[bluefish27]

Hi all. I wanted to ask how would you react if you couldn't hold down a job and had a hard time functioning and your spouse couldn't understand ? I just lost my 8th job in the past three years and my husband is very upset. I understand his feelings but I feel like he doesn't understand what I'm struggling with too. I've started to feel that maybe I'm just a bad, lazy person and just taking advantage of him. Although I've had 8 jobs in the past few years its because I keep trying, I want to help him and take some stress off of him, I'd like to accomplish something in my life too. But everytime I try, I fail because I can't get motivated, I can't cope with adhering to their schedule. Most days I don't even want to shower or leave the house. I hate myself and feel so guilty but I haven't been able to change it. What would you do if your husband kept forcing you to get a job even if you knew the same cycle would continue ? What would you do if you knew your husband could never fully love you or be happy with you until you did the things "normal" women do ? I've tried meds before but it didn't help either. Financially we can't afford therapy etc, but I'm gonna go back to the state facility soon to try again.

[manicminer]

Suggestion:
Find a "work-from-home" kind of employment. Something that you can do from the comfort of your own home, at your own pace, at your own schedule. Be your own boss. Not sure what your interests are, but find something that you can get motivated behind.

Best wishes and good luck

[cocoabeans]

I can't understand not being able to hold down a job. I mean, I'd you can't do something in an office or that requires any responsibility or stress why not work low level retail or at a grocery store? It's damn near impossible to lose a job like that if you simply show up and half *** it. I know because I did that even while psychotic. Of course for me, not having even the most pathetic pay coming in had worse consequences than a disappointed spouse.

And trust me despite the *****ing that goes on in those places no one expects much even a daily shower from you and end of the day you can screw upasuch as possible and even your managers know it does not matter, it's retail.

[~Christina]

Bluefish,
Im sorry your having these problems.. Due to Bipolar and a chronic pain condition I was just not able to hold a job of any kind... My husband could not, would not try to understand. It finally came done to my being suicidal ( again) and my T pulling my husband into the office and told him in no uncertain terms that I can not work at this point and XYZ. He told my husband to either be a man, a husband and emotionally support me in all this and realize that for now I will not be able to work and stop making me feel useless and worthless or that we need to just seperate and divorce... My husband broke down in tears when it finally sunk in. Things have been better but we still hit rough spots because of my illness's .. But things are much better.

Good luck ! here to listen anytime. feel free to pm me if you want **hugs**

[BlueInanna]

Not everyone can hold the full time job, don't feel bad, you're not lazy or bad!! A work from home situation sounds ideal, if you could handle it. I don't know how you find that though.

I really hope you and he can get counselling. That could really help.

[buzzie729]

I totally have the same issue. I get a job and do so good in the beginning. Then I start dreading the thought of going in. I am not talking about simply not wanting to go. I feel sick at thought of going in. All I want is to bury myself in my bed. I stay home all the while being overwhelmed by guilt. I got into the nursing programming which I had worked so hard for. It is like a full-time job. I dropped out because I just couldn't hold the schedule. People who don't have this problem can't understand. They say, "just get over it ". I bate it. I let everyone down. It is not stress or not liking the job. I loved my last job. I just couldn't muster up the energy to get out of bed. Depression is stealing much of my life. There have been so many things I have missed out on. This depression doesn't pertain only to work. We will plan on doing something fun and then the day comes to do it I can't get out of bed. I have let my family down again. I don't like being like this. I feel like my life is passing by and I am just watching. My husband has told many times that the things that "normal" people don't do. I know that. I do not like being abnormal. My moods are evident in the tidiness of my home. When I am up, the house is tidy and when I am down it isn't. I can go days without showering and then snap out of it and begin to act " normal".
I am still trying to cope. I totally relate.

[Victoria'smom]

Can I ask if you guys are having money issues or is it about being productive?

[bluefish27]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Can I ask if you guys are having money issues or is it about being productive?

Both ! He says he doesn't want money from me that he just wants to see me out of the house and he wants to see me being responsible. He asks what if he got sick or lost his job etc, what would happen to me. I know all he says is true and I feel horrible and then I try again with the best intentions in the world that this job I will do it, I won't be late, I won't call in, I won't quit...but then sure as the sun rises that day comes when I haven't gotten enough sleep (which is a huge trigger for me) or we have a fight and I get really depressed or I feel I'm too ugly and disgusting to even be in public (not true, but feel that way a lot) or I'm just plain down and want nothing more than to crawl in the bed and sleep off my vulnerability....then I call in to work. And then I'm anxiety ridden the next shift and procrastinate on getting ready and end up late which then causes more anxiety and after doing this enough times that I'm too ashamed to even go to work at all anymore, so I quit. I always get so much relief in calling in or quitting a job its like I can breathe again...for a few hours until the guilt settles in and then...well you get it. It's a cycle. To be honest I'm really lucky that he still loves me at all and hasn't left me..

[bluefish27]

I usually don't have a problem once I'm there and working, I even feel good. It's just getting there that's the problem.

[Doxie mom]

I can totally relate I would do really great then someone would get under my skin. I would build it up and build it up until I would quit. I think your husband has to understand that without meds and therapy it may be hard for you to hold down a full time job. I would try to make that priority one. I don't know much about working from home but you should should look into it. Don't feel bad there are other people out there struggling with the same thing.
Sorry missed that last post I can always get somewhere maybe that is a depression issue? I really had trouble getting motivated when I was depressed.

[bluefish27]

Oh my god, you just recited my life exactly down to every detail. ! I'm so sorry you are struggling, I know how it feels. Biggggg hug
girl. Message me if you ever feel the need. Best wishes.

Originally Posted by buzzie729

I totally have the same issue. I get a job and do so good in the beginning. Then I start dreading the thought of going in. I am not talking about simply not wanting to go. I feel sick at thought of going in. All I want is to bury myself in my bed. I stay home all the while being overwhelmed by guilt. I got into the nursing programming which I had worked so hard for. It is like a full-time job. I dropped out because I just couldn't hold the schedule. People who don't have this problem can't understand. They say, "just get over it ". I bate it. I let everyone down. It is not stress or not liking the job. I loved my last job. I just couldn't muster up the energy to get out of bed. Depression is stealing much of my life. There have been so many things I have missed out on. This depression doesn't pertain only to work. We will plan on doing something fun and then the day comes to do it I can't get out of bed. I have let my family down again. I don't like being like this. I feel like my life is passing by and I am just watching. My husband has told many times that the things that "normal" people don't do. I know that. I do not like being abnormal. My moods are evident in the tidiness of my home. When I am up, the house is tidy and when I am down it isn't. I can go days without showering and then snap out of it and begin to act " normal".
I am still trying to cope. I totally relate.

[Victoria'smom]

Bluefish can you volunteer at the local no kill shelter to walk the dogs when feeling well? Have you looked into just seasonal work? pick your best season and try then, plus you know it's almost over if you are having serious issues . After school care provider? That would be 3-6 pm daily. But I really think seasonal is the best way to go.

[Confusedinomicon]

Try to get a job where you only work 15-20 hours a week so you have 3-4 days off. You shouldn't get too overwhelmed and you'll be getting out of the house.

Your husband is like my boyfriend. He wants me to work so I don't stay home all day and end up wrestling my thoughts because I end up becoming a recluse/hermit.