Just Existing, Not Living, Wasting Years

Hello everyone!

Anyone else feel like they are just existing? That every day is just so mundane and trivial? I am not suicidal or anything I'm just sad.

My boyfriend broke up with me months ago, and we still maintain a solid friendship. But it will never go anywhere or have any future in it. The thing is I am not even looking for a man. There have been prospects but I shy away because face it, I'm just not ready.

But I feel ready for something. Anything. I am too anti-social to go join any kind of group or activity, but I am happy to report I am too lazy to even go to a bar and sit there by myself, so at least I'm not drinking myself into a coma!

I don't know I guess I just wanted to rant. If anyone else has similar experiences of just existing, please share your thoughts and what you feel about it.

Thanks for reading.

Yep-I have felt like that often. Just like I was marking another day til I die.
Hang in there! Not drinking is a huge plus. Sometimes I count my successes on what I'm NOT doing

Me myself and I!
I work and see my bf once a week if I'm lucky (distance and schedule clashes) and then do nothing besides be a boring grown-up paying bills, budgeting and worrying how to pay more bills.

Except for the times with bf, I don't feel like I'm living. All my peers are moving forward, studying, working their way up the ladders, getting married, moving out... Meanwhile I remain stagnant and left behind.

Hopefully I get this job and will be able to have some semblence of a life, but for now, I exist, and it doesn't help that I seem to crash every weekend... so I hardly bother to get out of bed on my off days

Ok, I vented along with you

Sorry you're in a similar boat...

Yes, yes and yes! That's why I'm stuck. I'm in a marriage that's sinking like a ship, I'm a still unpublished writer who's too messed up to write, I spend my days watching movies, The Military Channel or Doctor Who, I dream about getting divorced and getting away from a woman who's actually more effed up than me(but think's she's normal). Actually, already contacting law firms. Physically falling apart, sleep deprived, mourning a friend with bipolar who died too young from a heart attack... I'm keeping up the hope of finding that brighter day. I've got to. I don't want to consider the alternative.

Thanks for all the responses! I feel good to think that I'm not alone in my struggles. I couldn't imagine being stuck in a marriage that was like a sinking ship. I am so sorry!

I just hope that one day things brighten up for all of us and we can look forward to a better tomorrow. Things just feel so hopeless right now. I don't know why.

Doing the same trivial things every day. Just existing in life. I shouldn't complain. I have no real worries or troubles. Just stuck in a rut.

I am hoping of pulling myself out it soon

Thanks again for responding!

Hi PlatiumHeart, yes, exactly, I feel like I'm just going through the motions of life. Same **** different day. When you find out how to get out of this feeling, please let me know. Really hate my life now.

I'm really sorry you're struggling.

I have made today a better day than yesterday just by taking a nice long shower, and changing up my environment. I went in the basement for a little while and just enjoyed the damp and darkness.

I really don't have an answer yet, but connecting with people on PC, posting, playing games, watching my favorite shows on tv, have helped a lot.

Just keeping myself distracted is the only answer right now.

I'm feeling the same as you. I started my day with a good shower and have done some things to distract myself. Housework, tidying up. Went out to lunch with my boyfriend (he also has bipolar). Took a nap, which isn't like me, but I'm getting over a respiratory cold and had time on my hands. Ah, well. Good to know we aren't alone and can support each other! Take care, Platinum Heart and everyone else.

Can I join this club? I struggle to do something most of the time, but at the end of the day when I look back, the subject line is my conclusion.

Yes of course you can join! I feel like I'm hosting a pity party. Like we all should be doing something to change it. I mean I want to change things, I WANT to do SOMETHING. But at the end of the day. I do NOTHING.

Ugh the worst thing is like I know I SHOULD do something. Go out there DO SOMETHING. But I still do nothing.

LOL. I'm venting again, ugh!

Just existing..........I think I will sit here and exist, you all are welcome to join me

I feel like this as well. I want to change things but it seems like I never can. I feel I have wasted so many years of my life and every day that goes by just adds to that feeling.

I feel like the ad for the hair club for men - I'm not just a member of this club, I'm its president! Or wait it's the other way around. Whatever! Losing!

Cheese Doodles or tortilla chips? I'll even bring the salsa.

Hey everybody, allow me to jump on board too. I can't talk to people because nothing comes to mind. That makes me depressed and not want to go out and do anything social. I enjoy time with family and TV. Music is my best friend and I play video games to kill time. I also have a job in the family business, at least I'm making money. I am for sure just going through the days though. Hoping that one day I'll be better and able to talk normal again. Until that day, I'll enjoy the rest and alone time. A lot to of peace and quiet never hurt anyone. Movies are good too.

I just exist, I don't know who I am or what to do. Just get through one day and along comes another.

I feel like that if I don't take my meds. Maybe you need to talk to your pdoc about adjusting your meds. When I first got sick it took about two years to find the right combination of meds for me to be a happy, well-adjusted, functioning person. Also, breakups have a tendency to get you down and make you feel the way that you do. You probably feel even more so down these days because of the breakup. It will take time, but it will get better.

I have said that so many times. " im simply existing in a world I used to live in". My life hasnt been the same since bipolar took over. I just sit back and watch everyone else living their lives and wishing I could participate in just half of the yhings I used to juggle. I do good to get in the shower sometimes.
I have been unable to work for 3 yrs now. Ive been on disability for 1 1/2 yrs. Since I have been out of the working world I have lost a lot of social skills which in turn gives me social anxiety. Blah.... so sorry to go on and on guess I needed to vent as well.
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I've been feeling that for a while now.
I have not recently lost a relationship as you have but when I examine my worth, the value I add to the world or those around me I get sad. Then I start to think about what kind of a legacy I would leave behind upon my (not suicidal) demise. What little bit of me will live on? Will I be soon forgotten after death?

Close to my story but at 63, it's REALLY painful. Not how I imagined my life, but none of us on here imagined our lives going off the rails.

Your quote from Henry David Thoreau is one of my favorites. Like him and Ralph Waldo Emerson. Two of the greatest philosophers that the United States has produced.

i just exist. it is the same routine, day in, day out. i have been very successful. i should be happy with what i have acheived. my job is very rewarding. i help people all day long. i have made it my mission to find joy, yet it eludes me. i thought i found it in march. i was over the moon. turns out i was manic. i have a bright future. i also have agoraphobia. i am content with my nothingness. but i want to be happy. i want that joy. i fear i am incapable of it. it shocks me when i get excited about something i have done because i am not used to those feelings. they are so short lived. so i go on, day in, day out. doing the best i can hoping those elusive joyful feelings will appear.

I sat down with a friend of mine the other day, a really beautiful woman who appears to live a very glamorous lifestyle on Facebook - and she admits that she shares many of the same sentiments in this thread - that her life day-in-day-out is monotonous and she's not really doing anything with her life. Her life is boring, stale, and she's just existing, not really living. She also did the poor-little-rich-girl rant of how she doesn't have any real friendships and all her friends are fake and no one really likes her for who she really is.

It's a common existential problem with the human race - to feel leaden and dragged down, to feel as if you're just alive, but not really living. Unless it's serious dysphoria, I would say that you should examine your mood state - and take appropriate steps to address it.

i feel the exact same way. beating myself up for not " living life to the fullest" or plain moving forward in life.....
instead only feeling stagnant.

totally jealous over all my friends going/doing/living while i just want to crawl in a hole. sucks. it truly does suck.

Still stuck in a rut, just thought I would revisit this thread. I still feel like I'm existing, nothing much has changed. Its a beautiful day outside, yet I don't want to go anywhere. Its so depressing. I wish something would change. I wish I had drive to do something. Is there more to life than this? Is this it?

Platinum, thanks for bringing this thread to the forefront again. I'm sorry to read of your unhappiness, but at least you know you're not alone in the misery that as is said, loves company right?

As you've pointed out, aging makes a big difference. I am almost 47 and that makes it harder mentally. I see ads for jobs and it makes me think they don't want to hire someone my age. I'm sure you can identify with that even more than me. Also, my son he'll say "Don't you think I'm tired of this or that?" but what he doesn't understand - can't understand, is that I have 20something years on him of being impoverished and never really breaking free of that nothingness lifestyle.

It sucks, hardcore - that's the only way I can succinctly word it, lol.

Saw a shrink recently for my SSA eval and learned a new term. I said, "I want to be careful what I say here... I'm not 'suicidal', but if I didn't wake up tomorrow, I wouldn't mind that at all." He said that's called passive suicidal ideology, so hooray, add that to my symptom list.

Sometimes what helps is giving into imagination. I am a writer so that does help a lot to delve into someone else's mind for a long while and bring it to life on paper, but other times I use my imagination and just fantasize about that perfect life... my 5 people you'd meet in heaven, you know? That place where all the things I love are there, all the people and creatures I cherish....

But then sooner than later, reality burns torrid through the fog of blissful imaginings.

Hello there! I am glad you can relate, and thanks for replying on this thread. You have such a wonderful way with words, I can see why you are a successful writer. I often wonder where I will be when I am 47, I am only 33 and I am struggling with this now.

I am glad I am not alone though. Many people have responded to this thread and I thank them all for it.

I often live in a fantasy world too, and then I realize I have to wake up now. I wonder what it would be like if I was prettier, skinnier, and didn't have this bipolar mental illness. What would my life be? Would it be better?

I keep wishing there was more to life than this. That there has to be more. More I could be doing and enjoying rather than just existing. I don't know maybe there aren't any answers. Maybe this is just it.