[phantasmagoric]

Okay, so once again tonight I was unable to find anything online to help me figure out my problem. There is plenty of info on common phobias, and people sharing their experiences with panic attacks... But none of it helps me!
I can't sleep very well, have nightmares, and get nervous around scissors, knives, or any other sharp objects....
And because of Freud (I can't spell), typing in "castration anxiety" just leads me to some freaky theory that has nothing to do with my problem.
Basically, anything that could hurt me, or any joke, or mention of neutering, and I get really paranoid. I also have a vivid imagination, so the horriffic nightmares seem like something that they couldn't have shown in "Hostel"...........
I need someone to tell me what to do.... what the hell is wrong with me....
(I'll explain more if needed later... I was outside all day, and it's almost 2:30 am, so I'm tired...but I can't sleep...) <font color="#880000"> </font>

[AAAAA]

There are medications out there to help you. Please let your doctor know how severe your symptoms are. I know how you feel, but there is relief out there.

[DePressMe]

phantasmagoric, I have had periods where I spent days and nights on the computer trying to figure out the root cause of my "problem." I have, at times, really became obsessed with it. I have had to let go of the "need" to know exactly what causes my thoughts. They are irrational thoughts--they don't necessarily make sense or have specific causes. Plus, I don't think knowing the cause of them will make them magically go away. That was my big drive, I thought if I could figure out the cause of the thoughts, they would go away. I am not sure that is true.

There is nothing wrong with you! You are not broken or damaged.

Medication and therapy have helped me a great deal. Have you considered talking with somebody about your thoughts?

[BalishBun]

That is one paranoia i never had, so i can only relate on the fact that anxiety still creates an unsettling fear in all of us.

[phantasmagoric]

There are a few things that make getting help difficult.
1, talking about castration would be very uncomfortable, or even bringing it up.
2, I've been on so many medications, and on 3 now, that it'd be hard to know where to start.
3, we're getting tight on money, since ONE of the pills is $300+, and my mom just lost her job...

I don't know... I wish I could just like snap out of it... Because it's constantly there, tho I supress it well, until one thing triggers it. Then I withdraw, stop talking, my leg starts twitching, and my mind races.
It's really started to affect my relationship with my girlfriend too...

(still don't have time to type what I want!)

[DePressMe]

phantasmagoric, sounds like you are in a tough spot. Maybe opening up here on PsychCentral and sharing will help you. I am afraid, I don't have too many answers right now. I do know that suppressing my thoughts is a bad idea--it makes them grow and fester. It is important for me to acknowledge my thoughts and then try to move on to other things. Meditation and control of my breathing help dispel my anxiety when I am triggered.

[BalishBun]

Don't we all wish we could just snap out of it. And about those expensive meds, sure there are many $4 dollar drugs out there, but still not enough. There are many asthma meds that i cannot get because of the price and my lousy insurance...

[phantasmagoric]

Yeah, I know all too well what holding things in does.

I've always been the nice, quiet guy.
I've never been bullied, mostly because I'm probably intimidating (5'11", 205lbs., big rings, steel toes, large chrome choke-chain, etc...), but I also don't have close friends.

And I don't like dumping everything on my girlfriend. ( almost two years! ... July 14th! )

I tend to take my anger/frustration/emotions out by breaking stuff (usually already broken), slamming on the guitar, cranking up my stereo, and headbanging untill I feel sick... none of those are too great... oh, and playing GTA: San Andreas....

and as to the meds, it's kinda funny. We were on this Badger Care thing to help pay for meds, and they wanted to change what I was taking for depression!!