concerned for myself!

I'm really concerned that i may hurt myself or do somethin stupid that could hurt me or others. I've been feelin really strange now since last week, i'm anxious and irritable, i can't be around ppl cos they irritate me and i can feel my anger boiling! I feel like i'm gonna explode with rage. I can't sleep, i can't think or concentrate i really wish i was dead. I don't think i can cope much longer. I'm under so much stress and pressure. I jus can't cope any longer, i feel numb and cold and dead inside. I jus need to relax but i can't. Its sounds lazy sayin i need a break and time to relax cos i've been of work for 4 months. I feel like i'm going insane!

Oh sweetie, I am so sorry you feel this way. You need to get to the hospital tonight. Please do not stay at home feeling this way. I fear for you please call 911 if you need to. I think you need medical attention as soon as possible. Please check in as soon as you have called some one.

For me I never really took time off and this may be the case for you as well. Even when I wasn't working at a job I did spend a lot of time and energy kicking my own butt. If you can't do something, then rest and try to do it without feeling guilty about it. I used to isolate from everyone because I felt I was a danger to them emotionally. I would never actually hurt anyone physically, but I was short and irritable and volatile so instead of hurting people I hid away from the world and still do at times. If you really need to I hope you consider getting my in depth treatment even if that means calling a crisis line or the hospital. I wish you peace.

larakeziah; please don't hesitate to go to the ER. I wish I had admitted myself, but instead I was found and was committed. I regret my actions to this day. This illness can play horrible tricks on our minds and it's not safe for you to suffer in silence. Please let someone know how you're feeling and go to the ER. Please keep us posted.

i think the ER is the only place that may take you serious.
i'm sorry to say, but pdocs and T's are just paid professionals, who earn a lot of money for you to see them for a set amount of time.
I am worried i'm about to be committed to, if I don't sort myself out. and being bipolar, it's not normally a case of just sorting myself out...
PLease be safe and let us know how you are

If you have to self isolate for a bit to keep yourself undercontrol until you can get help, then do so. It's better to take those steps until you can get the problem sorted out than to have everything blow up n your face. Hang in there, make sure you and others are safe. Huggs, and good luck, dear.

thank you all for your responses and advice. I know i should go to the hospital but i can't not yet. I've got a wedding to attend on sat and i'm in charge of filming it. I can't let them down. And i can't put more stress on my friend and her family who i live with. And its their son who's gettin married! I've already put them through a lot. I'm jus hopin i can hold on till after the wedding!

I can't bare it much longer!! I know I sound selfish but my friend who I live with is really getting on my nerves! She's doing things for attention, like not eating her tea and moaning about stuff and I just think for goodness sake shut up!!!!! I'm on the verge of breaking down but I have no one to talk to about it because they are all so busy and stressed with this wedding on saturday and I'm under so much pressure to be "good" and not "play up" on saturday and from what ppl have said on here I may be having a mixed episode. I can't control this! How can I control how i'm gonna be on saturday?? Its just all getting too much for me I don't think I can cope!!!!

Isolate until then if you have to. Pull back, find other places you have to be now and then or things you have to do to keep away from folks for a bit. do what you need to to get out of having to focus on them and their wierdness right now. If you can't cope, get in to a casualty and see someone. you really don't want to push it when you ar elike this. Hang in there and take care of yourself. HUgggggs

Mixed episodes are the WORST. Do all you can to stay settled. For me, that's isolation and staying on the computer all day. Be good to yourself and give in to those pent up emotions (I scream into my pillow and cry my eyes out behind closed doors). Worrying about the wedding is making you more anxious; you want to fulfill your promise because you are STRONG and a survivor. BUT you've had BP long enough to know when you need to go inpatient. There will be someone else to step up to the plate...simply give someone else your camera, and let them film it in your place.
lara...this episode will be over soon.

I can't let someone take over because I promised I'd do it and I can't let them now now. The wedding is in 15 hours! I'll just have to muddle through!

OK, 15 hours, and that was 4 hours ago...only 11 hours left. Just take lots of slow breaths and go find a quiet place as often as you need to. Once this is over, get some help, okay? Sending bunches of peaceful, soothing vibes..use them all

You can do it, lara. The love and care you have for them will give you something to focus on, and you're emotions will recede into the background once you get started on the filming...your happiness for them will become the dominant emotion, and give you strength. Good luck! Let us know how it went!

thanks guys, the weddin is jus over 6 hrs away. I've jus got up. Gonna have a cup of tea and a cigarette before i do anythin else. I'll keep you posted thanks again you've all been brilliant!

If it feels like you're going to blow, just think about your breathing. just think about how it feels, nothing else. Let them yack and stress. YOU don't have to. You can do this. It's going to be fun in the end. Hang in there, and it's be in the past real soon. HUGGGGSSSSSSSS!

How'd it go, Lara?

You can do it larakeziah!

hope you are ok and that it went well.

thanks a lot guys. The weddin went really well and i managed to have a good time for most of the day. Jus glad its all over cos i'm mentally and physically tired. I'm still feelin pretty much the same as before tho. Thank you again, i'd never have gotten thru this weekend without you all. Thanks

Time to pack for the hospital then. You finished what you felt commited to, and now it's time to commit to yourself... so you don't get commited, lol. Hope that joke wasn't out of line.

Get the help you need.

i need to go to court with my friend today and then go see my baby nephew so can't go yet. And no the joke wasn't out of line. Thanks for caring!

Lara, do you know someone who can help you hold onto your courage and encourage you to go? a good friend or a relative? Sometimes it's easier not to be alone with this. Huggss hon and I'm crossing my fingers for you.

Sending happy thoughts your way. I hope your schedule clears...or you clear it soon so you can get the help you need. Remember that you can't help anyone else without helping yourself first.

i wish i could but i don't think i can

My excuse is, I am only a few feet from the bed, isn't that almost as good as being in it?

I like biographical dictionaries & historical encyclopaedias because bite size information takes me out of myself without involving me a lot.