[Amandas256]

I went to my pdoc yesterday and he put me on Lithium and Klonipin. I'm hoping that this will help me. After I got home, my husband said he wanted a divorce. I was devastated! he said that he can't handle mu ups and downs anymore. This has just about killed me! I love him with all of my heart! To make matters worse, I have stayed at home with my kids for the last eight years and I have no money and pretty soon I'm gonna be homeless! I know my husband has someone lined up to start dating. I don't know how I'm gonna handle all of this! Any advice will be very helpful!

[Special-K]

Wow, I'm so sorry. I'm sure this is very difficult. I'm on Lithium & I have been on Kolonopin in the past as well. I'm also married & we are having so many marital problems because of my bipolar. We have a 15 month old & it changed everything making life so hard. We were talking divorce just this weekend but were trying to stay together.
So I hear where your coming from. Try to take one day at a time. Your not going to solve all your problems today or have all the answers today. They will come to you.

I am very uptight, I worry about EVERYTHING. What's helped me lately is TRUSTING IT WILL BE OK! Seriously.

Our babysitter stopped showing up 3 weeks ago. I was furious...now its all working out & costing me less.

I trusted it would be ok. It will be for you too. Keep us posted & best wishes to you & your children.

[BlackPup]

Amanda,
I am so, so sorry for you. What you are going through sounds devastating - I can not imagine it. I wish so badly that there was something I could do or say to take this pain from you. Special K gives great advice, only deal with todays problems today - leave tomorrow for tomorrow... trust that things will work out somehow, rather than believing the worst... Easier said than done! You are a survivor, you have the strength to get through this. Believe in yourself.

Please know that you will be in my thoughts and I will pray for you, your family and that the medication helps...

K

[lisadhum1]

Amanda,

Definitely take it a day at a time, even an hour at a time. My Bipolar husband left a month ago, he drained the bank account, quit his job, school, said he wanted a divorce and I don't even know where he is! Trust me, you CAN take it an hour at a time. I lost 2 weeks of time because I was so devastated and cried my eyes out in bed. I only just realized it has been a month.

From my perspective, I think that it's pretty ****** that your husband wants to leave because of your Bipolar. A lot of people are telling me to leave my husband but I can't because I love him and I married him for better or worse and I intend on sticking it out. It amazes me how people are so quick to dispose of marriages in general especially those with a mentally ill spouse. Yeah, it sucks and it's amazingly difficult to handle at times but I am a firm believer in love and commitment and this is the life I chose when I married my husband and I would never abandon my husband even if he did it to me ya know?

Feel what you feel but know that what you are going through is serious and you need support just as much as he does and if he chooses not to get support and stick with you, then you take care of yourself and heal yourself...if not for you, do it for us spouses like me who don't have the choice of helping our mates.If he was here I would but it is out of my control. Be strong and just take it an hour at a time!

[sugahorse1]

I'm so sorry to hear this!
If your BP meds have not helped to stabilise you over the years, is it possibly an option to speak to your husband, be admitted to a hospital where the med changes can be monitored, and give it a last shot at getting your med combo sorted to not interrupt your relationship?

I'd be devestated if my relationship ended due to BP, and it really isn't fair. You definitely do you very best to be as productive as possible, and to get better.

(((HUGS)))

[Karen1933]

I think it's important for you to know that although your husband wants to put this all on your bipolar, it's really just an excuse.

He could make the choice of working this through with you, learning about it, helping you while he helps himself, etc. This is not about your bipolar, this is about his selfishness.

Seven years ago, my husband walked out on me...out of the blue...confessing an affair that had been going on for months, I found out later. Your husband having someone lined up to date only means that he's been planning this, has a safety net in place, and has decided that now you can know about it. He's shooting from the hip, not even thinking about consequences, and when you show him the door, it won't take long for him to see how he screwed everything up.

Your best defense now is to continue taking care of YOU. Don't plead with him, beg him, or cry to him. He will use that against you and it won't change anything. Instead, gather all your financial stuff, start reaching out to womens shelters/organizations, etc. If you work, get yourself a separate bank account and do not let him get to it.

Don't get me wrong, what I'm saying has nothing to do with love...and it sure isn't about divorce. It's simply what I learned when I was in your shoes 7 years ago. I ended up on Effexor when that happened and I swore to myself that never again would I succumb like that because of another person.

My kids were fairly young at the time also, and I had to get over myself to take care of them.

[sanityseeker]

I am so sorry Amanda that you are faced with this. I lost my relationship 5 years ago in large part because of the BP symptoms and the havoc it causes in my life and the lives of everyone around me. For my partner in particular it was rough and while my heart was broken I could appreciate that his health was suffering too. It was not a healthy environment. The growing stress between us was adding to the pressures. He became diabetic and the stress of living with me and my symptoms made it that much more difficult for him to manage his diabetes. Fortunately we have been able to grow into a new friendship that is much more supportive then it ever was when we were together. I know my situation is probably the exception rather than the rule but I wanted to give you some hope that things will be okay. My heart was broken. I didn't want him to go but it worked out for the best.

Even though your heart is breaking you need to take care of business. Get some legal advice and learn about your rights. He will legally be required to support you and your children financially. If he can't or won't there are government programs that will help you out. You will not be homeless.

Now is the time to network in your community to find out what kinds of services and supports are available to you and your children. Assume the worst and hope for the best when it comes to wondering what your husband is going to do next.

If there is hope to save the marriage then work with him to do that if that is what you want. If there is no hope then accept that and process the hurt one day at a time while you prepare for life without him.

Being a mother first will help you find your strength. You are stronger than you think. You will survive. You and your children will be okay. Don't try to do this alone. Get help anywhere and everywhere you can find it. You will be okay.

My heart goes out to you.

[Shakti]

I don't have much to say in response to your post mostly because I'm very depressed right now and this breaks my heart and I feel it deeply.... That sounds selfish, like I know how you feel or what you are feeling and I don't--I never could. But I read it and felt like it happened to me, I guess is what I meant to say. My depression does strange things to me and desperate sadness that feels like grief and deep heartbreak is one of them, so I just want to say I'm sorry this has happened to you. So very sorry.

I can't imagine the pain of your husband dropping that bomb on you and your knowing there is someone else already in the wings. Makes me kinda want to punch him in the teeth. But I'm not nice.

You will get through this and be ok. Sounds trite, but you will. And if your husband is not the support you need, then you don't need him at all anyway. You deserve much better. Hopefully the lithium and klonopin will help you not only get through this, but also help you do better in general.

We're here.

[Amandas256]

thanks so much everyone. It makes me feel better to have people like you who understands. I'm just trying to remember that this isn't gonna kill me only make me stronger. Again thanks everyone!

[sanityseeker]

You got that right!! And remember you are not alone. We will be here to remind you just how strong and able you are.