Anxiety Daily Check-In point #8

Hi,
I don't usually post in this thread. It causes me ''too much'' anxiety.

I personally am not a fan of labels such as ''anxious and avoidant''.... I think it can contribute to a sense of guilt and shame. I also am not a fan of certain words.... UGGGHHHH

Sorry about the Grrrrrrrrr post. I think I need to go back to ''avoiding'' and hide under my rock



PS maybe part of managing anxiety is being kinder and gentler to ourselves? What do y'all think?

I also think it's ok to ''avoid'' some things. It isn't a crime, at least the last time I checked it wasn't

Lately tylenol has been working better for me then valium has. It makes me think what I am feeling is not really anxiety. Last night I was in a borderline crisis. I took a tylenol pepcid combo and realized I just felt like **** physically for some reason that didnt have much to do with my anxiety. I've been taking my mental health meds at the correct times today because after about noon my physical health got under control. I need to contiune to learn the diffrence between the 2 so I don't get confused.

I told my brother about my situation and he's decided to help. This is good and bad. I appreciate him helping, as I need it, but his way of helping sometimes feels like bullying. Of course it could be my mental state that sees it that way, I don't know. He's called or texted every FREAKING day for the last week. I have no peace or time to mentally process what he thinks I should do. And don't I dare tell him that he doesn't understand anxiety and depression. He literally yells over me when I say anything like that. He tells me that I'm not a burden, then does everything to make it seem like I am. But I feel like if I ask him to back off a little, then he'll take it personally and then it really will be just me trying to deal with things. I just wish this was all over. I want out.

Without telling him, my brother has backed off a little. I think he thinks I'm helpless, but I struggle between not wanting to even be here and with overwhelm in trying to move forward with my life. There is nothing so terrible about my life that suicide makes sense, but that's been on my mind for years and no matter if I have a day where I'm completely happy, I still think that's my best option. But I'm trying to put in the effort to find a reason to live and move forward, at least to be there to take care of my dogs. I get horribly overwhelmed when I think about moving and getting a new job and everything else that comes with "progress." Anyway, today has not been terrible, the previous couple of days were pretty good too. But I'm afraid to get his call tonight or the ton of texts tomorrow demanding to know where I am with pulling myself up by my bootstraps. If only life were as easy for those with anxiety as it is presumably for those without. Heck, no more meds, no more therapy, just bootstraps. Ah! Why hasn't anyone thought of that before now?

Dear @AgentQ9A, is it possible that your brother or someone else is undermining your attempts to strengthen yourself? If that's the case (& I know that feeling), can you forgive them & move ahead, in spite of misguided influences? I am wishing for your freedom from negative input. I'm wishing for your enjoyable days ahead.

Hey thanks @Breaking Dawn. I don't think he's trying to undermine me, I think he's just trying to protect himself and prevent me from being what brings him down. My mom was similar. Good at the appearance of love and concern but don't ever ask for help that requires any material help. Small gifts, maybe the occasional good word is fine, everything else is off the books. The problem really is me. I know I need to get moving in life or life will kick me to the curb, and this was going to be my year to do that. But the reality of needing to do stuff to make that happen is overwhelming and I melted down and asked if he'd be willing to let the dogs and I stay with him for a bit should things fall apart here (which is a plan Q, as things will probably be OK). The minute he heard that I might take up space in his house and disrupt his life with the dogs and me, he came out all guns blazing to prevent that, even at the need to poke and prod me to get moving. "I love you, but you ain't staying here. Homelessness won't be that bad for you." I know some of that's hyperbole but, it is what it feels like it is.

Thanks again!

Edit: I'm just angry at the world and mostly at myself. I've let myself down and I don't believe I have what it takes to get out of this mess I'm in. I'm throwing hatred at everyone but me. And I'm the only one to be hated. And I do.

My anxiety was fine all day and then I got freaked out and I couldnt get my grocery shopping done this afternoon and I needed reassursance from my mom about things and I had the whole "is therapy helping or hurting" thoughts again." And the whole "will I be safe at work" thoughts again.

I took my last valium and I'm trying just to relax now.

Have been very anxious for a couple weeks

Im feeling particularly anxious about tomorrow, having to make a number of phone calls to doc, wedding venue, work and dog trainer.
I just wish I could go away for a while from this life and come back when Im feeling better. Like a holiday.

I've been experiencing much anxiety for the last few days. I've also been very tired. Not enough sleep. Tonight, right now is a bit better....

My mood was pretty good last night and this morning. Crazy cold and some snow here, but I didn't let it get to me. I went out yesterday for a library run and this morning for groceries. Honestly was feeling pretty decent, then I had a thought about how I shouldn't get ahead of myself and that it can all come crashing down at any second. So, I'm a little down right now, but not too bad. Some standard worry but manageable at the moment. Now that I realize that I *HAVE* to make some moves in my life, I'm actually feeling a little more motivated to get them done. With the current state of the world, I don't know what that will mean, but all I really want to do is live long enough to be there for my dogs. I feel a little more likely to make that happen now. My friend contacted me about grabbing coffee and I should respond and set something up.

Feeling OK.

I guess the anxiety is better at the moment.

My anxiety was still quite high but I managed to go out and get my dog fitted for a new harness today. I find myself excessively clammy and sweaty in social situations which is not a great look. Im wondering if this is to do with my meds.

Anyway, Im pleased I went out. Maybe Ill try going out with my friend tomorrow.

I just have the normal anxiety I've had all week. It was a bit more intense a couple hours ago but its settled back down. I've taken off my shoes and put on an older hoodie and I'm in bed and trying to relax. I am trying not to take my night meds too early although I kinda could use them. I took my first valium around 3AM and then the second one at 8AM and the last one was around noon. I'm not taking any extras and I do feel like my med managment is ok for the most part. It has improved greatly though over the last few weeks. I took a zofran too which helped as well with the physical stuff I was feeling. I wish I could just get involved with something. I was watching a TV show until it became too predicatable. And my other one only comes on once a week. At least I don't feel needy with my therapist today.

My 3rd valium doesnt seem to be working. At this point I dont think anything will I just have to get this over with.

I think I'm doing pretty good right now.

Going to meet my friend for brunch tomorrow morning, got another library trip completed today and had take out lunch from a place I hadn't been in years (it was pretty good). It's warmer today and the dogs and I had several nice long walks. Tonight I want to watch a movie, but my brain can only handle about 20 minutes at a time. I could pause the movie but it might take all night to get through. Still, I do need to work on my attention span. Ooh, look, shiny.

On the whole, feeling pretty good today. Which, quite frankly, is a little scary. I tend to wait for the other shoe to drop when things are good. Tick, tock, tick, tock...

My anxiety has been ok today. I got out of my house this morning without an issue and I got grocery shopping done. My med management was better then it normally is so I think that may have something to do with it.

Not sure if it's fate or just cause and effect, but my anxiety is up quite a bit today. Started late last night and is continuing. Like I said last time, I tend to get anxious when I have a good day. Then wait for the universe to pay me back. So, not sure if this is that, or just the standard up and down that my life and mood takes. I did have a good conversation with my friend and that helped a lot to make Saturday good. Last night was a pity party for myself about where I am in life compared to where I could be if I'd just stayed on the runaway train of life. I could probably live longer with the less stress, but then I just feel disappointed in myself for not living up to my potential. 6 of a dozen, half of another, I guess.

My anxiety has been bad all day. I was on the verge of a panic attack while getting my haircut. My leg was actually shaking and I was trying very hard to control it. I wanted to just leave But there was nothing I could do. Then this dude I guess waiting to get his haircut actually did have a panic attack. The monthly sirens went off and he said something about Putin then had a full blown meltdown.

This Ukraine situation is just really getting to everyone. I hope my trip in a couple days helps me.

I have to keep myself distracted or I suddenly feel anxious & sad.

I was particularly anxious today, my hands were trembling a lot when I was out at the shops. Im not sure why...maybe worried I would see someone I know? Maybe worried what people would think?
Im hoping tomorrow will be a less anxious day.

Anxiety has been very high today. My mom was supposed to drive me to the big city for an important meeting. She backed out this morning. I couldn't drive myself. I missed the meeting. I cried and cried today cause it was too much for me.

Extra high anxiety today. I've tried numerous things to help calm me. A few helped a little.

I can't tell if I'm anxious or hungry. I've had all my valium and I've eaten today but not a huge amount. Things have been stressful in general lately and today was kinda odd. Especially in therapy. I'm also getting ready to leave the state in the morning for a few days. So I'm not sure.

I have a couple blisters on my finger from zipping up a tough zipper yesterday. One of them popped a bit this morning so there is like this tiny hole in it and I am concerned about bacteria and germs and stuff getting underneath the hole and spreading to my entire finger.