Anxiety Daily Check-In point #5

had a panic attack yesterday over Christmas (yes I know, Christmas)

it wasn't a severe attack, but it was still pretty bad

9/10 right now. The new job is the source for the major anxiety I have been feeling. For goodness sake, can't they have me do the work I was hired for. It is really tough on me to constantly be farmed out to other departments. It is not that I don't perform well these other tasks but it is nerve racking not knowing what and when I will be doing them. Can't I just do what I was hired to do? Can't they at least tell me beforehand and provide me an idea and schedule of those tasks they will assign to me? I hate this sudden being ripped away from one task and being sent unawares to do another. Tell me please before had that today I will do such in such from 10-12 and another task from then to 2 and so on. I get so stressed out worrying when they will drag me away and with what they will assign me to do.

Today a women sat next to me while I was looking at my phone. I turned it off because I don’t like people knowing what I’m looking at. Anyways now I feel bad because she looked really sad and I feel like maybe I should have been nice to her. But I don’t know. Maybe she wasn’t paying me any attention at all. I feel sad and anxious about it. Also I feel anxious about stuff that probably didn’t even happen today.

feeling okay anxiety wise for now

Anxiety is still spiking and with that some major irritation. It is this new job again. I am unwell. I don't sleep, I throw up, I shake uncontrolably. Then all day I dread their moving me back and forth from department to department. I am getting paranoid. Why is this happening? Am I not doing a good enough job in my actual position? Is someone out to get me? Are they laughing behind my back? Why does no one else in my own department have to do this?

one of those evenings where I am anxious for no reason at all

I hate those.. because I can't figure out what to do about it

and the anxiety is really bad

trying to get control over my anxiety for this weekend trip we're planning.

My manager said I am going to be promoted. It is a good thing, but I can't enjoy it at all. Too many other things make me anxious and angry. It is also ironic, because I am basically faking myself, faking my attitude and smiles (though I admit there are some points when i couldn't control my anger). And everyone likes it. I guess I'm personally not well liked.

I am going to go shopping sometime at the beginning of this week and look for the side obsession and see if I can buy one. Of course it all depends if they have them and if I can afford one, but I have to get the nervousness under control anyway in preparation. Because if I get so nervous and ill that I can't even go into the shops then it will be a waste of time.

I'm not even sure if this is even the right thread to write about this.

in a soap opera I watch, their is an upcoming sceen where one of the main characters collapse

I think it was in Thursday's episode, and I'm up to Wednesdays.. I am putting it off- I don't want to watch it

I know I have a thing about people collapsing, and I know that this is fake.. he's not even going to collapse, just pretend too

still it makes me anxious that at some point I will have to watch it.

well I guess I don't have to, I could just skip that episode

but then I wouldn't know what happens would I?

I avoided the sceen/ episode in question

feel bad, because their were going to be some important clues in it to one of the major storylines at the moment.

but yeah... now it's gone so I'm sort of glad

and now I'm anxious about missing it

**** anxiety sometimes

I took a couple Ativan today. It didn’t make a difference. I think I may have something legit going on. I’m seeing an actual gynecologist on Thursday.

If my Ativan isn’t working when it always does work, then does that mean there’s something else going on that’s not anxiety? I wish I could get some answers. My therapists go to answer is “I don’t know.”

work continues to be a major source of anxiety. If only they would get it together and assign me to a duty that lasts longer than 15 minutes to an hour. Not knowing what I will be doing 15 minutes ahead is incredibly stressing.

the anxiety is affecting me physically. No longer am I merely sick to my stomach and nauseated but my muscles ache.

I hate this.

today on the quiz show I watched, their were 2 (2) female contestants

I don't know why I'm constantly anxious about women on quiz shows, but I am

and today was no acception

I just kept saying to myself... let the women lose, let them lose, and they did- a male won

the women's names were laura and eiling, hardly names to get anxious over (at least not laura)

I am anxious for Wednesday as I am having a meeting with a woman called louise- just wants to see me about some stuff we discussed, and if she can make that happen or not

and anxious about tomorrow for... no reason

I just have a feeling in my gut- fear September 18th. it's weird I know

I'm really struggling today. I went to the gym in the morning and had to leave after half an hour because my heart rate was too high. I felt like I was going to have a panic attack if it got higher. I'm still feeling very anxious, even though I've tried to get some rest.

Having a less than good day.

I have that awful fear feeling for no reason. Just walking around feeling scared as if the whole world is a horror movie and the boogey man is just about to jump out. No one else sees/hears/feels it. It's just me and that feeling through my whole body. Yuck!

I’m still not feeling good. I’m worried I may have to get a cyst or something removed. As for my anxiety, I didn’t have too much besides worrying about my health. Work went fine.

So yesterday I went shopping again, the main reason to look for the "side obsession" and hopefully buy one. I went around loads of different shops again, and again I couldn't find any. However I didn't feel nervous at all, in fact I felt a lot more disappointed and frustrated, and also a bit confused because I have seen these before.

There was one shop in particular that I had convinced myself would have them, or at least something similar but that was probably the most disappointing shop.

So now I'm wondering if I ever do find any, will I be able to buy one. I obviously have improved because I wasn't nervous just going into shops. But then there was none. I have no idea what would happen if I saw them, I might get nervous then. And I guess I'll never know until I find some, and that is obviously out of my control, so frustrating!

I was once told,

"if you can't buy it on amazon, you can't buy it anywhere"

so maybe try amazon

I don't know if you guys have checked the news here but in Virginia, we got tornadoes where I live and now I am scared shitless! Please I need someone to talk to to reassure me everything is okay!

Having a lot of anxiety today. I met with another new T yesterday, and today I see my Pdoc.

7/10

The new job is the primary source of anxiety. Also, we are approaching my overseas holiday. Now that it is less than three months out I am beginning to feel anxiety about that seeping in too. I thus far have no worries about the tour; however, it is the logistics of getting there that is worrying.

I am meant to be getting a delivery today of rio tropical

not arrived yet.... kinda anxious as it was meant to be here by 12

it's now 4

My anxiety was bad today. I think a lot of things are just getting to me. Work, my cats issues, my own health. I think it’s just all adding up. I keep getting a weird feeling in my throat like I’m getting sick. I also have this pressure in my chest. My mom said don’t be so quick to dismiss everything as anxiety. She keeps telling me that even people who are committed to psychiatric hospitals get sick. This seems to have happened right after I missed a period. I feel like my body is trying so hard to get a period. It’s like constant PMDD but with no period. I’m seeing a gynecologist for the first time Thursday. Maybe she can give me some answers. There’s always my new psychiatrist too. I think he could seriously help me.