[Banexatreyu]

My mother had suspected that I was bipolar since I was 18 (26 now.) But once I read up on it I think that the manic/depressive stages have gone on since I was younger then that. Anyway I tried to explain all of this to the lady who prescribes the pills. She decides since I don't get alot of sleep normally even when I'm not up or down (I've had night terrors since I was a kid and have PTSD as well) that it just doesn't seem like I have any normal modes. I had explained that I don't go manic 24/7 or depressed 24/7. The lady is overall just an idiot. Anyway after 3 hours of all this back and forth (she is wanting to treat me for head trauma even though I've never had a significant blow to the head.) She puts me on Carbamazepine er. This is my 2nd day on it. Only problem is I can't sleep. I normally go to sleep at 11-12 I've been up until around 4-5 but tonight I can't sleep. Way too many things on my mind and I want to accomplish too many things. But yeah these pills I'm worried about becoming a zombie. I remember my dad battling with pills and I remember how bad he would get. I don't want to go into full flip out, zombiefied, or severe depression. I've been battling deciding to take them or just stop and start flushing them so there's no evidence (Ilive alone) and I don't have to be foggy or.anything else. Plus I really dint like that lady so I don't want to do what she says. But I'm not in a position to switch doctors or anything right now. I guess what I'm asking is does anyone have any advice for the pills, what I should do if I end up going to extremes on these pills, and how I can get through to this lady if I have any problems brcause she DOES NOT LISTEN. Lol pretty bad when your mother is explaining the way you are and you're explaining things and the lady just assumes that what you're saying happens all the time.

[intergalactictraveler]

I know how I was when I was younger; intimidated by authority figures but as I got older and wiser(maybe even smarter!)I started pushing back. I let doctors, my wife or anyone else, know where I was coming from. But to push back, you've got to keep your cool, speaking rationally and intelligently. If you just go off on a rant, you will be dismissed. This is what I've learned and what this bruised and battered veteran of life has to share with you.

[gary290]

Banexatreyu welcome to psych central!

Gary

[~Christina]

Seems apparent you do not like this "lady". Why can't you change to someone else? The only person explaining how you feel should be YOU . Yes maybe a family member might notice something you don't realize, but still the Psychiatrist should be listening to you,and spend time talking to you alone. Your 26 now, not a child. Do you go to your appts and talk to your "Doctor" alone or does Mom go with. I am a firm believer that a patient can't feel safe to be honest if someone else is in the room besides your Doctor..

Getting proper sleep is one of the biggest triggers for Bipolar spin outs. Is Tegretol your first medication? Why are you worried about the pills being in your home? If you are not comfortable taking this medication trust me there are loads of other options.

You should probably look for a Doctor that suits your need better .

Welcome to PC , I hope you can find the information and support here you are needing

[Banexatreyu]

My mom went with me because I didn't want the therapist to think I was crazy by telling her at times Ithink about suicide sometimes. I'm not very good at explaining my feelings face to fa ce. But no she doesn't come to my meetings. I think she came with me to see what medication she was going to prescribe me. My dad had bipolar as well and some medications caused him to become extremely violent others a zombie. It's actually extremely awkward to have her be involved. She tends to like to have control of situations. Yeah I definitely don't like the lady she doesn't listen. It might also have been due to my mom being a bit stand offish. I don't have a problem with medication being in my house I just don't feel these pills working.

[Banexatreyu]

Also just a question. When you're in the up up and away moods (generalized not targeting anyone) do you have more sexual thoughts, desires, and sometimes can't keep ahold of not being a bit of tramp? I've noticed that sometimes I do get a bit I wouldn't say obsessed but think ALOT about sexual things, movies, and ending up being promiscuous.

[Victoria'smom]

you are very uncomfortable with this lady.which means you were not able to tell her everything you wanted and everything she needed to know. Please find someone that is willing to listen remember does the doctors work for you not the other way around. if you are going through a mental health center ask for a transfer. If you do not want to use medicine then I would suggest a therapist and you can speak to them about the pros and cons of you choosing to take medicine or not. I have been a most mood stabilizer and this one is the first one that has worked for me. I have only been able to be med compliance because I have a doctors that works with me. I make my choices about the medication that I take and talk to my therapist about when I want to get off the medication, the whys, and if I should have any changes to it.

You may try to take some melatonin so that you may be able to get some sleep.also keep a journal just in case the medication makes you feel strange. I would really talk to someone or us about you fears of medication. It is not supposed to zombify you to work properly.if you do choose not to take the medicine please do not flush it bring it back to the pharmacist so they can dispose of it properly. I would seriously think about getting a therapist because there is a ble to spend more time and I usually easier to get a hold of when they are needed. The many different things you can do to help weather you choose to take medication or not. We each have our own personal reasonsto take or not take medication. We cannot tell you which is a better option for you but we can listen and tell you I are reasons that we choose the option that we have chosen.

[Banexatreyu]

For me I grew up watching my dad go through multiple medications and deciding to go off of those medications. So I'm worried about ending up the way he was in that regard. Right now I'm kind of in a up mood but still kind of spacey and wanting to do things kind of place. A little while ago it was I couldn't hear one thought from another and was going pretty loopy. I've never gotten THAT bad that I'm aware of anyway. But I do find that when I take these pills I will be up for awhile mentally then spike waaay up and stay there for a few hours. This is my 3rd day (I think. I've been staying up until 6 am or not sleeping) and each time it's the same thing. I'm not sure if that's the pills or me. But I do want to get better just I feel ashamed of everything I have at the same time. I'd like to be normal and not go from this to that or have people not want to be around me at times. Sorry about the comment about flushing the pills. I was kind of just writing what I thought. Lol I guess venting. But I do feel like this pills aren't right for me. I only go to this clinic because it's the only one I can get to on the bus. Everything else I have no idea where they're at. But I have thought about checking myself into a mental health clinic. I'm just worried about the things I couldn't do if I was in one.

[Victoria'smom]

Most clinics have more than one pdoc. Asking for a transfer can make all the difference in the world between stable and not stable. Seriously try melatonin see if that helps or an otc sleep aid. I know for me there's a very fine line between hypomania and psychosis if I'm awake to long. If you can call your local dhhr office or community action they usually have a list of mental health serivices along bus routes.

To remember that you'll have different responses to medication then your dad. It's possible that going off and on medication.ould have contributed to your dad's instability. By the way I'm not pushing you for or against medication. I would make a list of your most distressing symptoms and look at non medical ways to deal with them. there are several people on this board that have chosen the non medicated route.

Only when I started a mood/event/thought chart did I realize how much bp affected me. It maybe that you are being more introspective now with the dx. Than before so you feel like you worse. If you do want to try medication I would seriously consider taking it for atleast a month at the same time every day. Mood stabilizers generally atleast take a couple of days to kick in. May I ask why you decided to go to the clinic ? It sounds like you knew they'd suggest medication but you lost confidence in the prescriber. Remember meds are just a suggestion not a requirement in most cases.

[Banexatreyu]

I went to the clinic because my family pretty much begged me to go. I've had times where I literally didn't want to be here anymore. Acted on it a couple of times. Each time failed thank god. Feelings of pretty much inferiority to the rest of the world and that I really didn't matter. I'd become extremely lazy. Back when I was working I'd have to force myself to go in or I'd just call in sick brcause I didn't want to deal with it. Then there was times of getting almost no sleep at all or minimal hours. I'd do great at my job ontop of the ball then it was what else could I do while doing my job and tried to start taking on 3-4 tasks all at once I'd get more irritated and times where I REALLY wanted to hurt my boss or just scream and yell at the people I worked with at random times but I always tried to rationalize why I was upset and would always surmise that it was something they were doing or did. I was engaged and broke things off because we would fight alot. I admit there were times I would break up with her and start dating other people and she said it was like a light switch I'd break up with them and come back to her with no reasonable explanation of why I did what I did. But we got into several arguements and finally I had enough of it and told myself she wasn't wanting kids, she wanted to live in a big city, and numerous other thins. Only problem is was that I didn't know she wanted the complete opposite. But she still talks to me and helps me out. I'd do kind of strange things. Example A while on zoloft had a violent flip out. I quit my job to move in with a girl. I had no other job lined up, didn't tell my family or anyone else, and knew this girl for literally maybe a week. I honestly believed that we would be happy together and all of that. just multiple thins my mom has also said reminded her of things that wouldn't be in a "normal" persons' everyday life. Plus the suicide attempts I'd feel bad once my family found out about them. Lol which didn't help with feeling better. But no I figured I'd have to be put on medication. Like bipolar runs on my dads side of the family. 3 of his.siblings have/had it (some have passed away) and my grandpa also had it. It's also a bit upsetting once you hear the other persons side if what happened compared to how you remember it. If you can remember it. A few times I thought stories were being mad up just to make me feel like I was loopy.

[~Christina]

I think anyone dealing with Bipolar needs to be reminded that YOU have a say in your treatment. If you are on a medication and the side effects are not tolerable well it's time to try a new one, I have been on all kinds and many I have stopped for a variety of reasons.

People without Bipolar often do impulsive things so .. Hey ! Don't beat yourself up over every possible thing you may have ever done because you have Bipolar, I'm sure some of those decisions were just because why the hell not...

Personally I can not take any Antidepressants .. they will flip me right into a ugly messy Mania.

I have had to grow a bit of a thicker skin, I can't let assumptions by others make me feel worse.

I am not all " pro med! rah rah rah " I do think sometimes people may need meds to help them level them out and allow a person to find non medication ways to navigate there life.

I have no intention of being on meds forever.

Just try and remember you have many options

[Nessa213]

Originally Posted by Banexatreyu

Also just a question. When you're in the up up and away moods (generalized not targeting anyone) do you have more sexual thoughts, desires, and sometimes can't keep ahold of not being a bit of tramp? I've noticed that sometimes I do get a bit I wouldn't say obsessed but think ALOT about sexual things, movies, and ending up being promiscuous.

I certainly do and I WOULD say it's definitely an obsession. To the point where I can literally think of nothing else.

[Banexatreyu]

Originally Posted by Nessa213

I certainly do and I WOULD say it's definitely an obsession. To the point where I can literally think of nothing else.

Lol well it's not that I can't think of anything else it's that I'll be stuck on it. Dirty things tend to get the best of me sometimes. I think I might be too embarrassed to say I'm obsessed on it. But if I get stuck on it my mind will go to what I should be doing then right back to sex again. Also can meds make you go into more of a manic state or put you into it? I can't remember if I asked this question or not. But yeah I talked to one of my friends lol not that I have an abundance and my family and they all agreed I should see about going to a different clinic. With the pills though should I just stop taking them? I'm up to 2 of them a day. I forgot to call and tell the doctors about my mood =S.

[intergalactictraveler]

Bipolar runs in your family and it didn't skip you. That's good to realize because there's a clear genetic link. Your obsessive ruminating is a symptom. Agitation, too. So is hypersexuality and impulsiveness. Lao Tzu, the founder of Taoism, wrote, "Stop thinking and end your problems." That doesn't mean ignore your illness. Simply, accept it. Your brain is running at hyperspeed and you need to deploy the retro rockets to slow it down. You will burn out if you keep running at warp speed or faster.

[Banexatreyu]

Lol that's the only problem is I don't know how to except it. My mom used to flip on me for stuff I'd do. My dad he would too but then I think he knew before anyone else what I had. But try explaining why you have done this or that to someone who is very prejudice about the disease. Last night because I was a bit more enthusiastic then usual and more irritable I was asked if I needed to be put into a mental ward because no one is comfortable anymore with me living alone. I'm sure you can imagine how that was just a lovely conversation lol. But I'm also getting it from my ex saying that she's never seen me this bad and she's known me for 7 years. When she found out about me being bipolar (3 of the counselors I've talked to all agreed that it's either bipolar or that it is bipolar but the prescriber refuses to listen to them) she told me that it's just alot to take in and to deal with. Then keeps saying I don't have a problem I just have mood swings. But this is also someone who can get me in an argument in 2.5 seconds on anything. So it's kind of hard to try to ask anyone I know on how to except it because it's either they don't want to believe I'm not well right now or they think excepting it is out of the question. Oh and with my mom she keeps researching on sites about how tapping like tapping parts of your body will make bipolar go away or food and diet will make it go away and asking the spiritual beings of the universe heal me and me grouns all of my stuff into the center of the planet...... Not even joking about that lol first thing that popped into my head was "and I'm the one seeing a shrink....." But sorry for all that I didn't know how to explain it is a small sentence. But how did you guys except it and how do you cope with it?