[Henianna2330]

Another one of those days that I would have been passed out on the couch (or floor, or bed, or <insert random weird and uncomfortable place here>) but THANK YOU to PC and Yogi Teas and I suppose to an ounce of willpower to NOT screw things up yet once more.

My day started off as complete horse****, all within the first half an hour of waking up.

If you would like more information, keep reading, otherwise DISCLAIMER!!!! Getting personal here!!!!

A little background:

:::My oldest son is 12 and has Type 1 (Juvenile) Diabetes. He was diagnosed two days before Thanksgiving five years ago. I don't know if any of you know much about diabetes, or if T1 and T2 have a lot of treatment similarities, but I would suppose they do, as I also suppose some of the termonology I am going to use is somewhat familiar to those who are familiar to T2 as well as T1... I also have an almost-seven-year-old who probably has a higher I.Q. than I do. (It's not an overstatement or bragging thing, just a fact... my husband and I have discussed how to proceed when our younger son bypasses our older son in schoolwork) I came from a rough background. My husband is my third husband, due to extenuating circumstances. And, on top of it all, my mother, whom I was estranged from for 13 years growing up, lives with us and drinks semi-heavily. :::

SO, on to my angst.

Day started off like any other... alarm going off, I get up and drag myself to the bathroom. As I exit, my 12 yr-old says,"Mom... two bad news things." He proceeds to tell me that A) his insulin pump came unplugged overnight and B) he had large ketones. I asked about his BG... over 400. Meanwhile, younger kid can't find his pants. I tell 1 to try to come eat something with low/no carbs. 2 is struggling with his shirt, which is now inside out with his PJ shirt clinging to the inside, also inside out. I tell 1 that I will take him to school when he has negative ketones. I help 2 get dressed. I practically have to feed 2 cereal while making scrambled eggs for 1. Realizing the time, I dash to the bedroom to inform Hubby that it is 7:30... he has a dental appt @ 8. He's now mad. 1 is sick. 2 is piddling. Mom is trying to say out of my way.

Finally get hubby and 2 out the door and continue to fight with 1's BG and ketones for most of the afternoon. Have to call the Pediatric Diabetes Resource Center to converse with a nurse on how to proceed if what I'm doing doesn't make him better. She says I'm doing all I can, meanwhile 1 is puking in the bathroom. He continues to vomit for the next hour and a half. (Blood turning into acid will do that, I suppose) Blood sugars still over 400, despite corrections for both high BG and for ketones.

Give the poor kid a syringe shot of insulin in case the pump site is bad. Continue pumping him full of water/Powerade Zero to make him pee, so he can get the ketones out.

FINALLY around 2:30, things even out and 1 feels better. Then 2 comes home and has a tantrum because I told him to go out and play in the nice weather instead of hiding in the basement on the computer.

*sigh*

Thanks, if anyone read that.

Now, gonna make dinner and hope the rest of the night is uneventful.

OH, and did I mention that my MIL was in the hospital overnight for anemia ? Or that my hubby's cousin's baby died this morning? Or that my sister called, upset about not being able to pay the rent for 3 months and having a $600+ water bill??? (She has four kids) And yesterday, one of my BFs called to tell me that even WITH chemo, her mom has about 1 1/2 months to live????

YEAH... one of THOSE DAYS.

[roads]

Major kudos to you, Heni, for using this place to vent & developing that willpower ... I'm watching it happen. I lost my baby so deeply relate to your hubby's cousin's lost. Your sister, BF's mom, MIL--obviously many lean on you for support & you try to be there for them. Gently, aim them at other support systems of their own: You need to be able to focus primarily on your needs.
You are doing a commendable job. How many days' sobriety are you on now? Keep count.
Roadie

[notz]

Way to hang Heni. I'm impressed! Good for not drinking...keep it up and count, just like Roadie said.

[thickntired]

I fell off the wagon and bought pot and I'm doubtful in my ability to get off it for good.

[roads]

Your posting here shows a germ of belief that what you're feeling it just that niggling doubt that addictions always wrap around us.

Doubt isn't fact.

I fell off the wagon and bought pot and I'm doubtful in my ability to get off it for good.

There are three separate issuses here:

1. You are using an addictive substance.
2. You've restocked your home supply.
3. You've surrendered control.

Look at that way you might find the situation if you deal with. I hope so!

Roadie

[tokiwartooth]

Almost 3 months now. It's a little easier to look at alcohol, but I still have to fight that urge when I go out.

[madisgram]

heni, i hope your diab. son is better today. i have diab. too and it takes a lot to stay on course. thinking of you.
as for your mom i'd tell her her drinking can be a trigger for you to drink. i'd set a clear boundary with her or suggest she find another place to live. our sobriety must come first above all things they teach us including family. i balked at that but later understood what it meant. i had a functional alcoholic husband and when i decided to drink his beer was my source even tho i hated beer.
it sounds like about everyone is leaning on you. it's incredible. putting out everyone's fires will wear you down mentaly, emotionally and physically. there's a saying in AA-don't know if you go-it's called H.A.L.T. hungry, angry, lonely and tired. any or all of these components can lead us to a drink.
when i read all of your post i thought of erma bombeck's life. as an after thought your day was "amusing" just as she described her life. (you have BTW a gift of writing). but also overwhelming. you did a great job however to see the hysteria thru.
don't know how long you've been sober but you definitely need people and sometimes children to take some responsibillty of their own.
hope today is less hectic.

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by gma45

Here I am, Life is strange I try and try to do the right thing and it is like something just wants me to fail. Nothing is going right and I do not see anything good ever happening. It is just getting worse.

gm, when we get sober we can shoot ourselves in the foot. also we're not comfortable with a positive accomplishment. the reason being, when we drank our lives were full of drama and chaos. we get to the point that we become used to it living that way. when i first got sober my T asked me, how are you doing? i responded, i'm bored. he said welcome to the world!!
stay the course, gm. you are a winner as long as you stay sober and life will take on a new meaning.

[madisgram]

just a friendly heads up. hello everyone i will be away from my 'puter after the 19th for the most part during the holiday unless my grandchilren let me get online. BUT i will take some time to "see" y'all as often as i can.
leaving sunny, sunny florida and going to Washington, DC. brrrr. i think i've lost my mind but i gotta see those 3 grandkids. love'em with all my heart and they've never seen their "Grammy" drunk. i am blessed to be sober.

[thickntired]

My supply is dry, and I've made no effort to restock. I hope I can stay quit off the weed this time

[roads]

Don't know whether this will make any seen to you, but the strength I gained quitting tabac so I could bring my dad home was a gift. You may find quitting possible now.
Roadie

[madisgram]

bumping up the thread so it doesn't get "lost".

[roads]

Originally Posted by madisgram

bumping up the thread so it doesn't get "lost".

You've been on my mind, madisgram. How are you doing/feeling/coping with the holidays and all the added stresses they bring?

• parties--& always more coming
• ghosts of those who were here, last year
• reminders of more not done

I have zero enjoyment of the holidays ... I dig in, distract myself, and wait for it all to be over. I know I'm not alone in this, but I suspect alkies do this more than most.

[madisgram]

roadie, you read my mind. yesterday i started a thread re the holidays. years ago i would distract myself and allow the holidays to go by pretty much unnoticed. i was alone a lot at first cuz i left my abusive husband and family was too dysfunctional to visit. i knew tho that i had been given the greatest gift of all-sobriety. and that was all i needed. i did go to an enormous lot of AA meetings during early sobriety and holidays. it kept my focus on being grateful what i did have rather than not have. i hung out before and after meetings to chat with sober friends. anything and everything to keep my focus on my sobroety.
we all have our own ways of previously drinking. i didn't associate the holidays as a time for a drinking spree cuz i drank 24/7 anyway. so being sober 24/7 was less of a job.
as for the stresses of holidays i still have some. to avoid that i start preparing for gift purchases early in the season. it provides me with less anxiety. being sober, the thing i cherish most is my serenity. i will go to awesome lengths to not lose it.
this year i will be on a road trip to see my son and his family. so a little stressor there. i'm taking my reading material for quiet moments. i also plan to discuss alcoholism to my 12 yr.old grand daughter. it's time. so much peer pressure out there at earlier ages. so that'll be a mini-meeting.
so in short what i feel helps all of us with awareness...this is a season of gratitude for multiple reasons. sobriety being one. if i felt i needed to i'd race to a meeting, etc. my life depends on it.

[madisgram]

sorry for double dippin' y'all but wanted to post this today. i'm on my way north to see son and family (check out my album and you'll know why) for Chrustmas/new year's. won't be on as much during that time so...just wanted to say how much you all mean to me.


Hope everyone has peace, joy and hope for the New Year!

[tokiwartooth]

I was 3 months on the 17th

[cookfan56]

Originally Posted by tokiwartooth

I was 3 months on the 17th

Yay!! That is amazing. You should be so proud of yourself.

[gma45]

Checking in.......I apologize for not checking in sooner, no excuses just been busy working trying to make ends meet. Working retail during the holidays-- I had to take all the hours I could while I could! I got a new job for the new year! I am so excited, more money--less stress, will be a good thing! I am a bit nervous....change for me is hard, I am ready for it though! I will fake it till I make it! I made it through the holidays relatively pain free.....I managed not to stress about gifts too much and not having any money, just did what I could, it seemed to work for once in my life! Staying clean and sober is having it's positive effects on my life at the moment and I am not taking anything for granted. It truly is a gift that is long over do! I am continuing to make meetings....because........Meeting makers make it! So they say...and I have tried everything else that didn't work, so I am not going to take any chances as I don't have any left! This is it! Life or Death! I choose life! Madisgram and Roadie, Leed you have all been in my thoughts! Glad to see you all still here! I will try to not be such a stranger. I love this place!

[notz]

Such good news!

[roads]

gma43, I'm so happy for you! What a terrific start for the New Year--finally a job that's going to pay something. That is great news. So glad you're finding the good stuff sober living brings. Hugs and support,
Roadie

[Henianna2330]

I'm finally back! Two weeks ago yesterday, I had a major relapse What set it off was having to go to a one-year old's visitation service, and the casket was open, to make it worse. I was determined to make it a one time thing, but then the school shooting happened in Newtown, and it sent me over the edge. (My youngest son is 6 and a first-grader... hit waaaaaaay to close to home!!!) On top of it all, I had an impending milestone birthday coming just before Christmas. I totally cracked. I will, however, say that I managed to pull my s*** together and have been sober for a week now, without even an urge to drink, even on my birthday or on Christmas, or even this week with my boys out of school I'm determined to make 2013 a so much better year, not only for myself, but for my family as well by being sober.

I'm back to stay. Get used to my ramblings

~Heni

[roads]

Welcome back, Heni!!I'm so glad you were able to call a halt to the drinking when you did. I remember how tough that can be.

Do you have a support system or team? I hear how much you want to stop and not start again ... But it's that "and not start again" which I find so much easier with my support team around me. Stopping, even, is easier ... or resisting the toughest pressure--even such a horrible string of events as you went through!!

Some people do make it on their own, just "tough it out." I can't do that. I got people . I got AA, other things. I'm not telling you you have to do it my way, just making such you've got a "Your Way" to seriously lessen the chances of this happening again. Take best care.

[Henianna2330]

I do have a support system... my husband is wonderful about helping me muddle through, and I have a handful of close friends whom I can talk to about when I'm having urges or a bad day. The aforementioned events were just such an easy excuse to let myself slip. I'm wholeheartedly dedicated to not letting it happen again.

It's good to be back!

[notz]

Meetings? Do you go to AA meetings?

[Henianna2330]

I don't. I'm getting a psychologist tho. And it helps coming on here daily.