I hate drunk husband

My husband is not a bad guy, but like me most of us suck when we're active alcoholics. I mowed the lawn in hot weather, did some cleaning and cooked meatloaf mashed potatoes and gravey. He gets home sits outside to chain smoke and drink hot red wine for 3 hours. He is such an idiot. It's 90 degrees outside and he is only sitting because I had a chair I was using to hold our cat. He usually stands like a bigger idiot after being a contractor on his feet all day. Now he's slamming doors and mad at me because I won't listen to his bs. He is so stupid when he sat down I put on honey boo boo and left the room. He hates that show and is obvious it's on.

When we got married I was not sober. I quit everything and I'm in perimemopause. He's just lucky I don't pull a Lorrana Bobbit lol.

Hello, thickntired. Is professional help an option? If he will not seek help for himself, would he consider couples' therapy? Do you go to Al-Anon meetings? Is professional help for you an option? Is he violent?

I wish you well.

A very difficult situation when one gets sober and the other does not.

I went to Alanon for many years and loved it. I didn't have an addict or alcoholic in my life but it helped me a great deal. I went for my own reasons. i would highly recommend it.

......As the resentment builds. Sometimes the resentment gets so bad that there is no fixing the marriage. What do you want?

Hi. Thank you all for your input. I did get a lot of help from alanon. I learned to remove myself from the situation and not take his drinking personally. We had one good counseling session where the therapist brought up the deluth wheel of abuse. This was back when we were both using and he was much more verbally abusive. He got very upset and cried which is WAY out of character for him. He used to always say let's go our separate ways. The last time I said yeah bipolars have a 3x's higher rate of divorce and this is your 2nd marriage so between us we have a 20% chance of making it work. He back peddled really fast. Marriage counseling is not helpful because he underestimates his drinking being a functional alcoholic. I quit AA, but when I was a member he said I'm not like those people because I get up and go to work everyday Duh! When I left the psych ward last yr they said my prognosis was fair because I was returning to an unhealthy household. That hurt. Also, I knew people in AA all about divorcing over drinking. I took my vows with sickness and health, it's hard for partners to be with me because of the bipolar and such, plus on disability I'd have to move in with my parents EEK!!!

Have you considered issuing him an ultimatum?

Either he cleans up his act or he's out of there?

And, if y'all've been together long enough, he may have to pay alimony which may help you to not have to move back in with your family of origin.

I'd rather be dead than to even consider moving back in with my family of origin, but not everybody has reached the point of ZERO tolerance when it comes to alcohol and abuse like I have though.

Wishing you the best.

It's a sucky situation for sure!

So difficult to be held hostage to this situation. When I was married my husband and I had a very nice income. But I knew I was unhappy and worked on myself. He did not want to work on himself. His abuse was passive agressive. I knew it was over. I have suffered terribly financially...but I AM MORE FREE and happy than I have ever been (fitting for the day)!

I know how to be on my own. I have been on my own as an adult much longer than I was married with or with a significant other. Do not get me wrong. I enjoy a relationship with a man....but I do not have to marry and move in with them and pay bills together.....For me, it stays a lot more interesting that way.

As I get older it might make sense to get married to help take care of eachother - we'll see.

If you stay - may you find your own type of freedom and be content with your life.

I never thought about quitting seriously until I became a dysfunctional alcoholic. As long as I got up and went to work everyday it was not a serious enough problem although I knew it was a problem in my marriage. The provider instinct is so ingrained in some of us men that as long as we work no problems. When I got fired from two jobs due to drug use is when i hit a bottom.

It may be that his functional state won't last forever and then it will get interesting for you and whether you can "detach with love" or not.

Thank you for a reply from "his" respective. The problem is he owns his own business, yep. I actually smoked a ton of pot while working but got fired for bipolar so go figure. It's actually funny because I went to AA because he told me if it was between me and drugs you would choose drugs. I thought wow he is right and got sober to save my marriage, but I stayed sober for myself. I guess people really do come into our lives for a reason.

Honestly I have found that getting older makes me want more independence. I enjoy being alone. I am just DONE with being someone's servant, cook, laundress, maid. That's all I've ever "gotten" from a husband/SO. Just work for them, entertain them and go to a "real" job to support them.

Don't be so quick to say you can't. You seem like a strong person who knows enough to keep herself afloat. I have EVERY faith in you! Do what ya gotta do!

Thank you, Shadow dove. I never had kids and never planned to get married. I was financially independent and all that jazz, but the mental illness has put me on disability. I really do enjoy having a partner, but I know I'm too quick to put up with his crap. I feel like I can be a downer with my mood swings and in the past I was really reckless with money and drugs. I don't feel like a servant because I know on my ssdi alone I couldn't make ends meet. I spent all my younger years fooling around and partying so I don't feel like I missed out on anything. It's nice for me to just have someone to cook dinner for and watch a movie. It gives me a sense of normalcy. Of course, that's on nights when he's not drinking wine. Those nights I usually read or go online.