alcoholism or heavy drinker...is there difference???

Hey there everyone I just wanted a little advice and to vent...I have never really had much of an addiction problem till about 5 years ago. I'm realizing its a problem and I need some kind of help...I just don't know what's right for me.
I drank when I was younger on special occasions and some on weekends. No big deal...then my dad got diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer and it shook his world and mine. I drink every night now...beer but I drink maybe 8. I know this is high...especially for a woman. I have ocd and beer seems to help it when I'm drinking...but the next day is ridiculous because of my anxiety.
I also smoke cigs and am extremely interested in quitting. My mother is extremely religious and believes that I can do it through God. I don't doubt that because I also am highly religious...it just seems I might be need a little extra help to get my drinking habits under control. I haven't been arrested and beer has not affected my family but I know it could lead in that direction if I don't do something. Am I an alcoholic or a heavy drinker?? It's kind of a weird question but I have heard there are differences. I don't drink during the day...its always at night. If anyone has had a good experience with a particular program or another outlet please let me know. I would also love to hear how anyone has conquered their alcohol issues! Thank you so very much.

I am definitely an alcoholic and I used AA. There is a difference between alcoholic and problem or heavy drinker. For alcoholics it has a lot to do with what happens when you do start drinking. I can explain more later.

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Ok thanks I am very curious!

The alcoholics I am familiar with, and there are many, will have this thing called the phenomenon of craving. It happens sometimes, not every time. Once I got three or four beers or two or three drinks the pump would be primed so to speak. I would get this overwhelming craving to keep drinking. I would drink long past the party being over. I would drink until all the booze was gone. I would go to the store to get more, drunk driving or not. Drink until I was in a black out or pass out. Once the craving kicks in the drinking is out of control.

Then there is the addictive or obsessive part of it. I may go a couple of weeks and not drink and when I am feeling at my absolute best I would just have to drink that night. It was weird because when I was feeling really good is when I would want to drink the most. Also I could not quit on my own. I tried many many times and would always going back to the bottle or some other drug.

So it is not really about what consequences you have had it is all about what happens when you start drinking and your relationship with alcohol. Some may argue there is a broad spectrum of addiction. I do not think so. I think addictive personality and alcoholic are a pretty narrow spectrum. You can progress into it. I am not sure if someone who was not born with an addictive personality or an alcoholic can develop into one. I tend to think not.

Sounds like for sure you are using alcohol to cope with grief and life. Of course this is what alcoholics do too, but lots of people who are not alcoholics use it to cope with life. It is so available and acceptable.

Maybe you should focus on other healthier ways to grieve and cope with life and alcohol won't have as much appeal. If you are not an alcoholic, with some determination and will power you should be able to quit without relapsing over and over.

Do you have any family history with addiction and alcoholism?

Thank you so very much for your response and yes...addiction and alcoholism run in my family. My father was an alcoholic and had to go to AA. He is no longer but he was for a while. My mother was more on cocaine and marijuana. I did smoke marijuana for a while when I was younger but never messed around with cocaine. I tend to drink...and both my.grandfathers had issues with drinking as well.

Just from what you have shared so far i would say you have a high potential to become one. It is progressive and you don't just have a beer one day and become one. You can intervene at any point in the process. Only you can really answer it but family history makes the potential much higher.

I think there can be a bit of a difference, though heavy drinking can lead to addiction especially if its in genetics like family members have alcoholism. I myself have had issues with drinking but I wouldn't call it an addiction since I do actually have the control not to and I've never really had withdrawls....my problems have more been drinking when I am upset in excess, and past attempts at self medication. I mean I think with addiction you would have the experience of 'needing' to have a drink, rather then where I know I probably shouldn't drink on a certain occasion or know I should pace myself and end up doing it anyways even though I could choose not to. Of course it can be confusing, at time s I have wondered if I've gotten addicted or came close but I don't think I'd legitimately fit the criteria.

to me addiction is when it becomes a problem
i drank every day too, i never had a problem with my drinking though.... the people i was around when drinking always did though, like zinco described quite well ; a strange phenomenon that releases a serious drinking monster

im sober now, i focus on my recovery from all the crazy things i did growing up to help keep me sober... i still mess up once a while though

Can you stop? Can you stop and be OK with it? Can you not drink and be OK? Can you have one or two and stop and feel fine? If you quit for a month, do you feel the need to go back to drinking again? Do you have "one or two" even when you know you shouldn't?
Pay attention to that stuff.

Try quitting for a while - like weeks or months. Try limiting yourself to one or two, only two or three nights a week. See how you feel and see what happens.

Even in AA, which is a spiritual (not religious) type program, God can help, but you have to do the work. And it helps to have the support of other people who are doing the same thing you are.

There used to be a program called Moderation Management. It wasn't a good idea for really addicted people (and so it got a bad rap) but it was helpful to some people who just drank too much but weren't addicted (yet!). You might still be able to find some of the literature around.

Thank you all sooo very much! I guess my next step will to actually quit the drinking and see how I fair. This will show me how bad my problem is. I.definitely need to learn better coping skills.

Hello, Softballjunkie8. Good luck.

I regularely drink excessive amounts of alcohol. But I never crave it. Once a year, I quit for 1 to 6 months. It doesnt bother me at all, not even on day one. I drink for medical reasons, as an OTC relaxant against my PTSD. I don't even particularily enjoy drinking. Physical or mental dependence makes you an alcoholic. I have neither, no matter what. I can replace alcohol's benefits with alternative medication. But I am a bit of an oddball. I never get drunk, and have a 95% psychopath result on the MMPI2, because of probable brain damage. (I'm also the nicest guy ever!)

try to cut down to 4 a night and see if you can do it, i think that may give you your answer. 8 sounds a bit excessive to me, but that's JMHO are you eating before you drink this much? also your weight may play a factor, the more you weigh the more you can drink before feeling the effects.

so far you have avoided "the long arm of the law" i would try to keep it that way. do you drink & drive? like zinco said, it has a lot to do with what happens "after" you start drinking.

AA wasn't my cup of tea due to the religious overtones, but it is a wonderful program that has worked for a lot of people..perhaps attending a few meetings will give you some insight.

i will say this..be careful, alcohol can really be something & with it running in your family..that alone is a SERIOUS concern.

@trying2survive

Cunning, baffling, and powerful is the saying.

"definitely need to learn better coping skills"....
The fact that you said this is most important. You know what you want for yourself and you understand it COULD turn into a problem. I wish you the very best. I'm sorry that it is such a difficult time for you...not sure if you have any grief support groups in your area - could help.

ha ha ha ha, i knew it was one of those! sorry about that!

Wow, very candid.

This explains me to a tee. I am starting to realise I have a problem with the drink. I have spoken to my grandmother about this, who was an alcoholic for many years (she is now sober 20 years) - but this is almost exactly how she explained it (as you have above). I told her about my uncontrollable urges to continue to drinking till total oblivion "after the party's over", so to speak, and as soon as I said that she said it was the hallmark of an alcoholic. She's very honest with me.

In my own case, I'm also similar in that I will drink "at my best" - I just have to do it. I'm more likely to not drink if I'm feeling extremely depressed from overdoing it. At the moment, I'm struggling to stop the habit of months of heavy drinking (that being beer and cider every night.). I really want to not have the attraction to drink, but I do have an addictive personality and it's in my family history, repeated over and over in a lot of close relatives.

Yup, I have heard the exact same story as mine and yours a thousand times. I can be candid because I have told my story hundreds of times. Your grandmother is right. You are being very truthful with us and yourself which is the first step in how to overcome it. Admitting it is a problem.

For me it took a bottom, a treatment center, and AA. And it worked. I have 19 years sober now.

A bottom can be any bottom doesn't have to be rock bottom. I would suggest making a list of all the ways, positive and negative, that alcohol affects you and your life. We do get some positive benefit from it in a way, meaning we do it for some reason, or else why would we do it. The problem is the negative consequences. Health, work, relationships, how we feel about ourselves, hang overs, drunk drivings, etc etc.....The shame ate me up because I knew I needed to stop but couldn't.