Worn Out

Thinking of you and sending you strength today ((((((Cyran0))))))

Goodluck with everything today Cyran0

Well today was the most ferociously anxiety ridden day I've had in about a week, complete with a late afternoon total panic freak out. I literally hid in my cubicle waiting to see if I was going to die (hey, seemed very possible at the time). I tried to do breathing exercises as my heart pounded my lungs like tympani's but it was way too intense. I just sat and sat, trying not to whimper.

But that was just the big freak out. The whole day was anxiety of the highest order and it was all because of that stupid court appointment. Before and during had anxiety for obvious reasons while after had anxiety because of something our lawyer said (the short version, we only have two weeks to work something out on our house or we have to give it up as part of the bankruptcy). I wanted to talk to my wife afterwards but she was poker faced and didn't want to talk (kind of her way) and that just made it worse.

As I type this I'm still anxious but that's being overshadowed by total exhaustion.

It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. I think I'll go to Australia.

Cyran0

((((((((((Cyran0))))))))))) I'm so sorry you've been through the wringer today. I really, really wish you some peace

So sorry to hear about ur day Cyran0:-((

Thanks, both of you. I really appreciate it and you being here does help.

Thank you.

Cyran0

(((((((CyranO))))))))
I'm so sorry for all that you're going through. I only now saw this thread or I would have chimed in days ago. For you to have garnered so much love and support here reflects the quality of the man that you are. Your plate is heaped full, and yet you give so much to others at PC and I'm sure, in your life. I really hope that you get a break from the suffering, and soon. I relate to the feelings of the dailyness of grinding anxiety and sadness, and the belief that it will go on without end. I know that your art is alive and well within you. Depression, that beast, suppresses it. Sending you love and well wishes.

Thanks Lavie.

I'm horribly depressed tonight. I don't even feel like typing this. It doesn't matter. It's either anxiety or this. Either way it's suffering and I'm so sick of hurting. I keep thinking if only I could think of something I'd like to do, something to distract me or cheer me up but there's nothing. And I don't have any energy anyway. At least the anxiety has that going for it, I have the energy to hold my head up or walk to the kitchen.

I don't know how to cope with this. All my therapy time is spent on anxiety.

Cyran0

((((((((((((((((((Cyran0)))))))))))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry your depression is bad again. I know what it's like to ricochet back and forth between depression and anxiety. And to struggle to find anything to look forward to because everything points towards more of the same.

But there will be more good times. And you will feel better again. Even though it might not seem like it now, your mood will improve and then things will look much less bleak. Please don't lose hope (((((((((((Cyran0))))))))))) We're all rooting for you

Cyran0, I sincerely hope you get some rest, both physically and mentally, on the weekend. Is there anything you can do to temporarily divert your thoughts from the huge load you're carrying? Can you do something with the kids, go to a park, watch a video with them? I've found sometimes if I push myself to physically do something when I'm depressed or anxious that it actually helps, even if I didn't want to do it in the first place. I'm humbled when I read of all the REAL problems you have when most of mine are manufactured in my own screwed up head. My husband tells me when he's worried about something he takes it to the worst scenario, and then figures out how he would handle it. Of course, he's an optimist by nature. All I know is nothing stays the same, the world keeps changing and your situation will resolve in time to the best of your ability. You're an intelligent man, and will take care of your family. It's the love you give them they will remember. My thoughts are with you and may you find peace at your doorstep once again friend.

I'm thinking about you and wishing you the best... I can't give much else, because I am still a little to anxious and sad myself!

Sundog, muncie, SL, thank you. This past week has been bad on the depression front but last night I hope was the final crash. I slept for fourteen straight hours and woke up with my usual anxiety but without the depression. It's so strange to be relieved by that but I was. I think between my current real life problems and the anxiety, I just get so beaten down that I collapse into total despair. If that's the case, I have to find a way to prevent or deal with that as I don't trust the way I think when I'm that depressed.

You guys are good friends and as always, it means a lot that I can come here when I'm so desperate.

Now back to dealing with being so tense I tremble. lol.

All of you.

Cyran0

Hugs and peaceful thoughts to you! ((((((((((((((Cyran0))))))))))))))))))

Cyran, Sorry to hear you are going through all this