I wanna do stuff....but I don't...and....

Forgive77 · Jul 15, 2011, 10:16 AM

Every night I plan to do awesome things for the next day, and some how I can just get done a few things. Like yesterday, I took the kids to the doctor to get their shots, and have a physical done for school, I took them to lunch because of the shots, then I registered the boys for pre K, I went to the post office, and then I was pooped. Now that was a super lot for me. Today, I'm backed up on laundry and dishes....must do them...but it all seems so overwhelming and tedious. I can't think how to tackle it. I also have to go to the grocery store...but dragging 4/5 kids to the store sounds like, and feels like climbing a mountain.

I also find I don't know what I'm feeling, nor do I have a vocabulary, or words to assign to them. My meds also make me confused, when I feel okay, even though things are really out of control for me. I know I just recently slipped. When like this I tend to start looking up my horoscope, getting online tarot card readings, and for the grand finally, I purchased $400.00 worth of spells to be done on two different sites to take all my issues away and bring happiness. Of course I don't see what's going on until 5 minutes after what I've done. I prayed for my soul, and then canceled everything the next morning. I really need the computer and credit cards taken away from me when I'm like this, but no one can tell if anything is wrong. I can't even...if I'm fine, fine fine, every day, and then the house and kids are out of control. Like huh?

dragonfly2 · Jul 15, 2011, 04:27 PM

I know what you mean about having a hard time getting things done. Your doctor's office/lunch/school,etc day does sound like a lot! Good for you! Those are the days I try to remember and hold on to when I have other days, like today, where I haven't been able to do a damn thing besides take my daughter to an art class. How old are your children?? There's a lot of free labor to be had there, lol!

Even young kids can help sort laundry and the older ones can wash dishes. It's good for them (builds character and teaches responsibility) and good for you, even though they may whine about it some. My 13 yr old does her own laundry and both of my girls (the other one is 10) take turns with the dishes. My 10 yr old actually loves to dust and clean windows! Yeah, I know...pinch me, lol. They also get cat box and trash can duties.

Now, the grocery store...that's another story for me. There is no way I could go to the store with 4 or 5 kids in tow. I would simply shut down. Right there in the dairy aisle...yup...all done. Can you get a babysitter for the youngest 2 or 3 and maybe take the older ones along as helpers?? Not sure how old your kids are, but it may work.

Sounds like you could really use an extra couple of hands. Do you have people you could reach out to?

Forgive77 · Jul 15, 2011, 04:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dragonfly2

I know what you mean about having a hard time getting things done. Your doctor's office/lunch/school,etc day does sound like a lot! Good for you! Those are the days I try to remember and hold on to when I have other days, like today, where I haven't been able to do a damn thing besides take my daughter to an art class. How old are your children?? There's a lot of free labor to be had there, lol!

Even young kids can help sort laundry and the older ones can wash dishes. It's good for them (builds character and teaches responsibility) and good for you, even though they may whine about it some. My 13 yr old does her own laundry and both of my girls (the other one is 10) take turns with the dishes. My 10 yr old actually loves to dust and clean windows! Yeah, I know...pinch me, lol. They also get cat box and trash can duties.

Now, the grocery store...that's another story for me. There is no way I could go to the store with 4 or 5 kids in tow. I would simply shut down. Right there in the dairy aisle...yup...all done. Can you get a babysitter for the youngest 2 or 3 and maybe take the older ones along as helpers?? Not sure how old your kids are, but it may work.

Sounds like you could really use an extra couple of hands. Do you have people you could reach out to?

I used to have a nanny. I'm in the process of trying to get her to move here with me. We both had breakdowns after separation. She is bulimic, and I'm BP,BPD, Anxiety, etc. So we both had issues with the separation, and weren't expecting it. I hope she wants to come back, b/c I don't want to find anyone else, and we were such a close nit family with her and her partner with us. We knew what we had, but didn't know how important it was to all of us.

My kids: 14, 7, 3, 3, 3

My parents live near by, but they work. They are good for the occasional date we might go on.

astone131 · Jul 15, 2011, 04:51 PM

I hope you start feeling better soon. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

dragonfly2 · Jul 15, 2011, 05:10 PM

Oh my...triplets...may the gods bless you my dear.

Now, as for the older kids....sounds like they could pitch in a little maybe? How responsible is the 14 yr old? Could he/she babysit a couple of the 3 yr olds so you wouldn't have to take quite so many kids to the store with you?

Dates are good. We like dates.

I hope things work out for you and your nanny. That sounds like a very nice arrangement. Back when I was working, I was also going to grad school for a while. During that time, we had a maid service come in and clean a couple of times a month. Stuff like deep cleaning the bathrooms, deep cleaning the kitchen, etc. It was such a luxury, but oh so worth it!

Jul 15, 2011, 05:20 PM

Triplets wow! Plus two more, I hope you can get you nanny back. Dragonfly had a good idea with the oldest one if responsible enough to watch a few of them while you get groceries. My eldest is 12, he watches my other two 11, and 9 if I have errands to do close to the house. I started him out slowly with 10 min here 15 min there, as I am a little paranoid for a mom. But now I'm glad I can trust him to do this.

I can relate to the rest of your post as well. I make lists and lists and great plans then only manage to get a few done sometimes. Other times I blow through the lists and run out of to-do's and feel lost and anxious.

Forgive77 · Jul 15, 2011, 05:45 PM

Alas...my oldest is showing major signs of BP. Huge mood swings, and high anxiety with rage. It's too much for her to cope with. It is for me, and I'm a full grown adult. She can do some things as long as the 7 year old isn't there, because she fixates on her, and my husband, and gets rageful. I'd be scared to leave them alone. When I go, and suggest for her to do it, she just says, "I'd rather you take all of us." While we're there, she'll get overwhelmed, and angry that the babies touch everything. If my nanny will come back...it should be all good. IF

SmilingMask · Jul 16, 2011, 12:09 PM

Its interesting that you posted this thought....I was just thinking about this last nite and this morning. Since I can't sit still and I clean like a maniac; organize random stuff. Yet, I was wondering what other people with bipolar homes look like. Probably clean....but lots of stuff scattered neatly around...like things get done but not quite all the way....corners are cleaned; shelves wiped down but maybe dust on ceiling fans? Or ever floor surface vaccummed but not the furniture..you know, stuff like that-lots of magazines stacked neatly but should be thrown out (im NOT talking about hoarding) just basically being scattered in our thoughts and movements or am I the only one.....hard to contrate on putting my thoughts down on this, hopefully it make sense....

Forgive77 · Jul 16, 2011, 12:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SmilingMask

Its interesting that you posted this thought....I was just thinking about this last nite and this morning. Since I can't sit still and I clean like a maniac; organize random stuff. Yet, I was wondering what other people with bipolar homes look like. Probably clean....but lots of stuff scattered neatly around...like things get done but not quite all the way....corners are cleaned; shelves wiped down but maybe dust on ceiling fans? Or ever floor surface vaccummed but not the furniture..you know, stuff like that-lots of magazines stacked neatly but should be thrown out (im NOT talking about hoarding) just basically being scattered in our thoughts and movements or am I the only one.....hard to contrate on putting my thoughts down on this, hopefully it make sense....

My house is a mess. I think it would be neater if I lived alone. I used to have things in piles, and when I'd get nervous I would tidy things up. I'm a messy bipolar person. I wish I had the cleaning gene with it, but I don't. I'm thinking I will when the kids go back to school, and I'm not so overwhelmed.

Jul 16, 2011, 01:53 PM

I bet when the kids get back to school it will be a whole lot easier for you. Very hard to organize fun things to do for a 14, 7, and three 3 year olds all summer. I was thinking, man what am I complaining about, that would be soo much more work.

Smilingmask, my house is usually spotless, like you could wear white gloves and not get a speck on them, however, this is my OCD, I clean and clean and clean. I had some therapy where my therapist would intentionally make a small mess and I would have to sit with it and not touch it. It was horrible.

I quit therapy for this, my cleaning is something that I can use to help get me through bad times. However it can make me miss out on the rest of life.

dragonfly2 · Jul 17, 2011, 12:08 PM

I would also have a cleaner house if I lived alone, lol. I try to get the kids (and husband, lol) to pick up after themselves, but it's a struggle some days. It's clean, it's just cluttered. We just have too much crap! But it's crap that we "need", you know? I could use a whole second filing cabinet for my office, and I did a big file cleanout last fall. I've given up on my kids' rooms. I try to keep my bedroom nice - it's my sanctuary for when the kids have taken over the living room. The house is cleaner in the winter - I'm stuck inside more with the harsh winters up here and can't stand to be around a mess all day. That's also when my manias tend to hit - I know, I'm backwards, lol - sometimes I'll get a nice, cleaning-frenzy type of hypomania and the house will be spotless. My car is always clean, though. I can't stand a messy car.

Forgive77 · Jul 17, 2011, 01:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dragonfly2

I would also have a cleaner house if I lived alone, lol. I try to get the kids (and husband, lol) to pick up after themselves, but it's a struggle some days. It's clean, it's just cluttered. We just have too much crap! But it's crap that we "need", you know? I could use a whole second filing cabinet for my office, and I did a big file cleanout last fall. I've given up on my kids' rooms. I try to keep my bedroom nice - it's my sanctuary for when the kids have taken over the living room. The house is cleaner in the winter - I'm stuck inside more with the harsh winters up here and can't stand to be around a mess all day. That's also when my manias tend to hit - I know, I'm backwards, lol - sometimes I'll get a nice, cleaning-frenzy type of hypomania and the house will be spotless. My car is always clean, though. I can't stand a messy car.

I feel better now that you've shared that. Thank you. I didn't get the cleaning gene...I wish I had. My house looks like yours...even my car, and I've really given up today...can't wait for my husband to come home.

livelaughlove17 · Jul 17, 2011, 08:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Forgive77

My house is a mess. I think it would be neater if I lived alone. I used to have things in piles, and when I'd get nervous I would tidy things up. I'm a messy bipolar person. I wish I had the cleaning gene with it, but I don't. I'm thinking I will when the kids go back to school, and I'm not so overwhelmed.

I'm one of the messy bipolars too

livelaughlove17 · Jul 17, 2011, 08:18 PM

I have the same problem as some of you have said... I want to do all these things and before bed I have an idea that the next morning I'll get up early to work out and have breakfast before work, etc., etc. and instead I end up oversleeping to the point where I barely have enough time to make it to work. Sometimes although I wake up with the motivation to do things, I get home and the motivation has waned. Oftentimes, I start a project and then get unmotivated or distracted and then the project never gets finished.

My house is a mess. My car too. I just wish I could get it all together. I get the whole manic-cleaning/project thing, but being a rapid-cycler, my manic phases don't always last as long as I'd sometimes like them to (I know I'm not the only bipolar person who enjoys some of the "good" parts of their mania)

.

Anyway... a lot of the time I feel defeated because I always have these hopes/fleeting motivations to get things done and at the end of the day... when I haven't managed or have been lazy even, I feel like so much time has been wasted and what is wrong with me?!

dragonfly2 · Jul 18, 2011, 01:26 PM

I try to look at the big picture when I start to feel like I'm not "accomplishing enough". What did I *really* do today? Things that might not be measured in hours of housework. Did I watch TV? Was it with my children? That counts as spending time with family. Did I read a magazine and maybe get some new healthy recipes? Or maybe learned some self-help tips? That counts towards furthering my family's health. Granted, there are some times I am simply goofing off, but that too can have its place in keeping balance. My mother-in-law has a sign up in her house that reads, "My home is clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy". It's all about balance.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a bathroom to clean....

Phoenix_1 · Jul 18, 2011, 01:38 PM

My house is tidy and things are put away. As far as cleaning - well, the food prep areas and the bathroom are clean. The rest has a generous layer of dust, and the floors need sweeping, etc.
I used to be a fiend about keeping my house spotless. I'd be up at 3 in the morning cleaning the tops of the kitchen cupboards. Ridiculous, I was driving myself and my family crazy. In 1981 I went to a TA weekend and learned that I don't have to be perfect. So I gave it up.
Now I live alone, and it's clean enough for me, so it's ok.

Jul 18, 2011, 01:49 PM

I wish I could relax on th cleaning a bit. When I start an antipsychotic is about the only time this happens. When I am manic the cleaning is even worse. I used to be a picker ( my skin, cleaning things like remotes with saftey pins, anything I could pick at for hours and also a checker ( had to check everything 50 times to make sure it was right) with my OCD.

I think I just gradually traded the picking and checking for cleaning. It' not a good way to be, it does drive people around me a little nuts. If I go to someones house I have to really restrain myself from starting to clean their stuff up while I am there.

When people are at my house I rarely am able to sit with them as I flit around tidying while talking with them.

It is all about balance, cleaning isn't that important, or shouldn't be. When I die will I wished I had cleaned more? Probably not

Jul 18, 2011, 03:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Forgive77

Every night I plan to do awesome things for the next day, and some how I can just get done a few things. Like yesterday, I took the kids to the doctor to get their shots, and have a physical done for school, I took them to lunch because of the shots, then I registered the boys for pre K, I went to the post office, and then I was pooped. Now that was a super lot for me. Today, I'm backed up on laundry and dishes....must do them...but it all seems so overwhelming and tedious. I can't think how to tackle it. I also have to go to the grocery store...but dragging 4/5 kids to the store sounds like, and feels like climbing a mountain.

I also find I don't know what I'm feeling, nor do I have a vocabulary, or words to assign to them. My meds also make me confused, when I feel okay, even though things are really out of control for me. I know I just recently slipped. When like this I tend to start looking up my horoscope, getting online tarot card readings, and for the grand finally, I purchased $400.00 worth of spells to be done on two different sites to take all my issues away and bring happiness. Of course I don't see what's going on until 5 minutes after what I've done. I prayed for my soul, and then canceled everything the next morning. I really need the computer and credit cards taken away from me when I'm like this, but no one can tell if anything is wrong. I can't even...if I'm fine, fine fine, every day, and then the house and kids are out of control. Like huh?

If I had to take care of all those kids i'd never get out of the house, but i do know what you mean.

today all I had to do was run one errand. I couldn't get the energy to do it till after noon. I got up at 7:30 am and played around on the computer (haven't been shopping but did try to sell my wedding dress unsuccessfully)...finally got out of here and did my thing and am obviously back on. I feel almost paralyzed by, not fear, but something.

Quote:

Originally Posted by SmilingMask

Its interesting that you posted this thought....I was just thinking about this last nite and this morning. Since I can't sit still and I clean like a maniac; organize random stuff. Yet, I was wondering what other people with bipolar homes look like. Probably clean....but lots of stuff scattered neatly around...like things get done but not quite all the way....corners are cleaned; shelves wiped down but maybe dust on ceiling fans? Or ever floor surface vaccummed but not the furniture..you know, stuff like that-lots of magazines stacked neatly but should be thrown out (im NOT talking about hoarding) just basically being scattered in our thoughts and movements or am I the only one.....hard to contrate on putting my thoughts down on this, hopefully it make sense....

Funny - my house is not always clean but I definitely lots of magazines stacked neatly about...things get done but not quite all the way...it's easy for me to start cleaning but hard for me to finish cleaning - definitely!

Phoenix_1 · Jul 18, 2011, 08:12 PM

Hi Anika,
How did you stop picking? I've been doing it for about 2 years and I keep trying to stop but always start up again.
And BTW, you can come to my house and clean anytime!

Jul 18, 2011, 09:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phoenix_1

Hi Anika,
How did you stop picking? I've been doing it for about 2 years and I keep trying to stop but always start up again.
And BTW, you can come to my house and clean anytime!

Phoenix, I started picking when I was a kid, I would go to the bathroom and end up coming out 2-3 hours later, a little interfering. I think I finally just got fed up with my face always looking like I had acne, tired of the constant scabs on my head that would never heal.

It took me years of trying to stop to actually stop, and from time to time I'll catch myself starting again. I never found a healthy way to stop, I just exchanged it for cleaning. When I was picking it was like a wave would wash over me, calm, tranquil and very detached, soothing tho. The cleaning invokes the same feelings. I wish I knew a way to actually stop.

Have you tried looking on the OCD forum, I haven't yet but I think there would be some answers there.
You can talk to me about it anytime tho.

I'm curious if you have similar feelings while you are picking, I've never actually met anyone I could ask.

Just looked it up, don't know why I never bothered before, I didn't think there was a real name for it. If it is your skin it is called Dermatillomania. I know tho that picking skin can turn into picking anything you can pick at.

Phoenix_1 · Jul 19, 2011, 10:50 AM

I started picking as a kid too. It was mosquito bites, owies if I fell off my bike, anything. Then in my teens it became acne, and I have the scars to prove it. At my age, I still get acne from time to time. Two years ago I got a rash on my arm. The doc doesn't know what it is. I pick at it and won't let it heal.
What about tweezing. I started on my eyebrows when I was 12. They're not too teeny, but I have to pluck every day forever and ever.

Jul 19, 2011, 11:41 AM

Pulling hair out is trichotillomania, my close friend has this, it is they think closely related to dermatillomania, which makes good sense.

wing · Jul 19, 2011, 11:42 AM

I'm sitting here, dressed for the gym. 50-50 chance I'll get motivated to go, plus do errands while I'm out.

Forgive77 · Jul 19, 2011, 09:00 PM

I used to pick all my scabs etc. as a kid...I stopped...I wish it would have turned into a cleaning thing!!! Man....I missed out on an awesome part of being bipolar!!! I want things clean but have not motivation at all. Can't start.