Morning Anxiety

Every morning, more or less without exception, I wake up tied in knots. Hot flashes, tight chest, pounding heart, it can all be there the moment I wake up. I start doing what has to be done to get ready for work and take the kids to school but the anxiety is already there. Some mornings I'll actually throw up (happens at least a few times a week).

So my question is, how do you fight morning anxiety? You can't exactly pop Lorazepam before you even open your eyes and I can't relax more than I was when I was unconscious (which apparently didn't help much).

So does anyone else deal with this? Any advice?

Cyran0

Hi Cyrano,

I really feel for you and I can definitely relate to this. It is pretty baffling to wake up from sleep and immediately feel those intense physical feelings of anxiety, even before any conscious thought takes place, and even when you know you didn't just have a nightmare. I go through periods where this happens to me. And I also have phases where I get unpleasant physical feelings of anxiety, such as the ones you describe here, when I get into bed at night. Some of the worst panic attacks I've ever had have happened in my own bed when I wake up suddenly in the middle of the night feeling like I'm about to die. Then again, panic can strike me at pretty much any random time of day or night.

With the anxiety on waking, I find that it usually helps if I get up right away, rather than lying there dwelling on how unpleasant the feelings are. Even though the feelings don't necessarily go away when I get up, at least I'm more distracted. The worst situation for me is when I get up, but I feel really ill. That makes it very hard to continue with my day, but, on the other hand, the last place I want to go is back to bed because there's no peace to be found there.

I just try and ride it out as best I can. And remind myself that the worst of it will pass. Part of my problem has always been that I react to the unpleasant feelings with more panic. I'm really working hard on that. The physical symptoms of anxiety are bad enough without me adding fuel to the fire with my thoughts.

For me it's important to try and reduce my overall level of stress and anxiety. My nervous system is out of whack so I need to do things that switch off my overactive stress response and restore some calm to my system.

I'm very interested in mindfulness and meditation practice and I do find this helpful. But it's hard!

I'm also seeing a naturopath and taking some herbal remedies (in addition to an anti-depressant, which I also take). And I make sure to exercise every day and I'm careful to avoid stimulants like caffeine etc etc.

Are you able to do any self-care like that? Is there anything you do during the day that brings you some relief? I really enjoy hiking with my dogs. And that's usually the time I feel most relaxed.

Sorry this became such a long and rambling response. I'm thinking of you and sending you peaceful thoughts!

sundog, thanks for replying. I have to say, it sounds like you and I are very similar when it comes to this disorder and while I feel bad that you go through this too, it's strangely comforting to meet someone in the same boat.

It sounds like what I'm currently doing is my only real option. Like you I get up right away and start my routine instead of staying in bed, I tell myself the feelings will subside, I try not to add fuel to the fire by focusing on the anxiety or thinking about big issues in my life, and basically I try to ride it out. I also pop a Lorazapam once I've eaten something (I've had too many occasions where I've taken it right away and threw up the pill, at which point I'm too paranoid to take another one). I guess some part of me was hoping there was some other magic thing I could try.

I wish I didn't have so many external stressors right now but I am working with a therapist on mindfulness (we haven't worked on meditation yet). It is hard and so far I'm terrible at it. I try to stay in the moment but every few seconds I snap away to whatever is worrying me and it just becomes exhausting to constantly refocus.

I never feel good anymore but the relief I do get comes when I'm so insanely busy at work that mindfulness happens out of immediate necessity. The anxiety is still there but it's refocused on the job so I don't get lost in my head. Sometimes in the evening my kids are an equally distracting and immediate concern. So yeah, it helps, but just running myself ragged to avoid feeling anxiety doesn't seem like much of a life.

Which of course brings up my other issue, the depression that's always behind the anxiety. I don't feel happy and have lost interest in virtually everything so finding things that bring me relief is hard. I don't seem to want anything, look forward to anything, desire to do anything, so when there is down time I often feel worse.

Never worry about a long reply sundog as I'm prone to them too.

Cyran0

Hi (((((((Cyrano)))))))) I keep hoping to find some other magic thing that I can try too!! (even though I'm also wary of anything that promises to be a quick fix or miracle cure!)

It's great you're working with your therapist on mindfulness. It is hard. And I still find it almost impossible to sit with my feelings when my distress level is high. But I'm trying to practice mindfulness at other times throughout the day when I'm not necessarily super-anxious, in the hope that I can make it a habit and then it'll come easier to me during those really difficult times.

I'm so sorry you have so many external stressors right now. That just sucks. I am lucky in that my life is not that stressful externally. But for some reason, my inner life has gone haywire. It's like some switch got flipped in my brain and my anxiety response is always on. I've had problems with anxiety on and off my whole life, but, over the last few years it's become so much worse. I have become very neurotic about my health too and I keep thinking that I'm dying of something.

Were you doing ok before life got so very stressful? If so, then there is good reason to hope that you can get back to a better place again emotionally. Are you getting some practical support with the life stressors?? I really hope so and I hope things can be resolved.

I was also wondering if you're taking any other medication besides the Ativan? I take an anti-depressant (Zoloft) and it has helped with my depression. It's not all that helpful with my anxiety, though it does help a bit (I know this because I came off it for a while, thinking it wasn't working, and I felt 10 times worse once it was out of my system!)

Anyhow, anti-depressants can help some people with anxiety (as well as depression). I've taken Ativan a couple of times when I really thought I was about to drop dead and it did help. But I'm terrified of becoming addicted to it so I save it for absolute emergencies (even though every panic attack feels like an absolute emergency!)

I find it comforting too to know that I'm not alone with this. Thank you for being here! Sending you good thoughts.

I wish I could say that the events of the last couple years caused my anxiety and that once all is resolved I'd get better but no, I've bounced between therapists and psychiatrists since I was 23 and I'm turning 36 next month. Still, it's never been this bad before. Starting in January I just went off the deep end and it's been that way ever since.

One source of hope I have is that I am back on Zoloft now. I had taken it for years but one small part of the big life stressors was that we lost health insurance, I couldn't afford my meds, so I tappered off around July of last year. I really felt the change but I thought I was managing it, ya know? I was getting by. Apparently I should have found a way to pay for the pills because deep down I believe I wouldn't have had this recent crash if I'd just stayed medicated.

The Zoloft isn't doing much yet but I'm only on half of my previous dose. I guess they have to tapper up the same way you tapper down which is too bad because I was doing a lot better at 200mg. I've been on 100 for about two weeks now (up from a couple weeks at 50) and I still don't feel any benefit. I know it takes time but when you're a wreck it's hard to be patient.

As for practical support for the stressors, that's a hard one. The biggest issue right now is that we're in the middle of bankruptcy and unless I can get the mortgage company to lower our monthly payments we're going to lose our house (there's some small chance this could happen and I'm working that process as best I can). If we lose it that means moving a family of six and there's not much for rentals in our town so it may also mean our kids have to change schools and so on and so on.

But there are other big stressors too. The company I work for has done numerous layoffs, put in pay and hiring freezes (which they've finally started thawing), and quadrupled my work load. Add to that the fact that my wife had an affair three years ago that still haunts me in our relationship and yeah, you get a sense of what I mean by stressors.

But I'm not all woe is me, I swear! Seriously, I try to just deal with things but try as I may, it all makes my anxiety worse.

As for the neurotic about your health thing, that's been a problem for me for years now. I'm always dying of something. I smoke (I know, I shouldn't) so cancer is my biggest fear and what makes cancer so hard is that it's so hard to prove you DON'T have it. Then there's heart attacks and of course, the fear that my mental illness will get worse and I'll no longer be able to function.

It's all just a big mess, ya know?

Cyran0

Yep, I hear you on the big mess!! I'm an expert at tying myself up in knots! It's great you're back on the Zoloft though. I hope you're able to get back up to 200 mg soon and that you really notice the positive effects.

I'm on 100 mg daily. For some reason - and it's probably psychological - I can't seem to go above 100 mg per day without my anxiety symptoms worsening. My pdoc wanted me to increase to 200 mg daily and I didn't think I'd have a problem since I tolerate Zoloft well. I went up to 125 mg per day and on that day I had a terrible panic attack. It could well have been a complete coincidence, but unfortunately there's now a part of me that associates increasing my Zoloft dose with increased anxiety. I've tried increasing in minuscule amounts (1/4 of a 25 mg tab) but even that unsettles me. So I'm stuck at 100 mg per day (needless to say I'm scared to come off it just as much as I'm scared to increase it! So "stuck" really is the operative word!!!! )

I can relate totally to the health worries, specifically about cancer. My parents both had cancer and I feel like I'm next. I've had quite a few tests and they've been "normal", so I'm trying really hard not to obsess about this (but that's way easier said than done. Especially, as you say, since there is no test for cancer).

I really hope you get a positive response from the mortgage company and that you and your family can stay put. I'm so sorry for the stress that uncertainty must be causing you. I'm really sorry too about your job stress.

Keeping everything crossed for you that things improve

I understand the increased dosage anxiety. I don't have it with Zoloft but I am generally pretty paranoid about my pills. I have to take them in a ritualized way so that I can have a clear memory that I took it. Otherwise when I go to take a pill I might suddenly wonder if I'd already taken one and forgotten and now maybe I'm overdosing and I'm going to experience (insert anything from horrible side effects to death here). The "take as needed" pills are really bad on that front because I can't rely on a scheduled time of day. Did I take one of these earlier? Did I get up awhile ago, take one and go back to bed? Can I take this one now, I don't remember when I took the last one?

You get the idea. Pills are an easy source of worry.

I'm sorry to hear about your parents. My mom had cancer twice while I was growing up and I think it traumatized me a bit.

Do you mind my asking what tests you've had done? What can they do at the doctor's office? I've actually been thinking about going in and just asking them to do a chest x-ray.

Cyran0

The pill anxiety: I know it well!!! I can soooo relate to what you describe here about worrying whether you've taken a pill or not......

I just realized the way I phrased things in my last post, it sounded as though both my parents had passed away. Sadly, my Dad did die 3 years ago. I'm pretty sure that triggered my current health neurosis. Thankfully my Mom is still alive, but she has had breast cancer, and then, 10 years later, she had a recurrence. Touch wood, she is in good health now though.

It's no problem at all to ask about the tests I had done. As you might imagine, they were all "non-invasive" since I am terrified of anything to do with hospital procedures that might require anesthesia!! I had a ton of blood work done and I've continued to have regular blood tests over the past years. The bloods I've had done have been for things like thyroid function, liver function, signs of inflammation, anemia, diabetes, vitamin deficiencies and pretty much anything else that can be tested in your blood (including cholesterol etc etc).

The only thing that was abnormal was my Vitamin D. I was really low. Apparently lots of people are, and low Vitamin D can cause or exacerbate mood disorders, so that might be something that you could have tested? (B12 is another blood test you could have) I've been taking prescription strength Vitamin D for about 2 months now and I think perhaps it has helped a bit. I've got one more month of the prescription strength to go and then I'll have my blood re-rested.

I've had several EKGs and I also had that Halter Monitor test where you basically get wired up for a 24 period so that they can monitor your heart rate over an extended length of time. The tests were normal, though my resting heart rate is on the low side, and that freaked me out a bit because that seems to fly in the face of someone with anxiety.

I also had a chest x-ray and a lung function test. And I had the usual "female" type tests too (mammogram etc).

I've probably had more tests but that's all I can think of right now!! Oh, at the naturopath I had a Food Intolerance Test and I'm waiting to get the results of a saliva test which should show what state my adrenal glands are in.

Gawd.......I can't believe I've just listed all this!

lol. Yeah, it's an impressive list! So seeing it all written out like that, how do you feel about it? Are you glad you did them?

Thanks for sharing them because testing for something like vitamin deficiencies wouldn't have occurred to me and yet it could be really beneficial. As you said, being deficient in some cases can make anxiety or depression worse. But like you, the big reason is to rule out things that I could otherwise worry about which may seem crazy to some but it's actually a pretty logical way of managing things. Seems that way to me anyway.

I almost had that 24 hour heart monitor test. A couple years ago my heart was beating weird (it really was, it wasn't paranoia) and I went to the ER. They said there was a rhythm problem but that it wasn't serious/dangerous. When I told my family doc that I certainly thought it was serious, that 24 hour test is what he suggested. I can't remember why I didn't actually go through with it but it would certainly be interesting to see the results.

Glad to hear your Mom is doing well. Another point in common, we've both watched our mother's battle cancer twice. And both beat it.

Cyran0

Hi guys. I think I can relate.

The very first time I suffered from a panic attack, I had to be hospitalized. I had no idea what was going on. I was 16. High school was particularly stressful at the time.

My aunt had cancer twice. She's ok now, but I remember I cried a lot when it happened. I didn't want to lose my aunt, my little cousin is just a kid and I have a terrible fear of illnesses.

I've been trying meditation for a few years and it has helped me. However, I did have issues with focusing and relaxing at first. I went online and asked people for advice on how to "empty" my mind. Someone told me to focus on something positive (or maybe just a stain on the wall) rather than forcing myself not to focus on the negative. In my case, this little piece of advice has worked marvels.

Hey Seshat. Well, as I said to sundog, I'm sorry you can relate but it's nice to have people around who understand.

What you wrote here I will have to try!

I guess when I see that list I think, how come I don't feel better??! I mean, it's reassuring on some level to have those results, but the thing is I still feel unwell physically a lot of the time. And that fuels my anxiety. And it also makes me think that they've missed something.

Does your heart rhythm feel ok now? If it doesn't, then it might be worth re-booking that halter test. And maybe the vitamin levels too.

Really glad to hear your Mom is doing well also!!

Hi Seshat! It's great that meditation is helping you! I meditate also and I have definitely found that it gets easier with practice. In fact, I bet that's why it's called meditation practice!

I get that. I went to see the doctor about the whole vomiting in the morning thing and they couldn't find anything physically wrong with me. They decided it was my anxiety and I accepted that but in the back of my mind I kept thinking, "it's just PROBABLY my anxiety but what if they're wrong?" You can torture yourself all day with something like that.

Yeah, the heart thing is fine. What I've discovered is that if I'm not careful about my caffeine intake my heart goes all crazy. Caffeine is bad for that and for my anxiety but dang it if I can't give it up entirely. I just love coffee, it's one of the few pleasures in life.

Cyran0

hi there, i can relate. Quite often i wake up just vibing off anxiety, from the moment i'm concious as you've described.

Have you ever been told of the 'boxes' (as i call them ) ? Take a deep breath in, really deep, focusing on your breath and all the sensations. Then, once you've breathed in about as far as your lungs will allow, HOLD IT. Then, in your minds eye, 'draw' all four corners of a box, one at a time. (don't just picture a box, kwim?) Then exhale, slowly. Repeat. It was recommended to me to do this 5X in a row - though you can do more if needed, and about 12X a day.. more if i'm particularly anxious, but still randomly even if anxiety is 'okay', as they told me it helps prevent/lessen anxiety over time if used regularly. So now, quite often, i will lay in bed and perform these 'boxes' if i'm feeling quite anxious.

Another one is free writing. If this doesn't work, i pull out my journal and WRITE WRITE WRITE. Whatever is in my head, goes. No grammar, spelling, stopping to think, worrying about if it's legible.. nada. Like a running commentary, get it out! You don't have to sit there all morning, it can be 5 or 10 minutes or less, even, but sometimes it helps those thoughts slow down a bit and may give you perspective if you read it later on as to things that perhaps are roaming in your head without you even realizing!

And along the lines of what someone mentioned, something good for active anxiety is labelling objects. Look around your bedroom and think, 'red blanket', 'ceiling', 'brown dresser', 'beige carpet', 'closet', '2 books'.. whatever.. do this until you feel yourself coming down a little.

Count backwards from 100 by 7s.

For some bizarre reason, and i won't ask why as it seems to be useful lately (just started) when i start getting geared up, i breathe deeply and repeat 'i approve of myself. i approve of myself. i approve of myself' and repeat that mantra, focusing as much as i can on my breathing and the words.

Not saying any of these work 100 percent all of the time, but they can be useful in at least bringing the intensity down. good luck!

Wow, that's all really helpful! Thanks onmyway! I have done the stream of consciousness writing thing and I do find that helpful sometimes. If I'm in a really bad state it usually consists of just two or three words repeated over and over.

I agree that counting is helpful too. And labeling objects. I was not familiar with the "box technique" so I'll try that for sure. And I like the idea of practicing it even if I'm not anxious. I can see how that would be helpful "conditioning".

For some reason I sometimes find it helpful to look in the mirror. I can't explain why, it just helps sometimes. Perhaps because I then talk to myself a bit?? Or at least, repeat a couple of reassuring sentences.

Good luck to all who struggle with this!

You're welcome Sun Dog. Yep, the person who told me about the free writing (stream of conciousness as you call it) told me, also, that if i can't think of anything to write, even write that! lol 'i can't think of anything to write, i can't think of anything..' because she said sometimes things will come on their own. And if they don't? oh well. I will try the mirror thing as well. Anything (unharmful) to keep these crappy feelings at bay is worth a try!

Will try the box and the mirror-talk That reminds me: something that works for me is smiling at myself in the mirror.

onmyway, thank you! Wow, I will definitely try those techniques. Thank you again!

I'm blown away by all of you and all the support.

Thank you so much.

Cyran0

I am new here.
This is one of the posts that caused me to join.
I hate mornings.
When I wake up, I feel like the the huge marshmallow ghost from the movie ghost busters is in my room. Only he isn't white, he is black and he takes up the whole room and is directly above me preventing me from getting up.
I usually go back to sleep. I have lost about 7 jobs over the past 3 years because of this. When you don't show up, you get fired.

I so can to relate to nearly everything on hear. I usually wake up in the middle of the night to go to the toilet and the first thing that pops in my head before i even open my eyes properly ... I hope i don't have a panic attack, then there are the stupid thought. I usually take half a tablet and hop back in bed with my laptop and preoccupied my mind. Until i feel ok. I am to the point and i find this so embarrassing. wheres i have move my mattress out in the lounge room so i can fall asleep with everyone around me and the noise of the tv. Cause if i fall asleep on the lounge and then wake up later to go to bed i know i will really freak. Or if i go into my room and try to sleep, my mind starts thinking stupid... My partner is fine with it and says if it helps we'll do it. So he sleeps out there with me.
Then there is the constant fear of having a .... i hate say it...!!!
The doc put me back on Aropax that focuses more on the anxiety of things. I have been on it a few times before over the years. I was on Zoloft but didn't think it was doing much for my anxiety. So i went back on the Aropax.
I hopes things start to improve for u Cyran0 and everyone on here.

Roses4Me, while I'd prefer nobody ever be able to relate to anything I post about anxiety (because who would wish that on anybody?) it makes me feel good to know that my sharing encouraged you to join. Anxiety is a terrible thing to suffer from but it's far worse to suffer alone. I feel a lot of support from the people here and it really does help some, just knowing that I can come here and have people understand. I'm glad you found us and joined.

Ambrosa, man I feel what you're going through. Last night was a tough one for me and ultimately I slept on the couch in the living room. It's great that your partner is so super supportive and I say do whatever works.

The good news is that for the past couple days I haven't been throwing up from the anxiety and that's a HUGE relief for me. I still have super high anxiety in the morning but it must be a little better since I'm not puking.

Thanks for the kind thoughts Ambrosa, I hope everyone finds relief. Until then, one day at a time.

Cyran0

Yay!!!! That is Flamin fantastic that the vomiting has stopped. I am so glad maybe the tablets are starting to kick in do u think?

I agree with Ambrosa! That really is flamin' fantastic!!!!! So pleased to hear this! (((((((((Cyran0))))))))

Thanks, both of you. I can't say for sure what's changed as I do still have lots of anxiety in the morning but I haven't been throwing up. It could be the pills but whatever it is, thank god!

Cyran0