[AnxietyGirl916]

I'm with you guys. I went to bed at 11pm and slept until 1am. I stayed in bed, but was restless the whole rest of the night. I finally got up at 6am. I think the only reason I slept as much as I did was because I took Nyquil (I have a head cold) and 10mg Melatonin XR. Without them I would have been up all night.

[Phoenix_1]

10 mg is a very high dose of melatonin. Are you taking 2 pills? The recommended dose is from 3-5 mg at bedtime.

Remember that melatonin is a hormone. Taking too much can affect your pineal gland.

Definitely something in the air! My sleep's been really wonky lately too, especially in waking up too early, but also in intermittent wake ups through the night. I've got a lot of stress going on over a multitude of "up in the air" things and a chaotic life situation (over which I have very little to no control). Sooooo, guess it's no surprise that sleep is affected. Despite it all, most of the time, with all things considered, I'm holding it together surprisingly well, but when I'm not, I'm REALLY not! In a major league way.
Today's report: holding it together. (So far, anyway...Thank you med increase??)

[AnxietyGirl916]

Originally Posted by Phoenix_1

10 mg is a very high dose of melatonin. Are you taking 2 pills? The recommended dose is from 3-5 mg at bedtime.

Remember that melatonin is a hormone. Taking too much can affect your pineal gland.

It's one pill. 10 mg controlled release. I got it OTC. It's by Natrol I think. i only take them once in a while. I probably won't take it tonight because it's not working.

[lostincornflakes]

So my pdoc told me to go ahead and take both doses of depaoke at bedtime along w my seroquel and klonopin. I had told her I wasn't motivated during the day and was secluding myself from my family and friends. And felt like I had no emotions.

Now I'm taking 1000mg depaoke, 600mg seroquel and 1 mg of klonopin all at bedtime which is around 2:00am. And I'm still waking up at 7:30. I'm not manic but I also don't think I'm depressed. I'm just boring...

She did put me on Wellbutrin 200mg for two weeks then I go back for dose adjustment. She said it would help with my energy, motivation, and overall lack of emotions. Woke up bright and early, and couldn't go back to sleep. Tried to nap again half hour ago. Not going to happen. So I'm jut gonna wait for that burst of energy to hit me so I can get some stuff done. Sorry for the rant..feeling a little annoyed.

[anneo59]

yes, too much isolation is a bad thing, for sure, Red Panda. Hope you doing ok!

[medicalfox]

A yoga studio literally opened across the street from where I live and I'm so excited! It will significantly help my mood and get me to out of the house more often

[Phoenix_1]

I went to see my pdoc on Friday. He was running an hour behind and had an office full of patients to see. A woman came in and smelled like she poured an entire bottle of perfume over her head. I get migraines from perfume and have for 40 years. I was not going to leave just because of this other woman, so I asked the receptionist if there was another room I could wait in and she put me in another doctor's room that wasn't being used. After all that I saw my pdoc for about 5 minutes. I told him about my suicide attempt and all he said was that he couldn't change any of my meds so close to my surgery and see you next month. I was very disappointed.

But my best friend was in town yesterday and we went for lunch. We had a really good heart to heart and talked about everything going on in our lives. She told me I was a strong woman and that I could do this by on my own. I feel so much better since talking to her. We've been best friends since grade 8 - I've know her 46 years.

I also broke up with my boyfriend yesterday. He finally admitted that the reason he disappeared in July was because he took in three of his grandchildren because their parents can't take care of them. So he's never going to be able to move to Canada like he promised. I can't move to the US for financial reasons - my health is bad and I just can't afford to live there. Surprisingly I'm not feeling that sad about breaking up with him. I went through all my grief when he disappeared in July and I seem to be ok now with the fact that it's over. Life goes on.

[A Red Panda]

Phoenix, you really ARE a strong person! I am so proud of you for how you handled both your pdoc (and the stinky woman), and your ex.

I think your pdoc was right to not really add in any new meds just before the surgery. You don't want to risk having to deal with side effects while also on the meds for the knee surgery. That could just be hell on your poor body!!

Look at things as a whole new beginning right now - you just had a suicide attempt so no more of those (that's the rule. No second attempts until you've lived a FULL new life. Got it?! ), you're getting brand new knees, and you've just gotten some brand new freedom as you aren't going to be spending your life accommodating your bf. Sounds like a good time to start a new hobby (that doesn't require the knees!).

[Phoenix_1]

Thank you so much A Red Panda.
I do have a new hobby. My T suggested that I get a membership at CMHA (Canadian Mental Health Association). With a (free) membership, I can go to the YMCA for free, so I can use their pool and equipment to get strong after surgery. The Y is 2 blocks from my apartment. When I went to register they asked about my interests. I said I loved to garden but can't anymore because of 1) my knees and 2) because I live in an apartment. It turns out that they have many indoor plants and need someone to look after them. I volunteered. They also need someone to teach basic computer skills, so I volunteered for that too.
As soon as I'm able to get around well, I'll be there volunteering. I'm really looking forward to it.

[A Red Panda]

If there's a community garden type thing anywhere near you, I'm sure you could help out there and suggest building a raised garden - then you could sit on a chair!

Today I am kinda down...but I am processing lots of things through in my head.
I now wake after sleeping more soundly than usual. Not used to that, but there are still times when I know my body is at rest but my mind is running a marathon.
Today should be a pretty good day...I need one.

[AnxietyGirl916]

So far so good today! I got some solid sleep last night (abut 6 hours), so I actually feel rested today. I just hope I can continue to get this restful sleep as I have a very busy week ahead. I have a ton of client meetings, staff meetings, and I'm WAY behind in paperwork. I'm trying not to think about it because it just makes me anxious and sad.

[Margolomania]

All I can say for today is.... boop.



And that coffee is great!

[johnthorne1539]

Just a quick check-in... having a good day, balanced but productive while still taking some time to relax. Additionally, I am supposed to receive a windfall of cash this week, meaning that I can afford real food again! And a gym membership! And I'll be able to pay off some of my personal debts! And to stop running up my credit cards! It's all so terribly exciting, I might just have a good week.

Yea, johnthorne!

Here. What a day. Emotionally all over the map. Situational stuff. God, I want desperately to get back on track. We've had a hellish year. At a bunch of points, there was no "ish" about it, just straight up hell. There's one thing on which I'm still anxious through the roof, but fervently hoping that this fresh start (place of our own to live, finally!) will ameliorate the situation of which I speak.

[Phoenix_1]

Originally Posted by A Red Panda

If there's a community garden type thing anywhere near you, I'm sure you could help out there and suggest building a raised garden - then you could sit on a chair!

They shut down the community gardens because they wanted to build condos there (and they did build them). The city I live in has almost no land available anymore, it's growing so fast.
I'll ask around and see if there's somewhere else.

[Phoenix_1]

I'm up at 3am again. I just want to sleep.

My AD is doing a great job on the depression. Now I gotta get this noise outta my head. It comes and goes at times. There for a while I started hearing conversations and they actually sounded like the people were in the room with me. Didn't care for that at all. But that is gone, now its just a soundtrack, like changing radio stations. My head just plays one song after another, sometimes the whole song, sometimes just portions, and jumps from one to the other and back, completely random.

Got the apartment. Feeling hopeful. Should probably be doing something useful to actually get our stuff ready. Don't know where to start. It'll be easier than a big move, that's for sure. You know you're in a small place when the prospect of 400 sq ft makes you swoon with thoughts of roominess.

[AnxietyGirl916]

Originally Posted by johnthorne1539

Just a quick check-in... having a good day, balanced but productive while still taking some time to relax. Additionally, I am supposed to receive a windfall of cash this week, meaning that I can afford real food again! And a gym membership! And I'll be able to pay off some of my personal debts! And to stop running up my credit cards! It's all so terribly exciting, I might just have a good week.

Yay! Congrats on a great day!

[AnxietyGirl916]

Not a very good day for me. SUPER busy at work. I have about 3 clients in crisis right now. Plus my ex-step-father blew up my voicemail last night. (Long story short, I hate him, he hates me, he's an alcoholic and blames me for all his problems). Left me 4 voicemails insulting, name calling, threatening, and degrading me for no reason other than I refuse to speak to him and haven't in 5 years. Had a minor panic attack on the way to work because of the vm's. I'm hypo and can't sleep. Ugh. Pdoc is definitely getting a call in the morning.

[Margolomania]

I feel very very very very... anxious and sad

[lostincornflakes]

Not my kind of day! At all. Lots of driving, lots of rain, lots of people and waiting. Left the house at 12:30 and didnt get home til almost 9:00 pm. Which is another thing I dislike ALOT, driving in the dark all freeway. New glasses will be ready later this week.. I am still so tense.. Tomorrow will be more driving, more rain and more waiting. My anxiety is way up there. I'm wondering if some of my anxiety is from starting Wellbutrin last week?

[redbandit]

Feeling really depressed and lonely. I'm so sick of these mood swings it feels like I'm two different people Sometimes