[jmo531]

Last night when I went to bed my mind was racing. I couldn't get to sleep. I was diagnosed with Panic Disorder and Depression and began taking Effexor a little over 30 days ago. I don't think my problem was so much that my mind was racing but rather the disturbing thoughts I was having. I always have this fear that I am going to lose my mind and go crazy. I have these feelings very often and that alone have sent me into more panic then I can handle at times. However, last night I thought, what if I go crazy and hurt one of the kids. Then I started thinking, my god, what the hell is wrong with me. I'm really losing it this time. I was so paranoid and ashamed of my thoughts that I went into my sons room and brought him in to sleep with us. I felt like crying and screaming because I am so frustrated with these awful thoughts. I would never hurt my children. But why am I having thoughts of going crazy and hurting them? Sometimes I find that I can't even look into their eyes because I am so ashamed of myself. Somehow I drifted off to sleep and woke up thinking, am I panicking? Then I started to analyse why I was thinking those horrible thoughts. That sent me even further into panic. It's like a vicious circle. I'm so scared that I'm going to end up in a mental hospital if I can't stop this pattern of thinking. I can say that since starting the Effexor it has dulled some of the sensations of my panic and does help but not enough. The more I thought about it this morning, my lips and arms were getting numb and I told my husband what was going on. He said that my feelings are coming from my deepest darkest fear and that is causing anxiety. He told me that because I have anxiety that I must learn how to divert my thoughts elsewhere. Easier said then done. I tried. I tried thinking of a peaceful place. I was there for about a second and reverted back to the disturbing thoughts. Am I alone? Is this more then anxiety? I am seeing a therapist and plan on speaking with her about this however, I need some assurance now. Assurance that I'm not going crazy. I'm really scared and think sometimes that this will never end. Please help.

[Mahali]

Your husband is probably right. If you will pardon the expression...anxiety likes to kick you where it hurts...But do talk to your T.

Visualization relaxation is easier said than done but keep trying and the exercise gets easier and more effective. If you can be there for a second you can be there longer.

It may also take the medication a while longer to take full effect. I suggest you do contact your T as soon as you can to help ease your fears.

You are not alone. The people here are always willing to offer support.
Also, disturbing thoughts are common as I understand it.

Keep yourself safe. (((jmo531))) Hugs if you want them.

Kim

[jmo531]

Thank you so much for your reply. I needed reassurance. After my post I went and bought a CD of peaceful and relaxing sounds to help me sleep at night. I hope it works. Thanks again and your hugs are always welcome.

[Mahali]

((((jmo531))))
No problem I hope I was of some small help. I think you will find the cd works very well. Just let yourself settle peacefully into the music. Do not forget to take nice deep breaths and exhale slowly. focus on peaceful things or your safe place. Do talk to your T about this.

take care and be safe. if you need to talk more keep posting or I am around off and on and feel free to pm me.

Kim

[Myzen]

Hi jmo,

Yes, what you describe is familiar to me.

I found that thinking of relaxing places wasn't the best strategy in my case. What I have done is visualise myself as a determined survivor, coping with the anxiety, and always remaining after the storms. I focus on the surviving me, and not on the rubbish that the anxiety chucks my way. I think of myself as neither a winner or a loser, but as a survivor.

I don't hope that the anxiety will go away, I just stay with whatever comes. Gradually, this method has weakened the panic, and over time I have learned to go through it, just walk on.

My daughter calls it "doing it packhorse style." She always had a good way with words.

We can reduce this stuff, with a good therapist, with medication, and with help from fellow travellers. It can be done.

Good thoughts to you, Myzen

[Maya]

I have a relaxation CD I play continuously all night, every night for the past several months. It allows me to sleep. If I wake up I hear it and know I am safe. I hope your CD works as well for you.

[obsids]

Your situation sounds so much like me. I have PTSD, and often I lie awake in bed with my mind going a zillion miles per hour, plagued with anxiety or memories or worries.

Talk to your T. but also maybe the meds need a little more time to work. Remember to breathe. Also, I found that a little lavendar lotion at bedtime helped me relax... and sometimes a little bit of hot herbal tea.

I hope you find some relief from your anxiety soon.