Disgusted with myself...

My boyfriend is an alcoholic--we have been together for 5 and 1/2 years. It has been a real struggle over the last year because I am in recovery. It feels like the booze is tearing us apart. Well, yesterday he checked himself into detox. I am happy for him. I am proud of him. I am also amazed and in shock that he really did it. I find myself having mixed emotions. Most of me is absolutely thrilled, but a small part of me is scared and dreading the change. The first year is so difficult--it is loaded with changes and challenges. I know, I was there--I've already gone thru it. I don't want to have to deal with that crap again. I feel absolutly disgusted with myself that I could even think such selfish thoughts. I know I will pull myself together and be supportive of him because I love him. I want him to get sober. I guess I am still in shock that he really is going thru detox.

Wow....that is big. Welcome to PC DePressMe! I haven't experienced dating someone in the first year....I recently got out of a relationship with someone who drank. I don't know what it would be like to be with someone when they get out of detox. Maybe go to an Alanon meeting? And its OK to think selfish thoughts. You wouldn't be human if you didn't. Don't be disgusted with yourself, you're in for a long ride. There's gotta be a lot of fear wrapped around all this. Please feel free to vent here!!!! And keep us posted!

~Rayna

AlAnon, AlAnon, AlAnon..............

I don't think the first yr off recovery is going to be half as bad as the living "hell" of having a partner activly using? At least this time you both will be able to Verbalise your feelings instead of it only being you?

Although I don't go to AA, I really do believe in many of the philosophies. One is that helping another is an important part of my recovery. One of my friends, J. was my main support person during my first year. I called her constantly and she was always there for me--she put up with a lot of crap. I guess, this is the way I see the world working--that we have to sometimes rely on others and then we "payback" by helping somebody else along the way. In another online support group I was active and I was supportive to many people who were trying to quit drinking and/or quit using drugs. It helped me and made me grateful. It just seems living the first year with somebody is a lot more intense. I know I will need to be willing to tolerate a bit of craziness. And there is a lot more riding on this because if he does not stop drinking our relationship will eventually come to an end. I know part of me is jumping the gun--there is a possibility that he won't stay sober--that he may have to try this several times. It helps to write this out...to let people know about it. Thanks for being here.

Hi Mouse--you posted while I was writing my last post. Maybe part of me is scared that both of us may start sharing our feelings. Maybe part of me is scared to be in a healthy relationship--maybe part of me does not even want to be in a fair and healthy relationship. I guess I have grown accustom to him dominating the relationship...this could be a big change. Alcohol--Alcohol makes us form weird relationships.

yuh, maybe your afraid he will reject YOU when he sorts his stuff out? Just keep working on you and the rest will sort itself out!

Take care!

I agree with mouse. His getting sober is about HIM. Keep your side of the street clean, and keep working on you while he works on him. She also made a great point about how hard it is to live with someone active in their addiction. He has a chance now.....get into gratitude, keeping working with others, and know that it will work out exactly as it is supposed to!

And thank YOU for posting....you're helping us too. =)

~Rayna

Hello DePressMe.
I am sorry you are having a hard time at this time regarding your boyfriend. Change is hard, but you also need to keep yourself safe with your mental health as well to help things adjust more to your liking and to what you are capable of handling yourself. Therapy and Al-Anon meetings are good to help someone living with an alcoholic or former alcoholic. The main thing is to get the help you need to help yourself get through the hard times and the adjustment period. I hope the best for you and your boyfriend. Take care Soidhonia