Okay I gotta get this out before I go crazy -Death Fears

First I'd like to say that I am so grateful to have found this forum. I've read a few post and some other stuff about anxiety symptoms that kinda helped me feel a teeny tiny bit better ...

My story goes like this I experienced anxiety when I was a young teen and it was terrible. I was sitting watching tv and all of a sudden I felt a feeling of fear hit me ... I sat next to my mom hoping it would go away, but it got worse. I said outloud, I'm dying. I just felt like I was going to die ... I was scared for a long time after that, but over time it subsided and seemed to go away completely.

Years later I had the same experience, but I attributed them to the fact that I was a drug addict (I a recovering addict with lots of time under my belt now) anyhow, I had a few bouts with anxiety over the years to follow, but nothing major until after the birth of one of my daughters ... she was only a few weeks old and I had gone outside to smoke a cigarette .. when I got this overwhelming feeling like I was going to die.

I came in the house crying and my boyfriend asked me what was wrong and I told him that I felt like the Lord was going to take me away from him and our new baby .. I felt like I was going to die .. of course he freaked out and was worried about me ... after a few days past I was fine ...

Then recently I had another attack - I was sitting in my living room (life had been extremely trying) I have twins that are just under two yrs old, a 3 yr old, 9 yr old and 4 teens - the kids were fighting the babies were crying and I felt like I was literally on the verge of going insane. I honestly thought that I was going to lose my mind. I fought with everything in me to keep it together and then all the feelings that I was going to die started hitting me really hard. It scared me so bad.

I have been having these thoughts off and on ever since. One minute I'm fine and the next I am filled with fear that I am going to die soon ...

Last night I was laying in bed when all of a sudden I was filled with the fear that I wouldn't be waking up today. Like I was going to die in my sleep.

I have lost a lot of loved ones over the past two years ... it feels like death is all around me *meaning lots of people I care about are dying* I hate death as it is. It is so ugly to me. I don't even like to talk about it.

I hate these feelings. I feel tormented .. tortured in my own head. I want it to stop.

Can anyone relate to what I'm saying? Have you had experiences like this? Is there something I can do to regain control over myself when this happens.

I used to be able to talk myself through them, but not lately ... they've been over powering.

(sigh)
I'm so glad to get all this out ... I've been really afraid to talk about it to much with even my family for fear they will think I am crazy.

Any input greatly appreciated

Thanks for listening
Sherry

hey there and welcome to pc.
i'm sorry to hear you've been feeling so terrible.
what youre experiencing sounds like panic attacks, and i thought you should know that while they are very frightening and overwhelming, you are most certainly NOT going to die. that feeling that youre being tortured, its horrible and i can totally relate.
there are a lot of different things you can do to try to gain control when this happens. breathing deeply in through your nose and out through your mouth will help slow things down a bit. i try counting my breaths because it keeps me focused and slows my mind down. for some people it helps to keep themselves occupied when they feel the anxiety creeping up on them. sometimes you can distract yourself enough that it doesnt turn into a full blown panic attack. you could read, watch tv, or go outside for some fresh air.
have you ever considered going to see a doctor or therapist? sometimes talking to a doctor helps you to understand it better. there are also a number of medications that alleviate the symptoms.
hope this helps a bit. best of luck and feel better soon.

WOW... that sounds like me 100%
I am so sorry that you are going through this, I know the feeling, and its almost crippling. I wake up every morning and feel so sad because I feel like I'm dying, like I have some disease or something, I have felt like this for about 3 or 4 months now, sometimes better than others. I look at my kids and family and get so scared and so sad, I want to be there and watch them grow old. I have had som many blood tests and the docs try to reassure me that I am healthy, that all the dizziness, fatigue, headaches, nausea, feeling like I cna't breathe, ITS ALL ANXIETY. SO hard to believe that anxiety can do so much to ones body and mind. Me feeling so sick all the time, thats whats causing the fears to kick in, I truly hope you can find peace with this, I wouldn't wish this on anyone. If you ever need to talk pm me. I completely understand what you are feeling and going through.

Hi Sherry,

I agree with lostone, the stuff you describe is just like my anxiety attacks, spot on.

It is quite correct to say that it is 'all anxiety'. We go to doctors, have all sorts of checks, but in the end it's anxiety that is upsetting us. The odd thing is that often people with severe physical illnesses don't feel as bad as we do; they can be quite relaxed and cheerful!

Over time, I have got used to anxiety, and can live a reasonable life, albeit a quiet one. I have read that anxiety disorders can go away, or sometimes they just lurk. if we can push through it, there is a life to be lived, and it can be quite a good one

This is a good place to share; hope you stick around.

Cheers, M

Thanks to everyone who responded. I will try the breathing that Greenfairy suggested. Lostone & Myzen, I'm sorry that you suffer from this hell too - it can be so tormenting - I had a fairly good day yesterday and today so far I'm okay. Oddly enough knowing that I am not alone does help - and knowing that I'm NOT crazy is a relief ... I am hopeful that by reading and eductating myself along with the help and support of this forum that I can get through this and get back to my "normal living" if there is such a thing LOL

Thanks again - to each of you ... Your replies were greatly appreciated .

Blessings,
Sherry

Do you get any of the physical symptoms from anxiety? I have 24\7 dizziness...lately its a feeling also like I'm not here,, like I'm walking in a daze..
I HATE THIS.............

Lostone,

Gosh, I'm so sorry you are dealing with this too

Yes I get physical symptoms, hard time breathing, feeling like I'm choking or can't swallow, papatations, light-headedness, feel like I am in a fog, feeling detached, distant *Like I'm on the outside looking in* I get filled with fear and go into panick attack mode. I attribute every lil ache or pain to some kind of illness and I get afraid that I am going to die from it. I had a headache the other day and it was an odd kind of one - It hurt in my temples and eyes and I started thinking that maybe I was going to have a anurisim (sp?) I get such a sick feeling when these attacks hit me ... I just feel doom and gloom ... like at any minute I will just drop dead or faint or something ... it is sheer torture. I mean it got so bad recently I felt like I was a prisoner in my own head. I just kept getting waves of panick attacks ... I'd be fine ... then all of a sudden a wave of sick feelings would hit me and I would be thinking I was dying ... I struggled within my own head to hold on to my sanity ... I tried to quitely talk to myself and walk myself through it ... then I found myself questioning my sanity for talking to myself. I felt like there was an arguement going on in my mind ... part of me was saying You're okay ... this will pass ... your just panicking and then I would start thinking What if I'm not okay ... what if I really am going to die and then all the fear flooded in and it was terrible -- I walked around for like 5 days feeling like I was going to die. While shopping I feel so tired and exhausted that I thought that I was just going to drop dead right there in the store.

I have to say this has me feeling like I'm losing my mind. I am determined to beat this thing ... I refuse to let it drive me to the depths of despair ... I have lived through so much already to let this thing tear me apart. I haven't talked with others that feel the same way I do up until now and I am grateful to be able to do so.

At least now I don't feel like I'm hiding a dirty lil secret which has taken some of the power away from the grip that all this had on me just no more than two days ago.

Sherry

Sherry,,

I couldn't have described it better myself!! When I read your post it breaks my heart, because I know the feeling, the fear, and the interference it has on ones life. I wake up every morning and pray to god that I just feel normal, just feel good again. I want more than anything to feel like ME again.
I would be completely lost without people like you, people who have been through the same things, who truly understand how I'm feeling. I thank you all so much!! It helps more than you know. ( well I'm sure you do know huh? lol)

Keep posting

Jen,

I can tell by your post that you truly understand what I'm talking about ... Please know that I am here for you just as you've been for me. Maybe we can help each other through this hell.

With much appreciation,
Sherry

HELL is exactly what this is!! You've already helped me more than you know... pm me whenever you need!!

((((((((((((((((((((((Sherry)))))))))))))))))))))

Welcome to PC.

Your post is almost as if you were writing about me. There was a time that my anxiety was so bad that I swore that I was not going to live another day. I remember one time in particular that I was crying uncontrolable and my husband was sitting that and I was looking at him totally silent. I just kept crying. I finally told him that I was afraid to stop looking at him because I was afraid I was going to die and I didnt want it to be the last time I looked at him.

I felt so much fear, to talk about it now is still quite painful.

I understand all of what you are saying. I can identify with your feelings, your experiences and your fear. Please know that you are not alone. Anxiety is a horrible thing. It basically robs you of your life and turns you into a scared, fragile mess.

There is hope though. Although it may be difficult to see now, I know that there is hope for you, for me and for all of us.

Please PM me anytime you need to because I know what your going through. Hang in there.

Huggles

Sherry, I can relate. My husband died in November, My best friend in April and my dog in October. I feel like something is going to get me too. Its turned into an OCD thing and it keeps getting worse,. I keep worrying about diseases, Rabies of all things. I dont it doesnt make sense but it keeps happening and I think Im destined for hospitalization. And im so worried about dying becasue all Ihave is my kid. Im supposed to be a professional. And Im going nuts. I feel so bad for my daughter. I wish I had advice for you. It sounds like youre having panic attacks. maybe xanax or ativan would help. Death sucks. It never seemed this real to me bbefore. And now becasue everyone died Ihave no one to tell. Thanks Gd for this place but still, whos going to want to listen to my %#@&#! all the time. i wish I had an answer. Grief sucks. If I find a clue I will let you know, In the mean time I will pray for you. Hugs.