffee.

[roads]

Qqq, ouch!! what a whammy that is from the universe, like "you think you're strong, they THIS!!

[tokiwartooth]

I'm ok. I am really tired. I get off early today and I might just take a nap.

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by tokiwartooth

Went into my favorite cafe last night, only to discover that they now sell beer. Great, so now I can stare at that when I want to sit and eat my meal and drink my coffee.

for the longest time i only ate at mcdonalds (YUCK) cause i had this happen too. i'd salivate when i saw other ppls booze. talk about triggers!!!

[Henianna2330]

Pretty chipper this morning... looking forward to seeing my brother and family today. I told him yesterday that I quit drinking and that there was nothing in the house, unless my mom has some in her room. He was quiet a minute, but then said OK and we moved to a new topic. Maybe this won't be as stressful as I'd anticipated...

Probably going to be AFK til Friday or Saturday, so everyone have a wonderful, stress-free, sober Thanksgiving!

[roads]

For me, when I feel strong things usually go along, flow well. Just as I relax thinking life's okay ... WHAMMO! Someone I've counted on gets snarky, something to shake my foundations. All I can take for granted is that each day I must actively decide again that I am not going to use alcohol. That is my only certainty.
Bless you all for being here.
Roadie

[gma45]

I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving and hopefully not to many triggers with family and all. I will not be with any of my family just some special friends that are more like family than my blood relatives. I am feeling good today!

[madisgram]

So thankful for sobriety, serenity, for you all.
To everyone here in this forum....
You are the wind beneath my wings.

[johnf22881]

61 days clean! The rehab I was on the waiting list for just called, so I am going there on the 30th for 4 months.

[roads]

johnf, that's the best news--the news you've been waiting for,
I celebrate it with you!
Will we hear from you during the rehab?
Take best care and hold always to your faith.
Roadie

[ShaggyChic_1201]

Fell off the wagon yesterday. Doing the next right thing today but it is very hard.

[roads]

Hi bubsmiley. I'm a bipolar alcoholic. Welcome to the Forum. Keep posting. Keep coming back. Don't ever give up.
There's a bunch of us here who've done all the wrong things, we've all gotten at least one thing right & most of us maybe didn't drink alcohol or do drugs today. That's a start. We've always got some hugs, and a fresh start. Coffee's harder to manager online.
Take a deep breath. You can do this.
Roadie

[johnf22881]

Thank you for the kind words, Roadie. They cut off all lines of communication, so you won't hear from me for 4 months. I admit that I am surprised that I am doing this, but at the very least it will kill the 4 months I have to wait to get my driver's license back (I do see more positives than that though).

Originally Posted by Roadie

johnf, that's the best news--the news you've been waiting for,
I celebrate it with you!
Will we hear from you during the rehab?
Take best care and hold always to your faith.
Roadie

[madisgram]

bubssmiley---

Fell off the wagon yesterday. Doing the next right thing today but it is very hard.

usually there are signs before we relapse, bubs. can you relate to these signs that may have led up to your relapse?

Relapse Signs and Symptoms

Return To Denial: I stop telling others what I’m thinking/feeling and start trying to convince myself or others that everything is all right, when in fact it is not
Avoidance And Defensive Behavior: I start avoiding people who will give me honest feedback and/or I start becoming irritable and angry with them.
Starting To Crisis Build: I start to notice that ordinary everyday problems become overwhelming and no matter how hard I try, I can’t solve my problems.
Feeling Immobilized (Stuck): I start believing that there is nowhere to turn and no way to solve my problems. I feel trapped and start to use magical thinking.
Becoming Depressed: I start feeling down-in-the dumps and have very low energy. I may even become so depressed that I start thinking of suicide.
Compulsive And/Or Impulsive Behaviors (Loss Of Control): I start using one or more of the following- food, sex, caffeine, nicotine, work, gambling, etc. often in an out of control fashion. And/or I may react without thinking of the consequences of my behavior on myself and others.
Urges And Cravings (Thinking About Drinking/Using): I begin to think that alcohol/drug use is the only way to feel better. I start thinking about justifications to drink/use and convince myself that using is the logical thing to do.
Chemical Loss Of Control (Drinking/Using): I find myself drinking/using again to solve my problems. I start to believe that “it’s all over ‘till I hit bottom, so I may as well enjoy this relapse while it’s good.” My problems continue to get worse.

and you're doing the right thing today. that's what is important. yes it's very challenging when we first get sober but as each day sober we gain strength from our new found sobriety. i wish you well, bubs. keep us posted. we're always here for you.

[tokiwartooth]

I've got all of those signs except I haven't started drinking again. I'm worried that I might because the craving is so strong. I passed by the wine and beer aisle in Kmart yesterday and I had to fight off the urge to buy the cheap fruity wine that I used to love to guzzle. Tasted kinda like baby aspirin but after a bottle or two, I didn't care.

Originally Posted by madisgram

bubssmiley--- usually there are signs before we relapse, bubs. can you relate to these signs that may have led up to your relapse?and you're doing the right thing today. that's what is important. yes it's very challenging when we first get sober but as each day sober we gain strength from our new found sobriety. i wish you well, bubs. keep us posted. we're always here for you.

[roads]

You know (& have been admitting openly, tokiwartooth) that two demons have hold of you and are dragging you through the dirt ... alcoholism and longing for this lover gone from your life. He's not coming back--drinking won't make that hurt less.

You've been brave about saying that you know this, but you need to actively do things in your life that will move you beyond this state. The longer you remain "stuck," the greater risk of drifting into risky behavior ... in my opinion.

Roadie

[gma45]

Just checking in, I have been working a lot, keeps me out of trouble. I am trying not to get to depressed. I used to love this time of year but the last few years just haven't felt right. Staying sober and clean and liking it thou, so not all is bad.

[madisgram]

toki, just in case you've not hear this phrase..."we can think thru the urge to drink". just by posting your thoughts about wanting but not doing it -a drink-holds some majic in staying sober. it and other things helpful can stave off the alcohol use. one is to stay away the booze aisle. after many years sober i still don't go down that aisle. the monkey on your/our back-alcohol-is always there for those of us sober. it is patiently waiting for that moment to re-enter our life. i envision alcohol as a really handsome but dark guy with slicked back black hair who has a beckoning finger. he says, "come with me. i will give you anything your heart desires. i will solve all of your problems,n your worries, your pain..." this is all a big lie. he/alcohol will take everything good about life even our very own life!
the good news is the longer we stay sober the stronger our resolve to not pick up. as we enjoy our new found life we can realize a drink won't solve anything. it will just magnify our life's problems. roadie had some good advice to your post as well. just take each day at a time and avoid those triggers including that aisle! honesty that you exhibited here tells me you're on the right track. stay there and you are in for the greatest ride of your life!!

[Henianna2330]

I fell off the wagon this week. I can't even put a voice to the disappointment I feel in myself. I went almost 4 weeks... longer than I ever have except when I was pregnant with each of my boys. I'm not even sure what triggered me to do it, but I'm ashamed of myself and feel like a complete a-hole. Bless my husband for understanding and helping me back up yet again despite his being angry with me. *sigh* I think part of my downfall was not getting on here every day. That's going to have to change.

[gma45]

Here I am, Life is strange I try and try to do the right thing and it is like something just wants me to fail. Nothing is going right and I do not see anything good ever happening. It is just getting worse.

[notz]

Hugs to all.

Alcohol is a demon. The pretty bottles are meant to be pretty like the "beckoning finger" that Madisgram mentioned. The alcohol in the alluring bottles are meant to attract us, stay away from the pretty bottles! Keep your eyes straight ahead. Those are, indeed, the demons meant to cause major harm to people with our disease. Don't fall prey!