Red flag of a psychopath: focuses on your mistakes and ignores their own

Truth be told I'm still angry at her, after all these years, and she knows it. She has never admitted one thing wrong she did to me, hence this thread. My father has admitted not only what he did wrong but has tried to take responsibility for what she did wrong and I was like, dad, you can't take responsibility for her mistakes.

That's understandable. I wonder why she persists in not admitting to anything. What's she gaining at this point? Obviously she's still getting something out of it otherwise she wouldn't still be denying reality. She knows what she did just as well as you do.

Your father is in some deep ****. That dynamic right there is yet another reason why people like her can literally get away with murder.

Yep, Friday I was trying to tell my dad that he had better start reading about the early onset of dementia and he said she said he had that. I was like, what? her dad is the one who died of dementia!

I told my dad she was totally dependent on him and if it wasn't for him she wouldn't be able to function.

That gets at the root of my anger towards her.

She always complained about him as I was growing up, but she was never alone.

I on the other hand married a man she approved of who turned out to be a sociopath. I have been a single mother for the past 11 years. I have been doing it on my own. My mom makes fun of me for my ptsd, my economic status, its simply awful.

Yes, I am still angry at her.

What's even worse is when people project their personality disordered mothers on to me, that makes me even angrier. I'm like, are you kidding me?

That's why I was talking about fleas.

I remember the first time on another forum for friends and family of people with bpd when someone started treating me like I had bpd. I came over here and I was like, what? and I was told that even though we were in treatment, we may still have pd-ish type behaviors. That calmed me down, although it still makes me bristle when someone slaps a pd label on me. I mean geez, my own t doesn't even think I have bpd traits, and I asked her directly on Saturday.

People can be so frustrating.

People can be extremely frustrating. Nobody likes to be labeled with something that is equated with "evil" especially when the label doesn't even apply in the first place.

It sounds like your mother has used your father just to have a slave in many respects. She succeeded from how your father talks about her.

Psychopaths have that air of contempt about just about anyone they feel like directing it towards that day. They'll insult you, make fun of you, psychologically rip you to pieces over and over again and then ask something like, "oh you seem so upset, was it something I said?"

How would I know? Well, I think anyone on here who's been reading my posts for any length of time knows the answer to that question lol.

I've also been subject to a lot of projection from people who have mother issues. That's been a very consistent pattern in my life. Someone recently got extremely angry at me because I reminded her of her mother and I said in a monotone, "that's because for all intents and purposes, I am your mother." Needless to say, that did not go over well. Though it was highly entertaining for me.

Nobody who's ever treated me professionally thinks I'm at all borderline. But I do know how to fake the disorder, I learned that one as a teenager. It's had its uses.

Yes I learned borderline from my mother, narcissism from my father, and sociopathy from my ex, I could fake anyone of those, although sociopathy would be hard for me.

I have to really watch how I interact in groups both online and in real life. The only groups I don't have a problem with is recovery groups. And to be honest, it actually says in this book, psychopath free, that when you first start recovering from psychopathic abuse you should only talk to your therapist and people in recovery communities. It talks about this phenomenon of vultures, people who prey on your pain.

I talked with my t on Saturday about how to handle people whose minds work slower then your own. That's got to be the bane of my existence. I did DBT to help me with that, and I still get frustrated. My t was like just listen to what they have to say. And I'm thinking to myself, I don't want to listen, because they think they know something and they don't. I decided I can only be around people who do know something I don't, because otherwise I will get incredibly frustrated. I only have an AA in CDEV so I don't have an advanced degree to ... validate my intellect in the eyes of those who will not listen unless you have that.

I was thinking about what it would be like to be a professor, I'm sure you'd get frustrated with your students.

Then I was thinking about what it would be like to be in research, because after all that's where an academic career lands you, I'm sure that would be frustrating too.

I'm curious as to why you seem to feel pretty comfortable talking to me, considering this post of yours. I don't mean that to sound condescending, I'm genuinely curious because I'm pretty open about what I am around here.

I can relate to the frustration of most people's minds working far more slowly than your own.

You do not bother me in the slightest. What was it in my post that gave you the idea you should? Now you've gotten my curiosity piqued.
You are one of the most positive members I have encountered on the forums, and one of the most pleasant people I have interacted with.

Theoretically I could be classified as one of those vultures that book describes. I'm psychopathic, I was diagnosed officially as such quite some time ago. Yet here you are, responding to me after I wrote you a response to your original post, saying that yes I would have no problem honing in on people's mistakes and gaslighting the hell out of them if they try pointing out mine.

That you see me as pleasant despite my open admissions of doing some of the same things as the people who ruined your life... I don't know if it's my charm that's the culprit again or something else.

My parents didn't ruin my life, only my adolescence, because I had no control over the situation. I left at age 18. My former t told me I am not responsible for the things that happened to me as a minor.

I think you are nice compared to some of the other people I have met.

And perhaps the fact I have an apparently psychopathic mother, a narcissistic father, a sociopathic ex means I am immune to harm by any of the above.

I do not know what the problem is with the people who harass me.

I'm guessing what is different about you is you have been dx and treated. The people that harmed me were not.My former t dx my father and my ex many years later. I think the people that bully and attack me today have something wrong with them that has been neither dx nor treated. I mean I just realized that my d's godmother said something narcissistic today. That was kind of shocking. My d had gotten mad at me for telling her something, then I realized what she said in response wasn't appropriate so I apologized to my d. These days I really do not know who to trust at all. I had a thread on that on the bpd forum.

What do you think?

What was it like for you when you left?

Why thank you.

You're not immune, but more awareness about it all and applying that knowledge you've gained does make it theoretically more difficult to target you.

Who's harassing you currently?

I've had my fair share of stalkers and so on, I don't really understand it. One stalker I currently have basically wishes she could push me into the lake of fire in hell but at the same time talks about how much she loves me and can't stand the fact that I "abandoned" her.

Yes, I was diagnosed pretty early on in life. Some aspects my outward behavior have definitely improved by societal standards though nothing in my actual mind has actually changed much. Also, just in the interest of full disclosure therapy has taught me many tricks about how to **** with people's minds.

I think the fact that I was diagnosed so early combined with me naturally being more self-aware than average is likely part of what's coming into play here. I have no issues admitting that I'm a callous, insensitive, unempathetic, charming, lying, manipulative, cunning, remorseless, cold-hearted, etc *****. Someone like your mother would not like admitting to any of the aforementioned, I'd imagine.

Who are these people bullying you and attacking you?

Do you think that perhaps not knowing who to trust is in part because you're not sure if you can trust yourself?

I tried cutting and pasting but it didn't work, so I'll just answer here.

I believe the people who personally attack me have undiagnosed and untreated mental illness. I believe they are projecting onto me. I know my own mother did that, so I am quite sure strangers could easily do that.

I think that I don't trust people because I have PTSD and I'm hyper vigilant, not because I don't trust myself. There are very few people who have shown themselves to be trustworthy. I have an exacting standard of honesty.

What is shocking to me is to discover my mother might be a psychopath. I saw borderline and narcissistic traits in her, but psychopathy takes it up a notch I wasn't expecting.

But who are these people? You haven't specified. Regardless though, there are a lot of people out there who would qualify for some sort of diagnosis and probably would benefit from treatment... except they don't go that route, and take out their misery on everyone around them.

How honest does someone have to be to meet your standard?

Female psychopaths tend to present a bit differently than their male counterparts. I've noticed that females are harder to identify, as their psychopathic traits can hide in the guise of some other cluster B personality disorder.

These are people on the internet and people I know in real life. I don't think its so important who they are, I think its important what they do: launch personal attacks, make totally inappropriate remarks, judge. I was thinking about this, here's why they're so toxic and you're not: you know what you are, what you can do, how you think and are open about it. These people are in total denial about what they are doing.
You hit the nail on the head earlier when you alluded to emotional sensitivity. Yes, I'm a highly sensitive person. That is what they prey upon, but now that I know that, I can turn that around back on to them.

People like that are a dime a dozen and obnoxious as ****. I think such individuals would do well with a real look in the mirror(this is also known as competent therapy).

I can only be myself. I've learned from a lifetime of lying that said lying isn't always the most satisfying way to interact with others. So sometimes, I lower my mask. I am aware of myself in a way these people aren't. I know who and what I am and all the implications thereof.

Denial is a way to slowly kill anyone's mind. There's so many ways to die that don't involve a physical death at all.

I can tell you're very emotionally sensitive. But that very sensitivity can indeed be your best weapon in dealing with people like this who are trying to prey upon you.

Thank you, I enjoy the conversation. Its been helpful.

My therapist is trying to get me to not react, to slow down, to ask questions when people start insulting me, to pause when agitated, which is a basic recovery principle, however since I'm not a real alcoholic I need to hear it from a therapist for it to stick. I'll let you know if this week goes better then last week. She told me to cut down on my internet chats and to slow down on my response time on internet forums, as well as to phone calls, text messages, etc. She says I have no idea if the person I am interacting with is in an unmedicated hypomanic state. She's right. I never thought about that before.
We will see if I get told I'm dominating this week (or some other insult), which will give me an opportunity to ask that person why they say that.

You're welcome.

Asking questions to people who insult you drives them insane if you do it enough times. It infuriates them because they can't just insult you more. Asking questions, depending on how you do it, can make someone **** off pretty fast.

If you pay attention to my posts around this forum and the NPD forum you'll notice that I sneak in questions in many discussions. There are several reasons why I do that.

I appreciate that.
Its going to be interesting to see if anyone on the internet insults me this week. When people in my real life insult me I confront them directly. I can't do that when an anonymous stranger on the internet insults me.
My therapist also wants me to stop blocking people when they upset me, which is going to be even harder, and she's not just talking about people on the internet. My daughter told me the same thing, mom, just ignore them. The ironic thing is she uses marijuana to block her emotions, so she's being a hypocrite. She and I are quite a pair.

What PD do you think is an accurate diagnosis for yourself, Leo? If you don't mind me asking.

Not fleas, or what your family has themselves.

I no longer have the dx of a PD, Valentina. Do you think I have one?

I am very curious, would you prefer everyone be homogenized and simular? Would the world make more sense to you then?

you've officially caught my interest

Hi,
I'd like your option if you think my husband has antisocial personality/psychopathic traits. I've read your reply's and think you'd be very helpful, if of course you wouldn't mind answering me? Thank you!

My husband:
43 year-old ( has a bit of a drinking problem) from Ireland, was abused severely by his father ( he NEVER told me this, his brother's and sister have, I guess my husband got it the worst, his father is very narcissistic himself.

*husbsand loves to make people uncomfortable by getting a rise out of them whenever he enters the room

*Lies constantly and trust me he could win an Oscar.
*loves to project, gaslight me, tells me I'm bipolar, puts me down to others and makes me out like I have competition with them.
*everytime he gets "Mad" it's so fake and puts on a fake tantrum and could laugh and give me thousands of dollars later if asked for it. Just a lack of empathy in general.
* will constantly question me if our son has "eaten enough" he knows that drives me crazy, our son is a healthy toddler, yet my husband loves to make me as a bad mother and compares me to other mothers we know.
*picks apart what he says are my faults. And if we are getting along fine, he makes sure he destroys it by taunting me about unrealistic things that he knows will get me riled up, and laughs at that. He truly gets off on it.
* extremely self-serving. Does what he wants at all times and doesn't care who it effects.
* has and attachment disrorder. I could go on and on. Is any of this behavior familiar with you? Does he qualify? I'd really appreciate your input.

Thanks so much