Feeling despondent

That's about it... Not sure why, or maybe I know and refuse to admit why b.c I don't want to think about it... Lonely...

We're here. Want to tell us more? What it is you don't want to think about or why you don't want to think about it? Soup

I have nobody... That's become painfully clear...
Not over reacting, not having distorted perceptions either. There's no one.
I'm on my own. I've alienated and pushed away the only people who atleast tried. They won't speak to me,or have anything to do with me...

trippin
Maybe you can start to mAke peace with some of your former friends. Take little steps towards restoring friendships.
I know it's not the same as in real life, but we are here for you
Also I know you say it's not distorted, but it can be really hard to tell what is a distortion and what is real, particularly if you are a bit down.
s again, my friend

Thanks, but I have zero intention of begging people to be in my life. Did enough of that over the years and it only brought me heartache and a giant rejection burger. Not interested in forming new relationships either. I'm TIRED of having to apologize my irrational outbursts and so OVER trying to get people to understand when it's clear they don't give a fudge. Yes I know, my relationships suffered b.c of undxd bpd and not my bp, but i'm more comfortable on this forum. Anyway, I'm done with people. For good. I'll figure out how to do this on my own.

I'm Still here for you if I can help

Thanks. I appreciate it.

I feel invisible...

There's no one for me, either, dear. I have a husband, but he's always stuck to his computer monitor or the t.v., or he wake and bakes and drones on and on about Star Wars or some **** I have no interest in. So even with him here, I'm alone (lonely) the larger part of every single day of my life. We used to be so in love. I think we still are, but things have changed a helluv a lot.

I pretty much stick to the online world for friends these days. At least I think the online peeps can appreciate my thoughts a little better. And actually LISTEN when I need to pipe up with something.

I'm sorry that you're stuck in a similar boat... Maybe we can row alongside eachother? XOXO

I was actually about to start a thread asking if there were any people out there actually on their own with this.

I am, for sure. I am not lonely, but I sure as hell have no practical or emotional support with this. It terrifies me for the future.

Trippin, I have almost no friends either. It's not that I drove them away, it's that I never had them in the first place. Because I never made any effort. My fault totally.

I have a bf but he's very much as sillyfab describes her man When he has tried to help with any illness (not BP) in the past, I have ended up looking after him instead. I don't think he has even looked up BP.

My family is in another country and only my brother knows, not my parents.

I have an-ex friend who is callous, selfish and generally toxic, and another who is an immature attention-seeker. (This has all been confirmed by third parties ).

Trippin, I'm thinking along the same lines. Go it alone. I guess that's why I was wondering if anyone here already is going it alone.

Also - I can't tell you how much I relate to feeling invisible. Seriously.

I'm glad you're here - you are definitely not invisible to me

Thanks BB... You know what? Not 1 out of 3 people who professed to care and promised to be there bothered researching what it is I battle with daily. And now 2 out of 3 are MIA. And the 3rd 1? Well he is physically around, but don't know jack. (my brother) I just avoid him now, everytime i tried reaching out to him i felt invalidated. NEVER putting myself thru that again. I'm sorry you're also without a support system... h u g

Stickin' together is how we deal with it, doll!

Oh I know, I know... Ms Toxic fakely said she would look it up and didn't, and Ms Immature and bf just didn't. And I've looked up ALL of their stuff.

Is this indifference a new thing, Trippin, or has it been like this since you were diagnosed (can't remember how long ago that was...)? When I was diagnosed my parents didn't believe me, thought i was making it up etc. Absolutely invalidating and it's exactly the reason I haven't told them of my re-diagnosis now. I completely understand you on that one.

I told more people when I was first diagnosed than I do now. I tend to keep myself to myself with this now. Some of the (non-)responses are just too hurtful, aren't they. First time around, my best friend refused to go on a holiday we'd arranged with others if I went. And other friends' parents were warning them away from me.

Are you seeing a T? How's your pdoc? I'm about to fire my T (another one bites the dust), but my pdoc is great. But still. He's a doctor. You know...

I hope I haven't made you feel worse with my moaning Bit of a dodgy day here too. Just wanted to sort of say that I totally get what you are saying, and I feel for you.

BB

You're not moaning BB, I'm enjoying your company.
I was dxd in March 2010 ( i think) and was open about it, in order for me to be ok about it. My family? Extremely invalidating, apparently the dr's were convincing me that something was wrong, and I'm just dandy. There were moments when I thought I got thru to 1 or 2 of them, but alas, seems they just smiled and nodded so I wouldn't 'throw a tantrum'. Btw nobody knows bout my dx's of bpd and ocd. It just didn't seem relevant after the 'welcome' my bp recieved.
I quit meds and T cold turkey in October of last year, and honestly , I can't say I'm worse off...

Oh phew... But still - I wish I had something a bit more positive to say, sorry

Oh I know, exactly the same for me. Except that the doctors were OK, it was me that was lying to them. Being dramatic. And to this day, I still think that I am.

The only cool person in my family was my brother, unlike you.

I can't actually think of anyone who has 'validated' this. 'Smiled and nodded'... how exceptionally irritating.

I agree - I wouldn't have told them either if I'd had further diagnoses. I think that was wise of you, but sad that you have to go that far for your own protection and peace of mind. You end up being unwilling to ask for help with anything because unhelpful responses are so painful - at least, I did.

Ah yes of course, now I remember, you are doing it med-free. So no pdoc then, and no T either. I've not ruled out a T in general, just this one. Nice lady, but as you say - not sure it changed anything.

trippin, i'm sorry. I like your name so much, it always reminds me of my youth. when computers were just coming into "being" and it was the way I met people ie met guys and got action. funny what it's turned into.

Hankster: LMFAO

BB: Goodluck with finding a T, i've noticed that their are plenty people who find them helpful. I on the other hand don't like scratching at scabs, it's hard enough to get to the point of scabbing ya know? Don't worry about not having anything positive to say, I'd rather have a genuine 'I feel ya' than a fake 'i know it will get betta' and while it sucks that you're suffering alongside me, it's comforting that someone actually gets it... Unwilling to ask for help? Man have you got my number there, it's ALWAYS been exceptionally hard for me to ask for emotional support, but after my mask was brutally torn from my face in a very public setting (work) I decided that I need to ask for help before I drive myself nutz. These days? I've gone back to "I'm fine" switch topic. And i don't intend to change again ever. I'd rather go mad (literally) you know, sometimes I wonder if i have a self-induced episode will i lose my mind? The thought is quite appealing. Coz then reality would be for the birds... Lol

Thanks a lot Trippin - I'm very picky with Ts. Yep - know what you mean re the scars for sure. Yeah I totally get it and am almost resigned to the whole thing now - which is probably not a good thing. I tend to be very isolated and introverted as it is. Oh no... mask off in a work sitch... worst nightmare. Hope it wasn't TOO awful. Oh I'm always fine too LOL Waa haa haa - wow it takes some brain gymnastics to get your head around that last reflection of yours, but worth it LOL. G'nite hun, hope you feel better soon. BB

you sound discouraged, but verbalizing that feeling is a way of reaching out. first step, anyway. gradually something may build into a lifeline for you. hope this happens. you sound lonely: i identify with that feeling & send sympathy.

Trippin (((((( HUGS )))))

I so know how you feel .. I spend 2010-2011 with really no support from anyone things just got better with the hubby in the last 3 months ..prior to that ACK it was horrid ..

So back in march 2011 I got sick of feeling so alone and in such mental and physical pain ,, I went to the pound and found a puppy .... I named him Sirius ... thats him in my picture ....So I get Sirius .. he literally saved me and I saved him ,, He loves me no matter what mood I am in,, Hes always happy to see me .. I finally had someone in my life that was there for me . I swear if it wasnt for him I doubt id get out of bed everyday ,, But he needs to go out for a walk and potty breaks .. So I HAVE to get up at least to do that lol

Im grateful for him .. he made me realize I can be loved and love back .

Im grateful for this site.. the support I have gotten here has been lifesaving

Trippin .. remember you are loved even when you dont feel it

Awww thanks felix. I appreciate you reaching out to me at sucha difficult time. I really hope you're right. Ty. XOXO

(((MTW))) i'm glad Sirius has helped you so much. And I love you too dear friend. Thanks for responding.XOXO

Dear dear Trippin,
I've no answers to give you, and I am not going to write about my similar situation but know someone in the northeast usa is thinking of you and truly hoping you find happiness and peace one day. To me, you sound like an amazing lady who has her **** together and will not settle for a lukewarm friend or relationship. Sandy

LOL. Wow sandy, niice Yeah, i don't do lukewarm. Not even literally, it's supposed to be hot or cold. Simple right? I'm flattered that you think I've got my shiat together, I'm working on it. Thanks for your response and kind thoughts. XOXO