Why do I make my life so miserable???

I don't understand myself anymore. Well not for a long time really but it seems to be getting so much worse.

I seem to cause my own troubles all the time. I have tried therapy. I don't think it is really helpful anymore to me.

I am so tired of everything I do to myself. I have tried to make myself happy with my life the way it is. I have improved upon the physical and material items cause i was so unhappy with that. Now it seems that it is all about the emotional side of things.

There is nothing else to focus on anymore, just that. I constantly get myself into situations and emotional connections that eventually end up hurting me more and even more deeply emotionally than ever expected. I can't have it all. I keep wanting things I do not have and know I will never have unless I do something to make it so. I don't know how to end one life and start a new one. I don't know how to know that is the right thing to do. I don't know how to make peace with destroying someone else in the process if that is what I am to do to make this worth it.
Is it even worth it? I am so lost, confused and F'd up it is not even remotely okay anymore.

I don't want to be around anymore, just disappear. Out of sight, out of mind, out of control...

I am not sure what I am wanting from posting this. Maybe to feel better, to unload, to share, to connect to others...I don't really know.

Just get some stuff out of you. Many members have felt this way or are feeling this way.

An additional note, somewhere along the way maybe, or maybe even from the start of knowing what feelings are, I have accepted as much as one can, that pain/loss/hurt/heartbreak are just all I will ever know.

Nothing more. It doesn't make anything easier, I am still this way, the way I described below.

Yea, I feel pretty much the same way. I'm tired of being quiet in social situations. Been this way for too long. Makes me want to give up. I can't really give advice when I need it my self, but you're not alone. I have been having great struggles with this. Thought about ending it before. But we have to fight for a future we can not see. We have to live like we're not broken. We have to look out for each other and know we're in this together. Be strong, good music always helps me when I decide to isolate myself. You will know better times.

Two types of very gentle yoga come to mind as something that can help you just be in your body, without thinking of changing anything. They are:

- restorative yoga
- yin yoga

They place no physical demands on the body and do not involve any strenuous activity, so you do not need to be in a good shape to engage.

I see you are in Texas, so your options and local offerings might not be as varied as in California (although Austin has great yoga studios), but it is worth trying. I think it would be the best for you now, because it is much easier than meditation, but yields similar benefits.

I feel your pain. Sometimes it is just good to release, and write things down to get it all out of you. A lot of here on PC are going through the same struggles so you're not alone.

I wish I had some words that would make it all better but I am just trying to figure it out myself. I should be happy with all I have, I really should. but I am still at a loss for true happiness.

I am glad you shared. Just having a camaradarie is very helpful sometimes.

I suppose I'll look into the yoga idea. That really doesn't sound like me but doesn't hurt to look.

Sorry others are experiencing this. It sucks. I feel like everyday is hell. I don't know how to not feel that way. I don't know what to do anymore. Thanks for listening/visiting and commenting.

I welcome any posts on anything. I welcome pms. I just don't want to feel alone and lonely either. Ugh

Well, I don't really have the answers for you, but I sure do sympathize with you. I'll
tell you what my psychiatrist told me to do: "just turn every thought into a prayer".
That helps me.

Meditative reading helps.

The truth is that material things don't really bring happiness in the long run.

Thank you for the reply but I don't pray nor am I going to start. That is not for all. I lost my faith a lng time ago and that is not coming back.

I am sry you are feeling so bad. I am feeling a lot of what you are describing. If u need to talk to someone, feel free to msg me

I have the same problem and for some reason have always tried to validate who I was by what and who I made happy. Anytime I made a mistake 5 things went wrong, not just one and it seemed by the time I got that messed cleared up I (me) would start the process all over again. I'm so glad you shared your story with us. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Expression of your emotions can only lead to a chance that you didn't have before.

I now more than ever realize that my emotional range is so lacking. To always feel tense and not have happiness really bothers me now. I see people around me all too often so easily expressing emotions that I know because I hear of but never truly feel myself. To be programmed for all these years and now trying to figure ways to "modify" myself plays such games with my mind. I too have felt the ways you describe in certain moments, especially after learning of my issues. It is so crazy how these things happen to some of us while others have their perfect little ways and yet I really believe our minds are so much more than all of them. What I do know is that with us we will have our moments of defeat but we also will have our periods of victory as well. I strive to fix me to better myself and make me better for the people close to me. Funny how difficult this is and the emotional range I fall into is numb to annoyed when all I am looking for is to be able to have such easy happy moments like many others do!!! Days like your having will pass and better ones will come, the problem is the cycle...... Good luck!!