[fleury1991]

Ok so I went to a Social anxiety meeting last night and what I couldnt understand is how people let there irrational thoughts control there life.. I hate being anxious thats why I decided to change my life and get help. Basically my question is, is why people decide to just accept it instead of treating it, and not being anxious? sounds like a better life to me.. Just thoughts..

[sundog]

Hi fleury. In my case - and I suspect for some others too - it seems that my anxiety is not that easy to treat. I've had tons of therapy and I take an anti-depressant, yet I still have frequent unpleasant physical sensations of anxiety. With me it's not so much my thoughts, it's how I FEEL in my body. My body feels tense and anxious and overdone a lot of the time, even if I'm not thinking anxious thoughts (though, clearly, there is a strong connection between thoughts and feelings).

That's not to say it's all hopeless, just to make the point that for some people, Anxiety Disorders can be very deeply-engrained and hard to treat. It's great you are having success in your treatment. Good for you!!

Originally Posted by fleury1991

is why people decide to just accept it instead of treating it

I don't think people understand that it isn't the norm to be so anxious all the time and if they don't see it as a problem then why would they look for treatment?

It's so sad reading through people's posts seeing how many years they've suffered before realising they have a problem and then waiting even longer before asking for help.

[fleury1991]

true, As soon as I found out I starting making phone calls. And sundog maybe you need not therapy but learn yourself how to love yourself, to relax, and to let go of your emotions? thats helped. When you go to a therapist your label as "anxious" or some sort of anxiety prob, Ive noticed when I labeled myself as OCD or SAD it only made me more anxious.. Also thinking about the current and not the past nor future helps too.. I dunno, maybe that link I shared with you works for you? give it a shot

Originally Posted by fleury1991

true, When you go to a therapist your label as "anxious" or some sort of anxiety prob, Ive noticed when I labeled myself as OCD or SAD it only made me more anxious..

Excellent point. Labelling with scary tags like "Disorder" 'Disability' and 'Disfunction' can make one feel worse and possibly unable to help oneself.

So, from hereonin I will have none of the above tags attached to me anymore and instead I choose to have 'Situations' which I'm working through.

Feeling more in control already.

[Perna]

What look to us as irrational thoughts do not necessarily look like that to the person experiencing them. We can't judge another's life, what makes "sense" in that life based on what makes sense in ours.

I could not sleep when my husband was away on business trips because I felt that "bad guys" were going to break into the house at any moment. I was hyper aware of the settling sounds the house made and listening for doors or windows opening and afraid to go down into the basement lest I find someone breaking into the sliding glass door down there.

My head knew that it wasn't any more likely that someone would break in when my husband was away than when he was home or on X night rather than Y, but the "experience" of what I was feeling was different from what I was thinking.

I was in therapy at the time, and am smarter than the average bear but that didn't help me get to sleep. "Deciding" not to let it get the best of me was an intellectual decision and there were many days I had to go to work the next day very short on sleep or call in "sick". It was a long hard struggle in therapy (9 years) with what was "really" bothering me and some creative makeshift physical changes that helped in this one instance, in the end, but I'm not sure everyone "could" do what I did in their own situations.

[venusss]

I don't know how spiritual are you... but for me it... it helps me greatly to create mental shield around myself (and expand my aura). I relax and than I imagine creating a space about twelve inches around my body in which I reside.

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by Perna

My head knew that it wasn't any more likely that someone would break in when my husband was away than when he was home or on X night rather than Y, but the "experience" of what I was feeling was different from what I was thinking.

Indeed. Those chemicals or synaptic firings which may be left over from past experiences can seem to be present-day reality so closely that one does not know what is true or what is not. Not so easy just to "decide" to change.

[Perna]

It works both ways; I had lived alone for 13 years before I married my husband and hadn't been afraid and could remember that experience and add it in the "plus" column for "ignoring" what I felt over what I "knew" to be true. Sometimes the head "wins" and sometimes the feelings The trick is to try to get them working together, to stop the battling.

[sundog]

Originally Posted by pachyderm

Indeed. Those chemicals or synaptic firings which may be left over from past experiences can seem to be present-day reality so closely that one does not know what is true or what is not. Not so easy just to "decide" to change.

Well said! In the same way that it's not reasonable to tell someone with clinical depression that all they need to do is "think positive", so, it's not reasonable to tell someone who has sought treatment for anxiety, phobias and panic attacks for decades that all they have to do is decide to get better. For some people - myself included!! - it's a long, hard slog with many setbacks.

More power to people who get better more quickly. I mean that very sincerely!!

Hugs to all!

[fleury1991]

I think some ppl need to change there thinking, instead of thinking its going to be a long process, why not believe you can better faster? you just set doubts..

[LittleDora]

Originally Posted by fleury1991

Basically my question is, is why people decide to just accept it instead of treating it, and not being anxious? sounds like a better life to me.. Just thoughts..

Well this might not be the case for others but I believe I suffer from anxiety, and that I have for the past 5 years.Though I only realised it recently because I didn't know it was something that can be treated.I thought it was just a part of my personality.

Of course I say believe because I still didn't get any proffesional help.I'm still only a teen and when I proposed the idea to my parents they thought I was making it up and that I was doing it to get out of school, chores or what not.Just as an excuse for skipping school.
Sadly enough, they still have the same opinion and will not listen to reason.

This is why I even joined the site.I thought getting some advise from people here, seeing their experiences and how they delt with it would help out.And it actualy does.. a little.

[lavieenrose]

@ littledora: "when I proposed the idea to my parents they thought I was making it up and that I was doing it to get out of school, chores or what not.Just as an excuse for skipping school."

I was in first grade when teachers noticed my hanging back from other kids, seeming fearful. My mother refused to come in for a meeting, saying, "Nothing's wrong with my daughter". She felt too threatened, afraid the spotlight might be turned on her. So, I never got the help. Anxiety has been a major problem ever since age 7. It's prevented lasting intimacy and career success. I applaud your efforts to explore the problem at this website and any other avenues on your own, if your parents will not or cannot for their own emotional reasons give validity to your experiences. You know what is true for you. There is help out there. Best wishes.

I also agree with others that it's not simply a matter of deciding to change and voila, success. It's damn hard. I've tried a lot. I do find that I have to watch my "self-talk", though. I can easily convince myself that things are much worse than they are, and whip myself up into a frenzy. This is a great thread. Thanks.

[LittleDora]

Originally Posted by lavieenrose

Anxiety has been a major problem ever since age 7. It's prevented lasting intimacy and career success. I applaud your efforts to explore the problem at this website and any other avenues on your own, if your parents will not or cannot for their own emotional reasons give validity to your experiences. You know what is true for you. There is help out there. Best wishes.

I know what you mean, it's been lasting for about five years for me (give or take a month), though my parents were convinced that since it occured in my teen years that it's a normal part of growing up.Even the school councler proposed I took theraphy or similar, but again, ''it's a part of growing up'' - or so they say.I wish that was true though, because it would mean that in a few years it would pass away.

Still, I'm grateful for your words and I hope with time it'll be easier for you to deal with it as well. I myself have a tendancy of ''attaching myself'' to a cretain person for some time.Simply by being around someone close to you (Ex.: A friend/family member/partner?) it's a little easier to be around them and makes you feel safer, or at least me. Perhaps that may work for you too.Naturaly it doesn't prevent you from feeling anxious, but you feel a little safer.

[muncie]

Originally Posted by Perna

Sometimes the head "wins" and sometimes the feelings The trick is to try to get them working together, to stop the battling.

with myself, it's almost like a second party steps into the picture - the evil, threatening thoughts vs. the good, positive thoughts. The battle rages on. Luckily, I have a good support system, without it???????

[sunsetsunrise]

Originally Posted by LittleDora

Well this might not be the case for others but I believe I suffer from anxiety, and that I have for the past 5 years.Though I only realised it recently because I didn't know it was something that can be treated.I thought it was just a part of my personality.

Of course I say believe because I still didn't get any proffesional help.I'm still only a teen and when I proposed the idea to my parents they thought I was making it up and that I was doing it to get out of school, chores or what not.Just as an excuse for skipping school.
Sadly enough, they still have the same opinion and will not listen to reason.

This is why I even joined the site.I thought getting some advise from people here, seeing their experiences and how they delt with it would help out.And it actualy does.. a little.

Hi Little Dora
So glad you are here. I am very impressed with your strength to not just stuff or hide the situation. To really keep reaching out. Thats very strong of you. Even if you may not realize it. Would it be possible for you to talk to a school counseller? I want you to get help. Every kid who needs help should get it. My parents needed to be in denial also. I needed help that I did not get. Well I got some, but not nearly enough. So please keep up the quest of finding a way to get help. never ever give up. Because if you give up. No matter what. Thanks for being such a great example of how kids sometimes are smarter than their parents.

[LittleDora]

Hello.
I apprecite what you said, but sadly enough the school councler can't really do anything about it.At least here - a school councler has up to three purposes.Carrying papers for the teachers/proffesors, breaking up fights, and calling for parents when a child is either misbehaving, hurt or possibly having a period of low grades.
As for stuffing the situation well it's a really hard thing to do, at least I see it that way.Going to school was a terror for me, expecialy once we moved, so I ended up skipping for a short period of time. (The best part is, I didn't even realise that much time has passed..) Naturaly when my step-mother came to school she was angry, but she got it in her head that all which was happened were excuses.Though I think it would be a little normal to think that if a (once) straight A student is struggling to pass the year at all now, something's wrong. :l

In either case, I appreciate the support and hopefully, things will get better as time passes. ^^ Not everything can remain black and white for eternaty.I just hope that by the time things get a little better for me, they do for others here too.It seems alot of people have the same or even worse problems.

[sunsetsunrise]

Originally Posted by LittleDora

Hello.
I apprecite what you said, but sadly enough the school councler can't really do anything about it.At least here - a school councler has up to three purposes.Carrying papers for the teachers/proffesors, breaking up fights, and calling for parents when a child is either misbehaving, hurt or possibly having a period of low grades.
As for stuffing the situation well it's a really hard thing to do, at least I see it that way.Going to school was a terror for me, expecialy once we moved, so I ended up skipping for a short period of time. (The best part is, I didn't even realise that much time has passed..) Naturaly when my step-mother came to school she was angry, but she got it in her head that all which was happened were excuses.Though I think it would be a little normal to think that if a (once) straight A student is struggling to pass the year at all now, something's wrong. :l

In either case, I appreciate the support and hopefully, things will get better as time passes. ^^ Not everything can remain black and white for eternaty.I just hope that by the time things get a little better for me, they do for others here too.It seems alot of people have the same or even worse problems.

Well Dora, I can see that this is one difficult situation, for sure. I had one more thought. Please excuse me if I am a suggesting fool.... and dare I say, a pita But if there ever was a lot of drinking by anyone, past or present, in your family ( even if you are no longer living with them) then you might like to try going to alateen. Thats a great support community. Maybe you will find someone somewhere who will know of other places where kids just can sort of go for support and community. The important thing is that you have a very strong core. Even with the anxiety you deal with. I can hear it in your words. I am sorry though that you are in a bad situation right now. I am very glad you are here.

[sunsetsunrise]

Originally Posted by VenusHalley

I don't know how spiritual are you... but for me it... it helps me greatly to create mental shield around myself (and expand my aura). I relax and than I imagine creating a space about twelve inches around my body in which I reside.

yes yes yes yes. I learned to do that, and more, years ago.

[LittleDora]

@Sunsetsunrise

I have no choice but to live with my father and step-mother for 3 more years, since I'm only 15. (Legal adult age here for everything including a drvers licence and drinking is 18.) My father does drink quite a bit but how should i put this, I don't put too much care on it? He's never been too agressive, and the only one he harms is himself.If that's what he wants, then it's his own problem.He can stop, he has before.He just doesn't want to.

Anyways, I'm neither from America or the UK, so what ever organization Alateen might be, we don't have it here.The best treatment I can get for my problem is coucling once a week. (I know, because I've actualy asked someone who is getting theraphy.) Not to mention that a child or not, I have to pay for it.I can not afford anything on my own and honestly the helth support (at least in my State/Croatia) is horrible.This is why despite my parents saying no to the idea of councling, I didn't push too much into it.I'd rather do my best to solve it over this or not at all.

As a child I repetedly ended up at the school counclers office, for any problem I might have had as we were told to do by her.And realised it's really pointless.The best she does is tells us to think positive, deal with it, and then tells our parents the same.Now from a 17 year old friend who's suffering from schizophrenia, the news I heard about the Therapists were no better.

He recieved a bottle of pills a month, goes there once a week, wastes money and gets nothing out of it. I highly prefer watching what people say, and asking them for advise, since unlike the T's here, they are actualy going to people to help them.And even better, going through the same or at least similar problems like myself.
------------------
Though i do have to say that my councler ''forced'' my parents to give me a single (free) trip to a psyhologist so we'll see how that ends up soon enough. :L

[thinkstoomuch]

Originally Posted by VenusHalley

I don't know how spiritual are you... but for me it... it helps me greatly to create mental shield around myself (and expand my aura). I relax and than I imagine creating a space about twelve inches around my body in which I reside.

I like your approach, it reflects the power and importance of spiritual healing.

[lavieenrose]

I'm often wondering, maybe foolishly, what is and is not within my control, as factors in my suffering. There are times when I think that I invent most of my problems through habitual thinking patterns and deeply ingrained negative beliefs about myself and my life, that I'm helpless, hopeless, undeserving of love, money, satisfying work, etc. If I keep repeating these mantras, then I keep getting more scarcity. But, it's enormously hard to change my beliefs after 55 years. BUT then I think, THAT is another story I tell myself. Then, there's the neurochemical component (unchanged by any drug I've tried). I spend way too much time in this unproductive obsessive loop.

[lavieenrose]

I have at times been helped by Vipassana meditation and listening to dharma talks by teachers. I love dharmaseed.org, free lectures to download or stream on all kinds of topics. It's soothing to me, when my anxiety goes through the roof.

[sundog]

Originally Posted by lavieenrose

I'm often wondering, maybe foolishly, what is and is not within my control, as factors in my suffering. There are times when I think that I invent most of my problems through habitual thinking patterns and deeply ingrained negative beliefs about myself and my life, that I'm helpless, hopeless, undeserving of love, money, satisfying work, etc. If I keep repeating these mantras, then I keep getting more scarcity. But, it's enormously hard to change my beliefs after 55 years. BUT then I think, THAT is another story I tell myself. Then, there's the neurochemical component (unchanged by any drug I've tried). I spend way too much time in this unproductive obsessive loop.

This is EXACTLY the same thing that I wonder. Over and over again.....It's really good to talk to some older people about this. It definitely makes a difference if you've been thinking a certain way for, let's say, decades....THANK YOU for expressing this so well (((((((lavieenrose)))))

Also, what I find is, that lately, it's not so much my thoughts that are the problem as the way my BODY reacts physically (though, obviously, it's all inter-connected). By that I mean that I often feel extreme "malaise" in my body. And it's that which, in turn, makes me start having anxious thoughts.

It's extremely hard to do certain things if you feel physically unwell. So I go to the doctor, and the doctor runs some basic tests and then tells me it's all "just anxiety". And then I wonder, to what extent is that really true???? And that's another obsessive loop I get stuck in!!!

And, more to the point, what can I do about it?? If your body is causing you problems it's very hard to "think" your way out of it. I mean, just as an example, let's say you have a stomach bug. You can't just tell yourself you're fine and get on with things. But what if the anxiety makes you feel like you have a stomach bug?? In other words, you're so anxious that you feel nauseous and may actually vomit. Even if it's "just anxiety", the physical manifestation is the same as if you had a stomach bug, and there isn't much you can do about it. Or is there?!???!!

I hope that isn't too confusing to follow!!!!

[lavieenrose]

((((Sundog)))) That wasn't at all confusing. It was very clear. I know it's frustrating. It's so hard to be in a state of unease, whether emotional or physical distress. Now and then, I remember that, though I hate what's coming up for me in the moment, e.g. feeling like an outsider, incapable of love, it will eventually shift, and that there will be other future moments of feeling connected to others. It breaks the delusion that I'm always cut off from others.

I was in a very painful state a little while ago, not appreciating that I am a newcomer here, and that others have known each other longer. Then, I came across your response to me above, and the spell was broken, (at least for now), along with the crazy idea that I never touch anyone, that I have no impact on anyone. So, thank you.