If this is what it feels like to be "normal," I want to go back to hypomania

Geez. I don't remember lithium treating me like this when I was on it around 1990ish.

I am not enjoying this "normal" experience at all.

Days drag on forever.

I'm bored out of my mind.

Everything seems to be in slow motion.

I have no passion for anything.

My stomach is STILL always upset.

I can't eat much throughout the day, yet I'm gaining weight.

I've seen the psychiatrist once, the therapist each week, and it's time to go back to the psychiatrist this coming week.

I've got two full weeks before my short-term disability leave ends and I have to go back to work.

I'm really dreading the job.

I've been spending my time trying to write, but I've found that all I can really do is reformat and get the document ready for publication. That's necessary, but not the same as writing. I look back at what I've arleady written and wonder if I'll be able to do that again.

Days drag on forever.
I'm bored out of my mind.
Everything seems to be in slow motion.

All of these are signs of hypomania for me

Not for me.

When I'm in hypomania, everything moves fast and furious, and then before I know it it's time for bed.

When I had been on lithium a year, along with various anti depressants, I complained to my therapist that I felt lousy all the time. Like I was on the verge of depression. He chuckled and said that I was experiencing "normal"

Normal?

My response was, "No wonder most people are so unhappy. Normal sucks."

So modern psychology steals you hypomania, leaves you either depressed or feeling about to be depressed. Another miracle of modern medicine.

Mania is the same for me too "Purple". It feels like the day can't get slow enough, and I can't sit down, I can't pause, cause if I try I just end up staring into space and then it catches up with me and I'm wound-up even more. I hate my job, and it depressess me; feels like the day won't end. There's nothing there to occupy my thoughts except worse thoughts. I also felt the same way on meds. Everyone around me said I was better, but I felt nothing....empty...dead...no direction. I had to get off them. I may not have felt what I wanted when I got off them, but atleast I felt something.

So did you get off of lithium or stay?

Are you on anything else now? Or are you doing your own thing and feeling the full effects of both poles?

Mania is the same for me too "Purple". It feels like the day can't get slow enough, and I can't sit down, I can't pause, cause if I try I just end up staring into space and then it catches up with me and I'm wound-up even more. I hate my job, and it depressess me; feels like the day won't end. There's nothing there to occupy my thoughts except worse thoughts. I also felt the same way on meds. Everyone around me said I was better, but I felt nothing....empty...dead...no direction. I had to get off them. I may not have felt what I wanted when I got off them, but atleast I felt something.

I really hate feeling "blah" all the time.

My therapist said that's how normal people feel all the time.

Blah is normal? That's a terrible way to live.

Also, I've lost my sense of humor.

A lot of people that I'm around have noticed that I've lost my sense of humor. I get comments about this every day, but I have had zero comments like, "You seem to be handling life better on a daily basis."

I have been on lithium since the beginning, 11 years. Weaned myself off of anti depressants after I got out of prison, 2006. I was pretty stable, learned ways to spice up normal, you know the things most of the eunoia do to keep themselves entertained, Then my daughter died. You know the rest, it's all over this board.

Lithium killed me... I was neither here nor there or anywhere really. I was simply existing and it sucked wet rabid dog a.s.s! my pdoc wouldnt lower the dosage so I quit my meds all together. I needed to feel something, anything and everything! Now I do been med-free since October and I haven't ever regretted it. Speak to your pdoc about adjusting your dosage, exhisting is no fun, you need to start living.

No I'm not on anything now. I truely do feel the poles pulling on my mind...constantly. But I think I have three poles and I'm stuck in the middle. Anxiety, depression and mania. Anxiety is the worse for me, cause it makes me do stupid stuff that triggers an episode from another pole. It's hard to manage, but like I said, atleast I feel something. I just stay isolated so that I don't hurt peoples feelings.

"Wet rabid dog *ss" "Trippin"??? Ha HAHAHA!!!!!!that's a new one for me. How funny. I think I'll use that one to describe my job to my boss next time he asks.
Just exsiting does suck!

Gah... just because your therapist is boring fart doesn't mean everybody has to be and feel like that.

Demand more

And yeah, this is why I never really gotten into "treatment".... because I want to learn to deal with my fire, my dangerous gift... not to be forcibly made boring. That sounds like a terrible way to live.

Best luck.

When I was on lithium long ago, I was also on Prozac.

This psychatrist wanted to start me out with lithium alone.

I can't figure out if the way I feel now is "normal" or if I'm on a downward spiral into depression but SLOWER than ever.

It's a few minutes before 3:00 p.m. on a Sunday and I just now took a shower. No motivation.

Can't think of anything to do so I'll go see a movie. By myself. As always.

Aaawww...."Purple". Well atleast you can get out. I just never feel like it; except to get to work or voluteer. Only because I know I have to. Never been to a movie by myself. Getting out is a start. Then find another thing to do. Before you know it you will be feeling better.

It seems to me that every time we get a combination of meds that works, something poops out after a while. I have been on some where I feel so flat... it is just as if I have to choose which hell I would prefer to live in- the one where I am flat but supposedly stable, or the one where I am a mess, but at least feel something. I try to remain compliant despite- it seems like things overall in my quality of life are better on the meds. Every time I come off of them, it does not take long for me to unravel again. It is a vicious cycle.

I have no problem with going places alone. I'm used to being alone. The alternative is to stay home alone. I'm alone either way, so I might as well go out.

Boy, that movie sucked.

When I got home, I had a short discussion with my grown son who lives with me. Asked him what he thinks of how I'm doing lately.

He thinks I'm doing better.

That killed me.

I told him how I feel inside, and that I don't think I'm doing better.

He said he will make it a point to pay attention to how I'm doing over the next few days to see if he can tell a difference.

That is true love for his mother. How understanding. He will be a good man. I do most everything alone myself, but I couldn't do movies. So what was it you saw?

Wow... Normal........ What is normal? Mmm

I don't know what "normal" is, but I want no part in it if it's what I've been feeling for the last few days.

Also, I am so incredibly tired of having the squirts every day, twice a day, after I take this lithium. Would be so lovely to have a solid poop on schedule.

Normal you ask?
Normal is going through everyday with no triggers- Normal is getting out of

bed with a smile- Normal is looking out the window with a cup of "Joe" and

enjoying my 5-acre yard that hasn't grown *sshole deep to a dinosaur-

Normal is being happy to leave my house knowing I'm going to make some

money, or spend some money (and not regreting it)- Normal is not being

paranoid about who is drivng by my house or passing me on the highway-

Normal is not hiding from my friends and family- Normal is being able to

laugh and not faking it- Normal is not dragging myself through everyday

and being exhausted from it, or being exhausted from trying to control

my moods- Normal is being able to be told it's over and just shrugging my

shoulders and saying "ah....we had a good run" and not obssessing about

it from dawn to dusk (and even in my dreams sometimes)- Normal is being

sad, but excepting an invitation to go out to eat, or to the movies, or

riding go-carts over and over, or mudding on fourwheelers, or bowling..and

then waking up the next morning with smile knowing you can enjoy life

and easily pull yourself from the darkness that is our prison.

What is NORMAL you ask? Normal is knowing that we've all been in this

place and that we are never coming back.

Much love to you "Creative"

WNT2bNRML, your description of "normal" is definitely NOT how I've been feeling, although my therapist said, "That sounds like how normal people feel each day" when I described it to her.

Nope.

I feel:

Days drag on forever.

I'm bored out of my mind.

Everything seems to be in slow motion.

I have no passion for anything.

My stomach is STILL always upset.

I can't eat much throughout the day, yet I'm gaining weight.

I've seen the psychiatrist once, the therapist each week, and it's time to go back to the psychiatrist this coming week.

I've got two full weeks before my short-term disability leave ends and I have to go back to work.

I'm really dreading the job.

I've been spending my time trying to write, but I've found that all I can really do is reformat and get the document ready for publication. That's necessary, but not the same as writing. I look back at what I've arleady written and wonder if I'll be able to do that again.

This is Sunday and I just realized I haven't had a shower since Thursday.

Maybe I am on the slide downward.

NO NO NO!!!!!! "Purple". You better not get on that slide! It may look fun with its swirly little form, but it ends quick and then your at the bottom. Keep up reading your work. That's a good start to transition back to your job. If your still gaining weight and not eating, then it may be a thyroid. That may be the root of your problems at hand. Find a video game to get into with your son or a memory game on a handheld PS or something to occupy your mind for hours on end and improve your brain power.
Do you mind if I giggle a little about your "squirts" post; just because we've mostly have all been there. If we can't find a little humour within ourselves and eachother, then we will truely begin to die.
now for a BIG hug!

I just wanted to join in the conversation and say this post really helped me. I stopped by some of your pages and offered some support if you dont mind. I been there and I am here let me tell you.

Normal - Wanting to do something so bad because youre so bored, but when you do something you get bored with that. Does that make sense? Because that is my perpetual life. Always bored but when I do something Im bored with it. Geez.

Normal - Waking up every day knowing youre so fat but the thought of the treadmill is so dam hard and when I was manic I could knock out 50 pounds in six months.

This normal crap sucks.

At least when I was manic I was a barrel of laughs and fun. Now I just a tired boring fat mess.

Did we wake up from being bipolar and now we are supposed to be (normal) and bored out our mind?

Someone messed up the memo on that one at the psychiatry board.

Hope you guys feel better soon, I am in the same boat. At least I get some comfort out of not being alone in this.

Thanks for listening.