[Just a girl..]

Being perfect. ..wouldn't life be soo much simpler if I had neat handwriting? If I wasn't shy? If I always looked pretty? If I could sing? If I always had straight A's? If I was always in a good mood? If I wasn't bipolar..?
I try SO HARD to be perfect.. for my family, for my friends, for my boyfriend, .. for myself.. But I just can't do it.. the harder I try the farther away I get.. does anyone else struggle with this?
I get in moods where EVERYTHING has to perfect. My room has to be spotless, all my work needs to be done, the rest of the house has to been clean, I have to look good, my drawings have to be 100%, my handwriting has to be perfect(which btw never happens..), etc. & then if one thing goes wrong, I get SO overwhelmed and then I just break down, start crying and give up on everything..

[faerie_moon_x]

Learning to let go of that need for perfectionism will really help you. Just being able to step back and take a deep breath and say "good enough is good enough." Do you get really high anxiety when you feel this way?

[Just a girl..]

To me , nothing is ever good enough. Even when it's good, I always have the mindset "I can do better" and it drives me crazy.. And the weird part is, this happens with small things.. but with the big things, it's like I'm too scared to even try.

[Seaswept]

Nobody is perfect we are always told. I a lot of times also don't attempt things because I think I won't be able to do it perfectly.

[Just a girl..]

That's exactly how I feel..

i was about to say that, seaswept.

no one is perfict- omg.. if we were all perfict and all the same what a boring world this would be.

[Clinte89]

I agree if I where perfect and everyone else was perfect life would be boring. I do have this problem to a small degree but I have learned to let it go and imbrace it as I'm perfect as I can be and leave it at that.

[Trippin2.0]

Perfection is based on perception. Like when you find the perfect man, he's not actually perfect, but he's perfect for you... What if your messiest handwriting is perfect to me, which one of us would be right? Why would one of us be right? Idk what I'm trying to say... maybe let go a little, and just be for a while... Perfection wont complete you, learn to be kind to yourself, and most importantly, learn to be ok with being yourself, flaws and all, its what adds the most character.

[Just a girl..]

How do I learn to be okay with myself..? I am my own worst critic. and I know that other people don't see me the way I see myself.. but I just can't let it go. :/

For me, I don't try to be perfect in general. Sometimes I really try to perfect certain things I do, certain hobbies, etc. so much so that it becomes an obsession. But to me, I think we are all perfect already.

[Victoria'smom]

Perfectionism is something that I struggle with every day. It's harmful, static, and occasionally deadly. It has cost me my health and cost me my dream job. It is overwhelming. Now how do you stop it? What I found helps is pretending everything I do is actually something my younger sister did. When it gets really, really bad I try to find exactly what I am hiding. That's what perfectionism is it's a way to hide. I also have a T that I work with bi-monthly.

[Just a girl..]

What do you mean you pretend it's your sister doing it? & how do you find out what you're hiding?

[Victoria'smom]

I pretend it's my sister by judging everything I do as if she did it. If I do a paper after the first draft I edit and turn in "my sister's paper", "my sister" cleaned my house, "my son" cooked dinner like that.

I know I'm hiding my sadness when I wear make-up. I hide frustration when going after the perfect body. I hide anger and guilt with being the perfect parent / wife. I hide anxiety with over organization. I hide my eating disorder through beauty products, and minimization. I mask all of that with humor. So when I notice, T notices or my husband notices I'm trying to be the perfect __________ I know the general direction to look in. It takes time and a lot of observation.

[pegasus]

Show me the perfect human being, I'd like to shake their hand.

[hamster-bamster]

I do not struggle with that. My place is a total disaster. I mopped my kitchen floor and cleaned my range yesterday and was already ecstatic.

But my writing has to be perfect - I reread this post, noticed that I had typed "clean" rather than "cleaned", and rushed to correct myself.

[Anika.]

I have suffered with it a lot, still perhaps do at times. Tho there is no perfect, it is a myth, and illusion. And one that chasing after sets you up to fail because it isn't there to be had. Not only is no human perfect, nothing in the world is perfect, or in nature. There is no such thing as a perfect circle, a perfect snowflake.

letting go of the idea that it even exists seems to help a lot, for me at least. And also just forcing myself to walk away from things after they are done well enough and see what happens. You know what happens? It turns out the same as it would have if I kept pushing for perfect... or better, because sometimes the strive for perfection ruins what was good when it was good enough.

This was a big issue for me with anorexia, art work, cleaning, yoga even , every area of my life. But as I have been able to let it go I feel much more fulfilled, and satisfied. Confident.. Working on your self esteem would probably allow you to accept who you are, doesn't have to be faults or good/ bad parts. They are just your parts, they don't need to be judged.

If you try to stand on a pillar that doesn't exist you will not be standing very long at all. And no one should expect you to either. I think we hold ourselves to this, other don't really hold us to it, even if we feel they do. Perfectly imperfect here and there.. makes you human, and humans like other humans. Perfectly imperfect is probably the only time perfect exists.

[hamster-bamster]

Anika,

I can see how you can be a perfectionist with yoga. It is sort of sad because this is really not what yoga is about, but one CAN take yoga to a perfectionist extreme.

I have stopped doing that. I do not do the most stretching pose anymore - I do a comfortable stretch and only that. But it took me a while to arrive at where I am with yoga.

[Anika.]

Yes, and after three large tears in my hamstring, and some talks with a special deity to me, lesson learned. Even when you try to let the ego go, it can creep back in on you. I think that might have been my final struggle with perfectionism.. I sure hope so. I did find it a pretty humbling experience and maybe one with some humility and humanity.. the three H's And then I said "seriously have I not had enough lessons in these three H's ?" ...apparently I didn't.

[hamster-bamster]

I remember walking into a Yin Yoga class after not having had any yoga or exercise for that matter for a long time and being the WORST. And, there were women in the studio who were completely grey AND they were flexible. Much older than I was yet much more flexible. So that was a lesson in humility. But now the way I look at it as follows: if I keep at it, I will eventually be as flexible when I am as old as those women. I may not choose to wear my hair grey, but I would be flexible.

[Just a girl..]

You all have a lot of awesome things to say, but I still don't think I can change the way I think.. Everything has to be perfect, or I'm not satisfied. I've actually sat down and cried my eyes out before just because my handwriting is not pretty. I always think back to all the pretty girls in school who have amazing handwriting, and I get so jealous and disgusted with myself that I don't, that I've cried over it many times. It's just simple things like that, that get to me the most.. probably because I have to write things every day. It just makes me feel like I'm not enough, because I haven't conquered how to write neat. and it seems the harder I try, the worse my writing gets.. and that just makes things even worse.
I just can't get over this whole perfection thing.
I am a major perfectionist and I suck at it.

[Anika.]

All I can say is this.. When you die, you probably don't want to be remembered for "Oh she had the nicest handwriting, such a waste. " I am not trying to make light. Just trying to help you see the dowside in this thinking.

You said you are only satisfied when things are perfect, how often does that happen? I think it would be safe to say never, because there just is no such thing. Like Trippin say that is perception, and highly objective.

I know, I was that way, I still remember a girls amazing tiny block printing from school. You wanna know what's sad, I cant remember her at all now, not her name or face. But which is more important, her hand writing or her person.

And like I said, when we go past what is good the way it is and try to perfect it, we often mess it up instead. There is probably a good lesson in that.

Plus the way you put pretty girls together with handwriting. One has nothing to do with the other, but maybe you connect the two ? Perfectionism I think, is really low self esteem. I think if you just try to not be perfect without fixing the root of the problem... self esteem. it probably won't work. But that problem is workable.

[~Christina]

Your wanting to be perfect at everything is not something that will change over nite.. All changes start small and progress.

I think everyone has given you great advice ! Everyone has the ability "to change"

Don't give up

[Anika.]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I pretend it's my sister by judging everything I do as if she did it. If I do a paper after the first draft I edit and turn in "my sister's paper", "my sister" cleaned my house, "my son" cooked dinner like that.

I know I'm hiding my sadness when I wear make-up. I hide frustration when going after the perfect body. I hide anger and guilt with being the perfect parent / wife. I hide anxiety with over organization. I hide my eating disorder through beauty products, and minimization. I mask all of that with humor. So when I notice, T notices or my husband notices I'm trying to be the perfect __________ I know the general direction to look in. It takes time and a lot of observation.

This is just purely an observation Miguel's Mom but when you pretend "my sister" did it, or "son" did it, would this not be more hiding? Hiding the fact that you did it, and hiding from dealing with the issue by pretending. This isn't meant in a bad way, just seems like you might be holding yourself back by pretending.

I'd worry that you might have to pretend forever if you don't allow yourself to accept that you did these things. Which could also be prime times for self esteem building for you as well. You can't be proud, or happy for yourself if "your sister" did it.

I hope that makes sense, maybe you don't see it that way, it just stood out to me.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Just a girl..

You all have a lot of awesome things to say, but I still don't think I can change the way I think.. Everything has to be perfect, or I'm not satisfied. I've actually sat down and cried my eyes out before just because my handwriting is not pretty. I always think back to all the pretty girls in school who have amazing handwriting, and I get so jealous and disgusted with myself that I don't, that I've cried over it many times. It's just simple things like that, that get to me the most.. probably because I have to write things every day. It just makes me feel like I'm not enough, because I haven't conquered how to write neat. and it seems the harder I try, the worse my writing gets.. and that just makes things even worse.
I just can't get over this whole perfection thing.
I am a major perfectionist and I suck at it.

I do not see a connection. I was pretty but my handwriting was not. My daughters are pretty and have a neat handwriting. It can go both ways.

[Anika.]

I came across this article just now posted in a different section here. It's an article on PC about perfectionism.. If any of you are interested it sounds useful.

http://blogs.psychcentral.com/mindfu...perfectionism/