Anxiety creeping its ugly face again

There was a post a few months back from Nerak regarding loud noises you hear in your head when your on the brink of sleep. I was at the hotel today and was trying to get some much needed rest because I barely slept at all last night and just as I was about to drift off I heard this loud bang or like something big exploded. I jolted awake and looked around the room. It took me a minute to realize that it was in my head. It scared me.

Like I said I was in the hotel trying to sleep as hubby went over to his sisters house to clean the cars because they have not been cleaned since we have been here. I have to be honest and say that I was quite anxious about being alone. I am not so sure why. I was never anxious about being alone before but now I was afraid. I guess being in a strange hotel in a strange city is partly the reason.

I ended up drifting off to sleep and I had weird dreams the entire time I slept. I mean really off the wall, disturbing dreams. I wont go into it now because I really do not want to trigger anyone but trust me when I say, they were weird. I know that these dreams are not real but somehow upon waking, they seems to stick with me for a while and thus making me very anxious and nervous.

I know that I have lots going on that contributes to my anxiety but I am trying to stay on top of it. Talking about it and stuff. I guess that is why I am posting this now. Sometimes, anxiety makes me feel so alone. It manifests itself in many forms. Thoughts, fears, weather justified or not, anxiety is hell and it plain out sucks!!!!

Well, I guess that is all I have to say. Just needed to put my thoughts and feelings out there. Thanks for listening once again.


Love,


Jen

(((((((((((JMO)))))))))))))

Jen,

You have done so well, dealing with you're house move and sleeping in an unfamilar hotel room, in a new city. You are so brave!

I agree completely about the anxiety, that is my issue as well. Over the years I have gradually learned to treat all the anxiety phenomena as a kind of slide show, it's not me, it's an illness. I'm bigger than the anxiety, and you are too.

If it's not too familiar, I would like to say that I'm proud of you.

Peaceful thoughts, M

PS - I love your cartoon baby - is it like the one in Ally McBeal?

((((((((((((((Myzen)))))))))))))))

Thank you friend for your kind words. Yes, being in unfamilier territory is new for me. I had lived in VA, in the same general area since I was 5 and I am now 32 so nearly my whole life. I knew all my surroundings, most of the people and went to school there as well so every aspect of my world was "safe" for me. Comfortable.

I guess, well I knew on some level that this move would be a test of sorts for me. To move away from my comfort zone and branch out. It is something that I needed to do and something that I wanted to do as well. I guess, in time I will get familier with things and feel a little more comfortable. Also, I think it will be alot easier once the family and I move into the house also.

I know that deep in my heart, this move was the best thing for us. Even though I miss home, my mother, my friends. I know that it was time for me to live, to see more, to gain more confidence in myself and start a whole new chapter in my life. I guess I can not expect it to go off with out a few snags. Anxiety......I hate what it does to me.

Anyway, I have been ranting and raving so that's all for now.

Take care dear Myzen. So glad to hear from you again.

Love and hugs,


Jen


P.S. Yes, it is the baby from Ally McBeal.

jen, after i've bounced around, with my plans...i'm definitely moving to Texas in December. so, if you want to, i'll show you around. it's a very short drive from Austin to SA...i'm really proud of how you're handling your move. hang in there....pat

Pat!!!!!!!

That would be great. We drove through Austin on the way in and it was so beautiful. We will definitly get together.



Hugs,


Jen

How are you feeling today, have you been able to get smoother sleep?

Take it easy Jen, I know how it is...but take it easy

{{{{{{{{{{{{Jen}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I know what you're going through. I'm waiting to move myself and have had to get involved with the remodel of my new mobile because I've felt that I've been getting manipulated. The panic attacks are back, the dizziness and short windedness and migraines. It sure makes me angry that it's so hard to cope with everyday things that anyone else could just take in stride. When any of that stuff starts, it's a sign for me to take a step back and rest.

I can only imagine what's it's like living in a hotel day in and day out... although the maid service and not having to cook would be such a treat! I'd say I'll trade ya but you would want to be in my shoes even less!

What I do when the anxiety starts is remind myself "that's what it is" then I go about my business... unless, of course, if my bed insists on calling to me. If I resist a couple of times and it doesn't work, I stop fighting it and just take a nap.

Lately, I've been having trouble sleeping so I took an OTC sleep aid. I was a zombie for a couple of days! It made me mad, but hubby made me feel better telling me that I'm not young anymore and making up one night's sleep takes more than one night now. LOL It sure does!

Anyway... you're not alone. There's someone else out here going through the same "moving anxiety."

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SeptemberMorn said:
What I do when the anxiety starts is remind myself "that's what it is" then I go about my business...

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That's a very wise attitude, September; the anxiety always presents as if it's something new that we can't deal with, but it isn't - it's the same old same old.

Good point.

Cheers, M

Hi everyone

Yes, I agree that it's normal and human to feel anxious - all part of life's rich tapestry!

I usually feel worried most of the time so that when I recently had a dental emergency, I was almost relieved that I had something concrete to grab onto and worry about instead of my usual useless angst, and kept thinking, 'As soon as this is sorted out I'll be happy, honestly I will'.

But am I? What is happiness anyway? Anyone know? Is it just a lack of anxiety?

Cheers, JuneB

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I recently had a dental emergency, I was almost relieved that I had something concrete to grab onto and worry about instead of my usual useless angst...

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June, IMO, the key word in your statement is USELESS angst. But I know very well, the feeling of being able to grab onto something concrete to worry about!

I heard once the difference between feeling happy and feeling joy. Happiness happens with "happenings," (momentary); joy comes from having peace of mind, which is more lasting.

Our brain's system go awry and doesn't produce the right amount of the hormones to allow us to feel these feelings. "Useless" anxiety is a symptom of this. We need to learn to recognize the symptoms of our illness so we can better cope with them. "Useless" anxiety is ONLY a symptom of an illness; a part of the whole, NOT the whole. The illness of Anxiety is only a part of who you are, NOT the whole of who you are. It doesn't define you as a person.

Thanks you guys. I am feeling better today. I still have my moments of intense anxiety but as you said Tomi, I try to remind myself that it is just the anxiety. I took a nice long nap today which was really nice. I havent done that in a while. I have just been running from place to place trying to get things situated and completed.

Yesterday was my middle daughters 13th birthday and we had a wonderful relaxing dinner and it was nice. We had to waiters sing Happy Birthday and she was so embarressed. It was funny. We got her an electric guitar and amp. She loves music so much. She plays the keyboard now. She can play by ear and that to me is amazing. Anyway, I guess I will go for now. I will keep you posted. I am just really tired of this hotel and worrying if I am gonna get the kids to school on time. Thats another thing. I am worried about the kids. They say they are doing fine and they enjoy their new schools but I know on some level they have to be feeling something. Ya know?

Thanks for your replies. Love to all of you.



Hugs,


Jen

i know you'll be so glad to get into your new home. i'm very excited about moving down to T. school starts, for me, the 27th. i have to step up, then.

i bet your children are doing okay. it's fun to be in a new city and SA is so different and has the different ethinic vibe going. have you had mexican food yet?

Yes Pat!!

That was one of the first things I set out to do was to get some mexican food. It's my favorite. It was so good, I went back to the resturant 4 more times. LOL. There is definitly an ethnic vibe happening here and I LOVE IT. I mean, all of this takes my breath away at times. It's so nice here and I feel like a kid with wide eyes. LOL

I know things will calm down a bit once I get in the house. I just have to stay as calm as I can. Honestly, I think I am handling it pretty well considering the circumstances so in a way I am a little proud of myself. I havent used my Ativan in a while and that to me is an accomplishment. I am trying to handle things without the drugs if I can. I mean, I am still taking my effexor but just havent been taking my ativan or ambien.


Hugs,

Jen