[clearblue]

Maybe someone can give me some insight into the last year of my life and where what I am facing in regards to my mental health. Early December 2006 I stupidly smoked some Marijuana which is totally out of character for me, I don't smoke drink or do drugs.

After smoking some pot I had a long hot shower, after the shower I started to feel strange when I was talking to a friend on the phone, I suddenly could not focus on what I was saying or thinking, I panicked and hung up on my friend. I was in a complete state of panic, I paced around not knowing what I was doing, my heart was going a million miles an hour and I could not put my thoughts in order. My then girlfriend (now wife) did not understand what I was doing and I could not even explain it to her, she wanted to take me to the hospital although I refused. I eventually went to bed and although I hardly got any sleep the panicked, confused, and total out of body feeling slowly passed.

I feel like this extremely traumatic event is what has caused me so much distress in the last year I certainly did not notice any of these symptoms before the pot smoking event. Since this episode my anxiety level has gone through the roof. I feel depersonalized, anxious,timid. I have been obsessing with the though that I am going crazy or losing my mind. I have been terrified that I am going to develop Schizophrenia or a similar disorder. I have made myself believe that I am in the prodromal phase of psychosis. I often think about things such as what if I were to hear voices or see something that is not there, I often question the things I hear sometimes thinking it could be a sign of psychosis. I am terrified of going crazy and losing my job, friends, and family.

I have distanced myself from social situations more and more since time has passed, I constantly worry that people see me as being different or that they notice that I am anxious or confused. I have a hard time sometimes with eye contact and feel nervous and edgy. I feel like I may be falling into depression from feeling this way for so long now.

It has been a year since this all happened and I have been seeing a psychologist for about the last 8 months. The psychologist has not given me a diagnosis but instead has given me tools to help deal with the anxiety, when I do bring up psychosis he tends to just brush it off and says he has seen nothing to lead him to believe that I am in anyway out of touch with reality. The psychologist has helped; however, lately I feel like I am getting worse and I still worry about psychosis and loss of control. On occasion I sometimes get a few days of almost complete relief of these troublesome thoughts and feelings, the confidence seems to return and then everything bad just rushes back in again.

Am I suffering from GAD, Depression, OCD, PTSD, or is this a sign that I may be progressing into something more serious? How could all of this have started by a terrifying experience with marijuana? Do I need medication for this?

HELP?

[RACEKA]

It sounds like anxiety. What you described after smoking the pot was a panic attack. Pot will do that. Now you are feeling paranoid that you did some permanent damage which is causing you to feel anxious. Anxiety and depression go together. Anxiety will keep you at home. It will isolate you. It will make you feel like you are going crazy. This will depress you.

You may want to see a PDOC. They may prescribe anxiety meds until you can get it under control. When you start feeling the anxiety coming on use the tools your T has taught you. Nobody has ever died from a panic attack.

I smoked pot for 30 years. I went into recovery about 2 years ago. When I started recovery is when I had my first panic attack. I have had anxiety ever since then. The pot was covering up all my feelings & problems. I learned to use the tools my T has taught me to get through the panic.

Hope this helps. Your not going crazy.

[Perna]

Hi, clearblue, welcome to PsychCentral (PC). It does sound like anxiety. Don't know if it will help, but mentlal problems don't generally morph into wholly different ones. If your psychologist isn't worried and brushes off your worries about psychosis, then you are likely pretty safe from that.

Like RACEKA says, you probably have characteristics you've always tended to have and just kind of covered it and the pot smoking brought it out. What we feel is part of us, logical and from inside, not something that happens to us or someone gives us from the outside. It's not like a cold we catch. Smoking the pot uncovered something already genetically/chemically possible with you, not something new. My appendix burst in 2003 and I had 5 months of complications. Afterwards, because of the antibiotics, asthma showed up and I still stuggle with that. But I had genetically "weak lungs" already from my father and mother's mother. So, unless you have a genetic tendency to psychosis, have other family members with schizophrenia or something, that is not likely to result out of this years' experience.

[clearblue]

I very much appreciate both of your thoughts on what is happening with me. It is comforting to find this web site! I do agree that my issue is most likely just anxiety; however, it is another matter to try and squash my inner thoughts and anxieties about it.

I think I spend far too much time on the Internet looking up symptoms of anxiety and other mental disorders. I think I only fuel the fire by over analyzing what I read on various web sites and in turn possibly creating my most feared symptoms or outcome.

Anxiety is so hard to recover from.........

[altonwoodsdrphil]

welcome to pc clearblue, before your pot smoking incident would you say that you were a person who very much likes to remain in control of themselves? maybe even a "control freak" getting high scares some people because of this, that can be difficult to process...it really sounds like a combination of factors to me, the control issues being primary and your own insecurities about your mental health as a secondary.

[BalishBun]

I went through a stage in life where I had a bad relationship with a guy that turned out to be a closet druggie. He got me on weed for the time I was with him, and It was scary. We had smoked so much that I was laughing and could not physically stop. Then I sort of zoned out and zoned in and grabbed onto his leg because I felt like I was going through differnt time zones. So yes I can see why you would have had a panic attack, so stay away from the stuff. It apparently helps some people in situations but That I don't know much about.

[clearblue]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
altonwoodsdrphil said:
welcome to pc clearblue, before your pot smoking incident would you say that you were a person who very much likes to remain in control of themselves? maybe even a "control freak" getting high scares some people because of this, that can be difficult to process...it really sounds like a combination of factors to me, the control issues being primary and your own insecurities about your mental health as a secondary.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Before the incident with the pot I did like to be in control to a certain extent, I always worried about finances etc. I have also always been pretty edgy ( high strung) it is difficult for me to stop moving or fidgeting, maybe this was a sign that I was already an anxious person but had control over it. I do think that my current anxiety is likely do to the major panic attack where as I lost complete control of my mind and any decision making ability. Just before the incident I also recently took on a very high paying, competitive, big responsibility job. This may have been a factor as well.

I fear possibly "losing my mind" . I fear losing everything I have accomplished due to mental illness etc. I always seem to link the anxiety and thoughts that pop into my head as some symptom of schitzo. etc. I also worry that people see me differently or somehow I act differently after the panic attack. I guess there is also some OCD tendencies here.

I just cannot understand why I cannot get my mind around all of this!

[altonwoodsdrphil]

CB, answer this question, what do you control? I don't mean to simply have the ability to affect....I'm talking un-threatenable,rock solid,REAL control of? I don't think that any of us have REAL (that which is un-threatenable) control over ANYTHING!! the closest we come is our thought's...we can control those, but only to a certain extent because we're not completely logical all of the time and neither is our thinking. If any of this is true, then how is it that we take the responsibity for so many things we have no control over? You seem to fear a great many things...thats because theres a part of you that already knows what I'm talking about IS true...but in order to accept this "truth" you would have to accept that if in fact YOU are not in control than WHO is? and thats not a question you're prepared to deal with right now...or are you?

[clearblue]

Very good question! I guess the only thing I really believe I have control of is how I treat the people around me and how hard I try at work. Everything else is somewhat fate and or devine intervention if you will. I do believe in god; however, does god really control our every thoughts and feelings in regards to fear, anxiety,happiness, sadness, and love? If so, then why this?

Isn't our choices in life decided by our "free will"? I believe that every action has a reaction and sets the direction for our life. My anxiety is likely just another hurdle for me but whether it changes the outcome or not in my life is what worries me the most.

[altonwoodsdrphil]

right! how we treat people is a product of how we process events and circumstances (our thoughts). could it be that your anxiety is actually your "good sense" trying to tell you that you have no REAL sense of security? I look around these days and if I were'nt a person with a hope of life beyond this world I think I'd have some pretty serious anxiety too! listen to what its saying to you, what about this? what if that? there are no REAL answers which are dependant upon man...you do have a freewill, your free to decide what will help you to have peace in your life. your choices come down to 1) change the world 2) change yourself - which seems more do-able? I'm just sayin...