My long lost Husband

Hi,

I'm a new member and I am so happy to have come accros this website. My husband was diagnosed with Bipolar II about 3 weeks ago. Although for a long time we knew something was wrong with him, we could not quite pin point it. We are both now relieved that we can attach a name to his moods and or behavoir. He was given Lamictal as the meds for his mood swings and although I know it can take up to a month for it actually to kick in the last few weeks have been horrible. He seems to be so angry at me always and for everything and says mean and hurtful things. Everyone tells me not to take it personal and that it's not him but it is so hard. I am seeing a therapist to better understand it and try to cope with it and she has told me that I seem to understand it but I just don't get it, and until that happens I won't able to help him. I am deathly afraid that the loving compassionate husband I once knew is gone forever and I wonder if I will ever have a normal life again. If anyone has any suggestions, ideas, comments and/or support groups that can be offered that would be great.
I love him dearly but the pain it is causing me seems so unbearable.

Thank you for listeneing.

Hi litobes, glad you found us too. Welcome aboard and welcome to our close knit family. You're going to find all the support you need here. I'm at work now, but will respond in further depth later when I have the time and can give my full attn. But I just had to say welcome and I look forward to conversing with you. TgrsPurr xo

Wow, what a heavy burden to carry litobes. I really feel for you. It's obvious that you come from the heart and that can be overwhelming at times and rewarding at other times.

I think that what your therapist might have been getting at is that intellectually you understand the illness, mentally you "know" that it's not personal when he is angry all the time, saying mean and hurtful things. In your head you can reason and rationalize all these things.
The problem is that all of this "knowledge" hasn't sunk into your heart yet. It doesn't make sense to you emotionally, this is your HUSBAND, this is not how things are "suppose" to be. It's exhausting, stressful, confusing and lonely. Your head tells you one thing, your heart tells you another. This is where the inner conflict lies.

A few suggestions I can make are to journal, write it all out, don't hold back. Get exercise to keep yourself healthy physically, but also mentally and emotionally. Eat right so your body is getting the proper nutrients to function at it's most optimal. The fact that you are in therapy is outstanding. There are support groups out there for family members of ppl with bp. Make sure your husband is taking his meds and if they aren't working, get him to the pdoc ASAP to try something different and keep doing that until you find what works. There is a pluthra of meds out there for bp, something will click with his chemistry. Keep reminding yourself that he is ill and in need of your help, comfort, assurance, nurturing and love. Keep the love alive, this is vital to surviving this illness. And with your big heart, this will absolutely be possible for you.

I hope this has helped you even a little bit. Please keep coming back, post as much or as little as you like. I hope I get the opportunity to get to know you better. TgrsPurr, xo.

being diagnosed with BP, i second everything that Tgrs told you....excellent post. xoxo pat

my husband also has Bipolar, found out three years ago, we have been married only four years. The man I fell in love with seems to be gone. He does and says the most aweful things to me and others. We have been seeing help for three years with little or no help to him, minimal help for me. I joined this chat line to see if I could get a better understanding of the whole thing. I don't know how I can hold on much longer. I pray to God every day to give me the strength to go on with this marriage. We share four children together, two mine, two his. His children also have mental disorders, I wish there was a group I could join that we sat in person and talked, I will continue to search for one. In the mean time, hold on

my b/f has bipolar 1 ...big problems w/anger...he stays away from me when he is like that b/c he knows how bad he gets even.

He has gone from therapist to therapist.

He has started w/a new one and said to me on the phone just the other day ... I'm gonna tell you right now ...i can be rude at times (cuz right now he's manic so ppl enjoy him) and offend you so I'm warning you i can bust in here and i have no idea what will come out of my mouth and I'm sure I'll hurt you're feelings.

She just thanked him for warning her.

I came from an abusive relationship prior ..so my b/f is afraid and so he avoids me during what he calls his "mood"

so i know what you means...cuz sometimes I see a bit of it.

Just remember this is the disorder acting out and your hubby is probably as scared as you
Angie

for me it's my b/f in pain ..and it pains me to see him suffer so and try so hard to get help

Thank you all for your kind and comforting words, especially you Tgrs........ it almost gives me some inner peace and I feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm trying to learn as much as I can about this disorder and it is very complex. But I love this man dearly and I made a commitment to him " in sickness and in health" and plus we have a 1 1/2 year old little girl who absolutely adores him and vice versa.
I pray everyday and I ask God to give me the patience, understanding, knowledge and most important...compassion. I hope I can get to know each and everyone of you.

Thank you once again!