Daily addiction check in #1

Great job Naiwen!

Stick with it ChildOfChaos. I know where you are, my SI stopped entirely when I used,but when I don't that itch seems to want to be scratched more and more.
Don't know how creative you are but often drawing or writing what I felt helps. Doesn't need to be realistic , even if it's abstract and in a language only you understand, its a place to express those sensations.

Whatever your method, fingers crossed, you can do it, you have proved you can stop. Just need to hang on in there.
Take care and be kind to yourself.

I want to go back and just si..... At least it was not with others.

Tonight I plan to restart taking the Campral & spend the night in. I don't feel like having a drink today which is a change. Saturday is my excuse to go out & get drunk most of the time but I just don't feel like it

I almost slipped today, my urge was so strong, but I managed to resist it.

Good for you naiwen. Glad you were able to resist the urge.

splitimage

Excellent job Naiwen!

Been clean for more than 2 weeks, the urge to steal fading away slowly, but surely. And I bought all the stuff I wanted, which is why I'm feeling so proud of myself. Whenever the temptation arises, I just play with it, and tell myself to put it back like i did today. Or ask myself : "Do I need this?" And it'd immediately stop me from shoplifting it. Very proud of myself for having been so good these days. I think I'm on my way to healing from my addiction since I'm getting the urge less and less. I went to the places where they used to trigger me, and they didn't today. Again, it's just knowing that I gotta pay for it that stops me from doing it.

Tried to detox myself using small amounts of alcohol to slowly eliminate physical shakes, chills, cravings. It backfired. Started drinking more and more, getting drunk and blacking out. You know the drill. Had 13 months until Dec 17. Relapsed. Now I have 3 days sober. My sober AA nutty buddy pushed me into picking up a white chip in the meeting of 50 people I didn't know today. I said what the hell. I don't care what they think. Three totally nice women came over to me after the meeting and shook my hand and gave me their numbers and talked to me. I had been hiding out in the back but now I feel connected. They extended the hand of AA to me. I felt loved. I'm a chronic relapser. 2 1/2 years 3 times in a row, then 1 year 3 times, 13 months this last time. It's ok I'll get as much time as I can, it's better than nothing which is drinking and My life goes to chaos in 10 seconds flat. Totally dysfunctional alkie. So Im trying once again.

Second sober day today... Feeling fine, eaten well. There's still alcohol in the house. I don't want to drink it but I've got comfort in the fact it's there, it's still a crutch.

Day two is huge! Congrats! In some ways folks with a day or two, or ten are more heroic that folks with longer term sobriety. I no longer have the urge to drink (one day at a time), but I sure remember what it was like when I had to fight the urge to drink on a daily...even an hourly basis. I wish you luck going ahead. Keep us posted!

5 days sober

Good job zijax!

Thanks emgreen ! Day number 4 today !

That's HUGE!!! I know how difficult it can at first, but as the days pass the urge to drink diminishes (at least it did for me). As I wrote before the first few days are very difficult, so you're my hero of the day! Keep on!

Once again, HUGE accomplishment!!! It's important to take things one day at a time, but in two days, it will be an entire week! That week will also land on a weekend night. Try not to sabotage yourself by hanging out with folks who use until you feel comfortable doing so without that urge kicking in. Keep us posted!

47 days!

Congratulations childofchaos831!!

So well done!!

Way to go childofchaos.

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For me, time was a friend of sobriety. Do you find that the urge to dink is shrinking as youir sobriety becomes morte longterm? I sure hope so! 47 (I guess 48, now) is a great accomplishment! Congrats, & keep us posted!

One week sober. Last night I really wanted to drink. Couldn't get in touch with my sponsor. Called someone else in AA. So ashamed that after all these years I still relapse like a beginner all over again. Always a beginner after 15 years of meetings. What is wrong with me, I can quote the Big Book but I can't get more than two years in a row. This past time was 13 months but I was a dry drunk, mean and nasty. I want to love people. Crying. I hate being an alcoholic. Sorry, now I'm in self pity. I hate this disease. I'm hurting all over.

I want another drink to help me fall asleep.

I was offered and accepted a new and better job yesterday. And the thought of having a drink to celebrate didn't even enter my mind. Instead i thought of ice cream. Ice cream won't kill me.

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In my IOP that I finished right before xmas, ice cream was actually the standard celebratory substitute for the group's members. Triple chocolate jamocha fudge, I think. I prefer French Silk, myself...

3 days with no drinking. I made up my mind enough was enough. It is going to be difficult at times I have no doubt but life is too short to continue on like I was. I want to have control over my life sober, not to continue on with being a drunken train wreck.