[mdb81]

i know i dont really have the right to be asking this because i know i got myself into this, and the only one capable of getting me out is me.. i understand that, i really do...
i was recently kicked out of my home because we were so damn far behind in rent.. yeh that should be a wake up call ya think.. we (my recently separated husband and i -- totally different story.. i am great at making things hard for myself) were just spending too much money on pot (dope, marijuana, weed) and alcohol (for me) and speed (for him)
we are currently living together in a different house, in separate rooms and stuff, and i'm really really afraid that i'll just lose all willpower or whatever thats s'posed to be, and go back to smoking all day everyday.. not to mention drinking.
has anyone got any suggestions on staying away from pot and/or alcohol while i'm on my own and totally unaccountable?
also if anyone wants to.. please add me to your msn contact list > mel.b.downunda@hotmail.com < and keep an eye on me.. remind me why i shouldn't be drinking and smoking my worries away.. first reason being money.. second being my health.

k, well i'ma stop rambling now.
~M

Go to your local ER or crisis center and they can put you in touch with free programs in your area for substance abuse.

[Raynaadi]

Hi mdb, I added you to MSN, serenity424. I've been sober 13 months. I've done it a day a time by going to meetings and surrounding myself with other people who are sober. You can do it!!! Feel free to PM me here anytime and chat on MSN! I also frequent a sober chat, that helps a lot when I'm feeling alone. www.12steps.org

[desirae]

You definitely got the idea of what it takes and what reasons why you should quit. I think, personally, what would help is putting your money away where it will be difficult to get to, like a checking account at a bank that's like 20 minutes from your house. Make sure you rip up your bank card. It's not like a dealer can take a check, you know what I mean.

Also, I would eat lots of gum and sour candy to help with those cravings. Last but not least, give somebody your car keys and tell them to hide them for the night if the cravings get really bad.

I really hope everything works out, PM me if you need anything.....I've been clean for a few years and know where your at with your pain. Raynaadi is very good support as well, actually I think she happens to sponser a few people, she would know alot if you have any questions.

[mdb81]

hi guys. thanks for the support, it really means a lot.
desirae- they are heaps good suggestions.. only thing is, my ex (whom i live with) buys it, and he smokes too, so its more a case of me distracting myself, will power (when it decides to appear hehe) and not getting down on myself and blowing the whole thing when i've done badly.
i suppose i'm not doing too badly when i'm living with someone who has it around anyways.
~M

hey. i think that it is very hard indeed to stay clean when one is in an environment where it is easily accessible and around you 'in your face' all the time like it is. i really don't know very many people who have managed to keep out of it for terribly long in such a situation.

you said it is your x. er... if so... then could you move somewhere else where you aren't surrounded by users?

i think that another thing that can make it really hard is when there isn't anything better for us to be doing. so... part of what can help is to find something better to be doing.

what would you like to be doing?

can you do a course or something?
how about some kind of volountary work?
do you like animals?
children?
could you work or something?

finding meaningful things to be engaged in and meeting people who's lives aren't centred around buying and selling and dealing and using are a really important step in staying clean. basically... most people have a few things that are important, that their lives are centred around. you can't just stop something that your life was centred around without filling that gap with something. otherwise you kind of wander aimless for a while... and people have a tendancy to go back to what they were doing before...

treatment could be an option. there are day programs... though i'll admit that i'm hesitant to suggest them because once again it is keeping ones like focused around drugs at the centre. in this sense the thought 'must stay clean must stay clean' when sometimes the best thing can be to just move on to something other than drugs altogether.

what would you like to be doing with your time?

[Camilla]

I am in exactly the same position as you. I drink and smoke pot every day, despite having depression and eating disorders and knowing that it doesn't help me at all. Like you, my friends and my ex who I'm still close to all do it as well- so it feels normal to me. The problem, I think, is that drugs and alcohol ARE my coping strategy- until I find another healthier way to cope I will struggle to stay away from them. I will add you to my msn- I'm cammilla.c@hotmail.co.uk . Maybe we can give each other encouragement, or even just chat through how we're feeling! Best of luck, hopefully talk soon xxx

hey there.

are you in therapy at all?

therapists can help with teaching you alternative coping strategies. they can also help with talking through the depression etc around using.

opinions vary on whether a drug and alchohol councellor is most suitable for drug and alchohol related issues... personally i think that it is similar enough to other maladaptive coping strategies...

it can be hard to learn new coping strategies when d&a is there as a 'quick fix' too... and alchohol as a depressant and pot which functiones kinda as a depressent too can make the depression worse than it would be without using...

[mdb81]

special k - yeh i'm seriously considering moving away from my ex .. for other reasons than drugs, but it might help not having it readily available.
i've actually just enrolled in a course.. commercial cookery.. which is ironic seeing as i have an eating disorder.. not at all bad.. i *love* to cook. i'd love to work, something i enjoy somewhat doing, but i really have no experience as i've been a stay at home mum since i was 17.. fresh out of school, i didnt even finish my HSC. i really agree with you that i can't just stop and white knuckle it.. i have to find something else to fill my time.. even if i still do have a few cones .. i just don't want it to rule my life.
what would i like to be doing with my time? .. wow.. thats a hard one.. i guess i like cooking.. i write poetry and stories (i actually won a comp for a very short story i wrote recently! ) occasionally, and i like to design stuff.. so i have come a long way since i was really depressed and didn't know who the f*** i was!

Camilla - i am sure we will become good friends
its so good to know that i'm not alone .. we are actually 'freakily' alike haha

special k - yep, i have a counselor.. she's actually more concerned about my eating atm.. but she did have a go at trying to get me into rehab..
HA! she seems more focused on telling me what is 'wrong' with me than actually teaching me alternative coping strategies.. i don't think she has ever suggested one! maybe its time to get a new counselor.. i am really good at depression.. i've recently cut out my meds cold turkey, and havent been half as bad as when i was prescribed them.. i know all about self talk and how thoughts lead to feelings, which leads to behaviour rada rada...
i have seen a d+a counselor... and she was most ineffective.. she was more concerned about getting me into rehab.. (which after my post natal depression, and the way i felt i 'owed' my daughters .. it wasn't gunna happen) than helping me sort throught *why* i felt the need to use..
yeh your spot on that they're a 'quick fix' .. wish i could get past that.. and i fully know how depressing pot can be.. i was told by my very trusted doc that i *needed* to at least cut down to get over my depression... which i really honestly think i'm over.. .. if only i could give up my destructive coping 'strategies' .. i'd be laughing

~M

hey.

yeah, i honestly think that moving away from your ex would help. that not having it readily available would help. that moving in with people who don't use would help. that those people might be able to help you by modelling alternative ways of coping too.

that is great about the course! commercial cookery sounds awesome! i can't cook for crap. i'd suggest you move in with me ;-) i think it is great that you are doing that. you could end up with your own cafe or restaraunt or something like that. it gives you something to be doing with your days, and something to be thinking about with your nights. writing is pretty cool too :-) sounds like you do have stuff that you want to be doing. using drugs... can dull ones passion for such things... can kill ones motivation for such things...

at least... that is what i found in my experience. it came down to a choice between pursuing my passion and using 24/7. when it came down to that my passion won out and i only used a little to help me get to sleep and on weekends when i had some time off. recreational use. not using all the time. ironic thing is that i thought i needed to stop using before i could persue my passion. i did drug treatments etc but never managed to give it up untill... i persued my passion. when my passion conflicted with my desire to use my passion one out. stopping using wasn't so hard once i had my passion to do. that is my experience... everyone is different... but i guess that is why i suggest moving away from users and engrossing oneself in something that one is passionate about. it worked for me basically. that is what worked when the drug treatments and programs and meetings failed.

sounds like you have come a long way just in identifying those things that are important to you :-) just identifying them can be a huge battle, i understand that.

eating disorders can be hard (i've heard). if anything i guess i tend to binge... but i've heard that people with more restrictive or binging / purging disorders often tend to become involved in food preperation so i guess it isn't so unusual.

it is a shame that she is more interested in telling you what is wrong with you than in teaching you alternatives :-( i mean... i guess you know there are problems already - and that is why you are in therapy. nobody likes others to tell them what is 'wrong'. i have a lot of sympathy with how that feels :-( have you thought of saying to her 'i know i have problems that is why i'm here. there isn't much good in telling me what is wrong with me i know that already and that is why i'm here. the reason i come is to figure out ways of sorting that out. so... what do you suggest?' instructing yourself to 'stoppit' tends to be counter productive... sounds like you could benefit from a chat with your t to help you figure out some alternatives to using.

you could have a think about the kinds of situations that tend to trigger you to use.
how you feel and stuff...
whether it is around availability, or how you are feeling, or whatever.
to figure out alternative ways of coping with how you are feeling etc.

regarding the thoughts -> feelings -> behaviours that is only some instances (and those are the instances CBT therapists and councellors tend to focus on).
sometimes it goes feelings -> thoughts.
in which case challenging thoughts doesn't help particularly.
in those cases...
relaxation...
mindfulness meditation...
self soothing...
acting ones way into feeling different...
are more productive than attempting to challenge thoughts that you only envoke when your therapist requires you to justify your feelings. sometimes feelings can be generated internally by physiological changes and / or unconscious triggers. in such situations cognitive restructuring (challenging 'faulty' thinking) isn't likely to help...

i found those strategies helpful...
harder to implement than the quick fix admittedly...
but if you practice them they become easier to implement
and if you practice them then they do become feasible alternatives without the consequence of the low after the high or the debt after the high etc. maybe you could suggest them to your t?