Pdoc said I go to per too often

Wtf?

She said I need better skills for at home. That my Sui thoughts are stress-related.

Uhmmmm if my brain is saying kill yourself then I think per is the safe place to go.

Um.... maybe you seem to... for whatever reason and that is not to say to judge you... cling to the thought of other keeping you safe too much.

I heard from few people that suicidal thoughts are not curable. That our brains will be telling us to do so (those thoughts be so tempting too). Maybe it is possible to learn through therapy or whatever.... to tell your brain to **** off.

"My brain" tells me to kill myself on every damn cliff or high building. I am in fabulous Capri (cliffy place) with fabulous Italian guy and my thoughts go "let's leap, it will save you a lot of troubles".

I don't know what it is... but nobody can really "help" you with that. Yes, others can keep you safe... but these thoughts will happen again.

What are you seeking in PER besides being kept safe... are you hoping for some solution to your trouble? Ways to prevent these thoughts in the future?

It seems logical that you should go in before things progress. And when I start feeling this way I think I'll go too far and not be able to get to per. It's also a matter of office hours are only 8-5 and **** happens when pdoc isn't around to leave a message for.

At what point are you checking yourself in? I get sui thoughts a lot, but most of the time they're just thoughts. I rarely ever feel like I could act on them. I don't need to check in everytime they come. If I feel unsafe, that I have a plan and am ready to act on it, that's when I would need to go to a hospital.

It's an intense mixture of feelings and lack of feelings. This last time they said I was homicidal and they seemed concerned with that. I guess I get where I don't know when I'll cross a line. So no per = I already can't made my coping skills work. I suppose I could CALL per and see if a nurse would chat me down as it were.

How bad are they? What triggers them?

And are you doing other things/using skills to fight these thoughts? Is there a way to keep yourself from the tools to carry them on with? (not having too many pills around/keeping away from heights... etc).

Why don't you trust yourself?

This is a good point. I have plenty of plans- my brain goes overtime thinking of them. By the time I go GET the supplies my brain thinks of its just too late, no? I am not myself. These are part stress but sometimes they go to irrational and I'm truly not myself.

I think these thoughts quite often. For years. Mostly I can leave the situation and take a walk or see a movie or go with a friend. It's just that last-straw time that overwhelmed me. I don't trust myself because I really don't feel myself at these times.

They are thoughts about being violent toward others or myself. Vivid ideas. What triggers them is feeling helpless when others seem to be cruel to me - especially when they are being controlling and evil or when I feel I have no choices to get away.

I've had suicidal thoughts since I was about 11 years old. Acted on them 3 times, (although they were "impulsive" and not planned.) I've had one plan, which required a special trigger to go into motion. They come and go, like waves in the ocean.

This is what I know from my own self. They are a symptom, not an illness. When you're having a lot of suicidal thoughts, that's a sign that the something is very off. It's like a cold. The runny nose isn't the sickness, it's a very annoying symptom that just keeps coming. Once the cold is better, then the runny nose stops.

So because your pdoc is saying "your suicidal thoughts are stress-related" what skills is she going to help you with/adjustments to give you to help that trigger? She says you need home skills, but you have to learn those skills. They don't just magically come to you. I got my skills from years and years of struggle on my own. It would have been so much better with help.

What do you think is best thing to do such case? Through calm eyes? How would you solve it, if it was not you but somebody else? What would you advice them to do?

The best thing to do is go to psych ER- but apparently I go in too much.

Well, do you really think that it is the best way to live? Don't you think you deserve something more, something better? I mean, I doubt it is a pleasant experience. There has to be other way to do it.

Do you have a therapist or somebody to work with on your coping skills?

I have a list of coping skills but when many of them do not work what am I left with?

If they do not work, then they are not really "coping skills".

Is there any other way you'd feel safe with yourself?

I might go to a movie- which is sort of one of my coping skills. Depends if I had money for it. Hanging out with friends is one but last time none of my friends answered the phone. My tv was broken.

Maybe you could find a place that needs help, or an older person you know that needs some company. Or find a hoby.....ugh, I took up painting & when I focus on that, my mind doesn't think of anything else....same with my beading, or baking or cooking something for someone you know. Those coping skills didn't work because you weren't able to do them. Coping skills only work if you actually do them & you need to have many different ones in case some aren't possible like not having money to go to the movies, or friends not being available or a broken TV....it's obvious those weren't coping skills you could rely on.....you definitely need some coping skills that only depend on yourself.

I have to admit that sometimes when I get done with my coping skill, my feelings go right back to where they were....but then I just need to find another coping skill until I can finally crash exhausted in bed.

I also have to admit....when I was major suicidal those many years (many years ago now), coping skills didn't work because I didn't want them to most of the time....& the only thing that could break my cycle of thinking was the hospital. I think that with the DBT that I am now involved in with therapy, it would have made a huge difference in how I was able to deal with myself during those years.....but I only think it would....I don't really know....but I wouldn't want to go back there to that thinking in order to test it. I am at a different place now. Realized it wasn't just the loss of my career situation that was causing my major depression & once I left my husband, a huge weight lifted off of me.

Do you have something that is weighing down on you that keeps you feeling the depression? Know for some it's all the chemical imbalance in the brain, but for some of us, our environment really played a critical role in the suicidal feelings.....something I just realized not long ago....many years after those feelings had passed but had no understanding of them at the time.

What weighs me down is that my kids and I live with my mother and her husband (after my divorce) and they want to kick me out. They are cruel to me. I can't figure out how to move out. Decided to finish school and get a job. Have crushing debt. Thinking of chapter 7. And when it all comes down on me I don't want to be here anymore. When I can't see a way out. Not only this but everybody I've talked to about this has no clue what to say- even a tiny suggestion.

I do take voice lessons in preparation for school. I keep active taking care of my kids- teaching them and laughing with them. I'm in judo 2 or 3 times a week.

DBT. Find a place that teaches it or a therapist specializing in it or purchase the workbook and bring it with you to therapy. You need to learn to not allow it to even get to that point.

Diabolical behavior therapy. Heard of it.

Is there a place that you can get housing, & food assistants? That way you can move from your parents home but would it be a less stressful environment? maybe your therapist can help you with an action plan so you don't feel so helpless? You may need a better support system possibly Outpatient hospitalization until you learn the skills you need?

The housing idea has fallen through too. It really is aess.

My t has always said shed work with me on DBT - askede at the beginning what I preferred and I said DBT techniques with her.

Great job Moose. You took a good step initiating that. DBT offers tons and tons of powerful coping skills that truly work. I've taken the course and I use the skills. The idea for me is to use the skills and stop the thoughts in their tracks.