He's already relapsed

Can't say I didn't expect it. Home from rehab less than a week. I suspected the meth use but then found a snapshot of a text convo with his dealer in my phone. He must've accidentally taken a pic of it when he was deleting. He's been coming down, didn't participate in Xmas or open his presents. I hoped he felt guilty but just found his fb open on my computer. Hes still contacting these people. Now I'm contemplating deleting his meth friends, changing his fb password... But this could only make matters worse with violent backlash from him. I'm a mom who is a battered woman by my own son. He hasn't hurt me in a couple months, last time he almost strangled me but stopped himself. I think I have to tell his probation officer he's using. He may end up in jail until 18. I can't have this go on in my house. He's choosing evil in his life. I may have to cut him out of our lives. Anyone who knows me, knows I've thrown every possible resource to help him. He's 17 and a freaking danger to his family and to society. If he adds meth to his bp, he becomes black in the eyes, I don't know how else to describe it. I'll keep praying, if you pray please add me in.

Ill keep you and your family in my thoughts, I'm sorry this is happening to you and your son. Addiction is terrible and hard to beat I have yet to beat it totally but it's better so I can relate to how hard it is. I just hope he finds the right direction for himself. Maybe jail would be a good thing.

Blue, so sorry you're having to go thru this. Have to protect yourself & kids but at cost of sending one of them away, heart wrenching. Like Clint said maybe seeing what jail is like for a while might make a difference.
Will keep you & family in my prayers.

Oh, Blue! So sorry to hear. You have been through so much with all of this, I'm at a loss for words. You will definitely be in my thoughts. Lots.

Sending you lots of love and s blue, will keep you in prayer. I can only imagine how difficult this must be, and how awkward the position he's put you in. I agree with the others tho, safety first my friend

Blue, I am so sorry, and my prayers are with you. Yes, you have done more than I could ever imagine to find healing for your son. I know your heart is breaking for the decisions you know that you have to make in order to keep your family safe. Stay strong and stay safe.
Bluemountains

I turned off his phone service. Haven't messed with his fb privacy yet. I'm having disturbing thoughts of violence toward dealer. Police do nothing. Took a couple /3 Klons to no avail, I'm not sleepy and rage has not subsided. I need to sleep so I can have a clear head tomorrow to deal with this on top of working all day. I have 1 ambien left, time to try it.

This is a complicated situation, my prayers are with you. I have a family member struggling with some issues with her daughter, she has been thinking of relinquishing the parenting rights and have the state take care of her daughter. She needs to do it but has not wanted to do so because she fears the outcome and once it's done she can't take it back. Her daughter is 20/21 years old and her situation although different from yours is as well very damaging to all involved. It comes to having her daughter end up in jail or giving her to the state because she can't take care of her.
Of course as a mother she has not been able to come to terms with letting her daughter go but in the other hand the on going pain and costs of her daughters actions have become such burden is taking a toll on everyone.
To her and as well to you, I can't find words of advice to help other than y'all be on my prayers for I know the love one has for our children can bare it all.

If only he could fathom all that is at stake...

Is he at home now, does he know he has no phone service?
Just wondering because of his anger/rage concerns & your safety.
Hope you are safe & can get some sleep.

He must know, but he still can access internet from his phone i think. I tried to talk to him and he called me names and threatened to throw things at me if I come near his room. So I just stay away for now. I'm not well, sick and crying, can't make it to work today, not good.

Blue, who is your support system to help you stay healthy? You have so much on you, and it is overwhelming you. Don't let him bully you anymore, Blue. I know how hard it is, but you are dealing with a sick adult-sized child. He has hurt you before, and can do so again. Please stay safe.

Bluemountains

Not much for rl support system. I have my pdoc but meds won't help this problem. My mom is here but I'm terribly irritated with her and the amount of clutter she's adding while she's here. I have a bf I don't live with and irritated with him too, he's very non-emotional, but he's loaning me $5k today fix my broken septic. So now i am indebted to him, dont see me being able to repay him any time soon. My friends are only happy time friends. No one can come here because my son's violence. Maybe the juvenile probation is my only "support". Coming to terms with having my son put in jail is killing me. It has consumed the past 5 years of my life. I avoid most family members because their advice is too overwhelming and triggering. Most people I know don't know my dx... And I want to keep it that way.

I did just text the only gf who seems compassionate to my bp. She'd called me this morning and I didn't answer. So I texted not doing well can't talk sorry. She is inviting me and my kids to her boyfriends house up in the snow for new years. But just texted her that I'm so depressed not sure how I will make it through this day. Even though its out of my comfort zone, I'm reaching out to a rl friend, cuz of what I've learned here from you guys. I have to do these things to be responsible for my health.

Sorry for all the typos, I'm on an iPad and it does weird autocorrect stuff and not easy to edit. It changed gf to 'gift', lol that's too true. And it changed pdoc to podcast lol.

Good job on reaching out, I know how hard that can be keep posting, its imperative you purge, your plate is well passed full. You have my utmost respect and admiration, you are one tough lady, and a hellava mother, your kids are lucky to have you my late brother said this once: ''sometimes its not about the right or wrong choice, sometimes its about making the best choice'' This has helped me during trying times, though nothing like yours. I hope his words help you too

Blue, you're in my prayers for sure, you always are. I can't imagine how hard it is to deal with watching your son go through this, and then lash out at you and your other kids.

It's a hard road but he is 17 and a danger to himself and your family, and you have done everything you can. It may sound weird but maybe the only way to save him is to make him save himself. And I hate saying that, but maybe you have to turn him in and maybe the only road out for him is the road through hell.... With the drugs and everything, it's not giving your other kids the chance, and since he's violent, that's not good. There is no easy road for him or you right now.

I just pray that he will come out on the othe side and when he does, he can be your son again, the one that you loved as a baby, and not the person addicted to drugs who beats you up.

This is crazy and I know that no amount of violence toward me is ok. But he has never fully like "beat me up". Ok so I'm grasping at straws. He has been violent screaming every name in the book at me, shove me to ground, spit on me, break everything in the house, steal and sell for drugs. He has bp among who knows what else along with addiction and I want to save him from it. No new bright ideas came to me overnight. I don't want to lose him. He hated it in jail last time. Why is he risking it again.

I don't think he's risking it again. I think that he's so far addicted to meth that he doesn't even grasp it any more. Addiction is so powerful. It's too powerful for some people. My cousin, who was in and out of jail for nearly 20 years due to drugs, has finally turned it around. He is in his late 30s or early 40s now, but got addicted like at 15 years old. In order to do it he had to move 4 states away and know absolutely no one and work conciously at it every day.

Even if it's not punch in the face, being pushed down adn into things and choke hold is like being beat up. And not just in your body, because bones heal. But emtionally so, as well. And emotionally wounds take much longer to close. It's not okay.

It's so evil I hate it he's sleeping now. I wish he would have a conversation with me about it before I call PO.

Praying for you both. So sorry for what you are going through. Hope he can get better soon. stay safe.

Hoping things are at least somewhat peaceful today at your house, Blue. Keeping your family in my thoughts.

Thanks DH. I'm not so good, feeling panic. Only slept 3 hours, so much work to do - I do accounting so crappy time of year. I'm afraid to leave my house, afraid to leave my son here. And 11 year old is home too. My mom is here visiting and trying to help, but she is very inactive, she's sweet, but she'll forget to hide her car keys and money. I feel like I have to do everything. And with work an hour each way, this is an impossible situation.

I am sad you have to live in fear of your own son both for yourself, and himself....

I've had to make that decision between children and as hard as it was it was the best decision. Sometimes they have to fall hard on their butts before they can change.

Oh Blue Please take care. I am so sorry that you are going through this hell

I don't know, could he be misdiagnosed. He sounds so much like autism, maybe there are other ways..