[Trippin2.0]

I used to be very social, n0w i find myself lying to get out of seeing people. I hardly leave my room,and only interact with my close circle of friends/family, which is like 5 people! I refuse to go across the road to buy cigarettes b/c i have to pass old friends,and they might ask 'how r u' this is n0t right,does anybody kn0w whats going on with me? It's scaring me :'(

[astone131]

I am no dr so I cant diagnoisis yoiu but it seems like a good time to sdtart seeing a psych dr and ask them.

[Trippin2.0]

I d0n't want to tell my T, i'm weird enough as it is...

[sugahorse1]

Sounds like you are slowly falling into depression, and your pdoc needs to get involved. Maybe you have also burnt yourself out recently, and this is your body's way of getting u take a break.
Hang in there!

[Forgive77]

I agree with sugar. You're probably in an isolating phase. You gotta watch that and talk to your doctors, because it could last years if you don't. I'm on year four.

[porcupine2]

I can relate, more than I'd like to admit. Please talk to somebody, isolation is one of the worst things to do. I'm glad you are reaching out on this website - it's helpful to know you are not alone. Agoraphobia - fear of leaving your home - can be devastating, you have something very important going for you....Awareness. All of the members on this thread know what they are talking about - please take that first step of talking to a therapist or doctor. Hang in there!

[Trippin2.0]

Thanks you guys, it's been going on since March, i'm w0rking on my own nerves n0w... I was looking forward to seeing an old HS friend,but then lied at the last minute to get out of it. I really wish i hadn't done that, but i just couldn't stop myself. Have i been depressed since March? Wow, and i thought i was self-aware... Hopefully the lithium will kick in soon... Thanks again, you guys are helping me through an unnerving time. XOXO

[Forgive77]

Hey Trippen! yes you can be depressed since march. I've been depressed for three years, but have had break through mania on some days. It's the cycle within a cycle thing they have talked about on here before. I agree it's good you reached out before it got too bad. I'm really bad with it right now, and going to the store, and parties, and even having people over is so hard for me now, and it takes a lot out of me to do it. Just start forcing yourself to go, and ask about some anxiety meds too, so you can cope before you go out, or for when you come back.

[Trippin2.0]

Thanks Forgive. I didn't kn0w i could cycle within a cycle, i only see my pdoc and T next Thursday, and will mention it to both of them... I have experienced hypomania,but not the full effect,and only for a few days at a time. I haven't been sad or upset, save for a few occasi0ns, that's why i thought i couldn't be depressed. Thought it was s0me sort of lazy phase...

[zbmom]

You need to tell your therapist, they can't do their job and help you if you don't let them know what is going on. They're not going to judge you or lock you up. They're going to help you figure out what you need so you can feel better.

[wing]

Trippin, you might need an antidepressant added to your lithium, or a change if you're already on one.

[Trippin2.0]

I'm on 20mg of Prozac... Maybe it needs to be increased?

[wing]

Could be, I went up to 40 mg of Prozac.

[Trippin2.0]

Will hear what my pdoc has to say...

[SunAngel]

I know just how you feel. I get totally into isolation mode all the time and will not leave the house.

I force myself to go out somewhere to pick something up at the grocery store or go get a coffee so I don't become agoraphobic.

See if you can force yourself to do one little thing. It may be even a really short walk. Take baby steps and you will be able to get out of your isolation mode slowiy.

[Trippin2.0]

Thanks for the tip SunAngel. Will keep it in mind :-)

[aeylania]

Be proud you took the first step and posted on here. Some days I have a hard time even reaching out in the forums, despite the fact that I know I'll get awesome feedback from some very understanding people.

Hopefully your T and pdoc can get you feeling better soon. I used to avoid old friends, even close friends, before. Anxiety meds and coping skills helped, also the belief that my friends really do care about me, and will be understanding about my problems. When we get depressed, its hard to think that anyone cares, but they do!

[Tsunamisurfer]

(((Trippin)))
I hope you manage to find a solution to this distressing and lonely stage.
Hang in there.
Pete

[Trippin2.0]

Its like i d0n't even kn0w myself anym0re... T is hilighting my defects,when i just want to be fixed,or atleast managed. Spent so many years c0nvincing the world i'm fine,only to have a strange lady point out that all i'm doing is holding it together. I kn0w this sounds wr0ng,but s0me nights i wish i could suffer a major episode so i can just CRACK ya kn0w?? I deceived even myself. How sad is that. Anyway, i'll st0p whining n0w... Thanks to all of you who have been there for me,your kindness is appreciated.

[wing]

Trippin, maybe if you talk to your therapist a little more, she'll take another tack and put the work that is upsetting to you aside. Maybe ask her to help with something less stressful like CBT, or coping methods for depression. She may not understand how wounding her comments are when you are in such a delicate state.

[Trippin2.0]

She's being VERY delicate, and so understanding,but she keeps making light of things i didn't really pay much attenti0n to. Eg. How inadaquate i feel as a m0ther,b.c i live with my own Superm0m... I d0n't feel like feeling all these things. I'm used to 'burying' n0w she's got me digging. Now i kn0w why i avoided T... I'm ranting again aren't I?

[porcupine2]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Its like i d0n't even kn0w myself anym0re... T is hilighting my defects,when i just want to be fixed,or atleast managed. Spent so many years c0nvincing the world i'm fine,only to have a strange lady point out that all i'm doing is holding it together. I kn0w this sounds wr0ng,but s0me nights i wish i could suffer a major episode so i can just CRACK ya kn0w?? I deceived even myself. How sad is that. Anyway, i'll st0p whining n0w... Thanks to all of you who have been there for me,your kindness is appreciated.

How long have you been with your T? It may be time to find someone more supportive - one should feel better after a therapist session, and not feel belittled. Your post has upset me because I can relate too well. I kept searching until I found someone - she was very helpful but after awhile I just didn't feel like talking anymore. I wanted to learn how to deal with things NOW, not what was in the past. Good luck to you.

[Trippin2.0]

I've just started seeing her, and i've avoided therapy in the past,so i d0n't even kn0w what i'm dealing with... Like what IS it supposed to be like anyway??

[Merlin]

I would give a T 3 sessions and if I didn't find them helpful in that time, find another.

[porcupine2]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

I've just started seeing her, and i've avoided therapy in the past,so i d0n't even kn0w what i'm dealing with... Like what IS it supposed to be like anyway??

Hello Trippin -
Since you just started with this therapist, and are uncomfortable with her, then it's a good time to keep looking. For me, personally, a therapist should always be supportive and empathetic, and when tough love is necessary it is done gently. I was lucky in finding a therapist who combined body, mind and spirit and she was comfortable to be around. I've since moved but if I need a therapist again, those would be my standards.