[kcjtd246]

I have what the doctors have called severe anxiety and depression. I eat but not regularly, and I have sometimes severe anxiety attacks that last for hours. Over the last couple of years I have dealt with my son being diagnosed with cancer, taking care of my father in law until he died, raising six kids, taking care of a house, dealing with a husband who doesn't understand why I am stressed out, and for the last seven months I have been taking care of my brother in law and his two kids(who moved in with us), and he does nothing except sleep all day, while he leaves me to take care of the children. And now he has a new girlfriend who comes over with her two kids, and neither one watch the kids. They sleep all the time, and when they are awake, they make a mess and expect me to pick it up.

So the anxiety attacks have been getting worse and so has the weight loss. I am not sure what to do, but I do not want to keep doing this. I went to the store last week and had another panic attack and I still have no idea what triggered it.

I am just glad I have found a spot where I know I am not alone.

have you thought about kicking the freeloaders out? that right there would send me around the bend 24/7........you shouldn't be expected to carry such a load for so many people. no wonder you're having panic attacks.

hang in there.......and post here. we'll try to help you...........xoxoxo pat

[ickydog2006]

Insanity- doing the same thing over and over and over and over and over again and expecting different results.

If you want your situation to change you are going to have to actively do something to change it.

I think you should think about what fayerody suggested, kicking them out. By letting them stay there and taking care of their kids and cleaning up after them you are enabling them to sit there and do nothing. Are you waiting for them to leave on their own...cause think about it... if you had a 24 hour babysitter and a maid and didn't have to do a thing for it would you really give that up, especially if giving it up required effort (like finding a job and a place to stay). I know I wouldn't.

As for your husband not understanding... he's a guy... no offence to all the men out there, but it does sometimes take extra effort/ different techniques to get through to them. Have you tried writing a letter to him? By writing it you can take out some of the chances at lashing out at him from frustration. You can also tell him in it why you chose to express your feelings through writing. (Just a suggestion though)

Another thing that might help is some time with girlfriends or your husband, like going out to a movie or dinner or something else you enjoy. I don't know if your brother in law or his girlfreind would comply, but you could ask them to watch the kids for a few hours so you could do a special date night with your husband. If they won't do that then you might have more luck getting your husband to comply/babysit so you can do the same thing just with your girlfriends.

These are just some ideas/suggestions. I hope they help.

(((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))

I hope things get better

[kcjtd246]

Well tonight I finally told my brother in law that I was done. I let him have an earfull after he tried to turn the situation around, and basically make me feel like the bad person. In front of my husband and the kids I asked him if he thought I had maid or nanny services written across my chest. I told him that he brought those children into the world and it was time he owned up and took care of them, and that I was tired of him using me all the time. I hated being the bad person, but how bad I had gotten didn't hit me until today when I saw a picture of myself today with my kids and realized I almost look like a skeleton. Sunken face and all. And afterwards I had an anxiety attack, but I think that one was worth it. Not sure if I actually did the right thing, but, it made me feel a little better and in control. We will see how this next couple of days goes with him and the kids. My kids all started to cheer.

The husband and I do try to go out, but with all the kids I spent more time worring than having any fun. I feel like if I leave they wont be taken care of, and right now it seems like that is the only thing I can control, at least a little. I wish I just new what to do to find out what triggers the anxiety attacks. I have had them just driving to the store.

Thanks for the advice.

with the load you're carrying, it's natural that you'd have panic attacks.........xoxoxo pat

[Parker10]

Wow - no wonder you have severe anxiety and depression. First and foremost, you have to take care of YOU - or you will not be able to take care of your children. Please try to eat healthy and regularly. I second, third, fourth, whatever the number is - to kicking out the freeloaders. IF you are unable to get them out - have house rules, and if they do not comply - turn off the water when b-in-law is in the shower, pull the electric plug at the breaker panel when u and the family are going out and let him and his freeloading g/f sit in the dark and cold. Make his WANT to move out - cause like someone else said - as long as you make it easy on him by carrying the load - he isnt goin anywhere.

As for your husband - I can sure relate - when I tried to explain how I felt during my panic days - he didnt get it at all. Ask him how he would feel if a bear were jumping through the bedroom window while he is laying in bed...ask him to visualize it, and tell you how he would actually feel. If he is a willing participant - he will feel pretty much like you do during a panic attack.

You mention an attack when at the store - if it was the grocery store - and you were buying for all your family and the freeloaders - no wonder you panicked ! Must cost a fortune to feed that many mouths !

I actually kicked my grown son out of my house yesterday - he flip flops from his wife, back here, to his wife etc, and still thinks I am his maid, laundry lady, cook, etc, and he just watches TV or sleeps. After a certain amount of time, I got tired of being used.......and locked him out. He got the message...........and he will not be allowed back in here til he signs a "contract" with me for what he WILL do here - ie, laundry, cleaning his bathroom, taking out trash etc. I have no clue why he feels so entitled to have his every wish granted, but this "fairy"Momma lost her wand and grew some horns !

PLEASE take care of YOU - see a therapist to talk too about all that you have dealt with in last few years, and what you are dealing with now if possible. There are good meds that might help both the anxiety and depression if you choose to go that route.

Welcome to a great place.......we are here for you !