[argv]

Well, I've been through alot this last week, just thinking about how my new knowledge of myself will pan out. Up to this point, I believed (unrealistically) that I could find a career and keep a job for the next 30 years, but I also didn't realize that it's not 'normal' to just feel like you are barely surviving life every day.

Anyways, I'm considering applying for disability only because I now realize that my behaviors and such are not ADHD related, meaning that my violent feelings and thoughts are real, and my "spaciness" that I thought just came with ADHD is perhaps a little bit of psychosis.

While I'm not going to sit here and tell everyone I'm "more messed up than you" or anything, I can say that my life has been wrought with craziness, bad decisions, violence, and a yearning for death.

That being said, I think me being on disability would be more for the people I work with, than for me. I can manage on very little money, and it would open up a spot for someone else to have a job that has a family, and a future.

Does anyone have any thoughts on this?

[hamster-bamster]

Please decide carefully and do what is best for you alone, not thinking of people for whom the spot will open up - your life is hard enough to be thinking that right now. Plus, disability process takes years. I am considering it myself if I do not find a job and I have done a bit of research by now.

[BuggsBunny]

If you do decide to go for disability, make sure your pdoc and your T are fully behind your decision, and willing to fill out the paperwork. It can take years to get it with just Bipolar, but you might have an easier time if you add in your ADHD, if that is a valid diagnosis.

Also, apply for SSI at the same time, as this might give you some small income, if approved, to hold you over while waiting for SSD.

If you do not get SSI, you will need help paying bills and eating until the decision comes thru.

My biggest advice is to hire a lawyer that deals with social security. You are likely to get denied at least twice before SSD takes your claim seriously. (At least, I was.) Upon getting a lawyer, things went much more smoothly.

Most lawyers who deal with disability will take a percentage of your back pay, and receive nothing if you don't get SSD.

[hamster-bamster]

BuggsBunny, at what point do you suggest hiring a lawyer? Thanks.

[BuggsBunny]

I suggest hiring a lawyer after your first denial. I was on my second or third denial when i hired mine, and I was very frustrated. Depending on the lawyer, they may want you to wait until after your first denial.

[Anneinside]

I am on disability and I would much rather have my job back but it is not possible. One question for you. You describe psychosis as being "spacy". Do you have delusions (strongly held beliefs that are irrational) or hallucinations (seeing or hearing things that don't exist). If not, then you do not have psychosis.

[moremi]

Originally Posted by argv

Well, I've been through alot this last week, just thinking about how my new knowledge of myself will pan out. Up to this point, I believed (unrealistically) that I could find a career and keep a job for the next 30 years, but I also didn't realize that it's not 'normal' to just feel like you are barely surviving life every day.

Anyways, I'm considering applying for disability only because I now realize that my behaviors and such are not ADHD related, meaning that my violent feelings and thoughts are real, and my "spaciness" that I thought just came with ADHD is perhaps a little bit of psychosis.

While I'm not going to sit here and tell everyone I'm "more messed up than you" or anything, I can say that my life has been wrought with craziness, bad decisions, violence, and a yearning for death.

That being said, I think me being on disability would be more for the people I work with, than for me. I can manage on very little money, and it would open up a spot for someone else to have a job that has a family, and a future.

Does anyone have any thoughts on this?

It doesnt always take years to get it, atleast not in my case. I do have more than bipolar. Also bpd, adhd, agorophobia and anxiety w panic. I applied online by myself and was approved 2 1/2 months later. Its important that they see you have been seeking treatment and not well. They also check into your work history, al of my jobs were ended bc of my illness. I know its not the norm to get it that fast but it does happen. I had also alreadybeen out of work for two years and in and out of mental hospitals. I just knew I could possibly never function in the work field like a normal person can. I often got paranoid and of course all of my emotions were so much more intense than the normal persons.
For me it was thebest decision. I hope you do whats best for you.

[~Christina]

I hired an attorney when I first filed ,,I was denied , I filed for an appeal and was denied .. now I am waiting for a court hearing that will take 9-12 months .. My T and Pdoc can not beleive I was denied due to my bipolar and multiply trips to the psych ward .. But Social security has been flooded with applications so the wait time is crazy. Im happy to read some people get it right away.. but for the majority of people the acerage wait time is 2-3 years ,, of course once you win you get back paid from your initial date of filing .

Good luck on what ever way you decide .. It has taken ALOT for me to mentally realize I just am unable to work due to my severe fibrolyalgia and bipolar I which i rapid cycle daily ..

be prepared for mountains of paperwork to fill out again and again and again

[argv]

Originally Posted by Anneinside

I am on disability and I would much rather have my job back but it is not possible. One question for you. You describe psychosis as being "spacy". Do you have delusions (strongly held beliefs that are irrational) or hallucinations (seeing or hearing things that don't exist). If not, then you do not have psychosis.

well, give me an idea of delusions. I think I'm probably more delusional than I am willing to admit

Still not sure if I "hear" voices so much as I have a voice in my head that 'takes over' every so often and tells me to do some effed up stuff. like kill myself. Every so often it likes to go "Hey, you should just swerve into oncoming traffic.." and crap like that.

..and I should say that rarely there's a day that goes by that I don't want to.

[argv]

Originally Posted by moremi

It doesnt always take years to get it, atleast not in my case. I do have more than bipolar. Also bpd, adhd, agorophobia and anxiety w panic. I applied online by myself and was approved 2 1/2 months later. Its important that they see you have been seeking treatment and not well. They also check into your work history, al of my jobs were ended bc of my illness. I know its not the norm to get it that fast but it does happen. I had also alreadybeen out of work for two years and in and out of mental hospitals. I just knew I could possibly never function in the work field like a normal person can. I often got paranoid and of course all of my emotions were so much more intense than the normal persons.
For me it was thebest decision. I hope you do whats best for you.

I dunno.. I mean I could keep just going from job to job to job and struggling to make it. I just feel like I'm not working as much as just 'waiting to get fired' or waiting for the day someone really pisses me off and I quit. I've quit several jobs and been fired a few times. I've been to jail, the hospital, and have at some point freaked out on everyone that is close to me. I can be a real a-hole and without remorse. The only reason I kept some jobs so long is because I worked mostly by myself.

Now I know that it was bipolar related, not ADHD, so I'm thinking that this is going to be a repeating pattern for me, and not conducive to a happy life. I believe you can still work on disability, you just can't make too much money, but I might be wrong. But if that's true, I could just work part time.

It's just something I'm considering because I don't know what's going to happen if I keep doing what I've been doing. Am I gonna have a job for several years, and then one day decide to scream at my boss? I dunno.. it very well could happen. Or maybe someone will piss me off real bad and I'll whack them over the head with an aluminum rod. I've had such thoughts before.

[Moose72]

I need to start this. I'm so exhausted.

[hamster-bamster]

I believe you can make 1K a month and continue receiving benefits, but people here who are actually on disability will answer this question better.

[argv]

I know a lady thats on disability for bipolar and thats what she said. 1k per month.

[argv]

I kinda feel me being on disability is more for the poor people that have to put up with me than for my own benefit. I don't let things go, I get very mad to the point of seeing red sometimes, and can be irritable as hell. Sometimes I feel more social, but like today I was just in a crap mood. I just get lucky that the boss is in a decent mood, but to be honest, I think people are scared of me so they are really nice to me.

[captain1]

I debated the same. I think it's a personal assesment. But think hard and be honest. Write down a timeline of the negative effects of B.P. on your work. Some of them may have been given different causes, but were B.P.. I did get disability. I know I could work when I don't have symptoms. Who can predict that? what kind of job can you just not show up for with no notice? My only reget is living with boredom and getting fat. I'll quit eating so much, and find more hobbys.

[BuggsBunny]

I'm not sure what the magic number is that you can earn, but after that, SSD takes away $1 for every $2 that you earn. I think that's the formula.

Also, if you are on medicaid, which in many states you will be eligible for once your disability comes thru, it helps with the co-pay for your medicare deductibles, and meds that are not covered by medicare. BUT you can only earn so much on medicaid before you lose it, and I know the number is much lower than the magic number for SSD.

This is the catch a lot of us are in. Yes, we might be able to work a few hours a week, but we can't because we will lose medicaid benefits, and those pay for meds. What we could possibly earn on those few days a week would not by any means cover some of our meds, so we are caught in a catch 22.

Personally, my SSD is $89 dollars more than the earning limit for our local medicaid, so each month I have to pay them the $89 dollars in order to keep my benefits. (It's called a spendown.) Therefore, I cannot earn one single cent, despite the limits on medicare. Sux, doesn't it?

[argv]

yes, but if I wasn't working a job, I would do music and painting full time which is what I love to do. I also used to silkscreen shirts and stuff, so I could do under the table consignment deals maybe. Don't tell anyone!

Work sucks. I have a hard time dealing with others, and prefer to just work alone and that noone even talk to me.
Even tonight, I am working by myself, they moved the one guy I was working with to days. There are people here, but
I'm in the machine shop by myself.

Typically I have to have or find an understanding boss. If I don't get this job I'm hoping for at the shipyard then I am going to consider disability as my only option.. Still even if I get the job there is no guarantee I can keep it. My mom is on disability and has been since she was 40-something. My dad killed himself, and I've been in and out of counseling my whole life, taking medications, starting and quitting jobs or getting fired. It's not much fun on this side of things either.

[argv]

Originally Posted by argv

Well, I've been through alot this last week, just thinking about how my new knowledge of myself will pan out. Up to this point, I believed (unrealistically) that I could find a career and keep a job for the next 30 years, but I also didn't realize that it's not 'normal' to just feel like you are barely surviving life every day.

Anyways, I'm considering applying for disability only because I now realize that my behaviors and such are not ADHD related, meaning that my violent feelings and thoughts are real, and my "spaciness" that I thought just came with ADHD is perhaps a little bit of psychosis.

While I'm not going to sit here and tell everyone I'm "more messed up than you" or anything, I can say that my life has been wrought with craziness, bad decisions, violence, and a yearning for death.

That being said, I think me being on disability would be more for the people I work with, than for me. I can manage on very little money, and it would open up a spot for someone else to have a job that has a family, and a future.

Does anyone have any thoughts on this?

For the record, not that it matters, but I was considering applying for disability 6 months ago before I even knew I had bipolar and just thought it was ADHD. All I think is "God, I can't do this anymore." I'm tired, I'm wore out,
my back constantly hurts, I have some weird constant stabbing pain in my side, scoliosis.. I feel like I've lived 3 lifetimes already and I'm only 35. I have pretty heavy OCD, and probably ADHD too, and on top of all that, I'm not very good looking! Not that it matters, I could care less. I don't care about money, girlfriends, or anything. Every day almost I wonder why so many decent people get killed, but the guy that WANTS to die doesn't. Why can't a tree fall on my car? Why can't a drunk driver swerve into my lane and kill me? Why can't I catch a stray bullet to my head? WHY!?!?!? ugh.

[mommyof2girls]

I wish I could get SSI and SSDI .... I just couldn't support myself and 2 children on that income.....

[Switch]

Alright, I'm going to just be really honest. I don't think disability is a good idea. Maybe it's just because of the people I know, but I think it's worth trying to keep with it.

I've been on sick leave for the last few months, and had to drop down to a part time student, and even though I definitely needed it, it's been hell. Not having anything to do in the day can drive you even crazier. It's made me feel more worthless than I did before I was medicated!

I know it's really hard, but that's what makes it worth it. How much it sucks can be the best motivator sometimes, because at least it gets you out the door. If you do decide to go on disability, make sure you have things lined up that you can do - a volunteer position, and a lot of arts and music. And set it up like a job.

And try and get off it! Try and find something to do. I know my career is going to be penniless (My life goal is to be a story teller... it's a mix of theatre, history, and writing without the intent to publish), but it's something I love and it's something I'm willing to fight for. Even if your joe-job is soul-sucking, keep it up and try and find a way of doing what you love and make that a career.

It's possible to find jobs that are flexible to bp. I have bp2, and I rapid cycle like no one's business (as much as 7 or 8 noticeable mood shifts a day without meds) and I'm not playing the 'I'm crazier card' because I don't think I am, but I do know that in the arts, that can be used.

I guess what I'm saying is that you sound like you're looking at disability as a way of not dealing with work... and I don't agree. I know that's not going to make me too popular, but I think the fight is worth it. Or at least find something you're willing to seriously fight for if you do.

[argv]

Originally Posted by Switch

Alright, I'm going to just be really honest. I don't think disability is a good idea. Maybe it's just because of the people I know, but I think it's worth trying to keep with it.

I've been on sick leave for the last few months, and had to drop down to a part time student, and even though I definitely needed it, it's been hell. Not having anything to do in the day can drive you even crazier. It's made me feel more worthless than I did before I was medicated!

I know it's really hard, but that's what makes it worth it. How much it sucks can be the best motivator sometimes, because at least it gets you out the door. If you do decide to go on disability, make sure you have things lined up that you can do - a volunteer position, and a lot of arts and music. And set it up like a job.

And try and get off it! Try and find something to do. I know my career is going to be penniless (My life goal is to be a story teller... it's a mix of theatre, history, and writing without the intent to publish), but it's something I love and it's something I'm willing to fight for. Even if your joe-job is soul-sucking, keep it up and try and find a way of doing what you love and make that a career.

It's possible to find jobs that are flexible to bp. I have bp2, and I rapid cycle like no one's business (as much as 7 or 8 noticeable mood shifts a day without meds) and I'm not playing the 'I'm crazier card' because I don't think I am, but I do know that in the arts, that can be used.

I guess what I'm saying is that you sound like you're looking at disability as a way of not dealing with work... and I don't agree. I know that's not going to make me too popular, but I think the fight is worth it. Or at least find something you're willing to seriously fight for if you do.

I have LOTS of other things I'd rather do!

seriously though, I dunno.. it's hard for me to keep a job is one thing, I mean, even on a good day I'm not much for conversation. I hear what you're saying (or writing), but I do have many other things I could do. Music is one, art is another one. Plus I love to write (like here, obviously) and my friends own a store in the mall selling tobacco (and e-cigarettes which I'm all about). I have another friend that writes fiction novels and wants me to write stuff for a possible magazine her press might release.

I have plenty to do, and I can't get any of it done working some ****** job that is difficult to even be at. I get bored at my job too, but I can sit in my room and play music non-stop. I can only imagine how good I would get if I had the time to practice.

That's beside the point of me having several back injuries, a painful lower back, scoliosis, some other random painful crap, and some pretty heavy mental and personality issues.

but again, it's mostly just that I have a hard time keeping a job and dealing with people. I'll actually be working harder without a job, than I do having one.

[hamster-bamster]

Based on your last post, I would personally say "go for it" - your life will be full enough without work and you have a load of ailments beyond BP to qualify you, probably. I think you have made a strong case.

[grandmaof3]

If you can afford to live off it and be able to get your meds it may be the right choice for you but it may take you awhile to get it. My sister is on disability for her bipolar and it took her 3 years to get it. Fortunately they could get by on what her husband makes while she waited and she is covered by his insurance. I struggle at work sometimes but... Personally, disability would be a bad choice for me. There are some days when the depression hits and the only thing that gets me out of bed is knowing that I have to go to work people are depending on me.

[argv]

Originally Posted by grandmaof3

If you can afford to live off it and be able to get your meds it may be the right choice for you but it may take you awhile to get it. My sister is on disability for her bipolar and it took her 3 years to get it. Fortunately they could get by on what her husband makes while she waited and she is covered by his insurance. I struggle at work sometimes but... Personally, disability would be a bad choice for me. There are some days when the depression hits and the only thing that gets me out of bed is knowing that I have to go to work people are depending on me.

I don't have any kids, not married, and I'm a complete hermit. I have a handful of friends, and I don't do much at all. I think I spend less money when I'm not working, simply because I won't drive, and don't feel the need to eat gourmet meals as a treat for "surviving another week" at work.

Anyways, it's not my first choice (to go on disability) but I've been thinking about it even when I thought I just had ADHD. I keep thinking I'm losing ground, it's getting more difficult rather than easier, and some days I just hurt all over. I can barely walk sometimes and have to lie down on the ground most of the night. Cement floors aren't super great for the lower back pain.

I'm sure I could manage somehow. I have a pretty decent family on my dad's side, minus my uncles, my aunts are doing very well. They own lots of houses and rent them out, so I would bet I could work something out.

I dunno, since it takes years, that's the only reason I'm thinking of at least applying, just in case. My maximum for a job so far is 3.5 years, and I've been at this recent job for 1.2 years or so. So at this point, that's what I'm thinking.

[BuggsBunny]

If you are currently holding down a job, and not recently hospitalized, you are going to have an even tougher time getting SSD.

You have to think of this as a last resort, not as something that will make it easier for you. When I finally made the decision to ask my pdoc, I sat in his office sobbing that I just couldn't do it anymore. I have always prided myself on being able to pay my own bills, and buy the items I needed/wanted to live, but after 6 months of being sick, losing my apartment, my dog (I loved that dog!) my savings, my 401K, and my stock, I was still too sick to get a job.
That's when I made my decision.