[perpetuallysad]

Ok, so I got denied today for SSD. I have to say it didn't do me any good to get that ****ing letter! I am so upset and angry and hurt and invalidated right now I don't know what to do.

At the end of the form letter they sent me saying that they determined I'm not disabled they put that they did see there were some problems for me, but that they believed in today's national economy I could work as a grocery cashier with my current medical problems.

I have cried until I felt like my head was going to split in half. I don't know what to do. I am tired of this. I am tired of being useless, worthless and a loser. I hate myself so much and this did nothing but prove I'm right to feel this way.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I don't want to cry anymore.

[dj586858]

Hey sad,
I am so sorry you are having a difficult time right now. I know I have read posts by you before but I don't know whether you are on the right meds for now or have a good dr., etc.. If not, of course, that would be the first step. When is the last time you had a job? Are you never feeling good or at peace or are you always sad and in the darkness or angry? I am not sure what the government's criteria is for helping out the mentally ill. Are you sure you are totally unable to work at all or it has been so long you are scared or not sure or what? Maybe if you started small you could work you way up to really supporting yourself even if on some days you have to take it 5 minutes at the time until time to go home like I do. If you are lucky you may find yourself working with others who learn to understand and know when to leave you alone and not ask anything of you. In my old dept I had that. In the new one only my boss knows but I will probably end up having to talk to them about it so they will not be offended on the days that I am having a bad episode and just can't talk. I hate to do it but it is a big part of who I am.
I wish the best for you. Take care of yourself above all and let us know how things go. We are pulling for you!

[BNLsMOM]

I am so sorry. You can appeal the decision. I know it takes a bunch of energy that you may not htink you have right now. There are attorneys who specialize in SSDI and I think that the SS administration pays the attorney fee somehow.

Maybe that is something to look into. Good luck.

I am so sorry you have to go through this.

[perpetuallysad]

dj, thanks. I originally, after college, worked full time and was going to school for my master's full time. Gradually, over about 2 1/2 years I lost almost all of my ability to handle the job I had and school. First I quit school and eventually I transferred to a position that held a lot less responsibility. I still couldn't handle that. So I started taking tons of sick and personal days, days I would just sit home crying. Hell, most days I left work crying. Eventually, I ended up quitting the job altogether. I didn't give up though. I started substitute teaching, because this was something I could do when I was able, but didn't have to do everyday. At first it was alright, but the pressure (any pressure and I completely freak) started wearing me down and I was crying everyday when I came home (same thing that happened before). It got to where I was too freaked out and too scared to even answer the phone to accept jobs anymore until now, where I haven't worked in a year and a half and its really quite miraculous for me to go to the grocery store without breaking down half way through. As it is I have to take xanax just to keep my panic attack in control enough to leave for the store in the first place. So no, I am not capable of working. It took me a long time to admit that to myself and even longer to get the courage up to admit it to my husband. Applying for social security benefits was the most humiliating thing I've ever done. I would love to be functioning and working and contributing, but I cannot. I torture myself over this everyday.

Also, I am on meds and see my pdoc/t regularly, but I am not, by any stretch of the imagination, stable. Right now, we are just working on being less unstable.

BNLsMOM, thanks. I know I can appeal. But I feel so humiliated. I mean, they said I should work as a cashier. The main part of my problem is my inability to interact with people on a normal level. Its like the height of irony that they suggest I do work that is highly sociable when I am not capable of interacting with people in real life at all.

I am going to try to appeal though. When I see my pdoc next friday I am going to ask him what he thinks I should do.

I feel so utterly worthless I don't know how to go on anymore.

[Trying & Caring]

Actually, the attorney will take a cut from you check. It is totally "insane" as the gov't put in their own publications that they will usually deny you 3 times & to get an attorney!! Like are they getting kick backs or something from the attorneys? Will try to paste the latest gov't writing on disability. It is actually frightening... If your pdoc says you are disabled, they don't care. They have their own "definitions" & say so clearly.

[Trying & Caring]

DISABILIITY LAW HANDBOOK AVAILABLE

The Southwest Disability and Business Technical Assistance Center (DBTAC) – funded by the National Institute on Disability and Rehabilitation Research recently announced that the Disability Law Handbook is now available on our website at: http://www.swdbtac.org/html/publications/dlh/index.html. The book will also be translated into Spanish and will be available soon.

This Disability Law Handbook is a 50-page guide to the basics of the Americans with Disabilities Act and other disability related laws. Written in an FAQ format, The Disability Law Handbook answers questions about the Americans with Disabilities Act, the ADA Amendments Act, the Rehabilitation Act, Social Security, the Air Carrier Access Act, the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act, the Civil Rights of Institutionalized Persons Act, and the Fair Housing Act Amendments
Questions re this Handbook should be directed to the Southwest DBTAC, web site www.swdbtac.org.
Want information on Federal mental health grants, publications, meetings, policies, programs and other useful material for mental health consumers? Join the CMHS Consumer Affairs Listserv at: http://mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/listserv/
###
Want information on Federal mental health grants, publications, meetings, policies, programs and other useful material for mental health consumers? Join the CMHS Consumer Affairs Listserv at: http://mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/listserv/

[NuckingFutz]

The Social Security Administration rejects the initial application. You have to keep appealing. Good luck to you.

[Trying & Caring]

Disability Law Handbook

The handbook is available in PDF for printing purposes.
Table of Contents

• Americans with Disabilities Act Overview
• Employment and the ADA
• State and Local Governments and the ADA
• Public Accommodations and the ADA
• Transportation and the ADA
• Rehabilitation Act
• Individuals with Disabilities Education Act
• Housing
• Social Security and Disability
• Air Travel
• Civil Rights of Institutionalized Persons
• Resources
• Statute and Regulation Citations
• Acknowledgements

This handbook is a broad overview of rights and obligations under federal disability laws. Individual state laws may impose more stringent obligations. This handbook is intended to inform rather than to advise, and the information provided is of a general nature. You should consult an attorney for advice about your particular situation.
Acknowledgements

The Disability and Business Technical Assistance Center (DBTAC) Southwest ADA Center is a program of ILRU (Independent Living Research Utilization) at TIRR Memorial Hermann in Houston, Texas. The DBTAC is funded by a grant (#H133A060091) from the Department of Education’s National Institute on Disability and Rehabilitation Research (NIDRR). NIDRR is not an enforcement agency.

The DBTAC Southwest ADA Center
2323 S. Shepherd – Suite 1000
Houston, Texas 77019
713.520.0232
1.800.949.4232
www.southwestada.org

The information in this book is intended solely as informal guidance and is neither a determination of your legal rights or responsibilities under the Americans with Disabilities Act or other laws, nor binding on any agency with enforcement responsibility under the ADA and other disability-related laws.
Copyright © 2009. All rights reserved.
This book may be copied and distributed, in whole or in part, with proper attribution. Any alterations or modifications to the text require the express written consent of the author.
The ADA Centers offer training and resources on the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) as well as other disability-related topics in various formats to meet the needs of diverse learning styles. Each DBTAC: ADA Center offers customized training programs, many of which provide education credits. Centers also offer technical assistance and are available to answer ADA related questions via a national toll free hotline at
1-800-949-4232 (voice/tty). All calls are confidential.
Resources Include:

• Audio Conferences
• Conferences & Training Events
• Courses (adacourse.org)
• Podcasts
• Publications / Training Materials
• Toolkits / Train-the-Trainer
• Videos
• Webcasts

To find out more visit http://www.adata.org/
FOREWORD

Disability law is an area of law that overlaps with many other areas of law – including employment law, administrative law, elder law, consumer law, construction law, insurance law, school law, health law, social security law, and civil rights law. Individuals with disabilities are a protected class under civil rights laws, and it is the one protected class that anyone can join, usually involuntarily, at any point in their lives.
It is my hope that this book, which is a very broad brush look at disability law, will find its way into the hands of both individuals who have disabilities and entities that have obligations under various disability laws. This book is meant to provide basic information about disability rights, as well as resources for finding out more.

Jacquie Brennan
Attorney
DBTAC Southwest ADA Center


Jacquie Brennan is an attorney with the DBTAC Southwest ADA Center. A graduate of the University of Houston Law Center, her interest in disability law started with her nine children, the youngest five of whom are adopted and have different kinds of disabilities. Jacquie is also the Director of the Paralegal Certificate Program at the University of Houston. Jacquie is the President of the Board of Directors of two non-profit organizations -- Project DOCC of Houston and A Simple Thread. She also serves on the Bioethics Committee of Texas Children's Hospital.

Copyright © 2009. All rights reserved. contact us: DBTAC Southwest ADA Center

[Trying & Caring]

Oh--click on the pdf link & I think you will be able to read the whole thing...

[perpetuallysad]

thank you so much trying and caring. And thanks NukingFuts.

I am going to try to appeal, I've just got to try to get past this crushing blow first, god this hurts like hell. Like I already struggle with feeling like an alien, and now this just seems to confirm its just "all in my head" as so many people like to point out to me.

[Trying & Caring]

You know what, I am middle-aged & had to fight for 6 mos. w/the accounting dept of the mental health facility in that I didn't want them to file both my indiv. therapy & DBT (a kind of group therapy) as I only get 30 visits per yr. (UMM--PARITY??) & they also include my meds provider in the 30 visits. So I only wanted my indiv. therapy filed w/ins. co. & pay out of pocket for other services to get "more bang for my buck." You would not believe how rude the head of the acct. dept. was to me so finally a few days ago I filed a report about his substandard service (like is it legal to FORCE me to file services w/my ins. co. that I don't want to? I think not & my daughter is a law prof & she thought not as well).

So guess what, after 6 mos. w/trying to get this resolved & his refusing to accommodate me, I filed a report w/the Mental Health Div. of the state gov't & SUDDENLY once he got the report of my complaint he is bending over backwards to comply w/my request. He thought since he is a big wig & I'm just a crazy bipolar middle-aged B**** I would go away--WRONG, Mr. Big Wig!!

[perpetuallysad]

You sound so brave. I am a complete chicken. I am terrified of people.

[Trying & Caring]

Well, I'm terrified of people & that is why I have NO FRIENDS--but I do get pissed at injustices so I just go ahead & shake in my boots & tell the freaking people they are wrong or doing something illegal or whatever. I've suffered enough in this world w/bipolar (My mother did, too, with bad results) so I figure, hell, I've lived through enough suicide attempts, what is the guy going to do --shoot me? Well, maybe I would thank him for that! Kidding. I just can't stand people who deserve certain benefits or whatever (I do not receive any disability though I would probably "qualify" but my husband has faithfully taken care of me so I do not want to take money out of the hands of people who truly need it--though my husband may give up on me some day & then I will need it!).

[lonegael]

Good luck to you, PS. Please don't let this get you down. It's a soul destroying game, dealing with the government... Huggs

[kasc]

Originally Posted by perpetually sad

You sound so brave. I am a complete chicken. I am terrified of people.

Hi Perpetually,

I am so sorry this has happened to you. If it's of any comfort, it happens to everyone. SS will deny you first time, almost without exception.

There are other things in play that have nothing do to with you. The govt. has made deep cuts to many programs, and SS is one of them.

They are about as incompetent as a govt agency can be. I have been dealing with them four four years, and it never fails, I submit a form they sent to me, in a pre-addressed envelope they sent me, and would you believe it, they never got it...every time, for the past four years.

They are paid to be incompetent. I know how hard it is not to take it in as a reflection of who YOU are, but it really isn't.

Remember this...you are brave, you are strong, you are smart, and you deserve the help to be on your feet and functional in the world.....

Hope this helps

[lonegael]

^^^ excellent post. Absolutely remember what she said about you PS. Most of these burocrats count on you feeling inferior, and they feed off it. Why not help them lose a little weight? Huggs!

[perpetuallysad]

I know you are all correct, but I am having a hugely hard time getting out of this pit. I just want to sleep and sleep and make my brain stop thinking. I am so tired.

[kasc]

Originally Posted by perpetually sad

I know you are all correct, but I am having a hugely hard time getting out of this pit. I just want to sleep and sleep and make my brain stop thinking. I am so tired.

Hi Perpetual,

Then rest...really. What you have been feeling takes a tremendous toll on you, as it would to me too.

What I have learned is when I get nailed, I take a day or two, and rest, let myself absorb it without fighting it, and recoup my inner strength. You have that. It is just depleted right now, so like your physical body, your emotional self needs rest, and love delivered to it in the face of a difficult blow.

Take a few days and be kind to yourself. Try and tell yourself good things that you do, or watch a few comedies, laughter is good for the spirit.

If you can't think of anything good at the moment, at least don't join in with the bunch who have made you feel this way.. Can you imagine having their jobs? Couldn't feel very good at the end of a day...

The world is a hard place and it will kick your butt , why join in?

Healing thoughts and gentle words to you

[perpetuallysad]

You all are the kindest people I've ever known. Thank you to everyone for their awesome words.

[dj586858]

"...and now this just seems to confirm its just "all in my head" as so many people like to point out to me."

Hey sad,
Please don't think I was telling you that it is all in your head. I was just trying to encourage you to, if at all possible, work through the paralyzing fear and take it one step at a time to get where you want to go. It sounds like you have done all you can do to keep working. We are really the only ones who know what this life is like and what our limits are. Sometimes we can surprise ourselves but our illness can cause limitations whether they are an everyday occurrence or we are doing well enough right now that they are just off and on. You know who and how you are. Do everything you can not to let those who don't understand us make you feel like a faker or a loser or useless or anything other than a person with a mental illness who has to fight harder than most to live through what each day brings.
Good luck to you.

[perpetuallysad]

Its ok, DJ, I know you didn't mean that. I was thinking more of the people in my life who aren't supportive. I know you were only being nice when you said what you said.

[leah0306]

i too have been denied, am waiting to hear from the appeals and review on that. it is so FRUSTRATING isnt it? i have bipolar along with lupus, and the said that because i attended 2 years of college and have had about 20 jobs in my life,(im 28) that i should find work that would not involve other people,to limit stress, and suggested work as a ticket taker???? or cafeteria, completely ridiculous, so appeal your case and good luck, are you doing it on your won or using atty.s?? take care,

[catrules]

Hi, new here, but wanted to tell you my experience. I had to stop working last year after a hospitalization. I had heard all of the horror stories about getting SSD, but losing my income was a big hit for my family. I immediately started working with a program that I found through a search engine. I knew that I did not have the energy or organization to deal with the government on my own.

They took care of everything, paperwork, fielding phone calls, obtaining medical records etc. I received my first disability check one month after I was eligible. They took 20% of that first check, but I found it to be totally worthwhile. I cannot say that would be the outcome for everyone, but I know that they also work on appeals if there is an initial denial.

[DancingAlone]

Don't give up yet! When I first applied for disability, in 1995, I was turned down. I heard this is usual. So I applied again, and got turned down again. Somebody told me to hire a lawyer, that's the only way I would get SSDI, so I did. I hated that he got 25% after I had done all the work, BUT, he did something I didn't. He got me in front of a judge to hear my case.

The main thing he did was have an occupational therapist present. That man said to the judge that I qualified for many, many jobs (I had worked my whole life until I got too sick to work anymore), but the nature of having BPD prevented me from holding a job for long, and that I would always have trouble being employed, and other stuff I can't remember.

But I got my disability. I was recently reviewed and again found that I do not meet the standards for being gainfully employed, or something like that. I now work a very simple parttime job, it's all I can do, I will never go back to being an RN, or a typographer making big bucks, but I am at peace.

It's been 14 years now and they mostly leave me alone. SO DON'T GIVE UP! Get a good disability lawyer and fight.

[perpetuallysad]

I just got my reconsideration claim letter. They denied me again. I really don't know what to think or do. I am tired of coming on here and complaining to you guys and I cannot bring myself to really talk about this with my husband. I physically feel like someone kicked me in the stomach. I feel inadequate and worthless. I'm not saying so everyone will tell me that I am not, its just the way it is. Aside from cleaning my house, taking care of my son and cooking for them, I am nothing. NOTHING. I do NOTHING. I contribute NOTHING. I am so sick and tired and disgusted and I'm tired of crying. I'm going to sleep. At least in my dreams I'm not ****ed up like this. At least my bed is safe and soft and comforting. This is such ********. Why do I keep trying? What's the freaking point anyway?