Scared of AA

Hello everyone! I was just searching online on how to find a pshycho therapist and ended up at the quizzes section here. I am really glad I came across this forum. It sounds like it is has been very helpful to several people.

So, the first thing I did was take the "Do I need therapy?" quiz. Well, turns out I'm not as crazy as I thought but still feel in need of some help. Anyhow, I'm 24 years old and have been struggling with a problem with alcohol the last few years. It's definitely something I am ready to change in my life, however all attempts I have made in the last year or so have been quite unsuccessful. I kind of saw AA as a last resort, but when I finally reached the point that I felt ready enough to take that step... I began lookin into it and... well it's kind of scared me away.

I definitely consider myself a spirtual person and religous at times, though the fact that AA seems to revolve quite a bit around God and spirituality, just doesn't fit into what I thought it would be all about. To get quite honest, I am kind of frustrated with God right now... and though I know the best thing for me to do would be to overcome that in anyway I can... I'm finding that to be easier said than done. Maybe this is the main reason, or excuse I'm using right now to avoid AA but I was just wondering if anyone has had the same type of concerns or had any first hand experience to dispute the assumption. I dunno... it just all seems cult like if ya ask me heheh.

Hi Jinzing, welcome to the forums. I'm glad you found us.

I completely understand why you feel the way you do about AA. I felt the same way. I believe in God, nut I rarely attend church, it's just not a part of my life. And when I strated looing into AA it seemed to me that the whole program revolved around God. That pushed me away at first. But I forced myself to attend a few meetings. Then thins got real bad for me, and I ended up in a recovery house, twice. Because being the thick headed *** that I am, I didn't get it the first time around.

Part of being in recovery was attending regular AA meetings. And there were people there that believed that they were staying sober because God was in there lives. But there were even more that didn't believe in God at all, that just believed in the concept of the program. The concept is simple. Turning your life over to "something" greater than yourself. And you get to decide what that something is. It doesn't have to be God. It wasn't for me. I just simply believed that there was a power at work out there that helped guide me thru the process of getting sober. I do believe in the twelve steps of AA. They are hard to work. I believe that you need a sponser who has been successful in the program who will stick by you, help you thru the tough times. It helps to share your story with others. If you go to enough meetings, you'll hear something that will help you almost every single time.

Don't get me wrong Jinzing, AA isn't for everyone. Some just have to take another path. But it's helped an awful lot of people. I don't think I'd be here today if it wasn't for AA. And you don't have to believe in God, sobriety just has to be the most important thing to you. That's a big sacrifice, but it's worth it.

Take care,
Greg

I was scared of AA also. I went to a few meetings but it could be just the group I was in or something but I didn't feel like it helped me. I am sober now but if I could I would be drunk most of the time...I guess they call people like me a dry drunk. I can't drink because if I get caught drinking my pdoc will take away my meds and I will get kicked out of therapy....its happened before. Anyway I'd say go and if you don't like it try another group and then if you really don't like it just get a copy of the Big Blue Book and read it. That's what I did and I haven't had a drink in 2 years.

Janniebug

jinzing-and all- Yikes this is a canoworms. 12-step groups scare me too. Many consider them a cult that won't acknowledge how few people they actually help or how many they hurt. There are a growing number of alternatives! I'd like to talk about it freely and directly, but I'm not sure what's the way here. It feels a little like bouncing on a pogo stick in a minefield trying to collect DDT thinned endangered species eggs some of which may actually be the mines, around this site to me so far. I'm an ex-acoa (adult children of alcoholics). I spent about a year with them and they did help me break out of my shell a little bit but... I have since had a traumatic experience with a related group online. I've been banished and made an un-person there, all my posts were erased like I had never been there, without warning, explanation, or apparent recourse. I fear the same here for this or subsequent posts. I guess I inadvertently broke their guidelines in an effort to find answers and urge them to evolve. I would have more respect for that organization if they acknowledged and linked to alternatives but to my knowledge they don't. They seem, to me, to be in denial systemically and jealously guarding their almost monopoly turf. Personally, I don't like the very word spiritual anymore (can I even say that here?), except in a historical sense. I'm an arts and sciences post-enlightenment secular humanist somewhat militant-atheist hard-determinist (whatever all that means), at the moment, (or this?) among other things. I have asked about posting references to websites that might be helpful but have yet to find or receive an answer. I'm still looking for a science based sort of 12-step free zone or something that specifically invites ex-acoas and concentrates on their rehab. needs. A group called SOS (save ourselves) seems the closest I've found so far but... I haven't joined.

Surely there are many avenues to sobriety. No one at PsychCentral would tell you that AA is the only way. So, I believe that if a poster want to engage in a discussion of alternative methods, I'm sure that would be fine. HOWEVER.....

When you talk about something as important as someone's sobriety, you know you are talking about (I mean this honestly) life and death. With that in mind, it would be important to use caution with our choice of words during such a discussion.

I think well chosen terminology, selected specifically to lessen the possibility of the discussion becoming incindiary, or inflamatory would be vital to a healthy safe discussion.

Careful rewording, deep breaths, counting to 10, whatever is necessary to ensure that respect is shown to BOTH sides of the discussion.

When I read your post, I had the sense that you were bringing with you some of your anger at the previous community. Please consider the slate blank. Start fresh.

I don't have the statistics, all I have are the names of many friends that AA has helped. I also know other people who have gained sobriety on their own. And others who have used both tools, and failed.

I'm interested in hearing about any methods which encourage sobriety. But I'd hope to leave words like "cult" out of the discussion. It's a bit high on the flame-inducing scale. It's a word that just begs for another bad word to be lobbed back.

So....could we try to just step back and have a no flame discussion? That would be the PsychCentral style of discussion.

That's Emmy's 5 cents.

well i'd just like to thank everyone for their help and feedback. I don't think i'll be around much anymore. I am aware of proper ettiquette on these types of forums, and do my best to follow those rules. However, in this type of situation, I feel it is best to be 100% and completely honest. When I posted the original that was my main concern. However, now I feel as though I am not allowed to be. Therefore this doesn't seem to be the right type of forum for me to discuss my problem. I do appreciate everyones input and wish you all the best.

Emmy,

Thanks for your feedback. I shall try to learn new skills relevant to your suggestions and those of others. I am sorry for any hurt feelings that my post has inspired.

I'm more than well aware this is life and death stuff, my own included. That is precisely why I thought the subject needed broaching. My diplomatic skills or lack there of had to take a back seat, I felt, to alerting people to both options and the existence of strong arguments for caution, in an expeditious manner. This may have been a mistake. It seemed I just had to risk it with what I had. I'm sorry for the "inflammatory" word, it's borrowed from others perhaps inadvisably. Many of the statistics you referred to and the arguments for caution regarding 12-step system groups can be found through or at www.aadeprogramming.com. I don't want to argue the subject though I sincerely believe it's vital for people to be aware of the options.
Sincerely, Downsolong

jinzing,
My sincerest apologies for learning how to broach difficult subjects at your expence. From what I've seen so far this is a place full of people who will do their best to be real and honest in everybodies best interest. I'll bet they'd bend over backwards to try to find a way to make things work. I hope you won't be scared off too soon because of my or anyone elses blounder regarding this difficult subject.
sincerely ,
Downsolong

jinzing - Just to clarify....my post was not directed at you. I was aiming my blathering at downsolong. Additionally, I am NOT a moderator. I'm just an opinionated grumpy broad. So, please don't let my rantings run you off! I truely DO want to see discussion of AA and ALL other ways of gaining sobriety.

Any way to get and stay sober, even if it simply coming to PsychCentral, making friends and counting off your sober days here. And if people have not so sober days, come here and chat about those too. Plenty of people understand what that's like.

Please stay and chat with us. Emmy

Hi, everyone
Sorry about the wet blanket
I've got more to say (I'm sure some think I've said too much already) but need too step back for a bit until I've got any chance to say it sort of right.

later,Downsolong

Hi there and welcome to the forum. We are glad to have you.
I can understand being confused or angry with God. Many have had these feelings and they are understandable.
I do think that you recongnize a problem with the alcohol so you have made the first steps to finding some answers. AA for me was a good place. I don't struggle with alcohol anymore but in all honesty, I do think about it. AA can be a place where others have very similar thoughts and feelings as you do. They can be a great support, the kind that does not judge.
I hope that you consider this as an option, I do think you already are. Try it, doesn't mean you have to keep going if its not a comfort zone for you. I wish you the best. You have seen this as a problem, this is a good thing.
We are here for you. Keep posting, ask questions. There are many supports here and wonderful people. If we can help, just ask. Good luck and let us know.

Justy

Sorry, I just noticed that you said you don't think you'll be around here much. This is what this is for, speak your mind. Don't leave us, we can be a good support. Hoping you stay.

Justy