[SunnyD]

Do you think this is helpful or not for you?

When I am rational enough to have a choice and because I am so afraid of rage, I will fake it. I turn out to be grateful I did.

How about you?

[PT52]

To a certain extent it's a good thing. A lot of studies lately have shown that even for "normal" people, venting is more detrimental to you physically than having some control over your rage. Of course, suppressing without dealing with it isn't good, either, but there is a middle ground if we can find it. Hope that helps!

[midnight_soul]

My shrink gave me a helpful tool on my anger/rage moments. He told me to go to my PC and start typing on a blank screen using word if you have it, if not use note book. Anyway, the point is to type out every thing i am feeling toward others or a particual person, life what ever. On screen cuss rant rave every thing to let it all out. Then read what you have said. Then, either keep it in a private note book that only you can get into or delete it. It doesn't ALWAYS work for me, but I would say about 65% of the time it helps to where I at least wont be so angry and can be some what rational when I need to talk to the ppl or person I am upset with because I have already let out the rage and anger on a white screen that no one can see or hear. If you are upset with life or your self, what ever it is, this is a useful tool.

It can't hurt to try it out, right? I wish you well. I hope it may help you. Let me know, I will be curious if it helps.

[blueoctober]

SunnyD, Yes I definitely fake it until I make it. If I let myself wallow in a depressed mood it just seems to last longer or get worse. So I truly just try to continue with my routine until the depression lifts.

It doesn't work if I'm faking it with everyone in my life including friends, therapists etc. I did this for years putting on the facade that everything was Great! Everyone in my life was completely fooled, but putting on that act nearly cost me my life.

So I guess my answer is a little bit of both!

[bandit99301]

I have a hard time faking it until I make it. I can't even get out of my own head. I don't want to do anything that will help. Just because it is so hard to get up and do something that is good for yourself. Plus I have faked it for many years and nothing worked. I have found that talking honestly about what is going on is the best way to process what is going on. In turn it helps to begin to heal the hurt. This is not the quick and easy fix but it has work for me.

[laur88]

I'm a pro at the fake smile and fake laugh! I hate crying in front of people so I usually let go and break down when I'm alone in my room. It's better to talk about it but for some reason I have the hardest time doing that - probably because I can't exactly describe how I feel... It's nice to have PC because I know that when I'm feeling lame, people will understand how that works. The way I see it, we who suffer with bipolar "feel too much" meaning our emotions are much stronger and more intense. Get my drift?

[blueoctober]

Originally Posted by laur88

The way I see it, we who suffer with bipolar "feel too much" meaning our emotions are much stronger and more intense. Get my drift?

Very true.

[Ithurts]

Originally Posted by PT52

To a certain extent it's a good thing. A lot of studies lately have shown that even for "normal" people, venting is more detrimental to you physically than having some control over your rage. Of course, suppressing without dealing with it isn't good, either, but there is a middle ground if we can find it. Hope that helps!

That's pretty funny. Maybe one day I'll wind up in the normal pile. It would be a nice change.

[PT52]

That's pretty funny. Maybe one day I'll wind up in the normal pile. It would be a nice change.

Aww...there are too many normals out there! My goal is to move from the dysfunctional pile to the brilliant pile!

[vjdragonfly]

Your title caught my eye because that is what my therapist you to tell me "fake it until you make it". I find there is some truth in it, although it is not always the easiest thing to do. I think as a BPer we do it much more then we realize especially when we are are the general public.

Totally agree, laur88. I feel compelled to fake it, especially when depressed, having fear of someone saying or asking something (and knowing I could never explain it to them anyway), and already feeling very self conscious, so.... fake it as well as I can manage. The part of the expression "fake it till you make it" that I don't get is "make it". I've managed it with some stuff, but not in terms of mood (unless you count pulling it off). It's tiring and I can only keep up the fake it part so long then need time off to recover.

[BlackPup]

Sometimes yes, sometimes no...
I listen to what I feel like I need, and if I need to get way or rest, I will. the problem is that depression tells me I always need to sleep and not be near people so I've had to learn when I really do need to rest (keeping regular sleep hours helps) and also when I'm trying to avoid people for good reasons (people/events that are triggers) or bad (withdrawing).

[Lucianus]

For crying out loud!!!

Enough with the fake til' you make it, and I do mean enough already. Just let it out, all of it, use any skills you might have learned or heard about, or just your imagination and write something down, anything. Vent, talk to yourself in front of the mirror, but NEVER EVER fake it til' you make it. The only fool remains you for doing so. I am sick and tired of being told to fake it and not show any emotions from the time I was 5 years old by my parents and relatives, and today i am totally unfazed by what happens to them. Years of practice what they told me have made me rational to the point now where they say I am "cold" and "emotionless". Little do they know it's what they taught me that came back to bite them, and even less do they know the perfect storm that keeps on brewing inside me since the day I was born and started to remember.

Thank you for not faking it!

[PT52]

Originally Posted by Lucianus

For crying out loud!!!

Enough with the fake til' you make it, and I do mean enough already. Just let it out, all of it, use any skills you might have learned or heard about, or just your imagination and write something down, anything. Vent, talk to yourself in front of the mirror, but NEVER EVER fake it til' you make it. The only fool remains you for doing so. I am sick and tired of being told to fake it and not show any emotions from the time I was 5 years old by my parents and relatives, and today i am totally unfazed by what happens to them. Years of practice what they told me have made me rational to the point now where they say I am "cold" and "emotionless". Little do they know it's what they taught me that came back to bite them, and even less do they know the perfect storm that keeps on brewing inside me since the day I was born and started to remember.

Thank you for not faking it!

Lucianus...I'm sorry you have had such a hard life, and have so much to deal with right now. It's important to everyone here that we are able to express ourselves without judgment...I don't think anyone was telling you that you have to fake it. I'm sure that you will find your own ways to cope, as have the rest of us. I hope that you will find positive support and unconditional acceptance here. I wish you peace.

[WendyAussie]

I'm an 11 years sober AA member as well as being a Beeper and it was flogged into me in early sobriety to "Fake it til you make it". There is a lot of wisdom in AA but this is not it!! lol

Alki's including me are famous for being ******** artists - like they says, "How do you know an alki's lying - see their lips move". It hopefully doesn't apply so much to sober ones!! lol

But my point is that for us, rigorous honesty in thought and deed is the only way. Pretending to be something I am not or telling myself that I'm something I'm not is a sure fire path to failure. It was my lifetime strategy when I was a blackout drunk for 18 years.

I like what midnight soul said about venting on paper or on the PC. I have done it relentlessly and endlessly - and I always tell other women I am helping in AA (and this applies to Beepers too) just grab that used envelope if you feel like your head is going to ecplode and quickly write it down. If you can get stuff down like that you are likely to get some instant relief and then if you feel you need to, you can then share it with a trusted friend or therapist. Vent vent vent.

[sugahorse1]

I cannot fake it- I wear my heart on my sleeve

I have to fake it. My job relies on my being able to be there for my students no matter how crappy I feel. What I have always found is that I am much more stable on the job than off it. I am able to keep it together and focused for my students and I really am healthier during the school year when I have my kids to keep me "up" than in the summer or vacations when I have too much idle time to do too much thinking.

[PT52]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

I have to fake it. My job relies on my being able to be there for my students no matter how crappy I feel. What I have always found is that I am much more stable on the job than off it. I am able to keep it together and focused for my students and I really am healthier during the school year when I have my kids to keep me "up" than in the summer or vacations when I have too much idle time to do too much thinking.

It makes sense that you feel more together and focused when you're in a situation that has a positive outcome (as long as you maintain). Maybe the point is not so much to "fake" it by not acknowledging your BP even to yourself, but to adjust your behavior so that you can function - like behavioral therapy..