Am I bipolar or not? Help diagnose me.

You,sound like you aren't BP. You like to shop and that's normal. You had a reaction from pot or seroquel that's normal. test = normal.

Thank you. I do not shop anymore actually, and going off Lithium has not changed that. Nor do I have any money .

Yes, indeed, I had a few hallucinations on seroquel and pot, but also on depakote. I thought that I had two hallucinations on my own, but then I reviewed the history and... I was on Depakote. Web search does show results for hallucinations caused by Depakote but I do not want to peruse them - I will ask the p-doc. I had one auditory+visual and one visual hallucination while on Depakote.

I have never hallucinated while not on any sort of a drug.

interestingly enough, I am without Prozac but severe stress has not gone away!!!

So the outcome of my little experiment is: stopping Prozac does not make stress go away.

i know it's not fun but exercise will help stress

I will borrow an expression from ex' vocabulary because I find it particularly lovely: "out of range of usual human experience".

So, my last suicidal depression a year ago arose out of his wanting me to leave California for good and never contact the kids in his lifetime. I was on disability that was about to end, without any money, income, etc.

So I think this qualifies as "out of range of usual human experience" rather than "always a situation".

good thinking! i think it will go good

This thread was very long, so I didn't read through all of it. Couldn't tell you about the Dx. I am not a psychiatrist. I don't even play one on the Internet... very often. However, I have complete trust in my own and our communication is great... and I generally like her treatment plan, she is a great detective and I agree or disagree with it. And I end up feeling better usually.

Plain and simple, it sounds like you don't trust yours. Either you do or don't. Sounds like it is time to move onto a new Dr. You sound like you think waaaaaaaaaaaaay too much. Quit splitting hairs and looking at the minutiae. It will drive you nuts.

And wanted to say, sorry about the divorce. It is incredibly difficult no matter who you are. Mine just got finalized (18 year marriage) last month. The divorce process took two years. I was into my therapist every single week and my psychiatrist every few weeks tweaking meds every few months. I took each day one at time. It sucked, it was hard. It is better but still hard. I am a full time single mom. But it gets better. And I didn't let the BP consume my life even though you never escape it. You will be there eventually. You won't let what the ex say push it over, because you just won't care.

Look for something good in each day. Even if it is something very small

My psychiatrist is brilliant and I do not have reaasons to distrust him. He has been seeing me since august of last year and says that he does not see anything bipolar in me but does not know whether this is due to no disorder or correct medications, so we are trying without. Medications, which seems to me the right way to go about setting up experiments.

in eire bp is considered a chronic mental health condition, i don't think self diagnosis or non-professional diagnosis is suficient enough. no, if anyone feels they have a condition as serious as bp then a professional opinion based on sustained medical or psychiactric observation should be sought...then appropriate treatments can be put into place.
bear in mind that we with bp don't always know better than the pdocs, and we need admit that we are prone to episodes that render our normally good judgement, somewhat impaired.

it depends but i don't know because i guess it could narrow down two ways i suppose

Ham is being responsible and doing this 'experiment' through her pdoc's watchful eye. She may/may not be BP, but has suffered a lot of emotional abuse, regardless. Her symptoms [at the time] could be a reflection of that.

hey 'c'
i get that and send my best wishes to ham.
i was diagnosed 14 years ago and have a good idea of the issues associated with bp, having suffered them.
i meerely offered advice albeit from a subjective point of view, certainly never meant to offend.
rob

Nah, it's not your fault.

I've been watching her threads for over a year now...lol

I should apologize for being a little snarky. xD

I do not know whether this is because you are currently inside an episode that is rendering your normally good judgment somewhat impaired, but you definitely have a problem with reading comprehension (not that reading comprehension and judgment are the same thing, though).

"My psychiatrist is brilliant and I do not have reaasons to distrust him. He has been seeing me since august of last year "

Read the bold parts in your post and the quote from my previous post and juxtapose them.

You did not offend me - you just need to pay attention when you read my posts.

i guess thats me put in my place...
i actually think i do ok considering i have dyslexia.
i am sorry if i have misunderstood your posts and as already stated, i do send you my best wishes...
perhaps i might start anew and try harder not to offend anybody...
am i forgiven for my mistake???
rob

Absolutely!

phew!!!
thanks...
wishing you a 'happy st patrick's day', all the way from ireland...
rob

Oh thank you! This is the first one in my life. Nobody truly from Ireland has ever wished me a happy st patrick's day.

OK!

I got the diagnosis of the Self Defeating Personality Disorder by T and P-doc.

On Bipolar, p-doc is uncertain. He says that he would not bet that I am Bipolar if here sitting on a forensic panel, but he would not bet that I am NOT Bipolar either. It is a puzzle for him for now. I will see him in a month and we will continue with monthly visits.

T: "OK. Makes sense. Self-Defeating personality really fits, and the psychiatrist is right that he wants to keep observing, not way to pronounce your one way of the other without extended observation and your own self-observation."

Self defeating personality disorder is not in the current DSM, but is still widely used by practitioners.

Proposed DSM III-R
Self-defeating personality disorder is:
A) A pervasive pattern of self-defeating behavior, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts. The person may often avoid or undermine pleasurable experiences, be drawn to situations or relationships in which he or she will suffer, and prevent others from helping him, as indicated by at least five of the following:
1. chooses people and situations that lead to disappointment, failure, or mistreatment even when better options are clearly available _ YES
2. rejects or renders ineffective the attempts of others to help him or her - YES
3. following positive personal events (e.g., new achievement), responds with depression, guilt, or a behavior that produces pain (e.g., an accident) - NO
4. incites angry or rejecting responses from others and then feels hurt, defeated, or humiliated (e.g., makes fun of spouse in public, provoking an angry retort, then feels devastated) - NO
5. rejects opportunities for pleasure, or is reluctant to acknowledge enjoying himself or herself (despite having adequate social skills and the capacity for pleasure) - YES
6. fails to accomplish tasks crucial to his or her personal objectives despite demonstrated ability to do so, e.g., helps fellow students write papers, but is unable to write his or her own - NO
7. is uninterested in or rejects people who consistently treat him or her well, e.g., is unattracted to caring sexual partners - YES
engages in excessive self-sacrifice that is unsolicited by the intended recipients of the sacrifice - YES, both solicited and unsolicited. When I was working at ABC and gave ex all the money and signed up to pay spousal support for some years, he mentioned, in passing, that it was unfair that the spousal support was not for life since I had ruined his life and rendered him unemployable. He mentioned it in passing. He did not expect action. I immediately found a lawyer who was willing to devise an agreement that would have obligated me to pay him support until his death, as a private contract outside of family court. Not only did I find the lawyer, but also I felt that it was wrong of me to be reactive to ex' suggestion. I faulted myself for not coming up with this idea on my own, unprompted. Only luck saved me from signing the agreement to support him for life - ABC laid off one third of its staff including me. So I became unemployed and the issue of support for life became moot. So it was an example of a self-sacrifice that was not fully solicited by ex.

I'm confused why they are diagnosing you with something that was proposed for DSM III-R when they are currently using DSM IV and going to replace it in a few months with DSM V. Since Self-Defeating Personality was never officially included in any of these 3 books, I can't imagine it is all that widely used. For example, insurance companies would not pay for treatment of this disorder. Your doctor would need to bill under something else. And I wonder if courts would accept this as any sort of explanation.

I guess it is all a moot point though if this diagnosis explains things for you and makes you feel understood. Does it?

Best,
EJ

Eliza Jane,

It fits totally and I pay the therapist intern out of pocket and do not have insurance so that part is moot.

It is not in DSM, but it is in the Millon personality assessment. Millon Personality assessment showed self-defeating traits, not a full-blown disorder though, but did show traits. The psychologist who did the neuropsyhological assessment based her recommendation, in part, on the Millon results, and it is her ultimate recommendation that is going to the court system. So indirectly, the diagnosis is still meaningful, even though it is not in DSM.

EJ:

Per Wikipedia, " In spite of its exclusion from DSM-IV in 1994, it continues to enjoy widespread currency amongst clinicians as a construct that explains a great many facets of human behaviour.[2]"

Also per Wikipedia,

" It has an official code number, 301.90."

again, since I have no insurance, this is moot.