You are not "alone"

I hate that saying. Because I am really alone.
I have no friends
No family
the longest conversation I have is like one minute long if that.
The therapist I see doesn't seem to care how severely I am isolated
They have suggested groups but please help me understand how can
a person with social anxiety and agoraphobia do groups?
I been waiting for the T to teach me coping skills something but nothing
frustrated - yes i can change therapists - I just need out of this isolation really bad!!

no family better than toxic family/friends imo
anyway try step by step, try talking with ppl, just simple 'hello' to someone to get used to people everyday, or talk a looot, depends how you feel about it, go for a walk everyday one step further than the day before... try maybe find some passion, like drawing and go to course where's not too many ppl.. don't force yourself too much, just a bit... for me it helped for social anxiety and bit for agora, maybe it would help you too...

Yeah no toxicity in my life from family/friends....
The thing is I do get out and do things. I love photography and biking. I go out everyday despite my anxieties and do these things ALONE. I try talking to people but that doesn't work out to well for me. People don't want to befriend me - all because I lost all my teeth and do not have dentures (talk about sky high social anxiety and judgements when around people when they look at me and the looks I get) People are CRUEL!!! I pass no judgements on anyone i don't care what you look like as long as you are a good person is what matters to me. Unfortunately the people I have encountered don't see that in myself - We NEED people in our lives - its a primal need to feel connected. Without it how does one get better? I am tired of staring at the walls - I need conversation - i need to feel like I belong - am cared for - am loved - am supported - outside of me doing those for myself!!
I am working on getting the dental fixed and it will be a long process going through the dental college. I am making huge leaps that my therapist could of cared less of. Two weeks ago I faced a huge fear that was cooking - prior that I had not cooked in over 4yrs in my apt. Like I said I told the T and she had the same voice as when I tell her I feel isolated/alone. No congratz thats awesome (although I did that for myself) but I need outside encouragement/validation.

yeah people are extremely cruel nowadays.. I think it's kind of thanks to internet, in net everyone can hate others, especially because of looks, and don't even bother to say something just to friend or something, but has to spread hate all around... and like in online life ppl starts to be like this in real life too... eh anyway,
so have you ever tried to befriend with someone online and then meet in real life? I can tell from my own experience that people look different if you first become friends online, they don't judge you just by look, but in the way you are
And there's skype, penpal sites, so you can make fiends by this way for example
sadly lots of therapists act like they don't care at all... From one side they maybe shouldn't, after all befriending with own patient wouldn't be professional, but they should have some heart...
but, great that you cooked something *pat pat on the shoulder* for me cooking is big thing too and I think you should be appreciated for this

If your therapist isn't giving you anything to work with, definitely change therapists.
Keep changing therapists until you find one that actually helps.
I didn't want to do group therapy either, but now I'm thinking about it. I think it would be comforting to hear other people talk about their similar issues. Would it help if you knew everyone else in the group had the same problems?
You can find a group that just has like four or five other people who are going through the exact same things you are.

@lucami - I can reach out online but I need people that are near me. I'd like to have people who are understanding to my circumstances and maybe share in similar interests. Thx about the cooking =)

@Cosmic
I am on therapist #8 LOL. For 5 yrs I been looking for that one who will be able to help me. I always have hope in the beginning that they might be able to help after a few months of stagnation its time to start the search all over again I feel like its a waste of $ and as well as time that leaves me worse off then when I reached out to any of them. As for the group therapy anything in my area is either for personality disorder and or bi-polar - so going to those kind of groups wouldn't be helpful. I wish they had groups for just anxiety !! I went to this one group called Recovery International - I left because not my anxiety but the way they were terming people with anxiety - a nervous condition - the nervous person - this program must have been written in the 1950s due to the dialogue - wasnt my cup of tea. So I don't know...

Lol the nervous person, that sounds insulting. Sounds like all the anxiety related courses are taught by people who have never felt anxiety in their life.
I agree that therapy is a waste of time, after all, they are only there because they have to be, it's their job and they are just earning a paycheck - they probably have their own mental issues just as much as the rest of us, but they're getting paid to sit on the couch.

I guess the term the "nervous person" is suppose to remove stigma around mental health. I rather be called anxious than a nervous person. what do they called depressed people ?? smh Like i said that program was not for me. Most of the people there were much older than myself and my anxious ***** didn't fit in with that group LOL. Yeah therapy has been proven to be a waste of time and money I got in sorta messed up and come out 1000% worse. Half of the T's I saw probably needed some therapy. LOL. You know its funny i read the therapy section here and its alarming to see all the posts of them being in love with there t's. What the heck is that about ??? LOL That I can't wrap my head around.

I do have an appt with another therapist this week. I feel like instead of them asking the questions maybe I should do an intensive interview of them and charge them LOL

Yeah I ruled out being a therapist just because I didn't want weird guys falling in love with me, I'm serious. kinda dangerous when you think about it.

I once went over 90 days without touching another person, and each day it just felt more horrible and isolating.

Where I am now... I am lucky to have my family support me, but I definitely do not know a single person outside of my family down here I have talked to in years. Go Internet?

It has been 4yrs without any touch. Not a hug nothing Its awful with each and every passing day!! I am glad you have your family that important!! You need to be apart of something!! Nah the internet hasnt been helpful in that regard - would love to meet people locally to hang out with.

My family aren't huggers. So unless I have a boyfriend I'm dating, I don't have human touch from anyone, sometimes weeks or months at a time is not unusual.

Interviewing the T is a very good idea, not so much charging them tho


My initial meeting with my T was sort of like a 2 way interview.


He wanted to know what he would be up against, I wanted to know if he was up for the challenge of helping me meet my goals, as opposed to sitting there just listening every week.


I expressed the specific goals I had for therapy, and only agreed to see him once he had assured me he would either be able to help, or refer me to someone who could, if it turned out he was out of his depth...


I think its imperative to know the mode of therapy a T offers before deciding to see them, maybe someone who specializes in CBT would be more beneficial to your needs.


Just a thought.

Well, I think the things you are doing ARE awesome. It is a very big deal for us to do certain things. It is. I have major anxiety, too. Most days, I can barely even walk outside to check the mail. I tell myself, "Carol, you are no worse than anyone else. And you need to know what you got in the mail today. It's a beautiful day and you deserve it."

But I know. It is a HUGE effort to psych up to do it.

It is a big deal.

Oh, and the stuff about people being cruel and shallow. It is a shame people can be that way and it's ridiculous, too. It really is what's inside us that counts. I believe people fear what they don't understand. it is really about them. It is not about us.

Thanks for sharing this.

Carol

I feel the same way now. I have been in therapy all my life. I started my own program because I realized the *I* was the one who had to deal with my problems. And my heart IS in it. thanks again.

Carol

The last 2 I interviewed. They were having issues as well. Many of them do therapy to deal with their own issues, consciously or not. Not all of them are that way, but many are. Sad. And it hurts us.

Carol

But, online you can find people who live in your area too, who knows
and you're welcome^^

There is such a thing as a Social Anxiety group in area where i live, which i have participated in sometimes. It is a good group based on donations, involving weekly sessions with topics to discuss, share experiences and social activities for members. Some people say they have really benefited from it, changed. The unfortunate thing is the facilitator of this group is leaving end of this yr. I wonder if you have something like that near where you live?

There are therapists who have a range of skills, not just specialised in one approach like CBT. A lot of therapists use different approaches-person/humanistic centered, psychotherapy, CBT, Mindfulness, Hypnotherapy. ..some are counsellors and life coaches.

I've like lost will and hope in seeing another therapist too after it didn't go well with several private ones and had negative experiences of trying to get therapy through mental health service too. At the end of the day, its not up to the therapists to understand and deal with your issues and make changes in your life. They can provide a space where you can express share thoughts and feelings about things your experiencing /have experienced and they can listen and give you a different perspective, sometimes supportive, empathic other times more critical, challenging and explore options, and they have one or several approaches, which they can use to try to help you and its up to you if you want to try them and see if they work for you.

You could write a letter to your therapist telling him you would like him to advise you on these aspects of your life if your not comfortable telling him verbally

This may sound simplistic anxiety 247, but what about adopting a pet in addition to continuing your therapy. You are never alone when you go home and a loving pet is waiting and happy to see you. If it's not possible in your current housing, what about volunteering at the local humane society for dog walks. You will meet new people this way and have a common interest. Best of luck to you, I'm sorry you're alone right now but only a temporary situation. You will find your way and connect with new friends, and PC is a great start.

Re-bumping this 2 month old thread to say things are pretty much the same. However my eating disorder is getting worse bc of the anxiety/trauma not being addressed. Given no coping skills. Therapist said I was killing myself through food restriction/exercise. Give me better coping skills I say so I do not have to reply on a eating disorder to basically distract from all the anxiety I am feeling. Do they not teach coping skills? Years back when the anxiety 1st started and I was having issues with agoraphobia the T I worked with was good he worked through all the thoughts of why I didnt want to leave the house we challenged them. Then he suggested I just open my door stand there for a minute - next time walk down the stairs until I was out of my house and had walked around the block. Therapist now wants to throw me in the deep end by saying go to a AA meeting. Setting me up to fail and then feel bad bc i am not at that point i can do that due to ineffective coping skills - they say take my xanax. that doesnt teach me ****. What is the AA meeting really supporting? Nothing...I do not drink and need to be around people who are going through the same stuff I am.

Like I said same **** from 2 months ago.