[Trippin2.0]

So, what in particular, led you to be medicated? And which repeat behaviours keep you medicated?

I know, I know, I'm asking you to air you dirty mental laundry, so I'll go 1st...

I had been experiencing periodic episodes where it felt like my personality was unravelling. The 1 that happened after my brother's murder was by far the worst The voices wouldn't shut up! I was arguing outloud with myself and 'we' couldn't agree on ANYTHING! 1 wanted to pray, 1 wanted to hide, 1 wanted to slice up my arm, 1 wanted to pretend we were fine and the other wanted us all to die...

Needless to say, I was freaked out, and gladly accepted the pills thrown at me.

Today however I understand it for what it is, my brain going wack when I'm dealing with something REALLY difficult. So these days, if it happens I just try to distract myself and keep busy till they STFU.
Thankfully I have come off my meds in 1 piece and been stable for quite some time

Your turn...

[Tsunamisurfer]

I'm sure somebody hypnotised me or did ECT on me, and didn't tell me afterwards that they erased my memory. If it comes back to me I'll fill you in.

[Trippin2.0]

Awww Pete hope your memory returns soon my friend.

[sugahorse1]

Depression. So much I was almost paralysed. Anyone looked at me funny, I'd burst into tears. Feeling so hopeless and like life was pointless.

I obviously left it too late, as a month after I started meds, I had a sui attempt. Landed me in hospital and straight away was told I had to really get into therapy.
At that stage, I was happy to hold on to anything that may help me.
Again, my hypomanic episodes were obvious in hindsight, but I assumed it was just me in a good mood. But they weren't dangerous.

I guess I stay on my meds because I still have those depressive dips and I can only imagine how much worse they'd be if I wasn't on meds. And anxiety meds are always good!

[Trippin2.0]

Thank you for sharing Jackie! I'm sorry you've had such a rough time

[mommyof2girls]

For me it was a deep, dark, consuming, never ending depression...... I have battled my whole life ( as far as I could remember from childhood ) with depression, and it finally came to a head in 2005, when I was placed in impatient....... Since then, still a constant battle with depression, with very few i guess you would call then Hypomanic episodes......I truly THANK GOD for meds, as if I didnt have them I probably would be dead......

Hmmm, for me I guess it was mostly the mania and psychosis. Worrying about history repeating itself, doing things like trying to convince police officers that I was being followed and going to be shot by a girl, pulling over a taxi driver and grabbing his radio to "call" the police for help. Of coarse in the end there was no girl.

I have way too many stories like this to even remember, I am so lucky that I am still in one piece, and now that I have children I guess I'd just like to keep it that way. I truly wish to be non medicated, I just don't know that it is "safe" to do so.

[moodiegirl]

I started taking medication because i wasn't able to sleep for 2 months (that was 6 years ago), i was manic and later on had psychotic symptoms. Meds saved my life at that point, otherwise i'd surely have died of exhaustion. Now i'm still taking them because i have occasional depressions and difficulty concentrating. I'd love to be med-free but i think i just can't afford that, i'm too scared to get really sick again.

[BuggsBunny]

Mood swings. In the beginning it was manic episodes which then became depressive episodes. I was diagnosed at 18.
What keeps me medicated? Common sense. I'm bipolar, and I know it. I've seen it, felt it happening, and I don't want to go back to that non-functional vegetable i was during my second hospitalization,where I just lay on my bed and stared off into space, losing touch with reality for hours on end. Plus, I just plain like staying out of the nuthouse.

[BlackPup]

depression....
I mostly don't remember it... for which I am very thankful
But I know that I couldn't get out of bed a lot. Sometimes the voices in my head shouted at me for hours telling me how useless I was and why I should die. Then other times it was silence.
Now I take my meds because even though some of it remains, it is nothing like what it was back then.

[SunAngel]

I started out being medicated for panic disorder and general anxiety.

[CastlesInTheAir]

Panic disorder but this past year it was major depression and psychosis

[tattoogirl33]

mostly my mother (and other family & friends) constantly telling me over the past 15 years that if I didn't get some professional help I was going to destroy and/or waste my life.. The Bipolar is somewhat 'under control' however aside from the mood stabilizers, there isn't really a med to help with the Borderline, just LOTS of therapy..

[AniManiac]

What got me on meds: increasing loss of cognitive function from depression, coupled with increasingly extreme mood swings.

What keeps me on meds: being able to think and work, not having such wild mood swings.

It's really pretty simple for me. Being more stable is definitely worth sacrificing the highs and putting up with some side effects. I really like having a functional mind!

[grandmaof3]

Manic episodes with psychosis. I was in a black rage and I almost burned down my rental property because the tenant would not cut the grass. The voices told me to. That scared me into seeking help. For some crazy reason I thought it was normal to live with the depression coming and going. I still have problems while being on medication but not as often. and the depression is not nearly as bad. I function better with the meds.

[~Christina]

My world felt completely apart 2 years ago .. I woke up one day in such pain i was in tear it was my entire body on fire cramped screaming ,, a zillion tests later " Fibromyalgia "
Of course dealing with chronic pain brought with it a devastating depression and antidepressants from my regular doctor brought out bouts of mania my marriage was basically over my husband could not deal with me and I really was so angry that he refused to be supportive ..I couldnt handle myself ..3 trips to the pysch ward first suicidal thoughts after my husband and I had a violent arguement ( nothing physical) the 2nd my daughter moved to florida ( shes 20 and the only support I really had ..I cut almost to my thigh bone in 3 places so I needed sutures. The last trip I was just a crying suicidal mess when I saw my T ( i see him weekly)that day and told him I needed to go had to go since i had written good bye letter to my daughter and my brother ,, he asked if my husband had driven me ( i had been having hallcinations and was scared to drive and the husband didnt want me to wreck his car ** sigh** my T went outside and brought him in and sat him down and told my husband in no uncertain terms i had bipolar and i wasnt faking anything and I either needed him to understand or we needed to end the marriage because him I and I hadnt really spoken more than a few words in months except for about 10 ugly arguements ..my husband broke down when he realized I was really ill ..I went off the psych ward for another 5 days but things have changed . my marriage wasnt over it just needed lots of time patience and work which took a HUGE weight off my shoulders.
I " think" im finally on meds that seem to be working for now . my husband and I are rebuilding our marriage . I almost feel happy this week !!!
But Im so scared Im going to fall back into a depression or go manic.. Cold weather keeps my fibro pain at about an 8-9 so its miserable for me pain wise but I learned to cope with it better .

For right now im going to stay on meds .. altho I hope to wean off of them one day

[Tsunamisurfer]

Ok. Lets try again.
My self image has been jerked around for decades. Recently I got an inkling why.
I was convinced I was the most talented up and coming musician the world was yet to see. I felt I had musical appreciation that enabled me to compose complex orchestral music in my sleep. I heard music coming from nowhere, so obviously it was my talent producing it in an extraordinary way - so I thought. Somehow I never managed to write it down or teach it to anyone else. My views of my talent weren't shared by my fellow musicians, and as the saga unravelled, I became increasingly aware that I was probably unpopular. All music began to sound dreadful. I couldn't tune my instruments by ear. My passion for music imploded. I went to a psychologist for help with what I presumed was depression. He referred me to a psychiatrist who put me on Prozac. I had a severe mixed episode, and was put on antipsychotics.
Looking back, my life has been full of these unrealistic ambitions and views of my self, as well as periods of hopelessness.
As for chemical castration, Prozac and the various antipsychotics were very effective. For someone who had a very vibrant sexual identity, the effect was akin to chemical decapitation. I was extremely distressed by the meds.
Repeat behaviours? Hyperacusis, hallucinations and probably delusions. Or the uncertainty of whether I am deluded or not. The trouble with psychosis is it can be very difficult to read social cues that tell you you are out of line.

[Tsunamisurfer]

Addendum: once you have stuffed up with delusions of grandeur, it can be very difficult to trust the praise and encouragement of other people - the risk of taking it all out of proportion is really scarey. That makes recovery from depression more difficult, I believe.

[Trippin2.0]

Thanks for sharing Pete I understand what you mean about the recovery process.

Btw. I think you're very Grand, your photo's are AMAZING! XOXO

[Rosie23]

I was fed up with the mood swings. I will be the first to admit that mania is great. I loved that but what goes up must come down and the down for me was a black hole of depression. And in between those two opposites was the constant cycling sometimes several times a day.
It was just crazy to live that way. I got tired of never knowing who I was going to be.
And all of that was compounded by all the trauma based disorders I suffer from. Most days I have to force myself just to post on here as a means of staying connected with people. The overwhelming fear just to click that stupid mouse.

My meds help a whole lot. Not a cure by any means, but a tool that I hope one day will lead me to a better more stable life.