unrelenting panic

so as many of you know I suffer greatly from panic and anxiety and fear of aging and dying

and no meds help me and therapy doesn't either and I have no one around and I cannot function well

I struggle every second

well, today, I made myself go to a bikram yoga class and I was panicky and anxious the entire time

I thought I was going to die from a heart attack for 90 minutes

Afterwards I met some nice people and talked and it felt good, i felt better

It is supposed to be very beneficial and healing and calming

I sat in the lounge area a long time because I did not want to come home to my empty house and lonely life of fear

So of course on the way home I experienced the anxiety again because all the issues of my life came flooding back to me which are the perpetuators of my anxiety

I don't know how to remove these stresses from my life because no matter what I do to cope or help me, these things and people will never go away

I want to just go and run away to someplace and leave everything and everyone behind

I want to keep going to yoga but I am afraid of my anxiety and panic and about aging and dying while doing it but I need it

Yes, it isn't removal that's possible, it's acceptance, coming to peace with them.

You did something very positive today. That is so good!
Try not to lose sight of the good that you felt even if briefly. Feeling good shows that this is something helpful. If you feel too anxious during yoga, you can push throught it or take a restroom break.

what made me really anxious is that I have some chest pain and my heart was beating fast so i was scared the entire time

and now i am afraid to go back but I so want to

It is definitely hard, but sometimes you have to push yourself a little to help, even when it hurts. The fact that you want to go and that going in some way helped you is a good reason to push yourself to go again. Eventually, the pain that you feel from being there may stop.

I had the same issue when I first started taking sewing classes. I was deathly afraid, but I really wanted to do it so I went. After a couple of sessions, I got better. I had to force myself to get up and go (early, nonetheless or I'd be afraid of walking in late, too) and I felt wonderful while there and crappy after it was all over.

I think it's a matter of giving yourself small doses of social interaction until you can tolerate that much, and then hopefully increasing those doses of interaction over time. But you have to keep in mind that you're not just getting a negative experience, but a GOOD one as well.

Isn't that a clue? Not that you can find nice people whenever you want to, but... it is a clue to what you need, don't you think?

I am terrified of going to the class again because I keep thinking what if i die what if i die what if i die and I can feel myself dying

because my heart pounds, i get anxiety and chest pain and dizzy and the heat is suffocating

they keep the room at 105 it is hot yoga so you sweat

Feary,

What are you doing is wishing the emotions will go away. But they will not. They are shouting in your ears (mind actually) - I think I am going to die (or grow old). And you are just putting fingers in ears, wishing them away. They feel ignored and they shout louder and you then dig your fingers deeper into your ears wondering why this is happening to you.

Remember, they are not your enemies, they are part of you. You are treating them like terrorists bent on destroying you. But they are "you" as much as your "rational part".

The key to lessen the anxiety is not ignoring it (and hoping it will go away), but trying to understand it. Did you ask your feelings why do they fear that you will die? Growing old is normal, but ask them why they fear you growing old. The more you understand, the closer you will get to the solution.

Do this exercise: Sit with a writing pad and write whatever they are telling you. First the language will be abusive because you have been ignoring them for so long (it's equivalent to asking a child to shut up whenever she talks, for years). Try to understand why they are saying what they are saying, ask them why they fear what they fear.
Just this exercise alone will lessen your anxiety, I promise.

In time. It takes time. It does work, though!

wow this is extremely helpful and it makes so much sense

I wish my therapists had done this or anything close to it with me

Despite my extreme anxiety about going, I went again to the bikram yoga class yesterday for the second time and I love it

I was going to go again today but I have such extreme soreness and pain that I can hardly move

but you are supposed to go every day I think?

I thought it would make me feel better the next day but I felt so panicky and depressed and everything again

I swear something else is going on in my body causing this because no matter what I try it really does not let up

but I had a thorough checkup with thyroid, heart, numerous blood tests etc and it mostly came back ok except for low vitamin D, somewhat higher cholesterol and low iron but nothing else that would explain the constant panic and impending doom feelings

I'm just so confused

I know exactly how you feel feary! So much so that when I first read your post I had to leave because it made me so emotional. Please know that you are not alone and that I admire you for going to the class again.

Hang in there!

I don't know about yoga but I do my exercise routine only every other day. Less boring that way, for one thing.

I applaud your courage for trying. Keep taking steps, baby steps, crawl, anything that perpetuates your momentum toward your goals. I know how difficult it can be walking around in concrete shoes. I will be rooting for you, and if you need a little push of encouragement, stop by.

i'm going to live and die this way

there's no way to overcome a severe fear of dying and depression over aging

i have never heard of anyone getting over it

my life is doomed

every damn day I do things that terrify thinking it may help to push through the fear and every day I get worse

now i am so close to ending things because I JUST SEE NO HOPE AT ALL

I have -- so now you have heard of someone.

Hey, feary, I think there are a lot of people with a fear of dying. See if this helps any?

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-st...do-761623.html

Your last post disturbed me. You must have family and friends that can support you.
We have all had suicidal thoughts at one time or another. The thing is, PC has so many people that care. It was brave of you just to share your story. When we share our stories we help others in the process. Thanks people for so many good ideas for dealing with anxiety.
Feary.....keep going to yoga.Things will get brighter for you the more you go.
You have made that first hurdle. Keep it up.

Things just get worse

It's like I keep getting signs that confirm my life is over

I was having a usual crappy terrifying morning and could not wake up to take care of my kids so my mom was

I was suffering from my usual panic

then finally forced myself to get up and take care of them

so I went to bathe my daughter and did not realize she spilled water on the floor

as I walked in to get her I slipped horribly and my foot slammed into the cabinet and now my two toes are bent and broken

So I won't be able to do any exercise or yoga which helps for 6 weeks

And so I will fall deeper into this darkness

I don't care if no one responds

i am just losing my mind

i am having such a horrible time with this anxiety and depression and fear of aging and dying

i can feel it all happening

i have to worry about it because it is going to happen

I have two small kids but because my psycho ex filed for custody they are with him half the time and I cannot cope because i have no life without them and i can't get one because i am terrified every second

i try so much i really do but there just is no relief

I can't stop missing my youth and past and wanting to go back

not intentionally but it is automatic and intrusive memories

i am falling apart

every part of me i see myself aging and it scares me

my heart feels like it will explode and i will die soon

i am just mentally tortured every second

i feel extremely low about myself

i beg people in screaming desperation to please help me and do something because i cannot anymore and am paralyzed and frozen in fear but they do nothing and just repeatedly say everything will be fine

but it won't

i have two kids to raise and all i do is panic and worry about the smallest things even

my 62 year old mother is fully living fearlessly and very functional and i am completely debilitated

this divorce and custody killed me

and i was doing yoga and feeling better but now this injury and it took away the one thing that helped me

i don't want to live haunted by my death and aging every second

i want to be normal

i look at myself and i feel disgusted and just want to remove myself from my body and mind

i am going to a depression center but they don't care and it takes so long there and i don't have time

my kids will be starting school and i need to prepare for them and not fear death

but i am terrified it is going to happen soon- i am 100% convinced

i know i will never be normal again

but i all i want is to be the way i was

Pachy has overcome it and I have overcome it, I guarrantee you there will be hundreds of others who have posted and others who probably have never posted who have overcome it too. Mine hit me in my teenage years went away and then came back in my 30's.

Everyday you get through it! it is not getting worse but better you just are unable to recognise it feary. Keep posting and getting it out of your system, the more you post the more it is out not inside you. Just keep going feary we are here with you

thank you.

my mind has fallen apart but now my body is too

I have severe pain all over and breaking two toes does not allow me to do anything

god, all i want is to take care of my children

i wish i could let go of my abusive ex but it is like i am under some kind of spell with him

i need to do some exercise but i can't

just lying around and sitting is too difficult

When I fell i fell straight on my lower back so now my entire back and neck and shoulders and arms are hurting too

I have a two year old active daughter and how am i supposed to watch her take her to her gymnastics class or anything

OW! Falling on the lower back will make the whole muscular system spasm and you will need massage to help the spams to subside.

That will also relax you, personally I think you should have regular massage it would do you a lot of good....

Thinking of you feary, you are not alone even though you can't see us we are with you

oh my god i am freaking out so much

my life is over destroyed

this divorce has killed me

my mind is completely destroyed

every thought i think is corrupt

i can't live waiting expecting thinking about my aging and dying every second and dreading life every second

i have no life no friends no job nothing and I can't get it

I am traumatized by this shared custody and being all alone

and now broken my toes so I cannot do anything

and my house is for sale so these damn showings are torture for me to get the house ready constantly

I can't even brush my teeth for gods sake how do I raise two kids take care of the house or do anything

and no one give me any comfort whatsoever they just repeat coldly like a broken record that this will go away i will be fine

there's no solution no way out no cure no relief

my life is ruined and i have to see everyone around living normally like i used to and everything has been stolen from me

there is no hope at all

I cannot face aging

I cannot cope

I hate the stretch marks, sagging skin, ugly body, fat, drooping, acne, wrinkles everything is there and getting worse

I cannot be well ever being aware of aging and dying