Daily addiction check in #1

Thank you notz. It is soothing and comforting to think of it that way.

I have no idea how many days sober now as it's more than a month. I've decided to stop counting and celebrate the monthly milestone instead.

Day 1.....

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From cocaine (I dabbled with it off and on for a few years in and after college) it's been five years-
from weed basically three years- though I smoked four times during that period, but not in succession and I basically say it's been three years- and I guess around three years for cigarettes- but I have smoked rarely over that same period- bumming cigarettes (usually when I've been drinking) - I recently bought a vape pen for when I have the urge- because smoking is so gross to me.

It's been 3 days and I so want to use.

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I have been sober 49 days and counting.

It's been just over 120 days now - pot free. With all the added environmental, job-related and personal stress I am experiencing these days I am surprised I haven't cracked.

I am just trying to alleviate all this stress with positive activities but sometimes it feels harder everyday. I just try to remind myself "that this too shall pass".

I hope everyone is doing well. Have a great day!

Sorry guys I didnt know we already had a thread like the one I started about how many days it has been without using... I figured a checkin thread would be more how you are doing emotionally... Anyway day 3...

[SIZE="4"] Hi folks and I'm real glad to see that most of you are doing really well. I just sooooooooooooooo KNOW how very difficult it is to get to grips with giving up things which we consider ''self medicating'' and obviously in the beginning we naturally think we've found the answer to all of our dreams. It really matters not what the substance is, all that we know in the beginning is doing our ''thing'', our ''thing'' which helps us deal with trouble and strife in our lives, and mostly we're not hurting anybody in the process. I've been there many time, trying to find the answer, all sorts of different answers. Sadly it always turns out that our ''answers'' actually get us into more trouble. I'm no angle, I'm old, LOL, 56 to be precise, yet after more than 30 plus years of trying to find that magic answer to my prayers ~~ and heck, I still haven't found it!! Yes, the meds I have to stabalize my moods work well, I've proved that to myself by going off of them a year ago. I just so wish every morning when I get ready to go out, I didn't absolutely and totally depend on what I see in the mirror. That's one, just ONE of my addictions, constantly checking in mirrors or shop windows that I look OK! Its so absolutely STUPID, because although I'm very vein, I have NOTHING to be vein about!! My face is the kinda face that doesn't stand out in the crowed, infact nothing about me does. I've always so so wanted to be pretty/attractive/beautiful and most of all ................................. THIN. My addiction now is back on the drink (larger), shame as I stayed off drink for 5 years. It's because I'm so very stressed right now.
Anyways, you all just keep on doing as well as you are right now. Thanks for reading. LOVE and HUGS, as ever. [/SIxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxZE]

Waggiedog it sounds like you are being really hard on yourself... What ever happened to inner beauty (not saying you are not beautiful on the outside because I am sure you are but maybe you don't see yourself this way... it is hard when we can be negative and critical about ourselves). All I know is that you have always been so kind and supportive of others here. That is a wonderful and beautiful person in you who does this simple act of kindness towards others. You seem very loving and caring and if that is not beautiful I do not know what is. There are plenty of "thin" people who are complete B***hes to others and have no care about any others. I do not see this as beautiful. Many who struggle with weight issues (real or imagined) have focused energies on others and have huge hearts and therefore neglect themselves. What is one thing today that you can do to take care of you? Something kind and gentle towards yourself. And loving to self. We get into trouble when we neglect ourselves. Neglect is a very real, sad and overlooked form of abuse. Most people thing of lack of food, shelter, etc. when they think of neglect. But there is also emotional neglect. Sometimes this comes from our parents not giving us the love or attention needed, and sometimes is just manifested in our later lives for unknown reasons. Perhaps an ex in a former relationship or a friend or something to that effect. I think emotional neglect can be very damaging to a person's self esteem and concept of self-worth. Please be kind and gentle to you. You are deserving and worthy. And as for being back on the drink, I think everyone has had a relapse or two (maybe I'm only speaking of my personal experience, but change is difficult and takes a lot of time and support from others).

...Well last couple days have been a real struggle.. My brother has moved back at home and I have realized he is a trigger for me (he has substance abuse issues, as well).. I came as close as you can without using...had it in hand ...but didn't follow through with it ... It has been bad enough I have had the cravings to smoke some ganj. for the last couple weeks ...and now I have this added environmental or situational added stress.

I realize now I just have to try and stay away from certain environments and situations... Wish me the best...with trying to stay away from people,places and things.

Hi everybody and you dear angelicgoldfish, especially for your kind and very comforting words to me, and thanks also everyone for all of your posts, it's def kinda comforting to read that we don't suffer alone with our addictions/pacifiers and various self medications ~~ though it sure feels like we do when trying to appear so ''normal'' and ''capable'' to those neighbours etc that only see the outer physical forms of us that mostly appear well groomed and fashionably ''rock~chick'' if you like!! Yeah, most days I can haul myself outa bed and get the long process going of wash and brush~up, applying copious amounts of make~up and select the blond hairpiece, hair decorations and jewlery, oh and of course the ''colour~coded'' clothes!! Yerp, for all the world I can appear to have not a care in the world ........................ my goodness, if only they really knew what is going on in my head (actually I'm glad they don't know!). It's my Dolly Parton appearance I want the world to see, not the depressed, obsessed/OCD/angry/anxious/personality disordered self underneath it all. Opps, I'm sorry peeps, I've rambled on somewhat!! And thankyou dear angelicgoldfish, for I really have a genuine sincere unlimited care for others who are suffering ~~ been through the Psych hospital in~patient treatment and learnt a great deal from fellow patients. OK, I'm gone!

Hello peeps! Not that much to report BUT, on the whole it's been one of my better dys. I'm always kinda see~sawing up and down one minute to the next, as we all are. I really am thankful when I've managed to at least get my butt into gear and get my ever mounting overgrown wilderness of a garden somewhat tidy. My poor Dad would be turning around on his cloud up above if he could see how I've let his beloved garden go since his passing three months ago . However, autumn is already setting in, the days are becoming a lot shorter and I'm praying for news of a little apartment to move to as this three bedroomed house is now far too big for me to keep ~~ utility bills are becoming debts and it's a huge worry that alone I can't pay them. I've managed to keep to my de~tox/re~hab medication to replace the opiates I was becoming addicted to ............................... very very difficult when anxiety is at an all time high. I know most of you will understand exactly where I'm coming from.
BBFN (bye bye for now) and I'm thinking of you all, as ever. HUGS.

Feeling grateful that I don't HAVE to drink anymore. Being controlled by alcohol is hell.

as dissappointed as i am to have fallen off the wagon ,right now i just dont want to get back on it. i dont know why

Slowly getting back on the wagon myself. It's hard but with the right support I know its possible to get back on.

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want to get high but i cant my husband said he'll leave if i take any things apart from my meds they don't do anything

Going to an AA meeting tonight ...a LGBT One
see how its goes

Went to a meeting.... It was helpful but why?!

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I want to wake up every day excited to be living sober in the same way that I got excited about getting high. It's been a little over 30 days and it feels like there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I still have dreams nightly about using. It's like I relapse every night in my dreams. Anyone else experienced this? Does it stop? Or will it be forever?

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Congrats. Those dreams go away. I had them as well for the first couple weeks and every once in a while for first month or two. It get easier with time. Take care.

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I think last night was the first night I didn't dream vividly about pills. Hope it stops all together.

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Well damn the Xanax dream came back again last night. This time I was in a hotel room with a guy I did Coke with like ten years ago! Lol, I have no clue why I would be thinking about this random guy but I was in a motel room with him begging him to hook me up with some bars(Xanax) WTF. I am so sick of dreaming **** like that!!! Why can't I dream that I am in a room at the Westin Plaza with Matthew McConoughy or something!?!

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I've been thinking and its not good things....

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111 days sober!!!

No desire to drink today. Gots lots to do.