tired of being me

I am just tired of me.

I haven't had a good relationship with me in a long time.

I'm tired of being the annoying person that no one likes spending time with. I'm tired of being the one who gets over emotional. I'm tired of being the one who feels can't share anything. I'm tired of being the one who always feels attacked. I'm tired of being ugly. I'm tired of of being tired. I'm tired of being the loser, loner, stressed out, not good enough one.... I'm tired of all critism and not living up to anyone's dream of me....

I try so hard to overcome these things, and it's like trying to demolish a mountain with a teaspoon.

Sorry I am sad but I am extremely sad but I feel manic and I'm on cough syrup which makes me loopy because I"m sick. But I am tired of being told that I'm not good enough. And then tired being told that my problems are worthless and not worth caring about. I'm just so tired!!!

Im sorry your going through such a rough time. I can relate to your post alot. The only thing I can think of is hang in there.

I just want to be someone else now. One of these other people who are fun and respected and people want to be friends with and be around. I'm so tired of always being the outsider and the weird one..... the annoying one....

I know I"m whining.

I know how you feel. I was very lucky to finally find someone who would finally be able to deal with my issues.
Don't lose hope.

What cough syrup are you taking? Make sure it doesn't have alcohol in it--that's a bad combo with meds. Getting over emotional may mean hypomania--has your pdoc reviewed your meds & levels recently?
Dear, dear (((((dark_heart_x))))). I'm so sorry for all the sorrow that exhausts you. Could you let it all go for awhile? Forget what other people think? Forget your past? Take a fresh look around at today, make up a new character to be for a week, maybe you had a childhood dream to be a fashion designer ... Live in the Land of Pretend for a mental vacation and be someone else. We give our physical selves vacations--might do our mental selves some good too.
roadie

I don't have a pdoc. I have been doing a terrible job of taking my lithium. I take it for a day or two, then forget again.... I always do this crap. I have no insurance and no pdoc and no T. It's me against the world as usual.

It's dayquil I took. Here's a funny thing about me. I can take nyquil and be up all night. I can take dayquil and I just want to lay down and go to sleep. Haha. But Nyquil has alcohol, and I didn't know if that was a good idea to drink it and drive to work.

Nyguil contains sedative antihistamines, not a good idea. After I quit meds, I used to take antihistamines and and some other stuffs when I got super manic.

I can SO RELATE!!!

There's a lot of pain in self-loathing. I've wasted too many years of my life hating who I am. So have you. You are good enough the way that you are. I can tell from your posts here that you're intelligent and compassionate; those are the two biggest qualities I look for in friends.

I suggest that you get a pdoc and try to get your moods stabilized. I tend to hate myself the most when I have a moodstate that includes depression. The less depressed I am, the easier it is to accept myself.

Also, remember this: there is no hierarchy of human worth. No one person is more worthy than another because of intelligence, humor, looks, or anything. We are all EQUAL!

And lastly, for when you're feeling lonely (and you're not alone being lonely; you've got plenty of company, myself included): about what percentage of people that you meet like you? Let's say that it's 10%. 10% of 7 billion is 700 million. If only 10% of people like you, you still have 700 million potential friends! Even if only 1% of people like you, you have 70 million potential friends.

You're not alone.

DH.. Who is telling you that you are not good enough and that your problems are worthless and leave me their contact details so I might have a few words with them!!!

You are none of the above!! But you gotta believe it too! And if people are telling you stuff like that they need to be removed.

You have a lot of friends here who don't see any of that in you. Quite the opposite indeed!

Secretum makes a lot of sense.

I think we all have a tendancy to feel like this at times, and more if we feed the thoughts. The people you think that fit right in and others seem drawn to probably also feel like this at times. I do too, I still struggle with not feeling like an imposter trying to be more than garbage. Not near as much as I used to but it tries to creep back in.

Stay strong and I'll be praying for you

Everyone who's ever said that is the problem not you. Please go to County mental health to help you.

I can relate to your post!

((((( Dark Heart))))))

Whoever is telling you these things needs beaten

YOU are loveable, wanted , needed, adored !!! You have self worth and ability to Love yourself

Im so,so sorry you are feeling not good enough. I can definately relate. Try to be happy. Smooches.

Your posts sound like you are depressed not manic... when I am depressed I believe all kinds of bad things about myself that are not true. I think this may be the same for you - the illness is lying to you so that you only see the bad things and not the good things about you. Also when you are sick that can mess with your mood too.

Especially if you don't have a pdoc then you should check for interaction with the pharmacist with all new meds and lithium cos some antihistamines shouldn't be mixed with lithium because they can elevate serotonin and cause serotonergic syndrome which is nasty.

While it would be great to see a pdoc or T, if thats not possible try keeping a journal and try to process and challenge your thought in that. I find that it can be almost as good as a therapy session at getting to the root of the problem with my thinking. Look online for methods for challenging bad thoughts and other coping strategies.

Would it help to get a pill dispenser to help you remember your meds or maybe to set an alarm for when you need to take them.

I'm thinking of you and hope you feel better soon

Yeah! Except we'd be waving pitchforks! And doing this business too!
Don't you for one minute go believing those negative things about yourself dh! They are the opposite of the truth and we are all witnesses to that.
Agreed. First there's the venting of course, but there's something about writing it. It's right there in black and white. So often in our heads it just whirls around and around. We can't really catch it to make any sense of it or tame it at all. Or I can't anyway. Having it on paper makes it just enough removed and concrete to be able to look at it more objectively. A way to view it from the outside, even though it just came from inside. Try reading it like it was written by another. What is your reaction? Compelled to refute it with the truth? It's so much easier to see the warped thinking when it's not ourselves. Give that same compassion and reality check to yourself. (Yeah, harder for sure, but the more it can be remembered to do, the better.)

Sending good thoughts your way. If you could see you like we see you, it'd be Magic Wand 180.

I'm with Anika, but with IZ's pitchfork version!
Alternately if its your thoughts, telling you these BS lies I have no qualms about climbing into your ear, finding my way to your brain, and strangling the damn liar with some cable ties!!!

You are worthy just because you are.
There is no scale to measure one's worth against another. We are all here on our own journeys, and the fact that we were deemed fit to live, breath and simply exist, renders us worthy from day 1.

Nobody can strip you of your worth, nobody can suddenly declare it non-existant. It is yours and it is you, make no mistake about that sis

I'm sorry you're suffering, wish I could shoulder the burden for you.

Remember that joy comes in the morning... I hope your morning comes soon sis

Thanks everyone.

Unfortunately, I always feel this way, even when manic. Even when I'm feeling like a super genius I still also feel like a complete loser. It's very strange....

I wish all of you lived closer so I could have a big group of friends nearby. Even the friends I have close by I do not trust them very much.

I have been told all these things my whole life. Just when I think I am getting away from them, I can't get away from them. They follow me around everywhere.

I watched that movie Bully, which is a documentary on bullying. And, it's like watching my life. I do believe everyone should watch it. It was hard to watch because it was kind of PTSD for me, but I watched it anyway, to say "This is what happened to me! And it doesn't go away just because I grew up!"

It's just like bipolar. No one understands what bullying really does to you.

I was bullied when I was small. It turned me into a bully and worst a gangster. It got even worst...

I thought that I was the only one! I'm exactly like that when I'm manic; I think that I'm amazing, yet a loser who's not worth anyone's time simultaneously. It's weird. :/

I'm really sorry that you've been bullied. I wish that people irl treated you better. You deserve better.