Anxiety Daily Check-In point #8

My symptoms right now are legit physical but I’m going to take a Valium because you know, benzo addiction.

My sister is in the ICU for a blood clot and she is making me anxious. She has stage 4 cancer surgery in two days. She wasn't very nice to me yesterday and now she is being weird. It's upsetting me.

I just took my second Valium. Which is kinda good considering I’m usually on my 3rd by now. I had been listening to scary podcasts and then I got a bit spooked while running to Walgreens and it’s kinda creepy looking outside right now. Very fall and Halloween like. But I’m not sure I’m in the mood to go back to the podcasts today. At least those ones.

My anxiety was under control after I took one of my meds early around noon. I think I took it with a Valium too. Before my anxiety was so high I felt flushed and hot and my temp was 98.7. But I’m ok now.

I feel kinda anxious that I hurt myself and gave myself surgery complications. Also I’m not looking forward to Thanksgiving this year. I’m traveling which I don’t want to do in general this year and I don’t want to see specific family members. Especially all at one time. I know I did that during our vacation in July. But it wasn’t that many people. Although believe me I was nervous then too but I got through it. So I guess I’ll just get through this too. But Thanksgivings aren’t the best for me. I either have to deal with family I don’t want to deal with or I have crazy work shifts the next day. My dad even died 2 days after Thanksgiving 2014.

I'm anxious about everything. I was dealing with a panic attack earlier. I chewed on aspirin just to help any potential blood clots, since I haven't been able to make it into the doctor's for exams and blood tests for over 19 months. I know the new news is that aspirin is no longer recommended for those who don't have diagnosed heart conditions or hypertension or stroke. But it still puts my mind at ease to at least take aspirin on occasion when I feel this way. I'm not taking any anti-anxiety, and the VA has frowned upon prescribing that. So I deal with anxiety the best way I can. It's the heart palpitations that bother me every single night. Today I'm anxious because my sister and I are estranged and yesterday was her birthday. I also haven't heard back from my mom, and I worry about her health. I don't live near any family, and I've not seen them for Thanksgiving or Christmas in over 25 years. I'm really alone, even though I do have local and distal friends.

I'm not really anxious today.

My anxiety is tough right now. It’s most likely related to the large coffee and 3 sodas I had and the lack of food I’ve had today. I took a few of my meds super early and then I took my 3rd Valium. I need to go watch TV and do some distraction.

I was very anxious this morning. I did a Covid test. I was scared of the drive and doing the test. But I made it. Now I'm anxious cause I'm waiting for someone to return my call. I may not hear from them today. It's getting late.

It wasn't that bad today.

My anxiety was decent for the most part but I’ve had a lot of caffeine including 2 mountain dews. So a 4th Valium may be needed. For the first time in awhile. Or I could just you know lay off the caffeine but I never want to do things the easy way.

I’m trying not to worry about Thanksgiving but it’s hard not to be anxious about it. I’m trying not to stress too much about it because my anxiety gets my mom going as well. Maybe the hotel will be booked. We haven’t even made reservations yet I don’t know why my mom hasn’t done it. I’ve heard this year will be crazy.

And my mom just got the reservations made. ****.

I'm anxious about tomorrow. It's my birthday. My mom wants me to come visit. My test came back negative, but I am worried about getting dressed. I fear the shower. I've been washing up at the sink, but tomorrow, I really need a shower.

I was showering for a while and then I don't know what happened. It got to be too much. Maybe I can just shower my hair. I'll do the best I can.

I’m having a tough day but basic hygiene made me feel a little bit better alongside some DBT skills.

I got my shower last night and today was so much easier. I was still a bit anxious cause I had to get my booster. And then later I drove out to my mom's But I did it. I left my house for important things and I survived. I even enjoyed myself. I guess I am capable.

I’m trying not to be a jerk about thanksgiving. But it’s really hard for me to process this. My mom has made all kinds of promises of places we can go to to make the trip easier for me but I’m still having a hard time with it. It’s just seeing a bunch of family at one time. I know everyone is supportive of me but it’s still going to be very hard.

But I’m trying very hard not to make my mom as miserable as I am about this. Or make my family think I don’t like them.

I've been sort of chill today even though I had some difficult business to deal with. I'm starting to get anxious now. I took a lot of Klonopin this morning. It's probably time for more.

I’m a combination of super anxious and super tired. I don’t know what’s worse.

I'm anxious. I have a therapy meeting. I angry cause she hasn't been responded to my messages in my therapy room. She completely ignored me today.

I'm a little anxious, though I'm not as anxious as I was before. I got to see my new primary care doc on video for the first time. She ordered a bunch of tests, and she plans on sending me prescriptions of holistic stuff, like a generic probiotic, Vitamin D, and then some topical thing to try for an area that seems infected.

I'm afraid of a ton of things.

But I think that I'm calming down from my fears by looking for things that are safe whenever I consider my fears. My T suggested a safety list whenever I'm honed in on a fear. That seems to be helping me cope.

I was doing quite well for weeks now. Not much anxiety. Then this sense of well-being has just collapsed. I've been finding bug bites on my legs and arms. I don't know what's biting me. I'm worried some kind of bugs have gotten into my apartment. I'm worried sick about this.

Sometimes your landlord will cover an exterminator if, say, your neighbor has an infestation of fleas or bedbugs that jumped over to your apartment. I once fostered a cat that had too many fleas. My landlord actually paid for the extermination. The fleas died, and I had a ton of cleanup, but I felt better a week later. The kitty went to a better home with a flea bath. The kitty lived a long and good life with a family.

I also had to deal with bedbugs in a different state that was infested with them. It was horrible. Their bites are like two or three together, and sometimes all over one arm or back or leg or multiple places. Usually they bite in twos or threes, and you'll see like small red welts. If they are super itchy, it's most likely bed bugs. Those are harder to get rid of.

They can enter your home if you purchase used furniture, travel anywhere, help someone move, deal with a neighbor who has an infestation, purchase items without knowing they had bed bug eggs (like at Target, when they resell returns that look new, but aren't), etc.

A specialized exterminator would need to come out and figure out where the infestation was. For me, it was a few bugs in the couch, where my friend slept on and brought to my home. I wrapped the couch in plastic and paid for a special removal - with notifying them that it needed to be fumigated. My friend also broke my couch's arm, since she was obese and didn't know her weight. I paid for that myself though. I knew she was embarrassed. But I never had any friends spend the night after that. This was about 8 years ago, give or take. The bed bug problem went away, but I didn't have an infestation. It was just a couple of bugs she brought over from an infestation at our college. Horrible times!

I hope you find the source.

You can also see if you have poison ivy or something like that, too, which is more manageable than a bug infestation.

My anxiety comes & goes throughout the day, usually relieved by distraction.

I have to admit since giving up soda not by choice my anxiety has been a lot better. Especially since I haven’t been replacing it with a lot of black tea and coffee. I had a grande coffee today and it didn’t do much to my anxiety. I’ve only had one Valium and these last 2 days I’ve been doing well with leaving my house without anxiety. It could also be my new med but I think it’s the drastic decrease in caffeine. I’m not happy about having to stop the soda though. I really enjoyed it and I found it to be helpful with my hunger and weight loss.

My anxiety was really high today, since I went outside and was at multiple places getting vaccines (got the flu shot and Moderna #3 full-dose jab). I met a new person today for the first time. I spent a considerable amount of time indoors, including getting blood drawn for multiple tests my primary care wanted me to do - all at like 6:40 a.m., long before the vaccines I received later on that morning. I fear getting 'Rona, so I fear going outside at all. I was on high alert all today and worried about germs, diseases, contamination, etc.

But my parts inside helped me (I have DID). So my anxiety was bearable. I tried to focus on safe things, and I also enjoyed being outside, seeing the sun, meeting a new person, seeing other people getting their vaccines and blood drawn, and feeling not so alone in the struggle. No one said anything mean to me today, so that was a plus. My new friend was also very kind and had interesting things to say.

I showered when I returned home, which helped me to feel safe - at least with the thoughts that I washed all the germs, pathogens, and impurities away - except for the good bacteria that we all need. I slept (finally), and I woke up feeling "accomplished."

My anxiety isn't as bad as I thought it would be today.

Suffering with anxiety right now. Started last eve. I had a few Ativan tablets left over from July, when I had anxiety bad for a while. So I used up that Ativan. I slept so good after taking it. Wish I had some for tonight. I do have phenergan. I'll try that.