Anxiety Daily Check-In point #5

I think my anxiety and physical symptoms are related. I don’t think there’s a need to see a doctor.

Orientation went well yesterday and today I start training for the new work. I am really freaking out right now over the most trivial matter. It was never said yesterday where we meet our buddy, what we do with our belongings (are lockers assigned or can I just take an empty one?), what door do I enter after hours? I was so revved up about other stuff that I and no one else thought to ask.

Me again....

I know this isn't serious but I am filled with angst all the same. I have only just found out I have a six month check up with the respirologist to discuss the use of my cpap machine (breathing masks used for sleep apnea) next week. I just know he will chastise me as I have barely used it at all. I am supposed to be aiming for sleeping a full 6hrs minimum with the mask on but I manage 3hrs tops. I have tried - truly I have tried. I wake up after 2-3hrs with this alien on my face, panic and struggle to rip it off. It takes 15min to calm down and realise it was only the mask. It is truly a terrifying event I go through every night.

I also wear a CPAP mask every night. I used different types of masks before I found the best one. Now I can use it every night without problems. It's still annoying to have to wear a mask every night, but you'll see the improvements of the CPAP therapy after a while. Just ask your respirologist to try another mask and don't give up!

Am anxious about another medical issue, and 2nd apt. with new T.

So full of anxiety today I threw up.

Had a panic attack yesterday, I think it's because I'm adjusting to a med increase and I'm hyper aware of physical effects which I freak and obsess over until I convince myself I'm dying.

I was able to sit outside for 25 minutes today. It felt great, the weather is perfect and I am glad I didn't miss the opportunity

Not as anxious as usual today, not sure why but I'll take it. Managed to talk to a friend for a while and it went better than I expected.

tonight I am going to a funfair

I just feel really panicky and really fritened, I've not done anything like this before

and I feel a panic attack coming on

so I got to go and managed a while.

couldn't go on any of the rides though

it wasn't really anxiety (well it was to an extent), but I was too fat for the ridee

embarrassing huh?

oh well

my body sucks anyway. I should know that by now

like the only thing I've had to possibly be anxious about today is the fact I may have a flashback

I hate them so much

but I've not had anything severe today which I am glad of

Today, I'm only anxious about going back to class tomorrow.
About 70% of my anxiety is related to social situations, the other 30% is phobias (mostly anything that looks like a medical needle, I've worked on heights a lot and it's almost non-existent until something gets to skyscraper height, flying is still a challenge).

The fact that I do have great control over my anxiety, I just don’t always choose to control it helped me not to panic and get distressed while swimming today.

So there was a couple moments probably of well deserved anxiety, but I handled it fine.

Recently got prescribed escitolapram 10mg. I’m terrified to started it because of the beginning side effects. I already feel nauseous everyday from anxiety, I’m scared this will make it worse. I start crying every time I even think about taking it

So far so good, I am not having a lot of anxiety this morning.

So painfully triggered my head and being hurt. Husband is often the catalyst for my confusion not the only but a real biggy!

I see my new psych doctor today. I’m kinda nervous. I guess if I just tell him that I try to use natural therapy before the Ativan (which is true) he’ll be ok with it.

last night I had a pretty intense panic attack because some people started to argue and to throw things

I couldn't breav

it was horrible, because even after i'd got all the windows open I was still having issues breathing

feel better today though. I ended up sitting on my bed watching my soap opera

I also shook so violently- that half the stuff on my table ended up on the floor!

I had been doing better in the past few months but it's getting bad again.
I'm exhausted. I either stay awake all night or wake up too many times and get up early. I'm hypervigilant and it seems like every little noise bothers me.
Medication is not helping. I'm seeing my Pdoc tomorrow and she'll probably suggest taking a higher dose or trying a different medicine, but I don't think that would be a solution.

Update on the new job...

Week one has gone by. I am actually doing quite well I believe but despite this I have already fallen into the pattern of high anxiety. I have intense anxiety that keeps me up at night as I catastrophise about numerous siutations that potentially might arise. I will have then done a complete workday in my head even before I punch in. And then I bring work home with me. The day might have gone very well but I have a tendancy to ruminate on what I could have done better.

I had to drive close to Atlanta, and I was very anxious. I am so glad to be home.

((((hugs)))))

These days are kinda awful. I don't get a rest day on last weekend due to multiple events. It makes me feel so weary. Yesterday, my work PC was broken thanks to the damn USB. It made me anxious for the day, scared to lose all my data (thankfully they are saved). I've got to bring my heavy laptop for days, maybe weeks until it is repaired. Got so many work too. Anxious about my study plan. The great thing is, I probably just made friends with a few bus passengers. Not a good friend, but nice for a small talk during the ride.

Another work day, the first of my second week. The anxiety is far better right now but still putting me off kilter. But I can do this!